Deep in Thought

So, what did I mean by this metaphorical roller coaster crash? Well Wednesday started okay, Mikey wouldn’t leave me the fuck alone, but it was tolerable. Or well I dealt with it and didn’t lose my shit… yet. We went out to eat that afternoon, almost like we were a normal family. Kristen, who turned out to be Mikey’s new girlfriend joined us. I bet Mikey had blabbed about me to her, probably feeding her bad shit about me. If she did know anything about me though she kept it hidden and was pleasant enough to me. Our little dinner out was okay and we all laughed at the stories everyone had to share.

I told a few stories, they all enjoyed tales of my fuck ups. Especially the one where I still attended a normal(ish) school and was on my way to get charcoal for my art project. What happened then was quite expected as I hadn’t slept in two days and I had had enough caffeine that I was lucky that I didn’t die, just face planted. Then when I dragged myself up, swaying precariously I announced to my art class “At least the ground finds me attractive” and face planted again. (a/n this is actually true I did this). No one was surprised I had done this as they all knew I never really slept and had a thing for ingesting too much coffee. Going and eating dinner with them, was in a way surreal as honestly I somewhat enjoyed it. It felt like a Disney movie, joking, laughing a perfect family...

But all good things come to an end, they can't last forever you see. There are never happy endings in real life. We all die, we all lose something we love. Are dreams will never come true, that shit is just a play to get your money. False hopes and a lot of yachts for greasy haired men in stiff suits.

I am an indecisive radio listener, switching channels to find something I like is what I always do. Mikey does not appreciate it one bit, but honestly I dont give a flying fuck if mikey likes it.

That though was the red button that blew the top off of our "happy family."

"Gerard just let me fucking play the music on my phone I can't stand you flipping through the channels"

"What does it matter Mikey? We will be home in like five minutes!"

"Boys! Knock it off, Mikey what's the problem?"

"Gerard is so fucking indecisive and self centered!" It was such a silly little argument, but the silliness of it all was what masked our bigger problems. Mikey should have been glad Kristen was still with us, she stopped me from climbing into the back seat and strangling the stupid idiot.

The ride home was silent after that. We dropped Kristen off a few minutes later and continued to their home.

"Hey Gerard, can you get the stick out of you ass?" Mikey sneered at me as he stood in the kitchen.

"You know what Mikey? Fuck you! Honestly you think you're better than me? You have to rethink that Mikey. Who the fuck raised you ass? Who the fuck took the blame for all the times you fucked up? Who took you to all the concerts? Me Mikey! ME!! You have no fuckin right to call me selfish and to tell me to take the stick out of my ass, you need to get your stupid head out of your ass and realize what the fuck i've done for you!"

"Get your finger out of my face you useless piece of shit! How can you say you did all that shit for me huh? How can you stand yourself gerard? You're so fat and useless, your best friend doesn't even wanted to be around you anymore, no one-"

"Mikey you better fucking stop, I don't want to hear your dirty mouth!"

"No Gerard you're going to listen, because that's just who you are." I realized I was shaking, my palms were sweaty, knees weak arms were heavy (a/n oh my did i just really do that...yes i just happened to be listen to that song when i wrote this oops) I was going to lose it, my throat hurt from screaming at the idiot and my head was just so filled, all the insults, all the pain, the reality of it all was bouncing around I was going to break.

"You wonder why you're so alone? Because your bitter and obese and you can't even form a full sentence none the less a conversation!"

"Mikey shut the fuck up, im leaving im getting out of here. Don't speak to me stay away from me, I don't want to see you. I’m so done with you, and all the shit you bring with me" And I called one of the people I hated the most. Why? Because I knew she'd let me leave if I went to their home.

I called my grandpa, the man who took his belt off or grabbed his dog whip or a metal hanger and beat me till I couldn't cry any longer. The man who determined my life for many years and will never be proud of me for anything I accomplish.

I packed my bag sobbing and shaking, I really couldn't handle this shit anymore. I got to their house and escaped into the office. I sat for an hour contemplating if I should burden Frank and call him. I decided for calling him, as he said I could and I really needed to. I needed him.

"Hello?"

"Hi, Frank?" I tried to keep my voice steady but it was so destroyed and it wavered.

"Gee? Are you okay? What's wrong?"

"Everything" I sobbed out. Tears falling once again down my cheeks.

"Tell me what's wrong, do you want me to come over?" I almost smiled at how sincere and concerned his words were.

"My brother came into in uh to town and I'm not home."

"Where are you? Are you hurt?"

"Physically not hurt. Just fine. I'm at my um grandparents."

"So you are safe?"

"Sort of yeah"

"Sort of?"

"Frank um could you uh could you maybe come over later tonight?" I squeaked out.

"Sure princess give me a place and a time and I will arrive."

"Thank you Frank I gotta go now I’ll text you."

"Okay, bye Gee!"

"Hey Frank?"

"Ya?"

"Don't call me princess"

Notes

So in honor of today another chapter. I know today everyones sad, but I don't think we should be. My Chemical Romance was beautiful, but look at all of them now. They are all so happy, making music, having babies, and living their lives. It was a positive for them, so here's my challenge to you all, spread some positivity today. Compliment someone, do something nice for someone, or yourself. I love you all for who you are, and I'm really grateful to have you read my story. Honestly if any of you need something, I'm here.

Okay so probably the next chapter will be fluffy, but most like sad. That is a common theme it seems. Okay good bye for now and pleasee spread some positivity. <3