Deep in Thought

9:05 and I was still waiting for Frank. What a dick. I’d check my phone more than 50 million times, and there were no text messages or anything from him. Maybe I was being a bit paranoid, I mean five minutes late is nothing, but seriously he’s dragging me to party against my wishes. He could at least give me the courtesy of showing up at the time he demanded. I’d give him five more minutes then I was going back to my cave, and he could fuck off.

9:09 and I stood up and started my way to the gate. Then I had a thought, why waste my perfectly executed escape and not take a night walk. I hadn’t done it in a long while, and tonight seemed like the perfect night, being stood up and all. Maybe, I was being too harsh on Frank, but I couldn’t help it. Since no one was really out at 9:15, wow time seems to pass quite quickly, I decided to walk down the middle of the street. Who cared if they run me over, then one of my many wishes would be fulfilled.

I wonder what they think of me, when they look at me, and take out all their anger on my body. I wonder if questioning what they’re doing flutters by? What about if an apologize ever flashes in their heads before their foot stamps down on me. I wonder if they ever saw me as someone to be loved, to be cared for. Or did they just know when they laid eyes upon me that I would be one of the lowest pieces of trash to traverse this earth. Maybe she had hopes for me when he was still here, and they were crushed when he left. I knew she blamed me for it. Two weeks after I had been born, he left with no note, leaving her with my brother and I. I knew everyone held some sort of anger towards me because of that.

“Hey! HEY!” I looked behind me to see a car with a person screaming at me. I raised my hand, signaling my apology, and moved over to the sidewalk. The car stopped and the driver got out. Just my fucking luck, I get to be beat up by someone else. I didn’t stop and turn, I didn’t even run. I kept my pace even and my eyes forward. I could hear the person approaching quickly. They grabbed my arm, and I stopped and ripped it from their grasp. I was going to yell at them, but realized it was just the guy who decide to stand me up.

“What do you want?” I practically growled at him.

“Look I’m sorry okay? There was a huge accident by my place, and I couldn’t get through it for a long time. I was going to call you, but I’m so stupid that I left my phone at my house. I’m really sorry Gerard. Please just forgive me.” he looked at me, his eyes pleading. I pursed my lips and thought. It was an innocent mistake, on his part. How would he know that something like that would happen? And how many times had I forgotten my phone when I need it most. I looked down at my shoes and nodded.

“I’m sorry, didn’t mean to freak out on you.” I said, my eyes never leaving the ground.

“No don’t apologize, it's all my fault. You have every right to flip out on me. Now don’t we have a party to attend princess?” I scowled at him when he said that, but nodded and let him lead me to the car.
On the way, we didn’t talk much at all. When he pulled up to a house, I almost demanded that he take me home. There were so many people, practically spilling out of this large house. We could hear the music very clearly from the car, and the thing was we weren’t even that close to it. He opened the door to the car for me and I stepped out. I walked somewhat behind Frank as we approached the house. Teenagers everywhere were hammered, and practically having sex in the front yard. We got to the door and someone caught Frank’s attention. He started talking to them and they moved away. I tried to catch up to him, but got lost in the flood of drunk bodies.

I felt a lump rising in my throat, and the tears well up in my eyes. Frank left me, and people were touching me. For the first time in my life all I wanted was to go home. I’d take a beating if it meant that I could leave. I snuck along the walls, trying my best to avoid the bodys, till I found the kitchen. I walked in and grabbed a beer, chugging it and getting another. I had downed six beers when I heard someone say something from behind me.

“Wow, six beers, that quickly and you're still standing.” I turned to face them, with a new beer in my hands to see who the person was. When I met their eyes, the beer dropped from my and shattered on the ground.

“Gerard, wow, long time no see. I never thought I would ever see you at a place like this.”

“J- Jacob?” I stuttered. He looked the same, with his light brown hair pushed to the side, and his dark brown eyes watching me carefully.

“Let me get you another drink.” He turned and got a red cup and filled it with some beer. “Now if you drop it it won’t shatter” He smirked at me and I blushed.

“Now Geebaby, why don’t we go somewhere and talk,” he handed me the beer, and I shook my head.

“Why baby? It’s been so long I want to catch up!” I took a sip of the drink thinking. Probably not a good idea, but my intoxicated mind couldn’t find anything wrong with it. After a few more sips, and his eyes dissecting me, I nodded. He walked out of the kitchen and I started following him, but almost fell because the room started to spin. I felt his arm wrap around my waist, and pull me against his side. I didn’t have the strength to pull away, and his side was just so familiar. I was so tired all of a sudden, and everything just wouldn’t stay still. He led me to a room, where fewer people were than in the main rooms. He released my waist, sat down on a black couch and pulled me onto his lap. I curled up into him, just enjoying the warmth and familiarity of his body.

“Look at me Gerard” I lifted my head up from his chest , and looked into his eyes. He kissed me hard, smashing his lips against mine. I was so startled, and so scared. I couldn’t comprehend what was happening. He pulled away and pushed me off of him. I flew to the floor and landed hard, groaning in pain. I tried to push myself up but, I was so weak. I looked around in the room and most people had left, the others were passed out. I tried to cry out, but it didn't pass my lips. I felt his hand grab my arms and drag me up.

“You ruin everything you disgusting piece of shit. I loved and cared for you and you left me. HOW COULD YOU DO THAT TO ME?” Jacob screamed into my face. His fist connected with my face a second later, sending me flying to the ground again. I tried to slip into my mind again, and bury myself in the darkness of my head, but I couldn’t. The reality of it all wouldn’t leave me alone. Something connected hard against my stomach, and I curled up. One, two, three more times the same thing hit my back. It hurt so much, but I couldn’t escape.

I thought it would never end. He insulted me, he kicked, slapped, punched. I couldn’t do anything, my body wasn’t going to let me escape into my own mind, or let me run. I couldn’t fight back, I was so weak and my limbs felt so heavy. Every part of my body radiated pain.

He stopped for a moment to pick up my up and throw me against the couch. I felt him undo my jeans and pull them down. I knew he would do this eventually. He tried before when... when we dated. But here and now it was happening, and nothing I could do could stop him. I was helpless and I knew no one would come for me. No one cared, only he did.

I tried so hard to disappear into my head, just so I could get through it. I heard his belt being undone, then his zipper sliding down. I felt warmth leaking down my cheeks, as I cried silently, and I felt him put his weight on me. I closed my eyes, whimpering as he called me a disgusting whore. He told me no one loved me. Then all of his weight was off of me.

I heard someone yelling and some sickening cracks close to me. I didn’t open my eyes, till I felt someone dragging my pants back on. Frank came into my line of vision, and he gently wiped the tears away from my eyes. He looked so worried. I saw him say something, but couldn’t make it out.

“You fucking left me” I mumbled before everything finally went black.

Notes

Today I am a burrito of sadness, drinking way too much coffee, watching the peaceful rain, and writing. Also trying to figure out how I can get money to buy another pair of Dr. Martens. The past few days have just not been my days. And that is why i haven't updated. I , the burrito of sadness, apologize profusely.

Anywaysss, what do you think of this chapter? A little messed up? Is the relationship ruined?? 0.o I l don't know... It could go many ways from hear, and I havent decided the way I wasnt it to go. And Jacob is kinda based off of a real person. Soo thank you very much for reading <3