Deep in Thought

I had just wanted to sleep, but I just couldn’t get myself to take the pills, and black out. I was on edge, I needed them, but instead I just sat. I sat at my bed and looked at nothing. There's no light really coming, my window, the cinder block wall blocks most of it out. I almost wish, no scratch that, i truly wish that Frank had been a murderer or a kidnapper. Nothing in my life was that easy though. Everything had to be so fucking hard; I could never just get a break.

Today had been interesting, almost good until I got back to the house. Thinking about Frank made my stomach do that weird happy twist. I hated it. I knew it all too well. WHen I liked someone it always made an appearance. Frank couldn’t like me though. I mean I was the most embarrassing thing. I answered his questions with my own, and I didn’t even thank him for taking me home. Not like I could have, but still he really didn’t have to take me to the house. No I wasn’t going to like him. He helped so much today. Stop. Doesn’t he remind you of Jacob? I miss Jacob, i want him back, he’ll come back to me.

I argued all night in my head with myself. I finally snapped out of my head when I heard the doorbell. I looked at the clock to discover it was 8 am. Who the hell would be ringing doorbells this early? I got up and left my room to open the door. I unlocked the door and swung it open. Guess who was fucking there. Just my luck. I didn’t have luck, ran in the family apparently. Luck was stupid anyway, but i bet if i had some I-person. Door. Staring. PAY ATTENTION!

“uh hey Gerard!” he said smiling. What do I say? Hey sorry I ran from you and didn’t even thank you for not murdering me and just taking me to the house.

“You uh wanna come in?” Smooth Gerard, invite him into the house, your so gonna be murdered if they find out. He brushed past me into the house, waking me up from my thoughts again.

“Heres your phone, thought you might want it.” He said while looking around. “I have to go, got work again. It was nice seeing you again.” He handed me my phone, smiled and left through the door. I closed the door quickly, locking it, and sliding against it to the floor. What just even happened?

I was going to ponder that some, when my phone buzzed in my hand. On the lock screen Franks name showed up. I opened up the message up and read: “Hey! I wish I could have talked to u more, but this will have to do. U don’t have to text me back if u don’t want.” What was I supposed to say? I mean, did I really want to message him back? Yes. No no no. I mean its just messaging him. It’s not like I’m going to stutter and mess things up. This is better than talking.

“Hey, I wanted to thank you for taking me to the house, and bringing my phone back. It means a lot.” Sent! geez I don’t even know what I’m doing. It means a lot. What am I five? *buzz buzz* Hes a quick texter, especially if he’s supposed to be working. Did he lie?

“It’s really okay! Who knows what could have happened if u had walked home! And after I dropped u off it started raining, u would have been soaked.” It rained last night? Huh.
“I like the rain, its calming.” Is what I responded. I had bad memories with rain, but it never stopped me from loving it. Its peaceful, the steady noise, the emptiness of the streets. The grey skies, which some people think is depressing, but I truly think its beautiful. You can’t see the harsh sun, only the clouds moving. No bright blue, that seems to make everything harsher, just the serene, cool grey. *buzz buzz*

“NOT IF U GET SICK FROM BEING SOAKED!!!!1111!! Anyways, hows ur day?” I giggled at that. And there was that twisting again, goddammit.

“Well lets see I haven’t slept in a day, but I got my phone back from a very nice guy. So surprisingly well. How about yours? Aren’t you suppose to be working?” Is that flirting? maybe? slightly *buzz buzz*

“I guess you could call me your knight in shining armor for that?? xD Mines going pretty swell got to see someone this mornin that I couldn’t stop thinking about. Yes I’m working kinda not really no ones here atm” My face is hot, blushing. Fuck. He was thinking about me? Nah he couldn’t be, I’m not that great. Hes messing with me if he is talking about me.

“Oh I guess I could call you that since my phone is my life. Hmm who would that happen to be?” *buzz buzz*

“U princess!”

“Princess! Really? Im a guy!”

“U should come buy some coffee princess!”

“Can’t I’m sorry!”

“Why princess??? :(“ What do I say to that? Oh, because i will get the shit beaten out of me again? That's not going to work.

“School work :(“ Not a total lie, I mean I had been slacking a bit. Just haven’t been in the mood for it.

“What are u gonna be up to in about an hour?” It was already 10! Wow that flew by quickly.

“Nothing?”

“Kk I’ll ttyl rush of people!”

Notes

Meh, I dont really like it, but its kinda a necessary chapter. Building relationships and stuff. At least im updating alot?? Ish? I dunno. Thank you tons for reading! <3