Deep in Thought
Love
To:Frank
(10:01 pm)
Can you come now? address is 35849 N 60th st
From: Frank
(10:04 pm)
Ya be ther soon. Im gettin in car rn
To: Frank
(10:05 pm)
Frank don’t drive up the driveway plz and come to the back gate. theyll wake up
From: Frank
(10:07 pm)
Mission impossible is a go! I will be a sneaky ninja coming to my princesses aid!
To: Frank
(10:09 pm)
Frank eyes on the road, and what you said was wrong on so many levels. be safe no texting and driving!!!!!!
I couldn’t stop reading over his last text, it was so cheesy that a cheesy smile founds its way on to my face. I had snuck out into the backyard, and was sitting in an cold metal sun chair. The grandparents lived in a pretty large house, it was secluded peaceful in a way, but it held many secrets in its walls as well.
There wasn’t any noise, as I sat and watched the stars. One of my favorite people in the world, who met her own tragic ends, use to tell me about the stars.
“Gee, you see these stars? They twinkle and shine, they’re always there no matter where you go. They disappear from sight during the day but they’re still there, hiding behind the bright blue, and all of the clouds. Gerard I want you to remember that. Remember that even though you can’t see them they’re still there. Remember that Gee, and remember that I love you.” She left me that night looking at the stars. She always had these grand ideas, and these unique ways of viewing the world. I will always remember those words, because they were her last. She didn’t leave a note, I suppose that was her note to me, telling me about the stars. I understood them finally I couldn’t see her physically anymore, but she would always be there, like the stars, looking down upon me.
“Kaaa Caaa Kaa Caaa!” My head whipped over to the gate to see Frank grinning like an idiot. I could help the giggle that came out, he was almost childish and I loved it. He unlocked the gate and sat cross legged across from me on the sun chair.
“Do you mind if I smoke?” He asked as he pulled a cigarette out of his pocket and put it between his lips. He had such lovely lips. No don’t think about that…
“I don’t care as long as I can bum one off you?” He smirked and lit the one that was dangling between his lips. I grabbed it from him and took a drag on it.
“Not fair! That was mine!” He pouted at me. “Plus are you even old enough to be smoking?”
“Thats for me to know and for you to not care about”
“So whats wrong, Mr. Mysterious?” I felt his eyes on me as he lit a new cigarette.
“The question Watson is not what's wrong, but what isn’t”
“Is that so Sherlock?”
“Quite” I laughed out. “But I guess I should probably tell you since I dragged your butt here this late at night. I owe it to you since you probably have better things to be doing.”
“You don’t owe me any explanation, Its my pleasure to come. I don’t have anything better to do, honestly I was going to watch horror movies until I passed out from exhaustion. Spending time with you is actually a step up from my sad plan.”
“You think?”
“Yes I do think! Thank you for asking.” I frowned at his stupid face, his beautiful hazel eyes had a mischievous glint to them.
“If I do tell you, you can’t interrupt okay?”
“I can do that, maybe, probably? But, honestly Gerard you don’t have to tell me. When can sit here in quiet, or talk about cats.”
“Cats?” This was honestly the first time someone wasn’t just brushing me away, or forcing it out of me. I felt warm, safe? Ya safe, he wasn’t forcing me to do something, he was giving me choices. Wow.
“Gee? You're crying!”He moved towards me hand hovering near shoulder before being pulled back and placed in his lap. He remembered. I wiped at my eyes and smiled at him.
“Choices.” He furrowed his brow a little bit and I met his eyes, smiling slightly at him. “Its nice to have choices, its nice to have a person who will give you them.”
“Gerard can I hug you?” I thought about it, I didn’t like to be touched, he obviously knew it, but I really wanted a hug. I nodded and he pulled me into his arms. He was so warm, and comfortable, I burrowed my face against his chest. It was safe, I’d never really felt this way before, not even with Jacob. With Jacob I avoided touch, he forced it on me. Don’t you love me? If you loved me you’d let me touch you! Even with a simple hug, one that I initiated something always was there in the back of my head screaming ‘this isn’t right!!’
This hug, this simple hug, my head was clear. I could stay here forever, and I think Frank didn’t mind it at all. He didn’t pull away, just squeezed me harder. I slowly pulled away from and he looked a little disappointed. His hand reached up and I flinched away, he frowned but brushed some hair, that had fallen in my face, away tucking it behind my ear. I studied his face, taking it all in. His gorgeous hazel eyes, wide and kind. His black hair framing his face nicely. His soft looking lips with a lip ring he played with nervously. Did I make him nervous? He made me nervous, good nervous.
I made a decision then and hesitantly leaned forward and pressed my lips against his. I quickly pulled back, and covered my mouth with my hand. I was scared, what if he didn’t want me to do that? What if I just ruined our somewhat ‘friendship?’ I squeezed my eyes shut and wrapped my arms around myself, wishing to disappear.
“I’m so sorry Frank I really shouldn’t have done that, I won’t do th-”
He interrupted my apology, “Gerard stop, I’m not mad at you, you don’t need to apologize. I’ve wanted you to do that for the longest time. Whatever you're thinking just stop that, I will never, and I mean this. I will never deliberately hurt you or do anything that you don’t want me too. I couldn’t do that too you.” I opened my slowly and looked at his face. There wasn’t any anger, he was calm, his face looked worried, his eyes, sincere.
“Do you mean that?”
“Yes Gee, I promise that. If I break that promise you have the right to, uh i dunno stab me? Ya stab me or inflict what ever pain you think I deserve.” I laughed at him and he smiled at me.
“Hey Frank?”
“Ya Gee?”
“Can I kiss you again?”
“Please.” I leaned forward and he completed the distance between us, crashing his soft lips against mine. It was gentle, it was so full of something, something I wasn’t sure I would ever experience.
Love.
(10:01 pm)
Can you come now? address is 35849 N 60th st
From: Frank
(10:04 pm)
Ya be ther soon. Im gettin in car rn
To: Frank
(10:05 pm)
Frank don’t drive up the driveway plz and come to the back gate. theyll wake up
From: Frank
(10:07 pm)
Mission impossible is a go! I will be a sneaky ninja coming to my princesses aid!
To: Frank
(10:09 pm)
Frank eyes on the road, and what you said was wrong on so many levels. be safe no texting and driving!!!!!!
I couldn’t stop reading over his last text, it was so cheesy that a cheesy smile founds its way on to my face. I had snuck out into the backyard, and was sitting in an cold metal sun chair. The grandparents lived in a pretty large house, it was secluded peaceful in a way, but it held many secrets in its walls as well.
There wasn’t any noise, as I sat and watched the stars. One of my favorite people in the world, who met her own tragic ends, use to tell me about the stars.
“Gee, you see these stars? They twinkle and shine, they’re always there no matter where you go. They disappear from sight during the day but they’re still there, hiding behind the bright blue, and all of the clouds. Gerard I want you to remember that. Remember that even though you can’t see them they’re still there. Remember that Gee, and remember that I love you.” She left me that night looking at the stars. She always had these grand ideas, and these unique ways of viewing the world. I will always remember those words, because they were her last. She didn’t leave a note, I suppose that was her note to me, telling me about the stars. I understood them finally I couldn’t see her physically anymore, but she would always be there, like the stars, looking down upon me.
“Kaaa Caaa Kaa Caaa!” My head whipped over to the gate to see Frank grinning like an idiot. I could help the giggle that came out, he was almost childish and I loved it. He unlocked the gate and sat cross legged across from me on the sun chair.
“Do you mind if I smoke?” He asked as he pulled a cigarette out of his pocket and put it between his lips. He had such lovely lips. No don’t think about that…
“I don’t care as long as I can bum one off you?” He smirked and lit the one that was dangling between his lips. I grabbed it from him and took a drag on it.
“Not fair! That was mine!” He pouted at me. “Plus are you even old enough to be smoking?”
“Thats for me to know and for you to not care about”
“So whats wrong, Mr. Mysterious?” I felt his eyes on me as he lit a new cigarette.
“The question Watson is not what's wrong, but what isn’t”
“Is that so Sherlock?”
“Quite” I laughed out. “But I guess I should probably tell you since I dragged your butt here this late at night. I owe it to you since you probably have better things to be doing.”
“You don’t owe me any explanation, Its my pleasure to come. I don’t have anything better to do, honestly I was going to watch horror movies until I passed out from exhaustion. Spending time with you is actually a step up from my sad plan.”
“You think?”
“Yes I do think! Thank you for asking.” I frowned at his stupid face, his beautiful hazel eyes had a mischievous glint to them.
“If I do tell you, you can’t interrupt okay?”
“I can do that, maybe, probably? But, honestly Gerard you don’t have to tell me. When can sit here in quiet, or talk about cats.”
“Cats?” This was honestly the first time someone wasn’t just brushing me away, or forcing it out of me. I felt warm, safe? Ya safe, he wasn’t forcing me to do something, he was giving me choices. Wow.
“Gee? You're crying!”He moved towards me hand hovering near shoulder before being pulled back and placed in his lap. He remembered. I wiped at my eyes and smiled at him.
“Choices.” He furrowed his brow a little bit and I met his eyes, smiling slightly at him. “Its nice to have choices, its nice to have a person who will give you them.”
“Gerard can I hug you?” I thought about it, I didn’t like to be touched, he obviously knew it, but I really wanted a hug. I nodded and he pulled me into his arms. He was so warm, and comfortable, I burrowed my face against his chest. It was safe, I’d never really felt this way before, not even with Jacob. With Jacob I avoided touch, he forced it on me. Don’t you love me? If you loved me you’d let me touch you! Even with a simple hug, one that I initiated something always was there in the back of my head screaming ‘this isn’t right!!’
This hug, this simple hug, my head was clear. I could stay here forever, and I think Frank didn’t mind it at all. He didn’t pull away, just squeezed me harder. I slowly pulled away from and he looked a little disappointed. His hand reached up and I flinched away, he frowned but brushed some hair, that had fallen in my face, away tucking it behind my ear. I studied his face, taking it all in. His gorgeous hazel eyes, wide and kind. His black hair framing his face nicely. His soft looking lips with a lip ring he played with nervously. Did I make him nervous? He made me nervous, good nervous.
I made a decision then and hesitantly leaned forward and pressed my lips against his. I quickly pulled back, and covered my mouth with my hand. I was scared, what if he didn’t want me to do that? What if I just ruined our somewhat ‘friendship?’ I squeezed my eyes shut and wrapped my arms around myself, wishing to disappear.
“I’m so sorry Frank I really shouldn’t have done that, I won’t do th-”
He interrupted my apology, “Gerard stop, I’m not mad at you, you don’t need to apologize. I’ve wanted you to do that for the longest time. Whatever you're thinking just stop that, I will never, and I mean this. I will never deliberately hurt you or do anything that you don’t want me too. I couldn’t do that too you.” I opened my slowly and looked at his face. There wasn’t any anger, he was calm, his face looked worried, his eyes, sincere.
“Do you mean that?”
“Yes Gee, I promise that. If I break that promise you have the right to, uh i dunno stab me? Ya stab me or inflict what ever pain you think I deserve.” I laughed at him and he smiled at me.
“Hey Frank?”
“Ya Gee?”
“Can I kiss you again?”
“Please.” I leaned forward and he completed the distance between us, crashing his soft lips against mine. It was gentle, it was so full of something, something I wasn’t sure I would ever experience.
Love.
Notes
merrrrr I don't know if I like this chapter tbh. I mean its the first real frerard-ness, but i just dunno. Its happy-ish.
I have so many ideas for this story and for other stories I'm not even kidding you. The problem is I need to force myself to sit my bum down and write them. In college i need to like hire someone to remind me to do things since I'm going to be living on my own. Im sad like that, forget to eat, forget thing that someone just told me like 5 seconds ago. My heads a mess. I cant believe any of my stories make sense.
I blab alot in these notes dont I? ANyways thanks for reading again ( and reading my notes if you actually do) It means alot <3
Is this still going?
10/11/18