G e r a r d

It never fails.
Waking up on the couch
Empty bottle
Of Vodka in your hand.
It’s always
Something
To bring you
Down.

I don’t know why
In particular I’m
So dismayed
On is cold Saturday.

Maybe it’s the fact that my
Brother is nowhere to be found.
Or maybe I’m just a sad,
Sad person. It could be
Absolutely anything.

I’ve never thought much of
Depression
Really. More
Like momentary bursts of
Awful and crippling
Sadness that makes
You
Want to swallow another whole
Bottle of vodka.

The truth is I don’t have
The leeway to be depressed.
I have a brother to care for.
People who need me.

Sometimes it’s like I’m choking.
So many things to do,
Money to get,
Worries.
Enough worry
To kill a normal person.
Enough worry to even kill me.

“What if I don’t make enough
Money to pay the bills?”
“What if I don’t make
Enough to feed Mikey?
“Hell, Mikey doesn’t eat anyway…”
“But, what if he’s doing drugs?”
“What if he’s having sex?”
“What if he fall’s and hurts
Himself, and I’m not there?”
“What if?
“What if?”
“What if?”

This is what
My mind screams,
Constantly.

A huge mess of
Horrid thoughts
Of the destructive
Things that could
Happen at any
Moment.

It’s not that I don’t
Trust Mikey,
It’s just that it’s so easy
To simply
Give in to your impulses
Now a days.

I’ve tried talking to Mikey,
But that boy is a closed book.

I make my way
To the kitchen to down
A bowl of cereal,
When I see a small note on
The table.

“Gerard,
I won’t be home till late.
I assume you slept in
Due to the bottle of vodka
You so tenderly held in your hand,
And I didn’t want to wake you before I left.
Just wanted you to know I was okay so you don’t
Spasm at me when I get back.
p.s
Try wearing some pants next time you
Plan on passing out on the couch.
-Mikey”
I look down to realize I’m only in boxers
And sigh. When did I even take those off?

I Proceed you shovel a bowl
Of Captain Crunch down my throat
And chug a cup of burning hot
Coffee.

Today might just be
Good.
I don’t have work,
I have the house to myself,
And most importantly,
No annoyance from the
Boy known as Frank.

I know he is just
A small crumb
On the floor of
My existence,
But he is just so infuriating.

Never seen a boy his age
Say and do the things he does,
He is a hopeless case and honestly not
My problem. So why do I find myself caring so much?

Maybe it’s
The care taker
In me that feel’s
A strong need to fix him
In some ways. Or maybe its
Simply my over active mind
Focusing on something else for a change.

He’s nothing
To me
And never
Will be.
So why must
I waist
My time
Pondering
About him?

Fuck it.
I need some Gerard
Time.
The couch awaits,
Along with the TV.

---

After hours of
Nothingness.
I hear my phone
Give off a buzz.

I groan and reach
For it, there being
A text from Mikey.

“Hey G, Is it okay if I
Bring a friend home
With me? To say
The night?” It says.

Great.

“Sure Mikes. Just
Get home soon,
It’s getting late” I reply.

Mikey doesn’t
Reply,
And almost 5 minutes
Later walks
In the door,
With someone
Trailing close
Behind.

My eyes widen
At the boy standing
Beside Mikey,
An evil grin on his
Face.

“Gee, this is Frank.
Frank this is Gerard.”
Mikey smiled.

“Nice to
Meet you…
Gerard.”
He says,
A dark glare
In his eyes.

Notes

Sorry for the short chapter :cc Put its only part one of the chapter and the other half is aLot more interesting ;DDD i'm sorry if this sucks xc.
Anyway thank you all sooo very much for reading, Please rate/sub If you liked it <3 As always any and all comments are super appreciated <//3
-Phobias