I Think I Like It

Despite what he said, Gerard’s mood didn’t improve at all, and he didn’t become any less cryptic. The rest of the days of our ‘romantic’ trip were spent with him being reserved and aloof, and with me getting frustrated.
If he wasn’t ignoring me or being stubborn, then he was trying to get me to fuck him. There was no in-between, and it was driving me crazy. I was almost relieved when we packed up the car and drove home.
“You should probably talk to me.” He sighed after half an hour of me staring out the window and not speaking to him. I slid an earbud out and looked at him.
“I don’t know what you want me to say, Gerard. We were supposed to have fun together, and you’ve just been a miserable asshole the whole time.” I snapped. He sighed resignedly and held my hand. I left it limp, but didn’t pull away.
“I know I have. I know it must have been infuriating for you, and I’m sorry. It’s just…” he sighed, shrugging.
“I don’t want you to leave me. I mean, we have one more full day, and then you’re going. Like, do you even realize how scary that is for me? Tomorrow I’m taking you to the train station, and then you’re going to go away from me. I can’t deal with it.” He admitted, a frown pulling on his lips. I sighed, looking up at him with an expression that said ‘well I don’t fucking know’.
“I’m scared too. Not just about being away from you, but about going. I’m leaving the place I grew up, and I’m doing new stuff and meeting new people and…and I’m scared.” I said softly. It was the first time I’d admitted it, even to myself. He nodded slowly, bringing my hand up to his lips and holding it there for a minute.
“I know, sweetie. I know you’re scared. But you’re gonna have the best time, I swear. You’re going to be great.” He smiled gently, rubbing my hand. I sighed deeply.
“I’ll miss you, though.” I said for added measure. He gave me a soft grin.
“I don’t want you to miss me. I want you to have fun.” He insisted. I sighed and looked back out the window.
“Yeah, well. I’ll miss you anyway.” I mumbled. He gave a sad little smile.
“Maybe at first. But you’ll learn, you know? I mean, you’ll learn how to live without me.”
“Yeah, I know. But it’s gonna suck.” I sighed, putting my hand on his leg. He nodded silently, biting down on his lip.
“Wanna do something today, then? I mean, since we didn’t get the trip we wanted.” He asked with a grim smile. I shrugged.
“I guess. If you want to.” I smiled. He nodded.
“Yeah. Our last day together.” He murmured, a frown pulling at his lips. I squeezed his leg.
“Hey, come on. Baby, it’s okay.” I murmured, rubbing his leg. He shook his head.
“No, it’s not.” He sighed, sounding almost annoyed. I bit my lip and nodded in agreement. It’s not even like I could tell him otherwise. The situation was shitty and we both knew it.

Mikey was already waiting for us when we pulled up, leaning against the front door and smiling. Gerard’s face broke into a grin, and he almost ripped the car door off in his excitement to rush at him. They collided hard and somehow managed to form into a hug.
“Missed you so much, Mikes.” Gerard said. I slid out of the car and smiled, leaning against it as I watched them. Mikey pulled away and inspected him.
“You’re alright?” He murmured. Gerard laughed lightly.
“I’m fine.” He said brightly. It warmed my heart to see him so happy, and I was immediately glad that Mikey was there. Mikey’s eyes flickered to me and his smile weakened.
“And Frank? Is he…is he alright?” He asked gently. I frowned in confusion.
“Mikey…it uh. There’s been a bit of a…” Gerard began. Mikey held up a hand to silence him.
“I don’t even wanna hear it.” He sighed. He smiled at me and beckoned me over.
“Did you have fun?” he asked when I approached. I nodded, sliding my hand into Gerard’s.
“It was fun. I’m glad to be back, though.” I said with a little smile. Gerard nodded in agreement. Mikey smiled and ushered us inside.
“I’ll grab your bags.” He volunteered. I didn’t miss the hard glare he gave Gerard as he left. As soon as the door shut, Gerard pulled me into his arms, burying his face in my neck.
“I’ve missed home.” He murmured. I wrapped my arms around him and giggled.
“What do you mean? I was with you the whole time.” I said brightly. He pulled back, his expression unreadable.
“That was…” he laughed, shaking his head. He leaned in and gave me a deep kiss, and I couldn’t help but smile as I kissed him back, my hand running through his hair.
“I love you.” He hummed. I grinned and swayed him gently.
“I love you too, baby. More than you know.” I sighed, stroking his cheek. He reached down and lifted me up, carrying me to the sofa.
“Love me lots and lots?” he giggled, kissing my neck, before dumping me down onto the sofa. I grinned up at him.
“Yep. Lots and lots and lots.” I giggled. He crawled on top of me and smirked before kissing me again.
“Mm. Sounds go-“
“Holy fucking-. Gerard, what’s wrong with you?” Mikey groaned. Gerard and I both looked up, and blushed when we saw Mikey staring at us, our bags on the floor.
“Uh, Mikes-“
“Nope. I’m out.” He said, rushing to the stairs. Gerard smiled and turned back to kissing me, his hands running down my chest. This time, I was only too happy to oblige.
“So. What did you wanna do today?” He murmured, kissing my neck. I hummed happily.
“Mm. I don’t mind.” I purred, leaning up into him. He rolled his eyes.
“You’re so goddamn indecisive.” He giggled. I bit my lip and looked at him, my eyebrows furrowed.
“What’s Mikey’s problem?” I asked suddenly. Gerard’s smile faltered a little, his face flushing.
“What? What do you mean?”
“I just…I feel like I’m missing something.” I murmured, looking up at him. He shook his head and kissed me gently.
“Nothing you need to worry about now. I love you.” He purred. I nodded and accepted his kiss, winding my arms around his neck.
“How about we get some snacks and watch some horror movies?” I murmured against his mouth. I felt warm as his mouth turned up under mine.
“Yeah. Sounds perfect.” He murmured, rubbing his hands along my sides. He pulled away and looked at me with a soft expression, his eyes almost sad. I laughed and sat up.
“What?” I smiled. He shrugged and kissed my forehead.
“I’m just gonna miss you.” He breathed against my skin, before pulling back and standing up.
“I’ll miss you too.” I replied. He nodded and patted his pocket almost absent-mindedly.
“I’m gonna…I’m gonna go buy some snacks.” He murmured, scratching his neck. He seemed distracted, but I wasn’t completely sure that I wanted to know why. I had a bad feeling about all of this.
“Okay…I’ll grab the movies then.” I murmured. He nodded distractedly and grabbed his jacket. He looked at me like he was going to say something, but changed his mind and walked out the door, closing it softly behind him. I sighed and rose to my feet, moving to Gerard’s admittedly impressive collection of DVDs underneath his TV. I searched through, pulling out and putting back a few, occasionally scoffing at his awful taste. I decided on Scream and Nightmare on Elm street, but frowned when I could only find the remake.
“Fuckin’ Gerard.” I sighed. I figured, though, that looking for the original was a good excuse to go interrogate Mikey. Awful remake in hand, I made my way upstairs and knocked on his door.
“Come in!” he called. I popped my head around the door and smiled, and I could almost see his face dropping.
“Oh, hey Frankie.” He mumbled. I walked in and waved the box.
“Do you know if Gee has the original to this?” I asked. He looked almost relieved and nodded, moving to a cabinet underneath his small bedroom TV.
“Yeah, I borrowed it.” He murmured, sifting through. I sat down on his bed and nodded, taking a deep breath.
“So, ah. What’s going on with you and Gerard?” I asked suddenly. He froze visibly, and tried to compose himself.
“Nothing. What makes you think something’s going on?” he mumbled. I shrugged.
“Just…I feel like there’s something you’re not telling me.” I said, a definite firmness in my voice. Mikey pulled the film out and handed it to me. I took it, but didn’t say anything, still looking at him harshly. He sighed resignedly.
“Okay, yes. There’s something I thought Gerard was going to speak to you about, and he didn’t. Happy?” He snapped. I bit my lip and furrowed my eyebrows. That couldn’t be good.
“Is it a good something?”
“It’s a necessary something.” He said, his voice soft. That definitely wasn’t good. I sighed and ran a hand through my hair, my body almost shaking with nerves. It could honestly be anything, knowing Gerard.
But then again, how bad could it be? Mikey wanted us together, so if he deemed it necessary, then it was probably beneficial.
“Necessary good?” I asked weakly. He sighed and turned around, looking at me with exasperation.
“Stop overthinking, Frank. You’re gonna give yourself a damn hemorrhage. Just calm down, have your gay ass movie session, and get your cute self ready for University tomorrow.” He said, a smile playing at his lips. It was that, rather than his actual words, that reassured me somewhat. If it was something really, really bad, Mikey wouldn’t hide it.
It’s not like he’s ever lied to me before to spare my feelings, right?

Gerard returned a few moments later and, not finding me downstairs, he made his way up to Mikey’s room. I didn’t miss the look of panic that crossed his face when he saw us both in there together, and it made my previous reassurance seem invalid. Maybe there was something very wrong, after all.
“What are you guys talking about?” he demanded, his voice urgent. Mikey rolled his eyes, and I held the movie up feebly.
“I…just looking for this.” I said softly. Gerard didn’t even bother hiding his look of relief, and grinned at us.
“Oh! Okay, that’s good. I mean, that’s a good movie. Love the classics.” He said, backing out of the room. I got the feeling (not that he was trying to hide it at all) that he wanted us to leave, so I stood up.
“Alright, well. I’ll see you later, dude.” I said to Mikey. He nodded and gave a soft wave, his eyes flicking between me and Gerard. Gerard grabbed my wrist and tugged me towards the stairs. The tension was definitely high as I followed him, my heart racing. There was definitely something up.
“So, horror movies. That’s all you and Mikey spoke about, right?” he asked, trying to keep his voice light. I sighed and dropped onto the sofa, looking up at him almost accusingly.
“Yeah, pretty much.” I said, keeping my eyes on him. He walked over with a shopping bag, dropping it on the coffee table. He started taking some of the snacks out, and looked at me suspiciously.
“Pretty much or yes?” He demanded. I sighed and shoved Scream into the DVD player.
“If you’re wondering if I asked him why you’re being so fucking weird – the answer is yes. I did.” I said curtly, dropping beside him on the sofa. He put his arm around me and glanced at me nervously.
“Yeah? And what did he say?” he asked softly. I looked up at the screen, then back to him.
“Nothing. He didn’t tell me shit, Gerard. Which means you have to.” I said. He shook his head and took my hand, placing our entwined hands in his lap.
“Later, alright? This is our last day. Let’s spend it being happy.” He said, kissing our joined hands. I realized he was right, and leaned against him, smiling when he wrapped an arm around me and carded his hand softly through my hair.
Gerard snorted with laughter as he reached for the bag of chips and I grinned up at him.
“What?” I asked softly. He gestured to the TV screen.
“The dumb Drew Barrymore bitch. Says she’s seen Friday the 13th 23 times, and she doesn’t even know that Mrs Voorhees is the killer? Stupid.” He said, shaking his head in dismay. I laughed and hit his arm.
“Oh, come on. If it were you in there, we’d both be dead.” I said. He raised his eyebrows.
“Au contraire, my darling love. I’d save both our asses, and then fuck yours.” He teased. I sat up on my knees and grinned at him.
“Alright. Who was the killer in Psycho?” I asked. He rolled his eyes.
“Seriously? Norman Bates. Dressed as his mother. The opposite of Friday the 13th.” He said, his voice bored. I arched an eyebrow.
“Okay, okay. That was a warm up round. Who was the killer in My Bloody Valentine?”
“Tom Hanniger. Unless you mean the original killer, then it was Harry Warden.” He said quickly.
“Fuck. Alright, alright. Repo! The Genetic Opera. Which female rock –“
“Joan Jett.” He interrupted. I gasped, shrieking with laughter.
“You didn’t let me finish!” I cried. He looked at me incredulously.
“Which female rock goddess featured for no reason at all in a mediocre musical number. Joan Jett.”
“Joan Jett’s hot.” I replied. He considered this for a moment, then nodded.
“Yeah. If I was straight, I’d do Joan Jett.”
“Who wouldn’t?” I snorted. I looked at him, then nodded.
“Okay, pretty boy. Final question.”
“I’m ready.” He smirked. I looked at him for a moment before replying.
“The name of the puppet in the SAW movies. What was it?” I said darkly. He widened his eyes for a moment, then a confident smirk settled over his face.
“Jigsaw.” He said firmly. I beamed in delight.
“Wrong answer!” I said, putting on my best ghostface voice. He looked at me, dumbfounded.
“What! No, it’s-“
“Jigsaw is the name of the killer. The puppet is named-“
“Billy! Fuck!” Gerard cried, smacking his head. I put a hand on his throat.
“Looks like you and your bitch gotta die.” I growled, squeezing softly. He laughed and pulled me onto his lap.
“Mm. Squeeze harder, ghostface. Maybe you’ll give me a hard on.” He giggled. I kissed him softly, wrapping my arms around him.
“You’d be dead if this were Scream.” I said pointedly, dropping back next to him. He rolled his eyes and held me close, helping himself to a handful of chips.
“Yeah, yeah, alright. But you know, if it was that Billy guy killing me, I don’t think I’d mind. Especially at the end when he’s all covered in blood. God damn” Gerard said, nodding appreciatively. I snorted and took a handful of chips.
“Nah, you’re gonna get fucked up by Shaggy from Scooby Doo.” I said, gesturing to the screen. Gerard rolled his eyes and looked at me incredulously.
“He’s only the wingman. Sexy Billy does all the killing. That’s the thing with Craven movies – it’s always the sexy, shady boyfriend.” He said, wiggling his eyebrows.
“Bullshit! In Nightmare on Elm Street, they only think it’s the sexy shady guy.” I argued. Gerard shrugged.
“Johnny Depp’s in that one. Do you really think I was paying attention to literally anything else?” he said, as if it was obvious. I nodded slowly, reaching for the bag of Skittles.
“Point made.” I agreed, munching happily on them. Gerard pressed his lips to the top of my head and hummed happily, his hand still stroking my hair softly.
“Is this what it’s gonna be like when we’re married?” I asked gently. He let out a nervous laugh and squeezed my hip.
“Yeah. I suppose so.” He smiled softly, kissing the top of my head again. I held his hand tightly in mine, as if I could squeeze away the worry that was building up in my chest.
We watched the film in silence for a few moments, both of us, it seemed, searching for something to say to each other. I was desperate to know what he was keeping from me, and he seemed desperate to distract me.
“Those rules of horror are bullshit.” He says after a moment. A small smile pulled up at my mouth. He’s too cute.
“Yeah? I think they’re alright.”
“Well, they are and they aren’t. You shouldn’t have sex in a horror movie. You shouldn’t drink or do drugs. That’s true. But it’s more intricate than that.”
“Oh yeah?”
“Yeah. Like, okay. So, if there’s a couple in the movie, one of them is gonna die. The other one is gonna live and be the hero.”
“Not always.”
“True. Not always. They’re either both gonna die, or one is gonna live to the end. Fair?”
“Fair. And accurate.”
“Exactly. It’s all that…all that emotional response bullshit.” He said, waving a hand. I arched an eyebrow.
“So which one of us would die in a movie, then?” I asked. He chewed over this for a moment.
“Okay. So, a teacher secretly fucking his student? Who’s the killer?”
“The killer is another student.” I replied immediately. He nodded.
“Right. In that case, I’d die. And they’d do it in a gory as fuck way. Like, cut my heart out and write “I fuck kids” on the wall with my blood.” He considered. I laughed and kissed his hand.
“And then I’d kill them?”
“You’d kill them. Or you’d die. I’m not sure.” He said seriously. I rolled my eyes and turned my attention back to the movie.
“But if you seduced me, then you’d die first. I’d die a few scenes later.” He said decisively. I looked up and gave him an amused smile.
“What are the circumstances in which you live?” I asked. He smiled.
“I wouldn’t. It’s just the rules.” He explained gently. I leaned up and kissed his cheek.
“Mm. Well, I’m happy we’re not in a horror movie, then.” I giggled. He smiled fondly at me and hugged me tightly.
“You’re never gonna get rid of me.” He mumbled, rubbing my arm. I hummed happily and nuzzled into him, smiling as he wrapped his arms more firmly around me. I played absent-mindedly with the ring on my finger, feeling a gentle warmth spread through me. No matter what it was that Gerard was hiding from me, I knew we’d get through it. We were eternal, like two separate lights convulsing in the darkness of an unborn universe, soaring through a seemingly endless stream of nothingness, until we meet. And the collision sparks a fire that’s brighter than the sun, and burns until…until when? The end of the world, perhaps. Or maybe just the end of our lives.
The bottom line is that we were very, very in love. He held my heart, and I held his, and I had no intention of ever, ever giving it back. I loved him more than I thought I could ever love anybody.
I opened my mouth to tell him that, but all that came out was
“Pass the chips, idiot.”
He did as I said, but gave me a coy, knowing smile as he did so.
Maybe he really could read my mind. Or maybe he was just thinking the same thing as me.
I doubted it, though. We were never really that in-sync.

As the credits for Scream came on, Gerard rose to his feet, stretching.
“Put on the next movie, doll.” He said, kissing my forehead as he padded into the kitchen. I rolled my eyes, but did as he said.
“Yeah? And where do you think you’re going?” I asked teasingly. He didn’t reply, and I busied myself with the task of taking out the old movie and putting the new one in. By the time I’d done that and turned around, Gerard was sitting on the sofa with a beer in his hand, and another one waiting for me. I arched an eyebrow and he rolled his eyes.
“We’re celebrating.” He reasoned with a shrug, taking a long sip. I snatched mine and glared at him as I drank it, and he rolled his eyes again.
“Or you could trust me, dumbass. I’m not gonna do anything stupid. I swear.” He said, holding a hand up in oath. I snorted at his ridiculousness and snuggled up in his arms.
“It’s not like I don’t know that you’ve been drinking behind my back, anyway.” I sniffed. He let out a gentle whine and kissed my cheek.
“Mm. You’re too clever.” He murmured, rubbing my face with his thumb. I frowned up at him, but I couldn’t muster a convincing disappointed expression.
“I was trying to help you.” I snapped. He sighed and shrugged.
“I’m getting better. It’s not as bad, it’s just…cold turkey doesn’t work for me.” He mumbled. I nodded understandingly and rubbed his arm.
“Hey, it’s fine. Look, it’s our last day. I’m not gonna bitch at you.” I murmured, pulling him down for a kiss. He kissed me back chastely, then turned to look at the screen.
“Mm. Johnny Depp.” He mumbled. I laughed and looked at the screen, nodding in agreement.
“He was such a twink back then.” I sighed. Gerard raised his eyebrows.
“You’re a twink now.” He pointed out. I snorted.
“Uh, ‘cause I’m barely legal. You just wait until I’m your age, buddy. I’m gonna be hot and Daddy as fuck.” I pointed out. He hummed and nuzzled into my neck.
“Mm. You’re already Daddy as fuck. Daddy.” He purred, his hand running down my thigh. I laughed and pushed his hand away.
“Aw, come on Gee. I wanna watch this.” I said in protest. He laughed, but put his arm around my shoulders.
“Tonight I’m gonna fuck you, okay? Gonna fuck you until you can’t breathe.” He murmured, rubbing my shoulder. I smiled and leaned back into his arms.
“That sounds so, so good.” I murmured, entwining our hands. He rested his cheek on my head as we watched the movie together, occasionally making little quips about the acting or – more importantly – Johnny Depp’s ass.

A short while after Nightmare on Elm Street had ended, and we put on normal TV to watch, Mikey decided that it was safe enough to emerge from his bedroom. He sat on the armchair by the TV while Gerard and I continued to snuggle on the sofa. It was the ideal arrangement for all of us, I thought.
“So, I’m thinking pizza for dinner.” Gerard announced after a while. Mikey moaned and nodded excitedly.
“Yes! I so need pizza right now.” He said. I giggled and squeezed Gerard’s hand.
“Yeah, I could go for pizza.” I said, kissing his hand. He looked between Mikey and I.
“Alright. Which one of you is buying?” He asked deadpan, but it was only a few seconds before his face broke out into a smile. He got to his feet and made his way over to the phone.
I could almost feel Mikey’s eyes on me, and I looked over at him, raising my eyebrows.
“He hasn’t told me yet.” I said curtly. Mikey shrugged.
“I know. You wouldn’t be this calm if he had.” He murmured. I sighed and looked at him, chewing my lip.
“Is it bad? Like, is it real bad?” I asked gently. Mikey shook his head.
“I think…you’ll see his point.” He murmured softly. I sighed and crossed my arms, facing the TV. I didn’t have time for his cryptic bullshit. In that respect, if no other, he was exactly like his big brother. I supposed it must have been something that they picked up from their parents, or at least from spending so many years together. In every other respect, I loved how close they were, but right now it was fucking annoying. I wish one of them would just tell me what the big secret was.
Gerard interrupted my thoughts by sitting back down next to me, throwing his arm around my shoulders. Immediately, my bad mood dissipated, and I leaned into him, kissing his throat gently.
“So, Mikes. I’m taking Frankie to the station at about 9 tomorrow morning. Do you wanna come with us?” he asked gently. Mikey shook his head, and I felt my heart drop. I hadn’t realized how much I would miss him until just then.
“I’m bad at goodbyes as it is. I’d rather just…pretend I’m gonna see you soon.” He said with a weak smile. I smiled softly at him and nodded. I totally understood that.
“Hey, I will see you soon. I’m gonna come down like, every weekend.” I promised. The brothers shared a disbelieving look that I pretended not to see, but which made my heart sink in my chest.
I made it my personal mission to prove them both wrong.

The pizza arrived about half an hour later, and both Gerard and Mikey went to the door to grab it. I pretended not to realize that they were talking about me the whole time in hushed whispers. From what I could obtain from their almost silent talking, Mikey was urging Gerard to tell me whatever it was, and Gerard was pussying out. That wasn’t too unusual – that seemed to always be the case, actually.
Still, the familiarity of the situation didn’t make it any easier to deal with. I was still, if not even more so, worried about what Gerard had to say to me. At this point, him cheating on me would be good news compared to what was going on in my mind.
“You shouldn’t scrunch your face up like that, sweetheart. Might stick.” Gerard teased, passing me the plate of pizza. I stuck my tongue out at him, and accepted the plate. The sight of food lifted my mood somewhat, and within moments I found myself being almost completely distracted by how goddamn good that pizza was. It did enter my mind, momentarily, that maybe that was Gerard’s intention, but I decided that I definitely didn’t care. It was working, after all.
The conversation after that turned lighter, and we discussed what my university would actually be like. Gerard shared anecdotes of his time at University, and Mikey and I listened eagerly. If my time was going to be anything like his, I couldn’t wait. It seemed like he had a blast.
We talked for a bit about how nervous I was, and how sad I was to be leaving everyone and everything that I’d come to love. Gerard and Mikey being the obvious ones, but I was also going to miss my Mom and my friends. I was going to miss my shitty Saturday job and even my school. I could have made a very, very long list of things I was going to miss, but I didn’t want to bum myself out. I knew that, in the end, this would all be worth it. That was all that mattered.
We spent the rest of the night eating pizza and talking happily, and it was easy, for the most part, to pretend that everything was okay.
That only changed when, at about 11, Gerard announced that we should get to bed, because we had a big day ahead of us. Mikey stood up and pulled me into a tight hug that I couldn’t help but return.
“I love you, man. You’re gonna have the best time.” He breathed, squeezing me. I felt tears prickling my eyes, but wouldn’t let them fall as I hugged him back. It was awful – worse than I expected. It was like I was losing a brother.
“I’m gonna miss you, Mikes. Stay in touch, alright?” I gasped. He pulled away and gave me a sad, teary smile, and it made me feel less bad for being teary myself.
“I will. You’re my brother, alright? No matter what.” He said, gripping my hand. I smiled and pulled him in for another tight hug. We stood there for a moment before he pulled away, laughing slightly.
“I should go to bed. Goodnight, Frank. It’s been…it’s been unbelievable.” He grinned. Without another word, he turned and ran up the stairs, taking them two at a time. I assumed that it was because he couldn’t wait to get away from me, for fear he’d start crying.
I knew the feeling.
When I turned to face Gerard, he was looking at me with an expression that was unreadable.
“What?” I asked softly. He shook his head and took my hand firmly in his.
“Lets just go to bed, alright? I…I need to feel you.” He breathed. Just like that, my body was awake and so, so ready for him. My whole being yearned for him like he was a piece that was physically missing from me. He led me up the stairs slowly but with purpose, and when we finally got to his room, he didn’t hesitate to push me against the wall and claim my mouth roughly. I whimpered against him and threaded my hands through his hair, trying to memorise the way the soft strands fell through my fingers.
“Oh, baby.” He gasped, his hands moving to fumble with my belt. I leaned my head back against the door and moaned, tugging my shirt over my head. Gerard made a soft noise of triumph as he slid my pants and boxers down over my thighs, and I quickly pushed them all the way off, kicking them to the side. He looked at me hungrily, his face almost predatory.
“Bed. Prep yourself.” He growled. I shook my head, moving forward to undo his pants.
“No. You’re gonna prep me, asshole.” I snarled. He laughed gently in amusement and nodded.
“Shit, alright. I just…I’m so desperate for you.” He hummed, pulling his shirt over his head. I moaned and kissed his chest, flicking my tongue against his nipples as I shoved his pants down.
“Oh! Fuck.” He hissed, sliding his pants and boxers the rest of the way down and throwing them to the side with the rest of our discarded clothes.
Once naked, we stopped to grin at each other, and I let my eyes rake over him. He was so damn beautiful. It was almost like he got more beautiful every single time I saw him.
It felt almost unfair.
He wiggled his eyebrows suggestively and I – quite literally – leaped on him, crashing my lips against his. He fell backwards onto the bed, his hands gripping me desperately tightly, his tongue prodding against my lips.
“Fuck. Fuck, Gerard.” I hissed, moving my lips down to his neck. He wasted no time in sucking eagerly on his fingers, before flipping us over so he was on top of me. He looked at me longingly for a moment, before sliding a finger inside of me. I arched and cried out, my eyes squeezing shut in pure pleasure. He let out a smug breath as he slid his finger in and out of me, his eyes dark and heavy on mine. I gasped and let out a shuddering breath, rolling my hips down onto him. I needed more, and I needed it right fucking now.
“Fuck. Give me more, Gee. Need more.” I panted. He let out a gentle groan as he slid his second finger into me. I moaned loudly, gripping the pillow as I felt the familiar pleasure and pain of the gentle burn. I wrapped a hand around his neck and pulled myself up for a kiss, which he returned generously and eagerly. I could almost feel the air vibrating with how badly we wanted each other. It was like a tangible presence in the room. He panted against my lips and I smirked, pulling away.
“You gonna fuck me or what?” I teased, slapping his ass playfully. He bit his lip and moaned, wiggling his eyebrows.
“Maybe I will…” he teased. I sighed.
“You’re a dork. Shove your cock in me.” I giggled. He smiled and lined himself up, and I moaned loudly as I felt his tip pressing into me. I needed to be fucked. I needed him to fuck me and kiss me and mark me up, so I would remember, every day for the next three years, that I belonged to him.
He let out a shuddering breath as he sunk into me, biting his lip. He moaned and leaned down, kissing me roughly, his hands framing my face as he slid into me.
“F-Frankie! Baby, fuck.” He whispered urgently against my mouth. I arched my back, my mouth falling open as he stretched me.
“S-so big. So full.” I whimpered, rolling my hips down onto him. He growled and kissed me harder as he began to move inside me, his hips rolling up almost urgently in me. It was too rough, too hard, and it hurt a little; but I think it was what we both needed. We needed it to hurt so we could feel it. He bit down possessively on my throat and I scratched my nails down his back. What we really needed, I realized, was to make the other remember. He fucked me hard and rough so I’d remember his laugh and his eyes and the way his mouth always drooped on the one side. I pulled his hair and scratched his back so that he’d remember the way my voice sounded and the way I smiled and how my hands felt in his. We left imprints on each other as we rocked desperately against each other, the bed slamming against the wall. He gasped, kissing me hard, and I ran my hands down his sweat-drenched arms. I could barely breathe – it felt like I’d been running for miles and miles. I lifted my hand and slapped his ass hard, and he snarled, biting down on my lip. I let my hand fall back on his ass, squeezing the soft, plump skin between my fingers. He let out a soft laugh, moving his lips down to my throat as he rocked desperately into me. The sound of skin slapping skin was almost as deafening as the roar of our breath, the way we both panted and moaned, and the way our whimpers tangled in the air. Already the room stunk of sweat and the thick haze that came with sex. He grabbed my wrists and held them above my head, resting his forehead against mine.
“Frankie.” He whispered. I whimpered and kissed him.
“Oh, Gerard.” I whined, locking my legs around his hips. He gasped and held my thighs, slamming harder into me. I felt like I might split in half, and I yearned for it. I could, in that occurance, simply leave one half of me here with him. It would certainly make things easier, I supposed.
“I…I’m trying so hard not to cum.” He whispered, his mouth a vague smile. I ran a hand through his damp hair and shook my head.
“No, fuck. Cum, please. Gee, please baby.” I begged, kissing his jaw. He let out a short grunt as he claimed my lips, his hips slamming into me only a few more times, until I felt his cock twitch inside me and he came hard, his mouth falling open as he rode out his orgasm. He stopped moving for a moment, then looked up at me and gave me a weary smile.
“Okay…fuck…I’m gonna…” He whispered as he slid out of me. I whined at the loss and he smirked, sliding further down my body, pressing little kisses as he went.
“Your turn.” He purred as he settled between my legs. I barely had time to react before he was taking my cock in his mouth, sucking gently on the head. It was almost like he knew exactly what I needed, because I came almost embarrassingly quickly only moments later.
He pulled away and climbed back up my body, collapsing beside me, his breathing hard. I could barely breathe, my body actually twitching as I gasped for air.
That had been so…perfect. It was what I needed.
“Baby.” He hummed, pulling me into his arms. I curled against him, pressing tiny kisses to his soft, salty skin. He was covered in sweat, and we both smelled disgusting, but right now it was the most beautiful thing in the world to me. He cradled me in his arms for a moment, his breath shaking as he gasped for air. I noticed his arms trembling around me and snuggled further into him, as if that would help.
“Frankie…sweetheart. I need to talk to you about something.” He whispered, brushing my hair back. I looked up and smiled gently.
“Anything.” I breathed. He reached down and held both my hands, brushing his lips along my knuckles for a moment before he spoke.
“I don’t want you to freak out, okay? Just…hear me out.” He murmured. I nodded, suddenly seized with fear. This was it. This was the big secret.
“I love you. God, Frank, I just love you so much. I didn’t think I could be in love like this until I met you. I can’t wait until we’re married, and you’re mine. I’m gonna be counting down the days until that happens.” He hummed. I looked up and nodded.
“Me too.” I breathed. He nodded vaguely.
“But that’s not happening for a very, very long time. And being realistic, it’s unlikely that you’re going to wait for me.” He said firmly.
“No, babe, I-“
“Lemme finish. Being realistic, you’re not going to wait for me. You’re going to sleep with other people, and date other people, and maybe fall in love with other people. And that’s okay. You’re 18 years old, you’re living on your own. You deserve to have all the freedom in the world. I don’t want you to limit yourself and your own happiness because you know I’m waiting for you, so…” he took a breath. I knew I should say something, but I couldn’t. My lip just trembled softly as I watched him, waiting for him to serve the fatal blow.
“So I think we should break up.” He whispered. That was it. That was the punch I’d been waiting for. My heart plummeted into my stomach, and I was seized with terror.
“Gerard, no. Please, I don’t…don’t do this. Baby, don’t do this.” I pleaded, holding his face. Tears streamed down my cheeks and clouded my vision.
“Frankie, stop. I love you. Believe me when I say that this is killing me. But it would kill me even more if I knew I was holding you back from being truly happy.” He whispered. I couldn’t even respond. I felt like my whole world was crashing down around me. I could almost feel everything collapsing in.
“But you make me happy.” I whispered. He nodded and kissed my engagement ring.
“You make me happy too. And baby, once you’re back, I’m gonna marry you in a minute. If you finish University and you still want me, I’m going to marry the shit out of you. But that’s a big maybe.” He murmured. I shook my head, even though I knew he’d made up his mind.
“Don’t leave me.” I gasped. He wiped his eyes, his arms still trembling around me.
“I’m sorry. I’m so sorry.” He whispered, pulling me close. I let him hug me, but all I could do was cry.
“I don’t want anyone else, Gee. I fuckin’…I only want you.” I gasped between sobs. He kissed my face, even as his own contorted with despair.
“I’m so fucking sorry. God, I’m sorry.” He whimpered, rubbing my back. I rested my head on his chest, and he combed softly through my hair. Occasionally, one of us would sniff loudly or hiccup, but other than that, it was silent. I pulled away a little and looked him in the eyes.
“I…I guess…” I mumbled, pulling my ring off. I put it in his hand, biting my lip.
“I guess this is yours, then.”I whispered, my voice breaking. He closed his hand around the ring and looked up at the ceiling as fresh tears spilled down his face.
“I guess so.” He whispered. He slid it onto his own finger and frowned. I knew what he was thinking – it didn’t look right when it wasn’t on me. He held me tightly in his arms, and I kissed every bit of him I could reach until my tears ran dry, and all I was left with was a headache and a broken heart. I buried my face in his chest and he let his arms rest loosely around me.
“Frankie? You should sleep, alright? Big day tomorrow.” He murmured, kissing the top of my head. I nodded, wrapping my arms around his waist.
“You’re gonna stay with me tonight, right Gee? You’re not gonna go sleep somewhere else?” I whispered, sounding to my own ears so young and vulnerable. He nodded softly.
“Baby, I’m gonna be right here. I only have a few more hours to hold you in my arms, and I’d rather die than spend them doing anything but this.” He whispered, his voice shaking.
It was only with that reassurance that I eventually dropped off to sleep, knowing with full awareness that Gerard wouldn’t sleep at all. I couldn’t even imagine how much pain he must be in.
If my heart was breaking, he was already dead.

Notes

oops.