I Think I Like It

It was Mikey that spoke first, after a silence that seemed to stretch on forever.
“What the fuck, Frank?” he breathed. I didn’t even look at him, my eyes were watching Gerard. His mouth was slightly open in shock, his eyes watering and leaking tears that he didn’t seem to notice.
“Oh.” He breathed gently. That was it. No crying, other than the few tears, no screaming. There was no eruption of anger, or pain, or disbelief. There was just him, staring at me. In his eyes, though, I could see the reflection of the storm that raged in his head.
“I’m sorry. I’m so sorry.” I weeped, bringing our joined hands up to my lips. His hand lay limp and unfeeling in mine, even as I kissed it. He closed his mouth slowly, but his eyes still stared at the wall, like he was trying to poke a hole in it with his mind.
“I can’t…Frank, this can’t be true. You’re fucking with us, right?” Mikey pleaded. I shut my eyes. I thought of Bert’s hand, and the rush of pleasure I felt.
I shook my head no, and Mikey made a defeated noise.
“It was an accident. I didn’t mean to. I didn’t want to…” I pleaded. Gerard’s eyes shifted slightly up to meet Mikey’s and he gulped audibly, before dragging his eyes back down to meet mine.
“T-tell me. Everything.” He whispered hoarsely. I wrapped my arms around myself and shook my head.
“No. Just leave me, okay? I’m dirty and…just leave me.” I whined, tears clouding my eyes.
“How was it an accident? How do you accidentally fuck someone?” Mikey spat, and I flinched at the venom in his voice.
“Mikey. Stop. Frank. Tell me.” Gerard murmured, his voice almost robotic.
“Please. I can’t. I can’t tell you, you’ll hate me.” I whispered.
“It was Cameron.” He said. I shook my head.
“No. No, I swear. It wasn’t him.”
“Who then? I deserve to know, Frank. Please.” He begged, his voice edging onto desperate. I squeezed my eyes shut tightly.
“Bert. It was Bert.” I breathed.
There was silence for a long time. I opened my eyes and saw Mikey and Gerard staring at each other. Mikey’s face was indistinguishable, but Gerard looked…confused.
“Frank…Bert hates you.” He said simply, slowly. Like I was crazy.
“I know he does. Fuck, trust me, I know. I hate him too.” I whispered. Flashes of his body pressed hard against mine flooded my head, and I bit down on my lip to chase them away.
“Then how? What happened, Frank?” Gerard said, his face and voice expressing concern. I leaned back and wiped my eyes, trying to control the hiccups that burst from my chest whenever I tried to speak.
“I can’t.” I whispered, burying my face in my hands. Gerard groaned from across the table, and I heard a faint thump. I felt Mikey’s hand on my back, and I looked up slowly. He was almost smiling gently, his hand rubbing soothing circles into my back.
“Frank…Bert is manipulative. He’s a liar, and he’s really good at getting what he wants. If he made you do anything-“
“Stop.” Gerard gasped, struggling to his feet. He looked unsteady, like he might throw up.
“Just stop it. I…can’t…I’m sorry.” He breathed. He looked at me for a second, his face pale, before bolting from the room.
I distantly heard his bedroom door slam, and I crumpled against Mikey.
“Frank? Did he make you do something?” he persisted. I shook my head.
“N-no. I wanted it.” I whispered. Mikey sighed.
“Why don’t I believe you? Frank, please. Tell me what happened.”
“He hates me.” I gasped.
“He’s just upset and confused, that’s all. He loves you very much.” Mikey murmured.
“I can’t talk about it. I feel…just…” I wrinkled my nose, hoping that would explain it.
“You’re pretty certain you cheated?”
“Yes. I did.”
“So, what? You fucked?”
“No. I wouldn’t. I couldn’t do that.” I whispered, my stomach tight.
“Did you suck him off? Or did he-“
“No. It didn’t get that far. I…I thought he might ask me to, but he didn’t.” I whispered.
“So handjobs?”
“Kind of.”
“Okay. Kind of?” he asked. I sighed.
“He…touched me. He pinned me against the wall and he touched me until I came. Are you happy now?” I snapped. Mikey sighed, running a hand through his hair.
“Of course I’m not.”
“Right.” I sighed. He pursed his lips, regarding me for a moment, before he spoke.
“Frankie. Did you want him to touch you?” he asked softly. I sucked in a shaky breath.
“No.” I breathed, dropping my eyes to the table. Mikey moved to wrap an arm around me, then paused.
“Is it okay?”
“Yeah.” I breathed. He wrapped an arm around my waist and held me to him.
“You know it’s not cheating then. It’s abuse. He abused you.” Mikey said softly. I widened my eyes. Oh no. That wasn’t right. That’s not what happened.
“N-no, Mikey. I cheated. I enjoyed it. I orgasmed. It’s not abuse if you-“
“If you say the words ‘enjoy it’, I’ll punch you in the face. Seriously. C’mon, man. Basic biology here. If someone touches you like that, whether or not you want it-“
“I don’t want to discuss this. Stop.” I said firmly. Mikey sighed.
“Frankie, listen to me. We have to talk about it. You need to know that what happened wasn’t your fault, and you shouldn’t be ashamed. He did it to Gerard all the time. I mean, not exactly the same, but similar. He used to make Gee feel real bad if he didn’t do things with him, and Gerard would feel so dirty because he’d cum every single time, even though he didn’t want to. You’re not alone.” Mikey said gently. I wondered vaguely how he knew.
“I…it didn’t feel like abuse. It felt wrong but…but not that. I thought-“
“No. If you told him no, then it’s abuse. It doesn’t matter if you enjoyed it, or if you came, or whatever. Abuse is always abuse. No always means no. You’re not dirty, or slutty, or whatever he told you. You’re amazing, Frank.” He sighed. My lip trembled. His words made sense, but my body rejected them.
“I wanna talk to Gee.” I gasped. Mikey sighed.
“That’s not a good idea. I’ll go tell him, okay? I’ll tell him everything.” He assured me. I nodded slowly, sipping on my water.
“Oh, and Frank?” he said as he left.
“Mm?”
“I’m sorry I yelled at you. I didn’t mean it. I was just worried.”
“Yeah, it’s fine Mikey.” I smiled weakly, wrapping my arms tight around my torso.
I felt almost panicky as Mikey left, hearing his footsteps as he walked upstairs, but I forced myself to calm down. This was good. Mikey didn’t think I’d cheated, despite what I tried to tell him, and maybe Gerard wouldn’t either.
I felt guilty at that. I hoped Gerard didn’t try to make me a victim. After all, I had enjoyed it. Despite what Mikey told me, I still felt dirty.
I sat, waiting with bated breath. The house seemed almost too silent, like someone had died. I bit my lip and considered that for a moment, because, in some ways, there had been a death – or rather, the potential for one. I found myself wishing despite myself that Gerard would believe Mikey’s perception of what happened – otherwise this could kill us. Cheating was one thing, but cheating with your partner’s ex (who they may or may not still harbour feelings for)? That was a different thing completely.

The silence was shattered after a few minutes by a loud, angry cry.
I heard Mikey yell back, as if he was trying to calm him down, but that was only followed by a loud bang and the sound of something shattering. I squeezed my eyes shut. This was it. He hated me.
I considered what things would be like at school now. Painful, I supposed, like it had been before when we’d argued. He’d probably try to treat me just like everybody else. He was good like that.
I heard loud, clumping footsteps coming down the stairs, and sucked in a deep, shaky breath.
This was it. He was going to leave me.
“Fuck, Frank.” He breathed from behind me. I didn’t turn around.
“I’m sorry.” I whispered. He made a strangled noise, and then his arms were wrapped firmly around me.
“Shut up. Shut the fuck up, Frankie. Oh God, my baby. My poor baby. You must have been so scared. Honey, I’m so sorry he did that to you. I’m sorry. Fuck, it’s my fault.” He weeped, tucking his tearstained face into my neck as heavy sobs wracked his body.
“No, Gee. Really.” I said weakly. He made a deep growling noise in his throat.
“It wasn’t your fault, Frank. I know him. This was all him, not you. You were just trying to be good for me, weren’t you? Oh my God. Baby, I love you. I’m so fucking sorry.” He gasped, kissing my neck gently. I melted into his touch, my eyes fluttering shut as tears squeezed out of them.
“I was so worried that you’d hate me. He told me you wouldn’t want me anymore after what I did.” I gasped. He shook his head.
“I’ll always want you. Oh, fuck, Frank. He’s a fucking monster. I’m going to fucking murder him.” He snarled. It sent a chill up my spine, and I chewed my lip.
“He wa-“
“Don’t make excuses. I’m going to kill him. He hurt you. He touched you without your consent, and worst of all, he made you feel like you were disgusting. Baby, you’re not, okay, I promise you. You’re so fucking beautiful. My perfect boy, okay?” he whimpered. I nodded my head, letting him press kisses against whatever skin he could reach. I felt a jolt in my stomach when I realized that Gerard and Mikey really didn’t think I’d done anything wrong.
It made me wonder if, maybe I hadn’t. Still, I felt dirty. His hands had touched me, had made me feel good, and it wasn’t right. I needed something to chase that away.
“Gerard. Make me cum.” I blurted out. He paused, leaning back slowly.
“What?” he said, furrowing his eyebrows. I stammered for a moment, trying to get my words straight, and absolutely regretting having said anything.
“H-he did things to me and I c-came. So I want you to do it now, so-“
“Oh. Oh, baby.” He sighed, brushing my hair back. I sniffed, batting at the tears that slid down my face.
“It’s stupid, it’s not the time.” I mumbled. Gerard shook his head and pulled me close, kissing me gently. His lips were hesitant and slow against mine, and I appreciated it. His tongue slid lazily across my bottom lip and I whined, pulling him closer.
“C’mere, baby. I’ll make it all better. I’ll take it away.” He whispered, sliding his tongue slowly past my lips, his hands resting firmly on my waist. I moaned and tangled my fingers in his hair.
“I’m so fucking dirty.” I whispered. He shook his head, breaking off to kiss my neck.
“No. Baby, no. I’m gonna take it away, alright? I’m your teacher, Frankie, and I’m gonna take care of you, like I’m supposed to.” he whispered gently. I giggled a little bit.
“I doubt this is on the list of things teachers are supposed to do to their students.” I smiled. He chuckled, nipping lightly at the skin of my neck.
“Sure it is. If you squint real hard.” He smirked, licking from the base of my throat to my jaw. I whined softly and he smiled. His hand shifted from my waist so it was sliding across my thigh. I felt his fingers slip between my thighs.
Normally, this would have excited me, but the thought of him – or anyone – touching me was enough to make me feel sick. I bit my tongue, trying to ignore it.
He pressed the palm of his hand softly against me, still kissing my neck, and I almost knocked over the chair as I leapt away from him.
I shook my head.
“I’m sorry. Sorry. I can’t.” I gasped. He bit his lip, standing up and walking slowly over to me.
“Can I hold you?” he whispered. I bit my lip.
“N- no. Don’t touch me.” I mumbled. It was awful. I wished he could just hold me tight, kiss me, make me feel better. But he couldn’t. Bert had seen to that. He’d fucking ruined me.
“It’s okay. I’m not upset. It’s okay.” He murmured, but I knew he was lying.
I knew this was fucking killing him.
“I want you so badly, Gee. I promise, I do. It’s just-“
“Baby, I understand. It’s okay.” He said with a gentle smile. I was reminded of what Mikey had told me about Bert’s treatment of Gerard, and I shivered with hate.
“I have to make a phonecall, but you get comfortable, okay? Grab a movie and snuggle yourself all cozy on the sofa, and I’ll be there soon. He smiled. I nodded and meandered to the living room, feeling like I could still feel the ghosts of Gerard’s hands on my skin. It shouldn’t have been as unpleasant as it was.

Gerard’s voice reached me a few moments later.
“Baby, he cheated on me. I-I can’t believe it. I’m so-“ he simpered, before breaking off into fake-sounding tears. There was silence before he replied.
“N-no. He wouldn’t tell me who it was…” he whimpered pathetically.
“I just want you to fuck me, babe. Come over here tonight and fuck me hard, like you did before.” He moaned, and I couldn’t help the jealousy that ran through me.
Even though I knew what he was doing.
He was calling Bert.
He was going to fucking kill him.
Gerard’s light giggle broke me out of my thoughts.
“Yeah, babe. Eat my ass out and fuck me with your big cock. Oh, Daddy. Please.” He whined. His voice was closer now, and it made me jump. I turned around and he gave me a soft smile as he approached the sofa.
His hand stroked my hair absent-mindedly.
“Gonna be so good for you, Daddy. Suck your cock so good.” He moaned. I looked up at him, my stomach in knots, and nearly gasped at the look in his eyes.
It was pure rage. There wasn’t even a single sign of lust or want.
Shit. He might actually kill him.
“Yeah. Come tonight, okay? Maybe like, ten?” he murmured, his hand sliding through my hair. I smiled despite myself and let my head fall back. He smiled fondly down at me.
“No, I need to get ready for you. Just come at ten, okay? I have so much planned, babe. I’ve missed you so much.”
He cooed. His face looked almost bored. I bit my lip, smiling, and he grinned back.
“Yeah. Okay. Love you too.” He mumbled. He hung up the phone and tossed it away from us, moving so he was sat down next to me. He looked at me with wide, concerned eyes.
“I was just-“
“I think I know. Gee, don’t get yourself into any trouble.” I whispered, cupping his cheek. He covered my hand and sighed.
“I’ll try to stay in control okay? I just wanna talk to him.” He murmured. He paused.
“Can I hold you?” he asked again, and this time I nodded. He let out an almost relieved sigh as he pulled me into his tight, warm arms, his cheek nuzzling against the top of my head.
“I just don’t want you to hurt him, okay? I know what he did was wrong, and I hate him for it, but I can’t let you be that person. It scares me.” I breathed honestly.
“I can’t let him just walk away from this, Frank. He can do whatever he wants to me, that’s fine. But as soonas he touches you? No. Nobody is allowed to hurt you. Not ever.” He growled.I didn’t like the look in his eyes, and fidgeted obviously against him.
“Gee, you’re scaring me.” I sighed. In a moment, the look was gone, and he just smiled coolly at me.
“Don’t be scared. I promise it’ll be okay.” He murmured, pulling me closer to him, cradling me in his arms.
“S-so you aren’t mad that I, um, came?” I whispered hoarsely.
“No. I’m not mad. It’s okay.” He breathed, kissing the top of my head lovingly. I felt like I shouldn’t believe him, but it was hard not to. Gerard was so warm and soft and lovely, and it chased away all the bad things in my head.

Too soon, it was time for Gerard to take me home. He seemed slightly on edge. Not that I blamed him.
“Baby, you don’t have to do this.” I murmured to him when he pulled up outside my house. He shook his head.
“Yes, I do. I can’t let him get away with this…”
“He won’t. We’ll…we’ll tell the police or somethin’.” I stammered. He gave me an incredulous look.
“Right. You were molested by a guy, who’s your English teacher’s ex-boyfriend, because you’re fucking said teacher. Yeah, it’s gonna be Bert that they arrest for that.” He snorted. I chewed my lip and turned away from him. I hated when he was like this.
“I just want you to stay safe. You’re gonna do something stupid, I just know it.” I sighed. He stroked a hand softly down my neck, and I turned to look at him, sighing heavily.
“Baby, please. Trust me.” He murmured, pulling me in close to him.
I sighed, breathing in his scent.
“I just love you. What if something goes wrong?”
“It won’t. Mikey’s gonna be upstairs, and he’ll jump in. Baby, please. Please don’t worry.” He pleaded, kissing my forehead.
“I love you. I love you so fucking much, Gerard. God, fuck. I don’t know how I’d live without you.” I whimpered. It wasn’t even just about tonight, it was everything. He’d been so kind, and even when he’d lost his patience, it was only because he was so scared. I felt silly for not telling him sooner.
He smiled softly.
“I love you too.” He breathed, kissing me gently. I sighed and slid out of the car.
“Call me or something, okay?” I mumbled. He nodded, flashing me a smile.
“I promise.” He said. I nodded and gave him a wave as I walked back to my house, wishing I could be comforted by his words.

FROM: Gee.
(5:38am)
It’s all going to be okay now. He won’t bother you anymore. He won’t bother anyone anymore.

TO: Gee.
(7:32am)
I was asleep, sorry. What do you mean? What happened? Are you alright?

FROM: Gee.
(7:49am)
Don’t worry. I fixed it. I love you.

TO: Gee.
(8:01am)
What does that mean? Gee, you’re scaring me.

TO: Gee.
(8:17am)
I fixed it. It’s okay.

Notes

*peeks out from behind a rock*
Is it safe?

Okay, right. *clears throat*.
I'm sorry for being gone for so long! I mean, it was actually only like a week but it's cool. I know you guys were freaking out, especially because of the cliffhanger I left it on, and that wasn't awesome, so I'm sorry.
As a brief explanation for my (unplanned, I promise) absence - I had a boyfriend for almost four years, and we broke up quite unexpectedly last Thursday (no worries, I'm fine!). Obviously, though, that was pretty sad for me, and I was finding it really hard to find the motivation to write. I actually considered doing a few things that would end the story to give myself a break, and they came up each time I tried to compose this chapter. After having Gerard leave Frank in disgust, Frank leaving Gerard, and Gerard actually killing himself (that last one appeared several times), I decided that it wouldn't be fair on you guys to do that, and so a break was in order instead.
I"m super sorry for being away so long without warning, and, while I'm at it, for the shortness of this chapter. It took a lot to produce it, and hopefully the next one will come sooner and it'll be longer.
Thank you so much to all of the people who were concerned about me! I felt like there was a civil war going on in the comments between the people who wanted updates and the people telling them to shut up. It was pretty amusing on this end (yeah, I still stalked all of your comments. Fight me). But also thank you to everyone who pestered me for updates, because it was super motivating. I probably wouldn't have come back if it weren't for all of you.
Also, I definitely like you guys more than the people over on AO3. They're super rude. They're not getting an explanation.
Anyway, to conclude: thank you and I'm very sorry. <3

(Ps. You guys comment more when I don't post than when I do. What the fuck, guys? ;D)