I Think I Like It

There were some things that I just knew about Gerard without ever really being told. I knew that he liked skittles too much, and that the red ones were his favorites. I knew that his favorite pair of underwear was pink satin panties. I knew that he had an obsession with Morrissey and David Bowie. I also knew that when his eyes were wide and blown, like they were that day, it meant that he was as high as a fucking kite.
I hadn’t noticed at first. I’d been at his house after school on a Thursday afternoon, a new development in our routine that was borne of my Mother taking on later shifts on that day, and he was helping me study.
When I say ‘helping’, however, I mean that very loosely. Gerard, despite being a teacher, had rather unconventional ways of studying that involved, predominantly, a butt plug that he’d turn up whenever I got an answer wrong, and turn down whenever I got one right. It was infuriating, but certainly motivating. I suppose that’s why I didn’t notice that he was stoned at first – I’d assumed he was just horny (both states made him lazy and slightly dazed).
“Okay Frankie, give me an example of an unconventional relationship in modern or post-modern literature, with examples from the text and character analysis of at least one of the participants.” He said, his finger sliding across the controller.
“How about Gerard Way fucking his student with a butt plug so he passes his exams? I’d call that unconventional.” I sighed. He giggled in a high-pitched way.
“Want me to take it out?” he asked, his eyelids drooping. I nodded and he chuckled, sliding the plug out of me.
“I guess you’ve earned a break, kiddo.” He smiled, pulling me into his arms. I sighed and buried my face in his neck.
“Mm, I love you.” I sighed. He giggled softly.
“What?” I smiled.
“I don’t know. I’m just laughing.”
“At?”
“Nothing. Everything. I don’t even know.” He said, snorting with laughter.
“Right, okay.” I said, raising an eyebrow at him. He sighed and lay down, his arms still circled around me, even though I was sitting up still.
“Everythin’ feels so fuzzy. I like it.” He sighed happily. I pouted, chewing my lip.
“Fuzzy?”
“Yeah, like an old picture or somethin’.” He grinned. I narrowed my eyes.
“Come here.” I said softly, pulling him up. He smiled lazily at me as I looked into his eyes, my stomach dropping when I realized how blown his pupils were.
“You’re high.” I said softly. He giggled.
“No, I’m just…um. Stoned.” He shrugged.
“Same thing.” I snapped. He let out a small whine and curled himself around me.
“Aw, don’t be angry Frank.” He smiled into my neck. I wiggled away from him.
“I am angry. I thought you weren’t doing this shit anymore?” I groaned.
“I wasn’t, and now I am. It’s none of your business anyway.” He said.
“Right. None of my business that my boyfriend is becoming some drugged up loser.” I hissed.
“You’re so mean to me. No wonder I do drugs. Fuckin’ stress me out.” He hummed.
“What, so it’s my fault now?” I cried. He widened his eyes and pulled me closer despite my struggles.
“No, I love you a lot. I’m just stressed the fuck out. Needed to chill.”
“Get off of me.” I murmured, pushing him away and turning away from him, my work long since forgotten.
“You’re so angry at me all the time, Frankie. Don’t you love me?” he whimpered, pressing kisses to my neck, his arms snaking around my waist.
“Of course I love you. That’s why I can’t bear to watch you ruin yourself like this. I love you too much to watch you die.” I sighed.
“’M not gonna die. I’m just high.”
“Why, though? I thought therapy was working? You said you were sober.” I accused, ignoring the tears that flooded my eyes.
“It was working, and then it wasn’t anymore. I was sober, and now I’m not. I don’t know what the problem is, anyway. You do drugs.” He pointed out.
“I’m not an addict.” I retorted. He sighed, dropping his forehead to my shoulder.
“I’m sorry. I didn’t think I’d still be high by the time you got here.”
“That’s not what I’m mad about! You shouldn’t be getting high anyway.” I groaned.
“I want to though?” he said, confused, as if he could see nothing wrong with him getting stoned every day. I sighed as I felt his arms leave my body, his weight falling to the other side of the bed.
“Come fuck me.” He moaned softly. I laughed bitterly.
“You’re joking.”
“No. I’m so hard.” He whispered. I looked over my shoulder to see his legs sprawled out, his hand working furiously at the bulge in his jeans, panting hard.
“God, Gerard, have some decency.” I sighed, reaching for my English book.
“I am decent, fuck off.” He snapped.
“Were you high in class today?” I demanded suddenly. His hand slowed on his pants.
“Um, not in your class. In other classes, though, yeah.” He shrugged, his hand sliding back between his thighs. With his body spread out like that and his mouth hanging open so wide and invitingly, his eyes fluttered shut, he looked just like a fucking pornstar, and if I wasn’t so mad at him, I probably would have told him just that. He let out a soft moan, his eyes widening as he looked at me.
“Fuck me.” He whispered again. I sighed.
“God, Gerard, seriously, stop it.” I snapped.
“Why?”
“I don’t want to fuck you.” I sniffed, moving away from him. He looked vaguely hurt.
“Why?”
“Because you’re fucking disgusting. I don’t want you anywhere near me when you’re like this, and I certainly don’t want to be inside you.”
“Aw, you don’t mean that.” He said, reaching for me. I shifted away from him.
“Yes I do. Don’t fucking touch me. Jesus, where’s Mikey?” I said, jumping to my feet. Gerard chewed his lip.
“He’s at the hospital. Won’t be home for a while. Why?”
“Because I want him to drive me home.” I snapped. Gerard let out a soft whine and crawled over to me, wrapping his arms around me.
“Baby, I’m sorry.” He murmured. I shook my head.
“You told me that you were off the drugs. You said you didn’t need them anymore.”
“I don’t. Not really. I just…I had some left. I didn’t wanna waste it.” He sighed.
“How about you have it for when you actually need it, maybe? That’s a good idea.”
“I did need it!” he insisted. I groaned and moved to the edge of the bed.
“I can’t even look at you.” I murmured.
“Then close you eyes while you fuck me.”
“Jesus, Gee, I’m not fucking you like this!” I cried, jumping to my feet.
“Because you don’t love me. You’ve never loved me.” He whimpered.
“Yes I do! I love you too much, that’s the damn problem here. If I didn’t love you, I’d probably let you get high and I’d fuck you whenever you wanted, even if it was bad for you.”
“That sounds like more fun.”
“God, you’re such a fucking child. You know what, Gerard? You wanna cum, do it yourself. You can stay up here and jack yourself off all you want. I’m going home.” I said, walking towards the door.
“Aw, Frankie, no, please. I’ll be good.”
“I don’t care, I’m going home.” I said, running down the stairs. He followed weakly behind me, grabbing my wrist when I got to the door.
“Don’t leave me on my own, Frank. Please.” He whispered sadly.
“You’re too stoned to notice if I’m here or not. Just go jerk off and go to sleep. I’m out.” I said, opening the door and slamming it shut behind me. I heard him whine softly, but I ignored it. I could probably find my way to school from his place, even though it was getting steadily darker, and then it was just a matter of walking home.
To say I felt angry was the biggest fucking understatement ever. I was livid. He could have told me that things weren’t going well, but instead he decided to lie to me and get stoned behind my back. He even did it at school, which I thought was absolutely despicable. I could feel my phone vibrating softly, and I ignored it. I didn’t give a shit about what he had to say at this point, I just had to get home. Even though it was June, it was still sort of chilly, and I realized with a start that I’d left my hoodie at his place. I groaned, not wanting to go back, and carried on walking through the cold.
I realized that Mikey may not even know about Gerard, and decided to warn him.

TO: mikeyway
(8:39pm)
Hey Mikes. Gee’s stoned. Sorry.

Uncharacteristically, he actually replied pretty quickly. I put that down to him being extremely worried about his older brother.

FROM: mikeyway
(8:45pm)
What a fucking tool. Thanks, Frank. You with him?

TO: mikeyway
(8:47pm)
No, we got in a fight.

He didn’t respond to that, which I assumed meant that he was driving. That was good, he’d see Gerard soon and be able to take care of him.
Honestly, I felt kind of bad for leaving him. I knew it wasn’t smart for him to be left alone when he was like that, but I just couldn’t stay. I hated seeing him so out of it. I felt tears prickle my eyes and punched in his number, not even waiting to talk myself out of it.
“Yeah?” he said groggily.
“Hey, are you alright?”
“Do you mean am I dead?”
“Yes.”
“I’m not dead.”
“Okay. Good.”
“I’m so sorry.”
“Yeah, whatever. Mikey’s gonna be home soon.”
“Is he gonna yell at me?”
“I really hope so.”
“I’m so sorry Frankie.”
“Bye, Mr. Way.” I said bitterly.
“Oh, don’t. Frankie, don’t.” he groaned.
“What, sir?”
“Don’t. Don’t do that.”
“I don’t know what you mean, Mr. Way?” I said, feigning confusion.
“It makes it sound like we don’t have anything. We do. I love you.”
“I think it’s a bit inappropriate to talk to a student like that.” I said coldly.
“You’re not just a student, Frankie. Please, don’t talk to me like this.”
“Why not? I’m a student, and you’re a teacher. How else should I talk to you?”
“Don’t. Don’t do this to me, Frank. I can’t bear it, not this.”
“I’m not doing anything.”
“Please, this is too far. Don’t do this. What do you want from me?”
“You’re a teacher. Act like one.”
“Please. I love you.”
“Okay. Great.” I said, hanging up. I knew I was being an asshole, and I didn’t really care. He was infuriating. He was so self-destructive, and worst of all, he lied about it. I had no idea how many times he’d been high and not told me. I realized with a start, that that was probably what he wanted to tell me last weekend. I groaned as I reached the school, knowing it was probably too late to go back. I wanted to call him again and apologise, but I didn’t think he’d want to hear my voice right now. I just walked, my head hung in something akin to shame as I made my way home.

Mom still wasn’t home when I got in. I’d been planning to have dinner at Gerard’s, but it hadn’t happened. Instead, I just made myself a sandwich and watched TV while I waited for her. Even though I desperately wanted to sleep, it was too early, and I knew I’d just end up waking up at 3am, feeling even worse than I did now.
Mikey called a little while later, telling me he’d gotten home, and that Gerard was already passed out on the kitchen floor. He told me he hadn’t done anything stupid that Mikey could tell. I told him what I’d said, and he just sighed, and told me I was an idiot, but that Gerard was a bigger idiot.
I asked him to update me, and he said he would, and I hung up, feeling a bit better. At least I knew Gerard wasn’t alone anymore.
Still, I felt awful. My Mom could tell as she walked through the door that something was wrong.
“Hey, what’s up, kid?” she asked, sitting next to me on the sofa. What could I tell her? ‘I made my boyfriend, who is also my teacher, feel like he was insignificant and that I didn’t love him, even though I love him more than I can fathom’? Of course not. So I lied. As always.
“Cam and I got in a fight.” I sighed. She ‘aww-ed’ affectionately and pulled me into her arms.
“That always sucks, Frankie. What was it over?” She said, rubbing my arm. I felt tears prickling my eyes.
“He…he’d been lying to me about some stuff, and I got mad. Like, not serious stuff, really, just stuff that I’d like to have known. Anyway, I got angry and said a bunch of stuff, and I left, and now I’m worried.” I said. It felt good to talk about it, even if it was under false pretences. She hummed sadly.
“Have you called him?”
“I called him while I was walking home. I think he’s asleep now, though.” I said. She sighed.
“Then there isn’t a lot you can do, sweetie. Just wait, okay. Give him time to calm down, and for yourself to calm down, and it’ll all be fine. It’s not like he’s going to stop loving you because of one argument.” She smiled. I squeezed her hand.
“I love you so much, Mom.” I said, hugging her tightly. She laughed lightly.
“I love you too, honey. You know you can always talk to me.” She said fondly. I felt the secret probing at the end of my tongue, and bit down. I couldn’t tell her that.
“I know.” I said weakly, making my way upstairs.
The clock said that it was 10, and I figured that that was a good enough time to sleep. I texted Mikey one last time to check on Gerard, and he confirmed that he was still passed out, and that he’d update me in the morning. I thanked him and fell asleep, feeling awful, but somewhat reassured.

The reassurance, however, didn’t last long. Well, I mean, I guess it did. It lasted about five and a half hours while I was asleep, until Gerard called me at 3:30am.
The thing was that if it had been at any other time of the day, I’d have ignored it, but 3am phonecalls were saved for emergencies – matters of life and death. I picked up, my voice groggy.
“Hey baby.” I murmured. He sobbed.
“Frankie, baby. I need you.” He whispered. He still sounded kind of distant, and my guess was that he’d taken even more pills.
“What’s wrong? I’m here.”
“Call me baby. Call me darling, and love, and sweetheart and honey and…and every other name you can think of. Remind me that we’re real, because I’m so high, and I can’t remember if you’re in love with me or not.”
“I am in love with you. Baby, I didn’t mean that earlier. You’re my love, my whole life. Sweetheart, baby, darling, honey. My life, okay? My whole life. I love you.” I murmured. He sobbed softly.
“I’m so scared.” He whispered.
“Don’t be afraid.”
“I’m gonna die. I’m so scared, Frankie, I don’t wanna die.”
“What did you do?” I asked, sitting up. He sobbed heavily.
“I t-took more pills and I cut myself. I’m bleeding. I’m gonna die.”
“How much blood? How many pills?” I asked desperately.
“Not a lot. That’s not what’s gonna kill me.”
“What is, then?”
“Me. I’m gonna kill myself as soon as you hang up. I’m calling to say goodbye, I think.” He whispered hoarsely. I shook my head.
“No, baby. No. You’re gonna be okay. You don’t have to do this.” I whispered, tears flowing down my cheeks, my body wracked with sobs.
“Promise?”
“I promise, angel. I love you so much, okay? Don’t leave me. Stay with me, always.”
“Always.” He echoed distantly.
“Where’s Mikey?”
“He’s sleeping.”
“Okay. Gerard, I need you to stay on the phone with me. Can you do that?”
“Y-yeah, I can.”
“Okay. Don’t hang up, no matter what.”
“I won’t.”
“Okay, good girl. You can be a good girl for me, can’t you?” I murmured, remembering how he liked to be called that.
“Yes.” He said weakly.
“Okay. Go wake up Mikey. Stay on the phone.” I ordered. He whimpered.
“He’s gonna yell at me.”
“No he won’t. Just go, okay, sweetie? Go wake him up.”
“I want you here.”
“I want to be there, but I can’t. Go wake up Mikey.” I repeated.
“O-okay.” He murmured. It was silent for a moment, but I was comforted by his shaky breathing.
“Mikes…Mikey…” he said softly. I didn’t hear the response, but Gerard answered with a sob.
“I…I’m scared that I’m gonna die. Frank told me to get you.” He whispered, sounding like a child. I heard rustling, and Mikey’s voice vaguely in the background.
“I haven’t done anythin’ except this. It’s not even bleeding that much. I’m just worried that I’m going to kill myself, and I don’t wanna.” He whimpered. I heard Mikey’s breathing join Gerard’s, and assumed that they were hugging.
“Can I talk to Frank?” Mikey asked.
“He told me not to get off the phone.” Gerard said weakly.
“No, Gee, it’s okay. Pass me to Mikey.” I cooed softly. I heard rustling, then Mikey’s voice.
“Frank.”
“Dude, is he okay? I’m so…” I breathed, breaking into tears.
“Yeah, he’s okay. He’s bleeding pretty bad, but it won’t take long to patch up. He’s not going to die, Frank, okay? I’m going to take care of him.”
“I…I didn’t know what to…” I sobbed.
“You did the best thing. Thank you.”
“It’s okay. You promise he’s not going to die?”
“I promise. Look, you wanna talk to him?”
“Yeah.” I breathed, not realizing until then how anxious I was not hearing his voice.
“Hey babe.” Gerard’s lazy voice said a moment later.
“Are you okay?”
“I’m okay now. Thank you.”
“I love you so much. I’m so sorry. You’re not disgusting, or anything I said. You’re beautiful, and I’m so in love with you, baby.”
“I love you too, Frankie.”
“H-how about I take the day off of school and come see you tomorrow?”
“Are you sure? You have exams…”
“I don’t care. I want to see you, and hold you…I love you.”
“Okay. Okay, I’ll see you tomorrow. I love you more than the world.”
“You are my world.” I breathed. He breathed a laugh and hung up, probably on Mikey’s advice. I put my head in my hands and sobbed lightly, even though I knew he was going to be okay. I felt so bad. I knew, somewhere, that this wasn’t completely my fault, but I had even a little bit to do with it, and that was enough for me to feel like shit.
Even though I knew Mikey would take care of him now, I still felt so anxious that I couldn’t get back to sleep, and by the time morning came, I was genuinely so tired that I probably couldn’t have gone to school if I tried.
My Mom came into my room to wake me up, and frowned at my appearance.
“Frankie, are you okay?” she murmured, leaning on the doorframe. I shook my head slowly.
“I feel sick.” I whispered, my voice hoarse. She sighed.
“I have to go to work, so I can’t stay home…do you want me to call into school for you?”
“Y-yes please.” I murmured. She walked in and kissed me on the forehead.
“Okay, sweetie. I’m gonna be home at 6, so you just rest, alright?”
“Alright. Thank you, Mom.”
“I love you, honey.” She said, making her way downstairs. As soon as she was gone, I called Mikey.
“Hey, Frank.” He said. He sounded exhausted.
“How is he?”
“He’s…fine. He’s sleeping now. He was throwing up a lot last night once you left, and his arms were a bit worse than I thought, but he’s okay now.”
“He asked me to come see him today, should I?”
“I think so. He kept saying how he wants you, so.”
“Yeah?”
“Yeah. He’s said your name in his sleep a lot, too. I think you coming to see him is the best thing.”
“Okay. Can you come get me?”
“Yeah, no problem. I’ll just leave Gee a note. When do you want me to come?” I sighed.
“Um. My Mom’s probably gonna leave in a few minutes, so maybe…give me like ten minutes.” I said.
“Okay, sure. See you then.” he said, hanging up.
Mom called out a goodbye to me and closed the door, and I leapt out of bed, throwing whatever clothes on that my hands touched and running a hand through my hair to fix it slightly. I figured it didn’t really matter.
Mikey arrived a few minutes later, and I leapt downstairs and out the door, almost forgetting to lock the door behind me. I slid into the car and he put a hand on my shoulder.
“Calm down, Frank. He’s okay.” He said. I chewed my lip and nodded slowly.
“S-sorry. I’m just-“
“I know. Seriously, he’s fine. He woke up as I was leaving, and he seemed fine. He was tired and kind of sad, but fine. He’s happy you’re coming over.”
“So he doesn’t hate me?”
“Definitely not. He was upset that you were so dismissive of him, but he understands why you did it. He just wants to see you.”
“Okay.” I breathed. Mikey smiled.
“Thank you for last night. You saved his life.”
“It was nothing.”
“He’s going to ask you to marry him.” He said. I widened my eyes.
“Now?” I asked. He laughed.
“No, but soon. He’s just waiting. I thought you’d wanna know that he’s gonna ask, though. It’s all he can talk about.”
“Oh. I mean, we talked about it, but I didn’t realize-“
“Oh yeah. Dude can’t wait to marry you.”
“I can’t wait either. I love him so much.” I smiled. Mikey rolled his eyes.
“Gross.” He mumbled, sliding into the driveway. I giggled and followed Mikey into the house, which was eerily silent.
“Gerard?” Mikey called. A small, hoarse reply came from upstairs, and Mikey smiled in relief.
“He’s upstairs.” He said. I nodded and made my way up, not knowing what I’d see.
As I opened the door, I felt a wave of emotion and love catch in my throat. He was bundled up in bed, wearing his skeleton onesie, the hood of which was up over his matted, greasy hair. He smiled weakly when I opened the door and made grabby hands at me. I giggled and kicked off my shoes as I walked over to him, leaning down and kissing his forehead.
“Hey, angel.” I whispered. He didn’t reply, just kept making grabby hands at me until I laughed and slid into bed with him. He rested his head lightly on my chest and sighed, his arms winding around my waist. I held him tightly, kissing his head again.
“I was so worried about you, baby. Scared me so damn much.” I whispered.
“Sorry.” He croaked. I shook my head, pressing a kiss onto his nose.
“Don’t be, baby. I’m sorry for being so mean to you. I should have been more understanding.”
“It’s fine.”
“Are you okay now? I mean, the drugs, are you still-“
“I’m still addicted, yes. But I mean, I threw up a lot last night, and the idea of taking more drugs makes me feel sort of sick, so I guess I’m fine for now, if that’s any consolation.” He said, a slight smile on his lips. I sighed and pulled him even closer, nuzzling my cheek against his head.
“Well, it’s a small victory. How many pills do you still have?” I asked softly. He made a grunting noise.
“A few. Not enough for another high, though.”
“Is that good?” I asked. He laughed a little.
“Sort of. It’s good, because it means I can get better. It’s not so good for me if I wanna get high though.” He sighed. I frowned and kissed his forehead.
“You don’t need drugs. You have me.” I smiled weakly. He hummed and kissed my jaw.
“I only have you for another couple of months, sweetie. After that, you’re gone.”
“Come with me.” I breathed. He shook his head.
“I can’t. I can’t force Mikey to leave. Besides, we talked about this. I want you to go and fuck a whole bunch of people and fall in love and get your heart broken and break a lot of hearts. And then you come back to me.”
“I’ll be counting the days.” I said weakly.
“Me too, sweetheart.” He sighed. We were quiet for a few moments after that, the only noises being the soft heave of our mixed breath as we held each other. His fingers danced lazily across my chest, and I pressed warm kisses to the top of his head.
“I’m so happy I didn’t die.” He said suddenly.
“I am too.” I smiled. He chuckled.
“I don’t think I’d have done it, even then. I wanted to see your face too badly. You’re keeping me alive, honey.” He sighed.
“That’s a lot of pressure.” I said weakly. He shook his head.
“No it’s not. Even if we don’t end up together, I’ll always carry you with me, and that’ll keep me going. I’m not living because you love me, I’m living because I love you.”
“Oh, baby.” I sighed, tilting his head up so I could kiss him softly. He tucked his legs up so he was curled around me, his eyes soft.
“I don’t want to move ever again. I just want to lie here. With you.” He sniffed.
“We don’t have to move until you want to. I mean, I have to be home by like, 5, but that still gives us like 8 hours or so. We’re fine.” I murmured.
“8 hours of cuddling?” he asked brightly. I laughed, kissing the top of his ear.
“If that’s what you want, angel. I just want you to feel better, okay?”
“I do feel better.” He said weakly.
“I want to make sure you don’t go back to that place again, and that means a lot of things. It means we need to get you stronger medication, and it means we need to get you more help. More than anything, Gerard, it means I can’t leave your side.” I smiled. He kissed my throat.
“Mine.” He sighed, nuzzling his face into my neck. I hummed happily.
“Yeah, baby. All yours. Always.”
“Even if I die? Are you mine then?” he said hoarsely.
“I said always.”
“I don’t want to be here.” He said weakly, tears slipping from his lowered eyes. I hugged him tighter.
“Don’t leave me.” I said softly.
“I’m not going to. I don’t want to die, Frank, I just don’t want to be here.”
“When I’m done with Uni, you’re gonna come move with me. We’ll get a cute little apartment and walk around naked all day, and you’ll drink too much coffee and I’ll eat too much pizza, and we’ll be so in love. I’m gonna marry you, and I’ll take your name, even, so everyone knows I’m yours. You gotta stay with me so we can have that.” I said, my voice small. He kissed my neck and sighed.
“Frankie Way?” he giggled. I smiled.
“It has a ring to it.” I murmured.
“Was that a pun?” he laughed. I ran the sentence back through my head and groaned, burying my face in the fabric of his hood.
I heard a soft noise, and it took me a moment to realize he was singing softly.
“You’re singing.” I pointed out. He stopped and blushed.
“Sorry, I-“
“No. It was nice. Do it more?” I murmured. He laughed and started singing again, a song I knew. His voice was, despite his speaking voice, slightly rough, but it was still somehow smooth and gentle.
“You’re really, really good.” I beamed.
“I’m…fine. I guess. I don’t sing much.”
“You should. Such a beautiful voice.” I murmured. He blushed and looked down, his cheek pressing against my chest.
“Take your shirt off.” He mumbled. I barked a laugh.
“That’s one way to do it…” I giggled.
“No, oh my- no. Just, I wanna feel your skin.” He whispered. I nodded and pulled my shirt over my head, throwing it to the floor next to me.
“This good?”
“Yeah. I like this.” He said, resting his sweaty head against my cool skin. He hummed happily and pressed warm kisses on my chest, his hands sliding across my skin.
“So perfect.” He breathed.
“You’re perfect.”
“I’m far from perfect, darling.” He sighed sadly. I shook my head, hugging him.”
“Nope. Perfect.” I said, kissing him before he could argue. He hadn’t brushed his teeth, clearly, because his mouth tasted like coffee, cigarettes and something else I couldn’t quite place, but I didn’t care as I slid my tongue between his lips.
“Mmm. Still wrong.” He giggled. I sighed in frustration and sat up, holding his shoulders as I looked into his eyes.
“I love you. I love every damn thing about you, darling, and even before I loved you, I thought you were amazing and kind and funny. You’re everything I could ever want, and to me, you will always be perfect. I don’t care if I end up marrying Johnny Depp, you will always be perfect to me.” I said, smiling.
“Even better than Johnny Depp?” he asked.
“Well. Like, equal to.” I said, chuckling. He laughed and slid back into my arms.
“I can deal with that. He has a nicer ass than me.” He sighed. I shook my head.
“No way.”
“You’re so dumb, I love you.” He beamed. I leaned forward and kissed him.
“Stay with me forever, okay? Just…don’t try and leave me again. This is, what, the third time? I can’t handle it, Gee. I can’t handle you leaving.” I whimpered. He chewed his lip.
“I’m not goin’ anywhere without you.” He said, holding my hand to his lips and kissing it.
“I never got romance before you. Like, shit couples say to each other? It just sounded cheesy and stupid to me. But now I get it. You really do have my whole heart, and I’d follow you to the ends of the universe, and if anything ever happened to you, it’d destroy me. If I had to walk this earth without looking in your eyes, I’d die. I’d honestly…I’d die.” I said weakly, tears pushing at my eyes.
“No, don’t cry. Never cry over me.”
“I’m going to marry you, Gerard Way.”
“That’s a bit presumptuous.” He teased. I laughed.
“I am, though. Whether it’s in a year or in three or in fifty. I’m going to marry you.”
“I’ll probably be dead in fifty years.” He pointed out.
“No. Please, don’t.” I whispered. He sighed and kissed across my bare chest, his hands lying lightly on my hips.
“I’m sorry. I won’t leave you.” He vowed. I kissed his head and lay back on the pillows, sighing contentedly as I pushed back his hood and let my hands run through his unwashed hair.
He began to sing again softly, swirling patterns into my skin. I smiled and bit my lip as his smooth voice washed over me, his breath warm against my chest.
“So, that painting of you got an offer, by the way.” He said casually.
“Yeah?”
“Yeah. Guess.”
“Like, okay, so it’s your drawing, so it’s gonna be a high number because you’re amazing, but then it’s my face, so it’ll be less. Um. $100?” I guessed. He giggled.
“Times that by ten.”
“$1000?!”
“And add 500.”
“Jesus. Really?”
“Yeah. The guy messaged me and told me it was amazing, and that the boy in the picture was beautiful, and I said I knew.”
“Oh my god.”
“Yeah. And then he wanted to know who you were, and I said that the boy in that picture was the love of my life, and he raised the price to $1500 instead of the $1000 he was gonna give me.”
“Wow, baby. That’s amazing.” I breathed. He kissed me.
“You’re amazing.” He smiled, then chewed his lip.
“What is it?” I asked gently. He looked up at me with wide, innocent eyes.
“You saved my life.”
“I did, and I’ll do it again if I have to.”
“I’d be dead without you. If I hadn’t called you, or if you hadn’t picked up-“
“But I did. I always will.” I said, kissing his temple. He looked like he was going to keep talking, but my phone buzzed and ruined the mood. I sighed and answered it.
“Hello?”
“Frank? Where are you, man?” Chris asked.
“I’m a bit busy.”
“Are you with Mr. Way?”
“Maybe? Yes?”
“You both skipped school to be together? That’s…cute. But it’s kind of reckless, dude.”
“No, it’s not like that. There was an incident. I can’t talk about it.” I sighed.
“Is everything okay?”
“Yeah, it’s fine. We just need each other right now.”
“It’s fine, I get it. I hope everything works out.” He said. I smiled.
“Yeah, thanks, man.” I said. He hung up and I wrapped my arms back around Gerard, snuggling into him.
“I think we should take a nap.” I murmured softly. He smiled and pecked me on the lips.
“I agree, angel.”
“You’re my favourite person in the whole world.” I sighed sleepily. He just laughed, and my heart gave a squeeze.

In sleep, he looked peaceful. His mouth was slack, his eyes fluttering lightly. Every muscle in his face was smooth, making him look somewhat younger than he did already. His chest moved slowly but steadily underneath me, pushing my hand up with each breath. All things considered, I felt especially lucky to have him safe and happy and alive in my arms.
“My own little miracle.” I breathed, brushing my lips against his cheek, and he smiled a little in his sleep.

Notes

I feel like I haven't updated in like years!
Sorry about that. Hope this piece of heartbreaking filth with some nice fluff at the end makes up for it! Please love me! <33