I Think I Like It

Gerard insisted that I came with him to his first therapy appointment, despite the fact that Mikey was already going.
“But I need both of my boys with me.” He pouted. I rolled my eyes.
“I’m already in the car, aren’t I? It’s not like I’m gonna leave.” I sighed. He let his hand rest softly against my thigh.
“Thank you. It means a lot.” He smiled nervously.
“They’ll probably let you take Frank in with you, you know, ‘cause it’s your first time, just to ease the nerves.” Mikey said.
“How would I even ask? Hey, can my clearly underage boyfriend come sit with me?”
“Um, not in so many words, but yes? Bear in mind that it’s legal as long as they don’t know he’s your student.” Mikey sighed. I held Gerard’s hand where it rested on my thigh.
“Yeah, I’ll come sit with you if you want.” I smiled. He pursed his lips.
“I do want you to, but I’m sort of worried that you won’t like what you hear.” He admitted sheepishly. I rolled my eyes.
“It’s nothing I don’t already know, right? And even if it is, I won’t get mad. I want you to get better, okay? So just tell me how to make that happen.” I said, squeezing his hand. He groaned and leaned back against his seat.
“We’re almost there.” He murmured, more to himself than to Mikey and I.
“Seriously, dude, don’t be worried. They’ll just talk to you about your goals and stuff, and what you want to achieve and whatever.” Mikey said soothingly. Gerard snickered.
“I’d like to achieve not wanting to kill myself.” He laughed humorlessly. I chewed my lip, and he squeezed my hand, sensing my distress.
“I’m joking, sweetheart. I could never leave you.” He replied smoothly.
“I hope not. I’d be too lonely without you to bug me.” I teased.
“I’ll remind you, yet again, that I’m still here.” Mikey called. I chuckled.
“You’re right. Hey, Frankie, climb over and suck him off for me real quick?” Gerard laughed, watching Mikey blush.
“Shut up. Asshole.” He mumbled. I bit my lip to hide my laughter, and Gerard turned, grinning, and winked at me.
“I’m joking, Mikes.” He smiled.
“Well, you never know with you.” Mikey grumbled. Gerard chuckled as he pulled into one of the many empty spaces outside of the building. It was fairly small, with the whole wall made completely out of windows so we could see the receptionist inside. Gerard took a deep breath.
“God, I don’t wanna be here.” He sighed. I kissed him on the cheek.
“Yes you do. It’ll be fine, okay? Just imagine how nice it’ll be to not be so sad all the time.”
“I’m not sad all the time.” He purred, his hand sliding between my legs. I sighed and pulled away from him.
“You’re not going to seduce me into letting you leave.” I snapped as I slid out of the car. He groaned and followed me, stopping to open the door for Mikey.
“Really, Gee, it’s nowhere near that bad. I was dubious too, but they’re just trying to help.” He said, squeezing his brother’s arm. Gerard sighed.
“I know. I guess I just…I don’t really want to admit that it’s gotten this bad. Like, up until now, I always thought I had some sort of control over it.” He murmured.
“It’s fine.” Mikey reassured him one last time as we walked into the warm reception area.
The receptionist, a thin, brunette woman, was on the phone when we got there, so we waited for a while, Gerard biting the skin around his thumb nervously.
Eventually, she raised her head and smiled politely.
“Um. I’ve got an appointment at 12?” Gerard said nervously. She smiled.
“Okay. What’s the name?”
“Gerard.” He said. She nodded and gestured to a door to her right.
“Okay, just wait in there and someone will collect you.” She said. Gerard nodded and slipped his hand into mine. I noticed her arch her eyebrow slightly, but I ignored her.
The waiting room was completely blue. The walls were light blue, and the sofas and armchairs lined neatly against each wall were dark blue. One man sat alone on the sofa against one wall, and two people – a mother and daughter, I assumed – sat across from him on another one, speaking in hushed voices. We sat down, and Gerard rolled my hand in his.
“I’m nervous.” He laughed lightly. I kissed his cheek gently.
“Don’t be. I got you.” I murmured.
“Really, Gee. It’s nothing to be afraid of.” Mikey smiled. Gerard smiled back tightly.
“I know.” He murmured, but he didn’t sound particularly convinced.

A few minutes passed before a woman appeared at the door, holding a clipboard and smiling softly. She wasn’t specifically attractive nor was she unattractive, but her face seemed friendly enough, which I guess was beneficial.
“Gerard Way?” she called. He nodded and stood up.
“Can I bring my um…my…uh…”
“Boyfriend.” I finished.
“Yeah. Boyfriend. Can I bring him?” he asked nervously. She smiled, apparently not caring about the age difference.
“If that would make you more comfortable.” She said, nodding. Gerard kissed Mikey on the forehead, before following her out of the room, his arm linked with mine.
The walk to the room was silent, and Gerard kept shooting me worried looks, which I reassured with a smile.
Finally, she stopped in front of a door and unlocked it, gesturing to the seats. Gerard and I sat down on one side of the table, and she sat at the other, smiling softly.
“I’m Danielle.” She said as introduction.
“I’m Gerard. Um, this is Frank.” He said, nudging me awkwardly. She nodded.
“Nice to meet you both. You seem a little tense.” She noted.
“Yeah, I am a bit.” Gerard confessed. She smiled.
“That’s okay, it’s normal. I want you to feel relaxed though, okay? You don’t have to tell me anything you don’t want to. Remember, I’m here to help you, not to judge you. Anything you say to me will be kept confidential unless I think it’s appropriate for me to tell someone else in order to help you further, but I’ll discuss that with you first. Does that sound fair?” she asked. Gerard nodded.
“Right. Okay, so let’s start with why you’re here. Why do you think you need help?” she asked. He raised his eyebrows.
“Isn’t there like, a file or somethin’?” he asked. She smiled.
“Yes, but I want to know what you think is wrong.” She explained. He nodded slowly.
“I, um. I drink a lot, and I kind of overdose a lot, and I really really like sex and I sort of want to die.” He said, almost too casually. She didn’t seem surprised, though.
“It says that you struggle with self harm, too?”
“I wouldn’t call it struggling.” He laughed humorlessly. Danielle tilted her head.
“What do you mean?”
“I…kind of like it. You know, just…feeling something.” He shrugged. She nodded slowly and made a note.
“Okay, so how about we talk about your goals. What do you want to get out of our sessions?” she asked.He took a deep breath.
“I…don’t know.”
“I think you do.” She challenged him. His eyes flitted to me, then back to her.
“He’s um, completely legal, by the way. I mean, I know he has a bit of a baby face, and he’s really short and stuff, but he’s 18.” Gerard blurted. Danielle nodded.
“That’s fine, like I said, I’m not here to judge.”
“No, but you’d have to tell someone if you thought I was with someone who was underage, right? So I’m just letting you know that he’s not. He turned 18 in October and we didn’t start dating until after that, and-“
“Gerard, it’s okay. Thank you for clarifying.” She said. He nodded.
“So, um, goals?”
“Yes. Goals. Can you think of three things you want to get out of coming to see me?” she asked. He considered this for a moment.
“I want to be able to take my damn anxiety pills without swallowing half of the bottle and getting stoned. They do help, you know, but I’m worried that I’ve grown a bit immune to them.” He sighed.
“It’s Xanax, right?” she asked. He nodded.
“That’s a very powerful drug, Gerard. Please be careful not to overstep the doseage.” She said, almost like she was reading from a script.
“Well, that’s the plan.” He chuckled. She smiled vaguely and scribbled something down.
“Okay. So what else?” she asked. He sighed.
“Um. I’d like to stop drinking so much. Like, I guess that sounds obvious, but it’s really shit. I don’t even like alcohol. I just…I don’t know. I just don’t know how to feel without it.” He admitted, blushing. I squeezed his hand and he smiled.
“Okay. And finally?” she prompted. I wasn’t sure how I felt about her objective approach – it was almost like she was reading from a script.
“I…I don’t know. Can a goal be that I want to stop hating everything about myself?” he sighed. She pursed her lips.
“Yes. But can you be a bit more specific?” she asked. He took a deep breath.
“I…I just hate all of it. My weight, my appearance, my stupid voice, the way I’m always nervous, how fucking awkward I am. I just want to be good enough, you know? Damn, that sounds stupid.” He chuckled. She shook her head and fixed him with a serious look.
“No, Gerard. It’s not stupid at all. You might be surprised to hear this, but a lot of people feel the way you do. You’re not stupid, your fears are not irrational, and your feelings are valid because you feel them.” She said calmly. He nodded slowly.
“You seem a little bit dependant on Frank.” She pointed out, gesturing to the way his body was almost curled around mine. He shifted a little bit away from me and tucked a strand of hair behind his ear.
“I am.” He admitted.
“Tell me about Frank.” She said, leaning forward. Gerard flushed.
“I-don’t think I-“ he stammered.
“Where did you meet?”
“I really shouldn’t tell you that.” He laughed airily, but I could tell that he really did want to tell her.
“Why?”
“Because, um, I can’t.”
“As far as I’m concerned, Gerard, Frank is a consenting adult. Where you met him isn’t a big issue for me.” She sighed. He pressed his lips together and nodded, gaining courage.
“He’s, um, one of my students.” He said, staring down at the floor. To my surprise, she just nodded.
“I thought so.” She said. He raised his eyebrows.
“Aren’t you gonna…I don’t know. Get me fired?”
“No. As I said, Frank is 18. Despite your position, I think he has the capability to make his own decisions.” She said, smiling gently at me. I beamed back at her, entwining my fingers with Gerard’s.
“Thank you.” He murmured, a light smile on his face. She narrowed her eyes slightly, thinking.
“You’re kind of insecure about that, aren’t you?” she asked. He sighed.
“Yeah. I mean, most of the time it’s awesome, but sometimes I just feel like a monster, you know? I mean, he’s just a kid. He has his whole life ahead of him, and I’m making him waste it with me.” He murmured. I bit my lip to stop myself from protesting. Danielle leaned back in her seat slightly.
“So why don’t you leave him then?” she said bluntly. I widened my eyes, and watched as his jaw dropped as he scrabbled for words.
“I- I mean, I could but I don’t know if I could, uh, you know-“ he stammered.
“I didn’t mean to suggest that you should. I just asked why you don’t.” she clarified. He visibly relaxed his muscles and nodded.
“Because I love him.” He murmured. She just wrote down on her little clipboard, not saying anything.
“That’s fine. I was just wondering.” She said, smiling, as if he’d just told her his favourite kind of cookie. He looked almost as surprised as I felt at her calmness.
“So, your goals are that you’d like to stop abusing drugs and alcohol, and stop having so much self-loathing. Is that right?” she asked. He nodded.
“Is it possible?” he asked weakly. She smiled.
“Of course it is. According to the forms you filled out before, your problems started when you were fairly young, which does make things slightly more difficult, but I honestly believe that you have the determination and the drive to at least try to fix things for yourself, and if you have that, then the rest is just a matter of time.” She said reassuringly. He nodded.
“So you don’t think I’m crazy?” he laughed humorlessly. She shook her head.
“No, Gerard. I just think that you’re very, very sad.” She replied.

By the time we left the office and Gerard had booked an appointment for the next week, Gerard was already visibly more optimistic.
“She said she’d be able to help, Mikes. Like, actually help.” He beamed on the car ride home. Mikey rolled his eyes, but grinned.
“I told you so, Gee. It’s gonna be great.” Mikey chuckled.
“She didn’t even care that Frank was my student.” He continued.
“A student who’s going to fail all of his lessons if you don’t get him home.” Mikey reminded him. I tightened my hand where it rested on Gerard’s leg.
“Aw, c’mon. I can stay for a little while.” I protested.
“Nuh-uh, Iero. You can’t run away and elope with my brother if you don’t graduate.” Mikey teased. Gerard raised his eyebrows and chuckled.
“He’s right, Frankie. You have a lot of work to do.” He sighed. I pouted.
“Please? Just for a little while?” I begged. Honestly, I didn’t care at that point if I failed my other lessons or not – Gee hadn’t been this happy in ages, and I wasn’t going to miss it now.
“Fine. Just for a little while, and then I’m driving you home.” Gerard said, acting annoyed.
“Needy little shit.” Mikey coughed under his breath. I leaned back and smacked him on the knee.
“Gerard, your boyfriend hit me!” Mikey whined mockingly.
“Frank, if you hit Mikey again, I’ll hit you.” He said smoothly. I raised an eyebrow and leaned back deliberately, smacking Mikey lightly on the knee again. Gerard smirked, but didn’t say anything.
“I think I’m going to keep score of how often you two make me want to literally rip my eyes out.” Mikey mused aloud.
“Shut up, you love us.” I said, batting my eyelashes at him. He considered this for a moment.
“Um, I actually really don’t?” he teased, kicking the back of my chair.
“Um, shut the fuck up?” I replied. He rolled his eyes and leaned back, shutting his eyes.
“Maybe if I don’t look at them they’ll go away.” He sighed to himself.
“Mikey, stop being such an old man.” Gerard chuckled.
“Says you.” He replied. Gerard laughed and rolled his eyes, inching the volume of the music up just a little bit, his hand resting gently in my lap, his fingers pressing softly against me. He bit his lip mischievously, and I glanced back at Mikey, who had his earphones in and was looking out the window.
“Stop.” I hissed, He just smiled wider as his fingers, now more adventurous, began to slowly rub the ever-growing bulge in my jeans. I sighed lightly and let my head fall back, my mouth falling open.
“God, Gee.” I whispered.
“Yeah, baby?”
“You’re such an asshole.” I groaned.
“Awh, no I’m not. I just want my baby to feel good. Wanna thank you for coming with me today.” He said innocently.
“Mmh, and normally I’d – oh, God – I’d be appreciative, but Mikey-“
“Can’t hear us.”
“Too risky.” I chuckled. He pressed the heel of his hand into me and I gasped, my eyes fluttering shut.
“You really want me to stop?” he murmured. I nodded.
“S-sorry.” I gasped. Obediently, he moved his hand away, squeezing my thigh.
“That’s okay, honey.” He smiled genuinely, not even a hint of disappointment in his voice.
“You’re happy.” I pointed out. He brought my hand to his lips and kissed it.
“Mm. I think I might be, you know.” He said. I squeezed his hand.
“Good. You deserve it, honey.” I murmured.
He slid into the driveway, leaning forward to kiss me once we’d parked.
“I think we should celebrate.” He purred. I arched an eyebrow.
“Oh yeah?”
“Yeah.” He smiled. Mikey groaned softly from the back seat and slid out of the car, stalking to the front door. Gerard giggled like a child.
“He hates us.” He said brightly, pulling me out of the car.

‘Celebrating’ turned out to be me pushed against the bedroom door while Gerard sunk to his knees in front of me, fumbling desperately with my belt buckle.
“G-God, Gee. You don’t have to-“
“No. God, just, shut the fuck up okay? Don’t even fucking speak.” He growled, tearing my belt out of the loops.
“I-“
“No. Shit, Frank, you talk way too fucking much. I just wanna suck your dick.” He gasped, sliding my jeans and boxers down. I moaned lightly and rested my head against the door as his tongue slid out to slide across the sensitive tip of my achingly hard cock. My tongue slid out to wet my lips as I leaned heavily against the door, my nails scratching at the wood as my breath came hard and heavy. Gerard curled his thin fingers around my shaft as he lowered his mouth down onto me. The sudden enclosure of me inside his warm, wet heat made me buck involuntarily, making him gag.
And fuck, it was beautiful.
“You can’t tell me to shut up with dick in your mouth.” I teased, forcing myself down his throat again. His eyes watered, his throat closing around me as he gasped for air.
“More, honey?” I purred. He looked up at me with pleading eyes, his head bobbing slightly. I groaned and tangled my hand in his hair, forcing his head all the way down as I thrust roughly into his mouth. I felt him splutter and cough around me, but his hands gripped my thighs and forced me deeper inside his throat.
His hand slid from my hip and down onto the growing problem in his jeans. His eyes begged my permission, and I nodded quickly. He moaned, and the vibrations ran up my dick, making me shiver. His hand palmed at himself heavily and clumsily as he slacked his jaw. I moaned loudly and thrust my hips deeply into him, almost crying out as I fucked his mouth. He moaned lightly around me, his hand moving harder and faster against himself.
“M-make yourself cum. In your jeans, baby, like the fucking slut you are.” I breathed, my free hand caressing his cheek. He moaned loudly and I watched as his hand press roughly against himself as he rocked his hips up, sobbing loudly at the relief it brought him.
“I’m not gonna cum ‘til you do.” I breathed, transfixed by the way he looked on his knees, his eyes desperate as he thrust into his palm, his hair wet from sweat and sticking to his forehead. God, he looked like such a slut.
His hand gripped into my hip suddenly, loud, muffled cries escaping from his lips as his hips snapped into his hand and he rode out his orgasm. It was enough to push me over the edge, and I leaned heavily against the door as I filled his mouth, my cock pulsing between his lips. He fell away from me, panting heavily.
“That…was…”
“Good?” he asked. Already his voice sounded fucked-out and hoarse. I couldn’t imagine how it’d be tomorrow.
“You sound like a slut.” I laughed. He pulled me down so I was lying down next to me.
“Maybe ‘cause I am a slut.” He teased, pressing a warm kiss to my lips.
“Nah, you’re not a slut. You’re beautiful, though.” I said.
“I don’t think they’re related concepts. You know. At all.” He laughed. I rolled my eyes and flipped us so I was lying on top of him.
“Mm. It’s very true though.” I sighed.
“How true? How beautiful am I?” he giggled.
“You’re more beautiful than the most beautiful thing you can think of.”
“So, you?” he said, wiggling his eyebrows. I groaned and rolled off of him.
“Damn, you beat me at my own game.” I laughed. He shrugged and pulled me back into his arms.
“Mm. Sorry, love. I’ll make it up to you.” He smiled.
“Oh yeah?” I asked. He nodded. I beamed.
“Make me coffee?” I asked. He smiled and kissed me hard.
“I thought you’d never ask.”

What started off as ‘just a little while’ turned into ‘just a little while longer’, and soon enough it was 10pm and I was still with Gerard. He was sitting on the sofa, cross-legged and a mug of coffee in his hand. I had my head laying in his lap as my legs stretched out on the rest of the sofa, and his free hand was stroking my hair gently.
“Mm. School night, baby. I should take you home.” He sighed.
“Aw, not yet. Please?” I asked. His hand scratched lightly at my scalp, revealing that he too had no desire to drive me home just yet.
“Did you tell your Mom that you’re at Cam’s?” he asked. I nodded.
“Well, then. I guess there’s no rush. I could always take you to school tomorrow.” He mused. I beamed.
“Really?”
“I don’t see why not. If we’re subtle.” He said. I was aware he was joking, of course, but I couldn’t help the way my heart raced.
“I want that. Please.” I said quickly. He chuckled, shaking his head, and leaned down to kiss my forehead.
“Why do you wanna spend so much time with me?” he asked.
“You sound surprised.”
“I am, a little.” He admitted. I rolled my eyes.
“You’re beautiful. Like, God, fuck, Gee. So fucking gorgeous. I’m so fucking in love with you.” I said, suddenly overrun with emotion. He laughed, but it was soft.
“You say ‘fuck’ a lot.” He pointed out.
“You do too.”
“Yeah. Guess there’s some irony to that.” He chuckled.
“You’re a loser.” I murmured.
“Yeah. You love me, though.” He smiled. I leaned up and pressed a soft kiss to his waiting lips.
“Mm. I do love you. I love you very, very much.” I sighed. He kissed me back, then pulled away, frowning.
“C’mon, angel. I gotta get you home.” He said sadly. I nodded and let him lead me out of the house, calling a quick goodbye to Mikey, who didn’t reply. What else was new?

“Y’know. I might not kill myself.” Gerard mused between kisses. I pulled back and raised my eyebrows in surprise.
“Um, what?” I asked. He shrugged and, out of habit, helped me undo my seatbelt.
“I might not kill myself.”
“I didn’t realize you were planning to.” I murmured. He shook his head.
“I’m not. Honestly. It’s just always been an option, you know? But now it’s not. I think the therapist might help.” He smiled. I squeezed his hand.
“I’m glad. I’ve been worried about you, honey.” I sighed, stroking his cheek. He covered my hand with his and smiled.
“Don’t be. I know things were getting bad, and it’s gonna take a while…but I think this is it. I think I’m really gonna be okay this time.” He smiled.
“Good. That’s really good, baby.” I beamed.
“Thank you. For not giving up on me.” He murmured.
“How could I ever give up on you?” I sighed.
He just kissed me.

Notes

A: Sorry. I didn't get the chance to proof-read this because I was rushing to upload it before my Mum turned the internet off for the night, so my apologies if it's crap.
B: This is almost entirely based off my own experiences with therapy! Alright!
C: Your comments on the last chapter made me happy <3