I Think I Like It

I had to hand it to him – Gerard was really, really good at ignoring me. I saw him unexpectedly in the hallway before class, and he just swept past me like he hadn’t seen me. It was blunt enough that even Cameron noticed.
“Trouble in paradise?” he mumbled. I elbowed him in the ribs.
“Shut up, it’s not like that.” I muttered, blushing. He squeezed my hand.
“Sorry, it’s none of my business.” He said, and I just nodded as we walked to class. I wished today, more than any other day, that I didn’t have him first. Or at all, actually. It would make the whole ignoring him thing a lot easier. Somehow, taking a break from him to give myself space to think was actually making it harder to think. I was so worried about him that my stomach was turning, even though I’d just seen him so, by definition, he couldn’t be dead.
This was confirmed when we filed into class – Cameron pressing a soft kiss to the corner of my mouth like a fucking asshole – and I sat down. Gerard was, as always, drawing in his damn sketchbook. It made it easier to look at him, to assuage my own fears. His hair was disheveled, and his eyes were dark and bloodshot, but I could blame that on the fact that he was either severely hungover or still a little bit drunk. He had his sleeves rolled up, so I let my eyes sweep along his arms and breathed a sigh of relief when they appeared clean. Feeling better in the knowledge that he was probably alright (as alright as he could be, of course), I leaned back in my chair and waited for him to speak.
Which he didn’t. For a long time.
He finally stood up after at least fifteen minutes of us staring at him in silence and smiled. It was strained, but not forced.
“I’m going to be blunt as fuck here.” He said, sitting on the edge of his desk.
“I’m pretty hungover. I might actually still be drunk. I drank a lot last night.” He said, scratching his head. He stared at a spot on the floor for a bit before mentally shaking himself and smiling again.
“So it’d be awesome if you guys would just read your books and make notes? I’d read it to you, but I think I’m gonna vomit.” He groaned, dropping back into his chair, his hand shielding his eyes.
“It’s a bit irresponsible to be drinking on a school night.” Cameron sniffed from behind me. I turned and glared at him.
“Cameron, in the rudest way I can possibly muster, please shut the fuck up. Your voice literally makes me want to shove glass through my eyes.” Gerard drawled. I snorted despite myself, earning me a angry glare from Cameron. I shrugged.
“You deserved it.” I mouthed. He narrowed his eyes.
“Stop provoking him.” I mouthed, my face more serious. He sighed and nodded.
“Sorry.” He whispered. I smiled before turning back to the front, but felt a niggling feeling in my stomach I couldn’t place. I wasn’t sure if it was me regretting admitting everything to Cameron, because now he was acting like more of an asshole than Gerard was, or if it was because I kept catching Gerard staring at me with a ‘lost puppy’ kind of expression. Whatever it was, it was enough to cause me to groan and rest my head on my arms, pretending to read until the end of the lesson.

I was worried about him for the rest of the day. I’d heard from some students I passed in the hallway that he’d vomited during and in front of the class after ours, and that the nurse refused to see him (reminding me that I had to ask him about the obscure comment she made to me about him last time I saw her). I asked them casually if he’d gone home and they shrugged.
“I don’t know dude, but he looks fuckin’ gross today.” One of them laughed. I pursed my lips and didn’t mention that I thought he looked gorgeous even when he was at his worst.
Still, when I saw him at lunch (sitting on a table on his own in the corner, instead of with the rest of the staff) I couldn’t deny that he looked like Hell personified. He was paler now that he’d been sick, with a thin sheen of sweat across his porcelain features. His hair stuck, matted to his waxy skin. Even though I promised myself I wouldn’t, I needed to speak to him, at least just to make sure he was okay.
“Hey guys, I need to talk to Mr. Way for a bit about my essay.” I said, standing up and grabbing my stuff.
“Dude, you sure? He might barf on you.” Joe laughed. I rolled my eyes.
“I’m fine. If he isn’t in tomorrow, I wanna make sure I ask him today.” I said, the excuse pouring out of my mouth easily.
“I’ll come with you.” Cameron said firmly.
“No, you’re fine.” I said curtly, and he sat back down. I smiled at my friends and walked across the hall. He was facing away from me, so he didn’t see me coming until I put my tray down on his table. He dragged his eyes up and groaned when he saw me. Thanks.
“Gee?” I said softly.
“You’re not meant to talk to me.” He said, a sarcastic smirk pulling at his lips. Unbelievable. I sat down and stared at him intently.
“You look like hell, honey.” I said, resting my head on my hand. He bit his lip and shook his head, his eyes flicking up to meet mine.
“Never again.” He laughed, running a hand through his limp hair.
“What were you trying to do, drink yourself to death?” I asked. He looked at me seriously and looked away.
“No. That’d be ridiculous.” He murmured. My heart squeezed, and I fought the urge to reach over and hold his hand.
“Baby, you promised.”
“I didn’t do anything. I just thought about it.” He snapped defensively. I leaned back and took a deep breath.
“Your fucktoy is looking at you.” He said, a small smile playing on his lips. I didn’t even look.
“Ignore him. Are you okay?”
“Yes, damn. I’m just…I don’t know. Probably hungover at this point.” He said, scratching his chin. I laughed despite myself.
“Why don’t you go home?” I asked. He chewed his lip.
“Because I don’t wanna drink any more shit. I just want to get better and not drink myself to death again, and I know if I go home I’ll do that. I was kinda hoping I’d be able to convince you to come home with me, actually.” He said, looking up at me through his eyelashes. I smiled.
“How did you plan on doing that without talking to me?” I asked, raising an eyebrow. He nodded, eyebrows furrowed.
“I didn’t consider that. Maybe I’m still drunk.” He sighed, sounding disappointed. I beamed at him.
“I’ll come with you. Only because you remind me of a cat that’s wandering around, lost in the rain.” I said, tilting my head. He groaned.
“Shut up, Frank. Want me to pick you up?”
“Probably not a good idea, considering I’m being risky enough as it is by coming over here in the first place. I’ll meet you there.” I said, feeling only a little bit disappointed that I hadn’t managed to ignore him for a whole day, but his tired smile chased that all away.
“You must be kicking yourself.” He said, cracking a smile
“Why?”
“Because you couldn’t even ignore me for a day.”
“I wasn’t ignoring you. I needed space. I still do.” I said softly. His smile faltered for a second.
“Because you’re not sure if you want me?” He asked, leaning in a bit closer. We weren’t sitting anywhere near anyone, but we still couldn’t risk it.
“No, dumbass, because you make my brain fuzzy and I can’t think around you. I just need to take some time away from you and think without your dumb face popping up every five seconds.”I teased, but there was a seriousness to what I was saying. He pursed his lips and nodded.
“I know what you mean.” He said softly, his eyes meeting mine. “You make it very hard for me to concentrate.” He purred, his foot rubbing suggestively against my leg. I blushed and looked away.
“That’s not what I meant.” I hissed. His face softened and he laughed.
“Sorry, wrong time. Got it.” He said, holding his hands up. I sighed and smiled.
“Thanks.” I said. He shifted in his chair.
“You should go. I think Cameron’s gonna rip my throat out.” He chuckled. I considered telling him that Cam knew, but decided against it. He’d probably throw a fit when he found out, and I didn’t want that to be now. I got to my feet and smiled.
“Okay. Tonight, alright?” I said. He nodded.
“Yep. Thanks for checking on me.” He said sincerely. I rested my weight on one leg and shrugged.
“I heard about what happened. Y’know…when you vomited.” I said. He winced and wrinkled his nose.
“Yeah. Oops.” He laughed.I shook my head and walked away, feeling his eyes on me.
“How’d it go?” Cameron sniffed when I sat down. I kissed his cheek and shrugged.
“Fine.” I said simply.
“You so wanna bang him.” Joe said, and Chris hit his arm.
“Not in front of his wife!” he said, gesturing to Cameron, who was smiling softly despite himself. I entwined our fingers and laughed, feeling a bit lighter now that I knew I’d be spending my afternoon with Gerard. Even though I still needed my time to think, I was happy to put it aside for him. Somehow, being with him made all of my anger and resentment towards him melt away, and I wasn’t sure if that was a good thing or not.

Cameron practically begged me not to go to Gerard’s place when I told him, but I was insistent. I, once again, regretted telling him about it (though, technically he’d guessed), because he didn’t seem to understand that he needed to act fucking cool about it, otherwise it meant trouble for all of us involved (except him, of course), and if he really cared about me like he claimed to, he’d want me to be happy while I sorted things out. That’s what Gerard was doing. For the most part, anyway, if you ignore the constant manipulation and guilt-tripping. I sighed as I walked to Gerard’s house, the cold December air pressing against my skin. For two guys who cared about me, they were both really, really big assholes when it came to actually obtaining me.
I actually ended up reaching Gerard’s place before he did, so I sat on the porch outside, bumping my knees together. He lived far enough away that not many people passed here on their way home from school, but I figured I should still be careful, so I put my hood up. The air was pretty cold and numbed my fingers where they stuck out of my fingerless gloves, and I – maybe for the millionth time – wondered why the fuck I even wore them. Fingerless gloves do not make your hands warm, they just tease you and disappoint you. I zipped my hoodie up a little higher and shivered, wishing that Gee had given me his damn key.
“You look cold.” Came a voice from beside me. My vision was obscured by my hoodie, but it didn’t matter – I knew who it was.
“’m freezing.” I said, my teeth chattering. Gerard kneeled down so he was in front of me, his finger holding my chin up. His hands were warm, and I held in a moan at the relief his touch brought.
“I could just leave you out here.” He murmured, tilting his head. His breath smelled like alcohol and mint (the latter probably to get the taste of vomit out of his mouth. Nice) and wafted in my face as he spoke, making my mouth water with need.
“Please don’t.” I breathed, shivering again. He smirked.
“Take your hoodie and gloves off.” He said firmly. I stared at him, bewildered, but did as he said. The air was even colder without my hoodie, and it bit my skin, making it rise in red, patchy bumps.
“S-sir. Ca-n I h-have my hoodie b-b-back?” I stammered, shivering. He smiled and wrapped it back around me, and I whimpered.
“You gave me an idea.” He said as an offhand explanation. I bit my lip, but nodded, following into his house.
He must have left the heating on all day, because as soon as I crossed the threshold, I was covered in warm air. I sighed and let it envelope me. I hadn’t really realized how cold I was until I felt my fingers thawing. I looked down and saw that the ends were pure white. Great.
“Fingers cold?” Gee asked casually, hanging his coat up. I nodded, trying to wiggle them to regain heat. Without a word, he grabbed my hand and slid his mouth around my four fingers. I was confused for a moment, until I realized that his mouth was really fucking warm. I moaned a little as he sucked delicately on me, his eyes wide and locked on mine. His tongue ran across my cold, numb skin and I moaned. He released my fingers and smiled.
“Better?” he asked, and I nodded fervently, making him smirk. He pulled me into his arms and sighed, burying his head into my shoulder.
“I’m so sorry, Frank.” He breathed.
“For what?”
“For everything. You’re 18, it’s totally normal that you’d want to explore and…I don’t know. I guess it’s just scary because I’m so sure that you’re it for me, and I’m not it for you. You have a whole lifetime to find your perfect person, but I know that I’ve gotten to the age where if you’re not the person I’m supposed to be with, I may as well stop trying.” He said softly, stroking my hair.
“Why do you assume you’re not it for me?” I asked. He let out a jagged breath, a tell-tale sign that he was crying.
“Because I’m not.” He whispered brokenly. I couldn’t comfort him without lying, so I just stayed silent while he held me, pressing wet kisses to my temples and forehead.
“I’m never normally this…emotional. I don’t know what you’re doing to me.” He laughed, taking a step back. I grabbed his hand and kissed it softly.
“I’m sorry.”
“Don’t be.”
“I ruined everything.”
“Me too. Guess we have that in common, huh?” he asked, leading me to the sofa. I tried to ignore the empty and broken bottles and cans that littered the floor. He looked at me sheepishly.
“Sorry for the mess, I-“
“It’s fine.” I cut him off. He pulled me into his arms and I buried my nose in his chest, inhaling his familiar, warm scent.
“Are you looking forward to meeting Mikey tomorrow?” he asked. I nodded.
“Yeah, I really am. I hope he likes me.” I said, shifting. He laughed aloud and brushed some hair out of his eyes.
“He will. He doesn’t have much of a choice, does he? Fucker goes and gets himself in a coma and thinks he gets a say in who I date.” He laughed. I bit my lip.
“You said it again.” I said softly. He raised his eyebrows.
“Hm?”
“Date. You said we were dating.” I said, moving so I was straddling him as he lay down underneath me. He smirked.
“Did I? That doesn’t sound like me.” He said as I leaned forward and kissed his neck. He moaned lightly and wrapped his arms around my waist.
“Pretty sure that’s what I heard.” I teased, biting his skin gently, before coming up and kissing him hard on the mouth, crushing his lips with mine. He rolled his hips up into me, making a light “ah” noise that ran straight to my dick.
“Are you sure you want to do this?” he asked, and I pulled away, taken aback.
“What?” I asked. He blushed.
“I just- I’m not great right now. I mean, I’m pretty hungover, and I smell like a cheap bar, and neither of those things sound sexy.” He laughed.
“You’re sexy.” I smiled, and he laughed, kissing me again, his tongue tracing across my teeth. I gasped and rolled my hips down onto his hardening cock. He moaned and held my waist tighter, thrusting his hips up into me.
“Stay with me tomorrow night. After we see Mikey.” He breathed, and I found myself agreeing.
“What…about…school?” I asked in-between kisses.
“I’ll drive you.” He panted, reaching down and unzipping his jeans. I shuffled back so I was sitting between his legs, knowing what he wanted without even having to ask. He shot me an adoring look as he pulled his jeans and boxers off, revealing his cock, swollen and heavy against his pale stomach. I leaned forward and kissed the soft skin around his crotch before licking down his shaft. He moaned and tensed his legs.
“Do you want me to stop?” I breathed. He laughed airily.
“Why would I ever ask you to stop?” he asked, resting a hand softly on my head. I took him as far down into my throat as I dared, making him jack-knife up, then relax again.
“Because you’re not…happy.” I said, turning more of my tongue’s attention to the weeping tip of his cock. He stroked my cheek with his thumb, smearing precum across my skin.
“I’m…always – fuck – happy with you.” He moaned.
“If you’re sure.” I said, taking his cock deep in my throat again.
“Just use your hand.” He moaned, helping me wrap my fingers around his heavy cock. I pumped him slowly, looking him in the eyes.
“Tell me you love me.” He purred.
“I love you.”
“Again.”
“I love you.”
“Fuck. Again.”
“I love you.”
“Baby, I’m gonna-“
“I love you.”
“I’m really close.”
“I love you.”
“I’m gonna cum all over your pretty face, princess.” He gasped.
“I l-love you.” I stammered, losing my calm façade. He smiled tiredly, his head resting against the sofa pillows. I felt his cock throb once, and aimed it at my face, simultaneously feeling the warm liquid hit my face, and hearing his loud, desperate moan.
He pulled me to him almost as soon as he was done, pulling me in for a sloppy, cum-filled kiss as he undid my belt.
“Don’t you think…it’s gross to…kiss me covered in…cum?” I panted. He laughed as he slid my pants down.
“Not at all. I taste great.” He said with a wink.
“Let me guess. You’ve had a lot of practice?” I asked. He chuckled.
“Actually, no.” he said, sliding one hand, still wet with his cum, down the back of my jeans, his fingers circling my hole.
“Tell me if I hurt you.” He murmured,and I nodded, desperate for him to be inside me. He pushed both fingers in at once, which burned. Luckily, his hand was wet, and he was still for a long time before pushing in a little bit further, so even though it took a bit longer, it didn’t hurt as much. Soon enough, his fingers were buried in my ass right down to the knuckle.
“Maybe one day I’ll get you to take four of my fingers. Does that sound good?” he purred, and I nodded, resting my head on his chest. He pumped his fingers roughly and quickly in and out of me, not paying any attention to my aching cock.
“Gee.” I whined.
“I want you to cum untouched.” He explained, crooking his fingers inside me. The way he was going, it wouldn’t be long that he’d have to wait. He bounced me on his hand, and I felt my orgasm build up in my stomach.
“Close, darling?” he asked. I nodded desperately. He held my cock loosely in his hand just as my orgasm broke through and I shot out white ropes all over his face and chest. I stared at him, unsure if what I did was okay, but by the way he was smiling, I’d done something right. He pressed a kiss against my lips, and I tasted the mixture of both he and I in my mouth, and I was surprisingly turned on by it. We lay against each other, panting hard and smiling like mischievous children.
“I’m gonna get you a butt plug.” He said suddenly. I sat up and stared at him.
“A what?”
“Yeah. One of those vibrating ones where the other person has the controller. Shove it up that tight ass of yours and turn it on and off while you’re in my class. That’d be nice, wouldn’t it, Frankie?” he asked, pushing my hair away from my face. I groaned, exhausted, and he laughed.
“Did I tire you out, sweetheart?” he asked in mock sympathy.
“Shut up and hold me.” I snapped. He circled his arms around me and held me tightly to him.
“I’m glad you decided to talk to me.” He smiled, and I rolled my eyes.
“You’re a child.”
“You’re covered in my cum.” He retorted with a smile. I could have said the same back to him, but I was too tired, so I just laughed and rested my head on his chest, just over his heart so I could hear the steady beat.
“Frank?” he asked suddenly.
“Mhm?”
“You’d choose me, wouldn’t you? If it came down to it?” he asked, insecure. I tightened my hold on his waist.
“Every. Fucking. Time. I told you, I love you. Why don’t you believe me?”
“Because I just don’t.” he sighed, and I felt a shock of pain run through me. He’d never said it outright like that before.
“Well, I do love you, despite any uncomfortable or confusing circumstances.” I said. He kissed me deeply.
“I wish I believed you.” He sighed, rubbing a finger along my cheek.
“I’ll prove it to you.” I said firmly. He laughed humorlessly.
“You can try, love.” He sighed.

Notes

I felt bad about being so mean so here's some cute smutty/fluffy stuff. And there's gonna be more in the next chapter. See, I'm not that mean. :)

I got a lot of death threats yesterday, which makes me very happy (and slightly afraid ;D) because I'm so happy you're all so invested in the story! I've more or less planned out every story arc in the whole thing (meaning I already know how it's gonna end). That won't happen for a while though. I'm just gonna say that none of you want these cute little co-dependant babies together more than I do, so no matter what I do in the story, just trust me. :)