I Think I Like It

‘Feeling bad’ was an understatement. Cameron had realized that he’d messed up, and apologized, and I said it was okay, but it wasn’t. The kiss itself wasn’t the problem – even Gerard probably knew that it was inevitable. The problem was how much I genuinely wanted it. There wasn’t a single strand of resistance in my whole body. Hell, I’d have kept on kissing him if he hadn’t pulled away and apologized. Jesus, I was such a fucking mess.
Once he’d left, I asked my Mom if I could stay at ‘his’ house, and she agreed happily. I’d meant to call Gerard and tell him the good news, but I couldn’t bring myself to do it. The way I saw it, I had two options: I could tell him and break his heart, or I could hide it and have the guilt gnaw away at me until I ended up blurting it out anyway. Wanting to put off facing him, I just texted him like the coward I was.

TO: Gee.
(8:57pm)
Mom said I can stay over. See you tomorrow.

I knew it was blunt, but I wasn’t in the mood for pleasantries. I just wanted to sleep, but I knew it was too early and my Mom would suspect something was up. I groaned and kicked my bedside table. Why was my whole life becoming about secrets? Hiding Cam from Gerard, hiding Gerard from…everyone. It was too much to keep up with. I laughed a bit at that – I wasn’t normally one to play the victim. I knew that this was all my fault, but it didn’t make it any easier – if anything, it made me feel worse.
Of course, Gerard knew me far too well and called me. I groaned, hoping I’d have the strength to keep my damn mouth shut.
“Hello?” I said softly.
“Something happened.” He said. It wasn’t a question.
“Not really.”
“Not really?” he asked incredulously.
“We didn’t fuck.” I said simply. He took in a shaky breath.
“You kissed him.”
“He kissed me.” I argued. He sighed.
“I see.” He said quietly. He was quiet for a long time, and I was too afraid to say anything, so I just waited.
“How was it?” he asked hoarsely.
“Fine. It wasn’t anything special. Nothing like you.”
“I don’t need to hear that right now.” He laughed bitterly.
“What do you want me to say?”
“The truth. Tell me you loved it. Tell me that you wished you didn’t have to stop, but that you felt guilty, so you made yourself. I already know that I’m not much more than a damn inconvenience, so you may as well just say it.” He said, his voice switching between rage and despair.
“It was nice. It felt nice to kiss him, okay? Yes, I liked it. But, Gerard, I love you. I love you so much that there’s not room in me to love anything else. It’s just you, okay?” I said.
“I know, sweetheart. It’s okay.” He said sadly.
“You can see how this is good for us, right?” I asked.
“Yeah, I do. I mean, you can stay with me, right? That’s huge.” He said, and I felt a wave of relief – he still wanted me to stay with him.
“Yeah. I just feel so bad and confused all the time.” I groaned.
“Do you want to be with him?” he asked softly. I was silent for a moment, and heard him pull in a shaky breath. Did I?
“No. I want you. I’ve always only wanted you. Whatever’s happening with him doesn’t mean anything, okay? It’s just you.” I said.
“Goodnight, Frank. I’ll see you tomorrow.” He said wearily.
“Okay, night. I love you.” I said.
He hung up.

I spent all morning getting ready, and when I was done with that, I cleaned my room and did whatever homework I still had lying around. Basically, anything I could find to distract myself, I did.
He texted me at about 2:00 to tell me he was waiting down the road for me, and my legs shook as I approached his car. I tried to gauge the expression on his face, but the windows were too dark, so I slid in, not knowing what was going to happen.
What did happen was that he smiled at me and pulled me in for a kiss, his mouth turning up against mine.
“Hello, beautiful.” He smiled, stroking my cheek. I beamed at him.
“You’re in a good mood.” I said, putting my seatbelt on. He laughed as he pulled away from the curb.
“Why wouldn’t I be? A whole weekend with you? I can’t think of anything I’d want more than that.” He said, looking at me fondly. I bit my lip and held his hand tightly, feeling the rough, calloused fingers close around mine. He wasn’t as soft, but he was familiar and safe, and oh my God, I loved him.
“So, what did you wanna do, then?” he said. I raised my eyebrows.
“Well, in the nicest way possible, there’s not much we can do in public, is there?” I said. He nodded, his face dropping a little.
“We could, we’d just have to make it look like we weren’t together.” He said smiling.
“What like, buy two separate seats for the movies and then leave separately?” I laughed. His eyes lit up.
“Yes. That. We’ll do that.” He said warmly. I laughed.
“Oh God.” I said, running a hand through my hair. He furrowed his eyebrows.
“What, do you not want to?” he asked softly. I squeezed his hand.
“Of course I do.”I said reassuringly. He twisted his hand out of mine and instead rested it high up on my thigh.
“It’s better than spending the whole weekend fucking, right?” he said with a smirk.
“I suppose so.” I said, leaning back in the seat. I looked out the window and furrowed my eyebrows.
“Um, Gee, you missed your house.” I said softly. He smiled.
“I’m going the long way. He said, his hand sliding up my leg. He pressed his palm against me through my jeans and I moaned, thrusting up to meet his touch.
“Mmh, sorry Frankie…I just can’t keep my hands off of you.” He moaned softly, his hand moving up to undo the buttons on my jeans. I gasped and let my head fall back against the seat.
“Surely it’s not safe to do this while you’re driving.” I panted. He raised an eyebrow.
“I think you’re making the false assumption that I’ve never done this before.” He said coolly. I rose up slightly so he could slide my jeans down, wincing as they passed over my ass.
“Still sore, sweetheart?” he asked, some real concern in his voice. I gave him an easy smile.
“It’s fine. It’s kinda hot like, I can still feel you.” I said, blushing. He smiled at that, and slid the waistband of my boxers down, his thin fingers curling around my swelling cock. I moaned, my fingernails digging into the seat.
“Shh, it’s okay sweetheart.” He murmured as he pumped me gently. I groaned and clawed the seat with my hand, not even caring if I left nail marks. Apparently, he wasn’t particularly bothered either.
“I was gonna wait until we got home darling, but you’re so…fuck. So beautiful.” He moaned, chewing his lip.
“I-It’s okay.” I stammered, surprised I could form a coherent sentence. Cars drove past us, some drivers looking into our car out of habit as they drove past.
“Can they see us?” I panted. Gerard beamed.
“Oh yeah.” He laughed. I looked at him, panic in my eyes, but he smiled back calmly, his hand still working on my cock.
“Let them watch, sweetheart.” He purred. I whimpered and pushed my hips up, seeking more of his touch.
“Slut.” He laughed, a smile spreading across his face. I could only moan in response.
“Gee, please.” I rasped, feeling pressure building up in my stomach. He pretended to ignore me, his hand still moving in gentle strokes. I couldn’t hold back anymore.
“S-stop, Gee. I’m gonna-“ I began to warn him, but before I could, my orgasm hit me suddenly, like a fucking train slamming into my stomach. I gasped and dug my nails into Gerard’s arm as I came, covering his hand. I flopped back against the seat, panting. I noted vaguely that we’d pulled up in his driveway, but was too fucking gone to notice.
“Calm down, sweetheart.” Gerard murmured, stroking my hair with his ‘clean’ hand. I smiled weakly, biting my lip.
“Are you alright?” he asked.
“Yeah, I’m fine. That was intense.” I laughed. He beamed at me. I frowned at the hand he had halfway suspended in mid-air.
“Sorry for making such a mess.” I murmured, ears burning. He smirked and brought his hand to his mouth, his tongue snaking out and licking along the length of his palm. I whimpered in the back of my throat, and his smirk stretched wider as he slipped his fingers into his mouth, sucking lightly and making very audiable, very inappropriate noises.
“I think we need to get inside your damn house.” I smiled, shaking my head. He laughed and smiled, wiping his hand on his jeans before sliding out of the car and opening my side of the door, bowing theatrically. I chuckled and let him help me out, dragging my bag onto my shoulder. I took the opportunity to really look at him. I’d never seen him in casual clothes before, and it was…weird. Weird good. He had on tight black jeans and a rolling stones t-shirt and no coat. Of course that fucker wouldn’t wear a coat in the middle of fucking November.
“Stop starin’ at me.” He mumbled, smiling like a shy child. I took his hand and walked with him to his front door.
“I have a confession.” He said as we walked through the door.
“Okay…” I said slowly. He hung my coat up for me and put my bag to the side. What a gentleman.
“I think the whole going to the movies thing is a bad idea. I’ve been thinking and it’s too risky.” He said. I nodded.
“That’s cool. We’ll just watch movies here.” I said brightly, actually liking this plan better. He pulled me into his arms and kissed me, his mouth turning up at the sides.
“Have I ever told you that I love you?” he sighed. I raised an eyebrow and pulled him in for another kiss.
“You may have mentioned it once or twice.” I smiled. He laughed and pulled me in for another kiss, his tongue sliding softly against my lips. I whimpered and tangled one hand in his hair, the other sliding down to his waist, my fingertips skimming his skin under his shirt. He moaned, not even bothering to hold back, and pushed me against the wall, grinding his erection into my leg.
“Jesus, Frank.” He moaned, burying his face in my neck, pressing soft kisses to the skin.
“You really can’t keep your hands off me, can you?” I teased. He responded by biting down on my neck, near the love bites that still hadn’t healed. He sucked softly, soothing the skin with his tongue, before moving higher up – to the places that couldn’t be covered by a t-shirt.
“Gee, please. They’ll see.” I whimpered. He smirked against my skin and sucked harder. Asshole.
“I want them to see. Want everyone to know that you’re mine, baby.” He whispered.
“I’m yours.” I repeated, almost trance-like.
“Aren’t you worried that your little fucktoy will see?” he sneered. I grabbed him and held him tighter to me.
“Fuck. No.” I gasped, rubbing myself against him. He let go of my neck and rested his head against mine, panting and moaning. I slid my hand up his shirt and dragged my nails down his back, making him make a small ‘ah’ noise that I found simultaneously hot and adorable.
“My ass is still really sore from my punishment the other day.” I said softly. He grunted.
“Sorry.” He whispered. I shook my head.
“I was bleeding.”
“I know. I’m so sorry Frankie.” He moaned, grinding himself faster against me.
“It’s fine, Gee. But I think you’ll understand that I want to get even.” I said, dragging my nails down his back, harder this time. He cried out, his breath hitching in his throat.
“Y-yes Frankie.” He breathed. He kissed me roughly and lazily, his tongue sliding into my mouth, his cock pressing urgently against my thigh. I dragged my nails down his back again, and he made a noise as if he’d been punched in the stomach.
“You know the word.” I said with a smirk. He nodded and buried his face in my neck, crying out, gasping and moaning as I scratched him. I couldn’t see his back, but I could feel that I’d broken the skin some time ago. I smoothed my palms down his back, soothing him, and he let out a wrecked sob.
“Did I hurt you too much?” I asked softly, feeling guilty. He smiled at me and shook his head.
“Shit…no. You can do that whenever you want.” He laughed, and he was so adorable I could’ve melted. He grabbed my wrists softly and pulled me to him, kissing me softly.
“You go put a movie on, I need to, ah, change.” He said, gesturing to his crotch. I stared at him for a moment before I understood.
“You came?” I gasped, laughing. He blushed and looked away, embarrassed.
“Shut up.” He grumbled, stomping towards the bathroom. I chuckled to myself as I looked through his movie collection. They were mostly superhero movies and horror movies – the latter of which were getting most of my attention. I pulled out “Camp Blood 2” and put it on top of the TV, unsure of how to work his TV. He reappeared a few moments later in just sweatpants and dropped onto the sofa next to me. I smiled and pulled him in for a kiss.
“You’re gorgeous.” I breathed and he beamed at me. He raised his eyebrows when he saw my movie choice, laughing as he stood up and slid it into the player.
“This film is shit.” He laughed, sitting back down next to me. I snuggled into his arms.
“I don’t care. You smell good.” I said, as if the latter reasoned the former. He chuckled and kissed my head, wrapping his arms tighter around me.
“You smell good too.” He said, taking a big, theatrical sniff of my hair.
“You’re a dork.” I said, rolling my eyes. He held my chin up and kissed me.
“I’m your dork.” He added, and I couldn’t help but laugh. We shuffled around a bit on the sofa, until we finally relaxed with Gerard sitting upright, and me leaning my back against his chest, his arms wrapped around my stomach.
“All the better to give you more fuckin’ love bites.” He teased, and I elbowed him lightly in the stomach. He chuckled.
“Bitch.”

Things were perfect. For the first time since things got complicated, I could honestly say that everything was perfect and wonderful, and my stress levels were at an all time low. For that reason, of course, something had to go wrong.
That something came in the form of a text from Cameron.

FROM: Cam.
(4:02pm)
Hey Frankieee just wntd 2 say hi. Hope ur enjoying ur wkend! Xx

It would have been perfectly fine if Gerard weren’t closer to my phone than me. He read the message before I had the chance and smirked in an unpleasant way (if such a thing were even possible), and replied before I could stop him. He handed the phone to me, clearly proud of his handiwork.

TO: Fucktoy.
(4:04pm)
Hey there sport, Frank’s a little busy with my dick up his ass at the moment. I’ll get him to message you back another time though. Thanks! Xoxoxox

I glared at him. He evidently found it hilarious, because he was laughing like a fucking child. I wriggled my way out of his arms and made to walk off. He grabbed my wrist and pouted.
“Awh, I’m sorry Frankie. C’mon baby, come back.” He said. I wrenched my arm out of his grasp, ignoring his irritated sigh, and called Cameron. The least I could do is explain (as best I could, of course, considering the circumstances). He didn’t pick up straight away so I, after glaring at Gee, who gave me a very innocent smile in return, had to call him again. He actually picked up this time.
“Hey.” He said bluntly. I sighed.
“I’m sorry.” I said softly.
“Was this the complication you were talking about?” He didn’t sound sad, more pitying.
“Pretty much, yeah.” I laughed, but it was joyless.
“You could have told me. I’d have understood.” He mumbled.
“I really couldn’t have. It’s so complicated.”
“Right.” He said incredulously.
“It really is. I’d explain if I could.”
“I trust you.”
“So we’re okay?”
“Yeah, we’re fine. And I appreciate you calling me. Thanks, Frank.”
“That’s fine, Cam. I’ll see you Monday, okay?” I said, trying to keep my voice light despite the guilt weighing me down.
“Sure thing, see ya.” He said. He didn’t hang up though, so I did. I wandered back to Gerard and dumped myself on the sofa, arms crossed. I wasn’t really mad at him, but I was disappointed that he was being so childish.
He circled his arms around me and pulled me to him softly, kissing my cheek.
“C’mon angel, I’m sorry.” He said, genuine sincerity in his voice.
“I just don’t see why you have to be such a baby about it.” I said coldly.
“I have to be a baby because my baby has another baby.” He said, smiling into my skin. I rolled my eyes and turned towards him, pulling him into a hug.
“You’re unbearable.” I sighed. He kissed my forehead.
“You’re beautiful.” He replied. I leaned against him again, trying to get back into the movie.
“This is a really shit movie.” I said, and he laughed in agreement, his hands combing softly through my hair.
“I told you so.” He said. I just nodded, my eyes fluttering shut, a gentle moan escaping my lips.
“That feels good.” I smiled. I felt him chuckle as he continued to massage my head with his beautiful, long fingers.
“Can I take a nap?” I asked, yawning.
“Sure thing, baby.” He said softly, pressing a kiss to my slack lips.

I woke up God knows how many hours later, and on my own. The lights were off, the TV was playing the title menu from the film and, most importantly, Gerard was nowhere in sight.
“Babe?” I called, getting to my feet.
“’Out here, sweetie.” He called back from another room. Feeling relieved, I walked through the house and into the kitchen, where he was leaning against the doorframe, a cigarette between his lips. He smiled at me as I walked in the room.
“Sorry, I just needed a smoke.” He laughed, smoke spilling from his nose. I nodded and leaned against the counter, watching as he brought the cigarette to his lips, inhaled deeply, and let the smoke flow out of his mouth. He looked at me and raised an eyebrow.
“You stare at me a lot.” He said. I shrugged.
“You’re beautiful a lot.” I replied. He laughed, causing a waterfall of smoke to come out of his nose and mouth.
“You getting hungry?” he asked after a moment of silence.
“Yeah, I guess I could eat. What did you have in mind?” I asked. He shrugged and dropped the cigarette butt on the floor, stamping it out and walking back into the house. He pulled me into his arms and I breathed deeply. He smelled of cigarettes now, but it was still the best smell in the world to me.
“Whatever you want, babe. I could get us pizza, or I could run to the store and make you something, or… actually yeah, one of those.” He said, smiling.
“You cook?” I asked, surprised. He looked mockingly offended.
“Yes. I can make pasta, or cereal, or toast…” he said and I laughed. He pressed a kiss to my lips.
“Seriously, yeah, I cook. How else do you think I keep my great figure?” he said, his voice dripping with sarcasm. I furrowed my eyebrows.
“Your figure is beautiful, what are you talking about?” I asked. He shrugged.
“It’s nothin’.” He said. I glared at him.
“No, come on. You’ve mentioned it now.” I said. He rolled his eyes.
“I’m just a bit…sensitive about my weight. S’all.” He said, but I knew it was a bigger deal than he was letting on. I held his hand.
“You’re perfect, no matter what.” I said simply. He smiled.
“Pizza it is then.” He said, dancing away from me, towards the phone. I shook my head and smiled, following him.


Between us, we got through two pizzas, a box of chicken wings, two bad horror flicks, 34 kisses and 4 hours. I looked at the clock and yawned.
“I think it’s time for bed.” I mumbled. He gave me a sleepy grin and nodded.
“Okay, I’ll make up the sofa for you.” He said, rising to his feet. I looked at him in shock and a smile burst across his face.
“C’mon, silly. As if I could ever sleep without you.” He said, holding his hand out to me. Relieved, I grabbed it, and let him drag me into his room. I took off my shirt and jeans, so I was just in my boxers, and was surprised (though, not unpleasantly) to see Gerard climbing into bed completely naked. He looked at my boxers and raised an eyebrow.
“I hope you’re planning on taking those off, Iero.” He scolded mockingly. I chuckled and threw them off, climbing into bed with him. He kissed me slowly, his hand cupping my face.
“This is amazing.” He whispered, his face the picture of ecstasy. I grinned back and locked my arms around his neck.
“I know. I just…how have I ever slept on my own before?” I asked and he laughed in response, pulling me closer. Our bodies were pressed against each other, but there was nothing sexual about it – it was more a desire to feel every inch of him against me than to actually sleep with him.
“Gerard?” I asked tentatively, his eyes were shut but I wasn’t sure if he was sleeping yet. He opened them and gave me a sleepy smile.
“Mm?”
“I am really, really fucking in love with you.” I breathed. He kissed me again, his lips lazy and clumsy against mine.
“I’m pretty crazy about you too.” He grinned. He kissed me again, and then rolled onto his side, facing away from me. His breathing evened out soon after, and I was amazed at how quickly he could fall asleep. I wrapped my arms around his waist and snuggled into his back, feeling his body relax at my touch.

Notes

Ayyy 5000 views I'm a dork :)

I just wanted to take the opportunity to say that your comments really help shape the story. Please, by all means, pick out inconsistencies, or give me your opinion, or suggestions, because sometimes I'll see something that I hadn't considered before and it helps with the whole creative process thing :)
(Be nice though, or I'll cry a lot).

Hopefully I can post another one tomorrow, but I'm going away with family for a couple days, and for some reason it's not widely accepted to be be writing gay porn at family gatherings. I know, right? So if not tomorrow, I'll update when I get back :)