I Think I Like It

I couldn’t fucking walk. And I don’t mean that I was uncomfortable, or that I was in pain. I mean that I really couldn’t walk. Each time I tried, my sore, raw ass rubbed against my jeans and caused unbearable pain that literally made my legs shake so much that I couldn’t walk.

TO: Gee.
(7:56am)
I can’t fucking walk. Asshole.

FROM: Gee.
(7:58am)
Neither can I, so we’re equal.

TO: Gee.
(7:59am)
No. I just fucked you too hard. You spanked me until I bled.

FROM: Gee.
(8:01am)
You deserved it and you know it. Slut. <3

I smiled and rolled my eyes, groaning as I stood up. When he told me I wouldn’t be able to walk today, I hadn’t actually believed him.
I should have seen it coming, though. After he drove me home, I went to get a shower and caught the sight of my ass in the mirror. It was covered with red and purple bruises and I winced even at the sight of it. I should have known it’d hurt even more in the morning.
My Mom called up the stairs to tell me to hurry up or I’d be late. Wincing in pain, I dragged my bag onto my back and marched out the door, stopping to kiss my Mom on the cheek as I left.
“Frankie? Why not invite Cameron over to dinner tonight?” she asked brightly. I blushed.
“Sure, Mom.” I mumbled. I knew I had to do it now as well, or else risk her probing questions about my (fake) relationship. I groaned as I shut the door, praying that Gerard hadn’t wanted to see me today.

The walk to school was one of the most painful things I’d ever had to endure. I wasn’t even sure if I was going to make it. I felt like my skin was literally on fire, and each step only made it worse. Eventually, though, I made it, and had to go through the intense trouble of smiling at my friends, as if there wasn’t anything wrong with me. Cameron was sitting with them when I walked in, which made a wave of annoyance rise in me. Why was he so damn clingy? As I approached, his face lit up, and I felt that familiar flutter in my stomach - the one that was saved for Gerard’s little smirks, or the way he smiles after a joke, or the way his lips feel against mine. Yet here I was, stomach-fluttering because of someone else.
“You look nice today.” He said brightly, his mouth pulling into a wider smile. I smiled back.
“Thanks, Cam. You look great too.” I said, using the nickname easily. He blushed and smiled, and my stomach fluttered again, much to my despair. Chris and Joe just sat there, beaming like complete idiots.
“Don’t you two have anything better to do?” I said as the bell rang. They shrugged almost simultaneously.
“Not really. You two are too cute.” Chris mocked, pushing me into Cameron who shyly slid his hand into mine. I held his hand and smiled, trying desperately to ignore the ocean of guilt that flooded my lungs.
“How about you stop trying to get me laid and focus on yourselves?” I snapped, though I smiled to show I wasn’t really angry. Joe stretched nonchalantly and shrugged.
“I’ve got plans this weekend, bro.”
“Yeah, hot date with your right hand.” I bit back. Chris laughed and high-fived me, and Joe grasped his heart like he was hurt.
“Damn, Iero, you get a new slampiece and suddenly you’re mean? I don’t like it.” He said. I rolled my eyes and turned my attention back to Cameron.
“We’ve got History now, right?” I asked. He nodded, and, giving Joe and Chris a quick goodbye wave, we walked together.

To get to the History building, you have to walk out of the main building and across the school campus. I did it all the time without worry, but this time, I felt on edge, and didn’t know why.
“You okay?” Cameron asked, sensing my trouble. I smiled.
“Yeah, I’m fine.” I said, my eyes locking on the building. I was so focused on getting there that I nearly didn’t noticed the red-haired man leaning against the side of the building, a cigarette between his lips.
He, however, had definitely seen me. He smirked around the cigarette and took another pull before walking towards us, the smoke billowing out of his nose.
“Shouldn’t you two be in class?” he said in his best strict teacher voice. Cameron stammered beside me, trying to think of an excuse, and I fought the urge to laugh. It was easy to forget that not everyone had seen him crying and begging to be fucked.
“We’re on our way there.” I cut in. Gerard smirked and took another long, thoughtful pull on his cigarette.
“Is there any reason why you two are…attached?” he said, sneering.
“We were just walking.” Cameron said quietly. Gerard shifted his gaze from my eyes over to Cameron, his face becoming bored and tired.
“I can see that.” He murmured, looking back at me.
“Well, better run along then.” He mocked, putting the cigarette back in his mouth.
“Kiss my ass.” I said partially under my breath, but making sure he heard. Cameron gasped from beside me, but I was more amused with Gerard’s response. His eyebrows lifted, his mouth forming a shocked smile and then falling into a smirk. He was at a complete loss for words, and we both knew it.
“See you in class.” He purred, turning away, dropping his cigarette on the floor.
“C’mon Frank.” Cameron said quietly. We walked along for a bit before I realized that there was something up.
“What’s up?” I asked. Cameron shrugged.
“I don’t know. Mr. Way is a really weird guy.” He said, furrowing his eyebrows.
“Yeah, just ignore him. He thinks he’s cool just because half of the girls in the school wanna fuck him.” I laughed.
“You want to as well.” Cameron pointed out. I tried my hardest to keep my expression neutral.
“Nah. He’s too much of a self-absorbed asshole.” I lied. Cameron smiled, looking somewhat relieved, and we walked into class together, apologizing for being late. Our teacher barely looked up and just waved us to our seats, so we sat at the back at adjoining desks. He smiled shyly at me and took my hand again, letting them drop beneath the table. To my delight, Cameron didn’t seem particularly interested in History either, so we just sat and whispered to each other for most of the lesson.
“Hey, wanna come over tonight?” I said. I tried to ignore the hopeful look that lit up his face at my words.
“Yeah, that’d be great.” He said, squeezing my hand fondly. My mind flashed back to Gerard the night before and I slid my hand out of Cameron’s, smiling at him to soften the blow. Of course I was in love with Gerard and, at the end of the day, he was the main reason I was doing what I was doing with Cameron. But that didn’t mean I was completely immune to Cameron’s bright smile, or the way he blushed so easily, or even his big blue puppy dog eyes. When I thought of Gerard, I thought of a forest fire, beautiful, untamable and hypnotizing. Cameron, however, was a soft, still lake; calming and safe. I slid my phone out of my pocket as it buzzed against my leg, not even needing to check which one it was. I made sure to open the message under the table where my teacher (and, of course, Cameron) couldn’t see.

FROM: Gee.
(9:34am)
Is your offer to kiss your ass still open, sweetheart? ;)

I chewed my lip and looked away, pretending to stare out the window. God, this was fucking difficult.

TO: Gee.
(9:36am)
For you? Always.

FROM: Gee.
(9:37am)
Glad to hear it. :) Teaching a class atm, talk to you later.
I love you <3

I sighed, running a hand through my hair. This was getting way too fucking difficult. All I wanted was to distract everyone from my relationship (if you could call it that) with Gerard, and all it did was make me distract myself.

TO: Gee.
(9:41am)
I love you too. <3

“You okay?” Cameron asked gently. I looked up and smiled.
“Yeah. Just…I don’t know. Stuff.” I laughed. He held my hand again, and I let him, because I was confused and guilty, and his hand was warm.
“It’s okay. You don’t need to talk about it if you don’t want to.” He said sweetly. I groaned internally. He was so nice. Why? I smiled sadly.
“It’s not that I don’t want to tell you, I just…I don’t even know where I’d start. It’s all jumbled in my head.” I sighed. He rubbed soothing circles into my hand with his thumb, smiling softly.
“It’s okay, don’t force it. Things tend to clear themselves up if you just leave them.” He beamed. I shook my head.
“You’re too nice to me.” I sighed. He tilted his head in confusion.
“I don’t see why I shouldn’t be.” He said, his voice dripping with honesty. I laughed bitterly.
“Because I’m an asshole.” I said simply. He furrowed his eyebrows and shook his head.
“No, you’re not.” He said firmly. I smiled at him and looked down at my book. He had no idea just how bad a person I really was, and the worst part was that I was too selfish to tell him. Even without the confusion of my feelings (which were, as much as I hated to admit it, growing towards him), I was still using him. I knew deep down that it’d be easier on him, Gerard and me for me to just stop, but I couldn’t. I was getting used to having him around and, even more importantly, I loved the freedom of being able to see Gerard whenever I wanted and not have to answer to anyone. It was, on paper, the ideal agreement. Except, it wasn’t an agreement. Cameron had no idea he was being used, and Gerard had already told me how much he hated the idea. That just left me, conflicted and confused.

I managed to limp and hobble my way through my classes, constantly cursing Gerard for being such a literal pain in my ass. Cameron looked at me with concern, but I just assured him that I’d hurt my back lifting weights, and that it’d probably heal soon enough.
Though, that wasn’t necessarily true. When I walked into lunch with Cameron’s arm around my waist, Gerard gave me a look that suggested that he’d like nothing more than to bend me over and spank me until I passed out, safeword be damned. I gave him a hard look, which he returned with a possessive glare that made me flush with heat. He smirked, clearly seeing the effect he’d had on me, but his eyes stayed dark and fixed on me.
“How’s your back?” Cameron asked, concern filling his face. I smiled at him fondly.
“It’s better.” I smiled.
“I don’t have to come over tonight, if you just wanted to relax and –“
“No, it’s fine. I want you to come.” I said and he blushed. I felt my hand reach up and touch his cheek before I realized I was doing it. He stared at me, his lips pressed together as I slid my fingertips across his reddened cheeks. I dropped my hand and smiled, shaking my head.
“Sorry. I don’t know why I did that.” I laughed. He grabbed my wrist and pulled my hand back up to his cheek, leaning into my touch. I smiled, and he smiled adoringly back.
My moment of peace was disturbed by a loud bang. Gerard was sitting with his hand flat on the table, taking deep breaths, his red hair hanging in his face. His eyes flickered up to mine for only a moment before he got to his feet and stormed out of the lunch hall, apparently not aware that everyone was looking at him.
“That guy is so weird.” Chris mumbled. Cameron nodded enthusiastically.
“C’mon guys, he probably has a lot going on.” I said, trying to mentally untie the knot in my stomach. To my surprise, they agreed with me.
“Yeah. You know he cuts himself, right?” Chris said. Cameron’s eyes widened.
“What? No!” he said, putting a hand to his mouth in shock. Chris nodded slowly, solemnly. Like he actually gave a shit.
“Yeah, I saw it in class one time.” He said, shaking his head.
“Maybe that’s not what it was.” I said, trying to throw them off. I knew he wouldn’t want them knowing. I thought to last night, the way my fingertips ran across the thin red lines.
“It definitely was.” Chris said. Cameron shook his head sadly.
“Poor guy.” He murmured. Poor guy indeed.

TO: Gee.
(2:08pm)
You okay, baby? I’m sorry, I didn’t mean for that to happen. I love you more than you can imagine. <3

I rested my phone on my lap and felt relief when he responded.

FROM: Gee.
(2:10pm)
I’m okay, I just needed to get out. I love you too, sweetheart. See you in a few. <3

TO: Gee.
(2:11pm)
I’m so sorry, honey. <3

He didn’t reply to the last one, but I just told myself that it was because he was getting ready for the lesson. I tried to tune back into the conversation being held by my friends, but my mind kept wandering, so I gave up. Cameron gave my shoulder an encouraging squeeze, but pretty much left me alone, which I was grateful for.
Even as we walked to class, he kept a distance away from me. His short, concerned looks were slightly annoying, but appreciated that he was trying. We walked into class without a work, and I sat down without even looking at Gerard, afraid of what I’d see. Turns out though, he had other plans, as he kneeled down in front of me, smiling at me shyly. His eyes were red and swollen, and I sighed.
“I made you cry.” I said bluntly. He gave a strained giggle.
“It’s okay.”
“Is it?”
“I promise. I wanted to ask you something, since I know I won’t get the chance to after school.” He said, shooting a glare at Cameron.
“Shoot.” I said.
“Stay with me this weekend.” He said softly, a smile playing around his lips. I beamed, feeling a pleasant warmth spread through me at his words. He really wanted to spend all weekend with me?
“Okay.” I said, smiling.
“By the way, how’s your ass?” he asked, tilting his head. I grimaced.
“Hurts like a bitch.” I mumbled.
“Mine too.” He laughed, and I just rolled my eyes at him. He leaned forward like he was going to kiss me, and then stopped last minute, standing up and addressing the class. Admittedly, I barely listened. I was too busy thinking about what we’d get up to on the weekend.


I could tell that something was bothering Cameron, even if he didn’t want to tell me. We’d been sitting in my room for the last three hours, and he’d barely said a word to me.
“C’mon Cam.” I said, nudging him. He sighed.
“I just. I like you, Frank. Y’know? I really like you. And I just don’t know what’s happening here.” He said, the words bursting from him. I blushed from guilt and looked down.
“What do you mean?”
“One minute you’re acting like you like me too, and the next, we’re just friends. It’s infuriating.” He groaned. I bit my lip and held his hand, liking the way his soft skin was becoming familiar against my hand.
“I’m sorry. I’m a bit of a mess.” I laughed. He smiled a little bit.
“It’s fine. I just…do you like me? In that way?” he asked. My heart raced in my chest. Now could be my chance to end everything without compromising our friendship. All I had to say is that I only saw him as a friend.
I nodded.
“Yeah, I do. It’s just complicated.” I said, the words coming out before I could stop them. He pulled me closer to him, wrapping his arms around me. His smell wasn’t like Gerard’s warm, musky scent, but was sweeter and lighter. My head didn’t quite fit on his chest as nicely as it did on Gerard’s, but it was comfortable enough.
“Things are only complicated if you make them complicated.” He murmured, pulling away. I smiled sadly.
“I did make it complicated. It’s my entire fault. That’s part of the complication.” I groaned. He put a hand on my chin, and I knew exactly what he was going to do. A part of me wanted to stop him, and a part of me wanted him to hurry up and do it already. While I was busy trying to figure out what part to listen to, he kissed me, and the only thing I was worried about was that, in that moment, I wasn’t thinking about Gerard. Not even a little bit.

Notes

Whoops I'm an asshole. :)