Pull Me Out Of This Hole, It's Dark In Here

I woke up to this really loud banging and I felt my head spinning.

"Gosh..." I hate mornings.

I heard the banging again and I understood that it was my door, but who the fuck wants to visit me?
I dragged myself to the door and opened it to see Frank standing in front of me.

"H-hi..!" Frank waved, smiling to me.
"Hello Frank." I thought I saw a little sadness in his eyes but it was gone as soon as it had came.
"I was thinking that maybe I should try to make some friends around here because I really don't know the neighbor yet and... I kind of owe you for helping me yesterday, and..." Frank babbled on, he's really cute, and I like him. Yeah... I like him, I've liked him since I saw him.

I just now realized I hadn't even listened Frank's rant about life and he probably doesn't even notice.

"Oh yeah... I suppose friends are nice." I smiled to him, moving out of his way for him to come in, "You kind of woke me, but come in and I'll get a shower... you can look around or something." I said, walking away from the door, expecting him to follow me.

"I could come later too..." Frank mumbled, looking around.

"Oh no, you don't have to... I just stink and feel itchy so..." I smiled and gestured him to come in, "so yeah... come in." I said, almost running to the bathroom before he could fight back.

Frank's pov

I hope I didn't bore Gerard with my babbling, oh god I'm such an idiot... and now he invited me in. AND HE EXPECTS ME TO LOOK AROUND! I can't... I normally would, but... Gerard's house isn't the same.

I walked to Gerard's living room, and looked around a little bit... it was a messy room full of cool stuff and... alot of cigarette packs and cigarettes on their own... wait those are not cigarettes... weed!? Gerard smokes weed? Now my curiosity hit in. Does he take something else too?

I walked around a little, but I didn't dare to enter Gerard's bedroom, that's his personal place, and even if I'm nosy, I'll have to respect that.

At the time when I got back to the living room, I heard Gerard turn off the shower.
I still didn't expect to see him in a couple of minutes, so that he could put his clothes on and so on, but to my surprise he opened the bathroom door and there he was standing with only a towel on, smiling to me.

"I forgot to take my clothes with me to the bathroom." Gerard apologized and walked to his bedroom, he didn't even seem to be embarrassed by this.

It took a few minutes for Gerard to get his clothes on, but he eventually walked out of the bedroom and to the living room area, where I was sitting on the couch.

"So you smoke weed?" not the best converstation starter... I'm a fucking idiot.
I saw that Gerard was blushing a little now and he avoided the eye contact with me.
He tried to smile and he opened and closed his mouth like a fish.
"Yeeaah..." Gerard let out a nervous laugh and scratched the back of his head.

I should have just shut up but because I'm stupid like that, of course I had to ask him;
"Do you take any other drugs? Stronger ones?" and I had to add that too.

"Not anymore..." oh shit Frank... just shut up now... you sound like a mom of a teenager who just got caught with alcohol.

"Oh okay..." I tried to close the converstation, I had started, but then Gerard kept talking.
"You know... I took the stronger ones when I still was an alcoholist... that was before my parents kicked me out... so it's been awhile, yeah..." Gerard looked like he was really just now processing what had happened at that time, it seemed tough.

"I actually only took Xanax at the time, because of my depression, and I started drinking away my feelings... I'm not that depressed anymore, but I still don't have any reasons to live... it's just, that I wake up every day in the same bed to find out, I'm still here, and that's it... I don't have any reasons to live, I just do." I could see that Gerard was almost in tears now and I could hear it too, I hate that feeling, you feel so weak and useless.

"I didn't have the guts to kill myself... I still don't have the guts..." Gerard breathed out, sounding a mad now.

"People don't kill themself because they have no reason to live, they kill themself because they have reason to die." I whispered, almost in tears myself now... I know that life is rough but I've made it through, pretending that I'm okay, to the point where I believe it myself.

"Please don't try to find yourself any reasons at all, they'll come for you in a positive way, they don't like being chased." I got up from the couch and walked to Gerard to hug him. I could see him shaking but I still grabbed him into my hug and tried to calm him down.
"You'll find something to keep yourself alive with."

Notes

I just poured all my feelings into this chapter.... TO MAKE IT SURE I'm not suicidal but you know... the stuff kind of touched me... and you people are great, I hope you never stop existing c:
AND BTW I already have the next chapter ready... probably upload it tomorrow.