Vision

I could hardly think, I could hear my blood pounding in my ears and I felt like my heart was in my throat. Gerard was kissing my neck and collarbone, my hands lightly on his shoulders.
“Gerard?” I stifled a moan as I felt his tongue slide across my neck, “Gerard?”
“Yes darling?” he looked up at me. His usually soft hazel eyes clouded with lust, pupils dilated and that damn smirk upon his lips.
“Gerard, I think we need to stop.” His face fell and he looked like I had slapped him.
“You don’t trust me?” his hurt expression almost brought tears to my eyes; he looked like a kicked puppy.
“No, no! Gerard I trust you, I just don’t trust myself. I still can’t get what happened out of my mind and I still need to figure out what I am doing next. I don’t want to leave you and Patrick, but I still need to go back to my family, tell them everything.”
“So you really did remember everything huh?”
“Not everything, my last name is still a mystery but I remember that I have a sister who I live with in an apartment and a few other things.”
“I wasn’t sure if after everything with uh Brendon, that you still remembered so I didn’t want to bring it up.”
“It’s okay, I probably would have done the same thing. It’s just so frustrating, you know? I just wish I remembered more.” I ran my hands through my hair and sighed, there was something ticking at the back of my mind but it was just out of my reach.
“Hey,” Gerard grabbed my hand, comfortingly rubbing his thumb over my fingers, “it’s okay, you’ll figure everything out and when you get back to your family don’t think for a moment it will be the last you see of Patrick and I.”
“What about Brendon?”
“Do you really want to see him again?” Gerard sighed and closed his eyes for a moment, “I’m sorry, it’s your decision.”
“I know, it’s just, ugh.” I flopped back down onto my back next to Gerard, my hand still in his. “I know that’s not him, I don’t know what got into him but he isn’t that kind of person.”
“He really isn’t, I’ve never seen him act anything remotely like that before, even with his girlfriends he’s never been anything other than gentle.” He ran a hand down his face, his bottom lip stuck in a pout so adorable I couldn’t help but grin.
We laid in silence, our hands intertwined and our heads sharing his Star Wars pillow. I could feel the warmth radiating off his body, his t-shirt rumpled and slightly lifted by his waist, his bare hip-bone and porcelain skin shining in the city lights coming through the windows.
I thought Gerard had fallen asleep but there was no chance of that happening to me, my mind was still spinning, I decided to walk around the apartment a bit to tire me out. I got out of the bed as carefully as I could; we never even got back under the blankets so it was a relatively easy task. Gerard looked so peaceful just lying there. His bright red hair tousled and pushed back from his forehead, lips slightly parted, still in that infuriatingly adorable pout. I watched his chest rise and fall, he was so slim I thought I could almost see his ribs, I need to get him eating more, the stress of the past few days probably wasn’t helping him either.
I couldn’t help but smile as I stared down at this man, my beautiful red haired angel. I couldn’t believe how lucky I was to be able to call him mine. Could I even call him mine? That was just one more question I didn’t want to deal with right now.
I continued to tiptoe past the bed and after almost tripping over one of the chairs; I snuck out of the bedroom, closing the door softly behind me. When I turned away from the door I nearly screamed. Brendon was across the room in the kitchen talking to Patrick. I sprinted across the room and ducked down behind the couch, praying Brendon hadn’t seen me. I held my hand over my mouth, scared to even breathe, when I heard a door close I sucked in a huge, loud breath, and fell back onto the floor, relieved I had not been caught.
“Chris, you can come out now.” It was Patrick’s voice.
I peeked over the couch to be sure and when I saw his tired face I stood up completely. He held his arms out, beckoning me towards him for a hug. I smiled and walked over, wrapping my arms around him.
“You okay sweetie?” Despite his voice being muffled by my shoulder I heard him and nodded, resting my head on his. Even though he was so much shorter than me, he was nice to hug, and he smelled like a mix of grass and maple.
“I’m sorry you had to see him, I didn’t invite him here, I promise. He just showed up.”
“I believe you Patrick. It’s okay.” I took a deep breath, trying to calm my nerves. “I’m okay.”

Notes

Sorry! No smut for my Killjoys unfortunately!
Glad to see you all still reading!

Question of the day: If you could be in MCR but had to kick out someone, who would you kick out to get your place?