Divided

I froze were I stood and stopped breathing. I couldn't even open my mouth to ask Gerard what he was doing in my room.
When I got in room Gerard looked up at me and waited for me to aknowlege his presence, when I did, he just stared into my eyes quietly. He didn't look angry, he almost looked...disappointed?
He had Franks notes next to him and he sat on the edge of my bed, his elbows on his knees and his hands on his head, like he had been hiding his head between his hands, thinking, before I came in and interrupted his thoughts.
"I came up here to apologize for what happend tonight... You just came home after being gone for so long and we just started arguing... I didn't want that to happen..."
I still couldn't breath, I was just looking at him wide-eyed. There's no way of lying my way out of this, so I just stood there and listend to what he was saying. He sounded so calm...
"Mikey said that I needed to say I was sorry before things got any worse between us, so after thinking a lot about what I was going to say, I came and knocked on your door, but you didn't answer. I thought you were asleep, but you could has easly been ignoring me... So I opend the door to check on you, and you weren't here, I even checked the bathroom." He was still looking straight into my eyes wich made me feel even more terrified, I had the feeling that at any minute he was going to explode in anger and I would have to defend myself, but he remained calm and peaceful.
" At first I thought that you went down stairs to the kitchen, to steal some food, like you did when you were younger and Father sent you to bed without food... As I was turning away to check for you downstairs I noticed the notes on your desk, notes that weren't neither in your handwriting of Mikey's... Are they his? The Healer?" He asked.
I couldn't answer, I couldn't let him know. But it was useless, even if I didn't open my mouth there was no way to hide it, my silence made him nod and look at the ground
" I guess that answers my question..." He said whispering, "It's obvious how disappointed I am at you Jane... I came to apologize, to try and make things right between us... I didn't even put a barrier around the house so I wouldn't make you feel like a prisoner, but I guess it was a mistake..."
"Why would you want to apologize to me?" I finally managed to open my mouth to speak, but my voice sounded weak and scared. He looked up at me again.
"Because whether you believe it or not, I love you, and I want what's best for you. I don't agree to this marriage and I never agreed with this tradition. But we are bound to it. It's our duty now as members of the Way family to continue our inheretence of Dark and there for marry within the Dark community." He spoke harshly at me now, still not loosing his temper but his tone suggested that he was getting angry. "I came here to tell you how sorry I was to drop this news on you the minute you came back home, and also to make you understand that I have no joy of doing this to you, even if you think otherwise. I love you Jane, I always have. Having you away for so long was very difficult for me. But I'm now the leader of this family and I have a responsibility to carry on with tradition."
I was still looking at him wide-eyed, but my body started to shift emotions from surprised and scared to angry. When he saw I wasn't going to say anything (yet) he continued.
"I don't like this anymore than you do Jane... I don't like the man Father arranged for you, I don't like this tradition... It's very hard for me..." Finally I snapped
"It's hard for YOU?!" I shouted at him making him look surprised, he wasn't expecting to be interrupted. "It's haaard for you?! What you think it is for me?! A walk in the park?!" I was out of control and so were my powers. Because of my anger everything in my room started to shake on its own like in an earthquake. " I'M the one who has to marry that snake! You're not forced to marry anyone! I'm the one that's being forced to obey tradition and to live the rest of my life MISERABLE, because I'm not allowed to be myself!" My voice grew louder and my powers stronger, the windows started to crack and my books were falling from they're shelfs. Gerard was looking at me still surprised at my outburst but he didn't try to stop me or to calm me down, he still sat on my bed waiting for me to finish. He's expression made me angrier so I continued.
"It's already bad enough to know that after the Chosing I may be Dark, that there's a chance that I might loose my emotions like most Dark women, that there's a chance that afterwards all I can think about is power! And now, on top of it all, I have to marry someone I never met before, and that I know nothing about! It's HARD for you?! FUCK YOU GERARD! YOU AND YOUR TRADITIONS" I completly lost control over my nerves and one the windows shattered. I couldn't look at his face, how dares he coming into my room and saying that this was hard for him! I was shaking uncontrollably and my ankle started to hurt again, but I didn't care, I looked away from Gerard's eyes to fight the tears there were growing in my eyes. I started taking deep breaths to calm down but they weren't working, I felt so angry I could just burst into flames. Gerard was looking at me like he was trying to fight something inside of him, he looked scared and worried about me at the same time. That's the Gerard I knew and loved, the one that cared about me, not the one that was fighting the urge to stand up and comfort me while I cried leaning against my bedroom door. The worried look in his eyes lasted only for a second, being almost immediately switched by one of superiority and emotionless. He slowly stood up and walked towards me placing his hands on my shoulders and helping me to sit were he sat on the bed. I didn't want him to help me but I felt so weak I thought I was going to crumble at his feet. I sat there and looked up at him with tears rolling down my cheeks and my hands shaking.
"I understand that you're upset" his voice was cold and harsh " and I understand that this is a lot to process, but this is what's going to happen. Whether you and I like it or not, you are going to marry Andrew Melt. Even if, IF, at your Chosing your pulled to the Light, you'll still marry him, why? Because you're a Way, and no matter what side you're on, tradition still applies to you." I was looking at the ground listening to what he had to say. I couldn't look up at him. I was afraid if I did i'd probably make him burst into flames or throw him against a wall, if I did that it would only make things worse.
" I know you don't know him yet, but from today till the Chosing you'll have plenty of time to do so, especially at the Summer Solstice party next week." He paused and placed his hand under my chin, forcing me to look at him, "In the meantime, you'll stay away from that Healer. He's not to come anywhere near this house or you. If he does Jane, and I find out... I'll kill him. I don't care that you have feelings for him, wich I can see that you do, I will kill him for getting anywhere near you. You don't belong together and you never will. Forget about him, because you'll never see him again..."
My eyes flared with anger at his words but I knew he wasn't bluffing. Gerard had his mindset on keeping me and Frank apart and he would kill him to do so.
I felt like I was going to breakdown, but before I did I was able to whisper three words at him,
"I hate you..." I knew I sounded like a small child but I didn't care, that's how I felt at the moment and I was going to let him know that.
"I'm sorry you feel that way..." Gerard said "Perhaps when this is all over, and you understand that what I'm doing is to secure your future, then maybe we can go back to the way things were between us..."
He let go of my chin with a sigh and turned around. He left my room and closed the door behind him.
As soon as he does that I breakdown to tears. I felt like my insides were being torn apart from the pain of the thought of not seeing Frank again. I could just ignore Gerard's threat and try and see him again, to at least warn him to keep his distance. But I knew that after tonight, Gerard would keep a tight barrier around the house, alerting him to any intruder that would even come close to the driveway.
There was no way around it, if I even tried to see Frank I would be risking his life and I couldn't do that. I prefered knowing that he was far away from me but alive, than to have him next to me and dead.
But the thought of being away from him hurt to much to bare, I grabbed his notes and held them to my chest while I cried.
I layed my head on the pillow and cried until I had no more tears to cry, eventuallly letting exhaustion take over and falling asleep...

Notes

Hey guys! Sorry I didn't write anything sooner, but college is killing me :( I can't even have a break on weekends!
Anyway, I hope you enjoy this new chapter, and I promise things will get more interesting in the next chapters... ;P

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Have a good weekend everyone :D