Sometimes I Think I'll Die Alone

I woke up to the sound of Mikey banging on my bedroom door yet again. I’m guessing I’m late for school? September sucks. I looked at my phone... Saturday... Nope, not that. I decided to get up and answer the door to him.

The door swung open and he hugged me tightly, grinning like a fool. I was just in my batman t-shirt and underwear, so I was surprised at his lack of discomfort.

I squirmed in his grip, “Mikes, what’s going on man?”

He set me down, smiling, “Dude, the band has already got like three A&R guys after us!”

My jaw dropped, “You’re freaking kidding me..?”

He smiled wider and shook his head, “Nope. Gerard’s gonna let us all talk it out first for a while before we decide who to go with, but we wanna make sure we make the right choice. We don’t want anyone to make us any less of a band.”

I hugged him, “Fuck, I told you you guys were great!”

“Well, our show last night never would have been as good as it was without you... But don’t worry, we’re working on finding a permanent guitarist.” He smiled weakly.

I sighed and sat on my bed, looking up at him, “Mikes, you know I’d love to stay with you guys-”

“But you wanna be able to do all this stuff for yourself, I get that, we all do. Really Grey, we all understand and we’re perfectly okay with that, we still get to play some shows with you.” He smiled and sat down next to me, putting his hand on my knee.

I put me head on his shoulder and closed my eyes, “I love you Mikes.”

Putting his arm around me he replied, “Love you too Blue.”

I sighed contently, “So. What’re we doing today then?” I sat up and turned to face my best friend.

“Mmmmmm... Mall?” He shrugged.

I stood up, “Sure, I just need to feed Fred first.” I walked over to his cage and opened the door, revealing the small furry creature who decided to run up my arm and onto my shoulder.

Mikey chuckled, “You and that freakin’ ferret.”

I snorted, “This dude is my best friend, like, ever. If you hadn’t appeared in my life, I’d still be talking to this guy as if I had no life.” I lightly patted Fred’s head.

Mikey gave me a smug smile, “Yeah well I’m your best friend now... Besides, you still talk to him...”

I narrowed my eyes at him, “... Point?”

He giggled and walked out of the room, calling behind him, “I’m getting a PopTart, feed him, get changed and we’ll leave in twenty.” I smiled, passing Fred a treat.

The creature took the small parcel in his hands and nibbled at it, while I filled his bowl with food. I held my arm toward the cage door, “Come on Fred, get back in now, mumma’s gotta get changed.” He did as I said, he always did, scuttling back into his home.

Right, where was I? Mikey? Mall? Clothes. Okay.

I grabbed my old pair of ripped skinny’s and Blink-182 top, with my old pair of black Vans. I pocketed my money before I exited my room and met Mikey downstairs, doing as he always did, eating a PopTart.

We were about to leave when I heard my mum come into the room. She always worked so I only saw her on weekends.

“Hey mum, you okay?” I smiled.

She smiled back warmly and hugged my side, “I’m good thanks, just shattered.”

I tutted, “Go back to sleep then. Me and Mikes are going out, I’m not sure when we’ll be back.” She chuckled.

“Going out? Okay. Mikey? Take care of her, ‘kay?” Mikey smiled, nodded and grabbed my hand.

I walked out of the door waving to her before it shut. Mikey’s nearly 18 so he’s got a driver’s permit, so I was pretty content with him driving me everywhere. I’m nearly 16 and I hated the thought of learning to drive. I’d most probably kill myself...

* * *

I held Mikey’s hand as we walked round Jersey Gardens, swinging our arms.

“So... Where first?” Mikey started.

I shrugged, not minding at all, “I dunno... how about we get yet another game I can kick your ass at..?” I smiled as I turned round to face him.

He shoved me in the arm, “You did not ‘kick my ass’. I got distracted.”

I raised my eyebrow, “Oh yeah? By what?”

He sniffed, “There was a spider on the window. You know I’m deathly afraid of spiders.”

I laughed, “Yeah right. If there was I spider, I’d know. You, too, know that I’m also deathly afraid of spiders.”

Mikey pouted, “Ugh whatever. GameStop it is then.”

As we made out way there I noticed someone looking in a comic book store. Woah. Head down low, keep walking, he won’t see you...

“Hey is that Frank?” Nice one Mikes. “Yo, Frank!”

Frank jumped, then noticed Mikey.

“Hey guys. What’re you lovely people doing here then?” He looked at me smiling. Naturally, I smiled shyly back.

Mikey spoke up, “Just have nothing better to do. Blue reckons she’s going to find a game she’ll beat me at...”

“... Again.” I smiled.

Frank chuckled, “Mikey... You get beaten by a girl?”

Mikey threw his hands up in the air, “No! She didn’t beat me! I got distracted by a spider for fuck sake!”

I giggled, he was such a drama queen, “No. I beat him. He fucking sucks.” I spoke quietly, but loud enough to hear.

Frank smiled again, “Well... Spiders are scary shit... But Mikey, I do believe she may have beaten you.” Mikey huffed. “Anyway... There’s a party at the Eyeball Record’s house tonight. Whether it’ll be good, I don’t know. You guys up for it? You can ask the others if you want?” I gulped, I wasn’t that into parties.

Mikey looked at me cautiously, “Um... I’ll talk it out with Grey... I’m sure the guys will be game... But we’ll see.” He smiled.

Frank clicked his tongue, “Alright guys. Well I’ll see you whenever.” He smiled, waved and walked away. Ugh... That was... Awkward. For me at least.

Mikey took my hand, “You don’t have to go Blue, we’ll talk about it after you’ve beaten my ass. Now let’s go pick a game.” I hugged his arm and followed him into the shop.

* * *

I was sat in Mikey’s car for the second time today, on our way to his place. We finally decided on Halo 3. I was determined to beat him. I would anyway. I also made Mikey come to HotTopic... He didn’t enjoy that as much, because I shop like a complete woman. But he picked up a few CD’s; The Maine, Asking Alexandria and Anthrax. I, on the other hand, bought a Blink CD, Enter Shikari and Skrillex. Of course, I got some clothes, and Mikey was actually a lot of help... This made me wonder sometimes...

Here comes the rain again, falling from the stars. Drenched in my pain again, becoming who we are.

Notes