Sometimes I Think I'll Die Alone

Grey’s P.O.V.

I ran out into the back alley behind Big Daddy’s. I just couldn’t handle it anymore. Mikey wasn’t enough to keep the pain from resurfacing. Nothing was.

Just then I heard the back door open, emerging from it a distressed looking Frank. I stepped backwards.

“Leave me alone, Frank.” He took another step forward.

“Grey...”

“I said leave me alone!” My back pressed against a cold, hard wall. I don’t know what happened. I just started sobbing uncontrollably.

Frank came forward again, “Grey... I’m not going to hurt you...”

I sunk down onto the cement, and put my face in my hands, “Please...”

He sat down next to me and I froze, terrified. I wasn’t even sure why. But Frank only wrapped his arms around my shoulders, causing my cries to become harder. He just held me close to him, hushing me and rocking me lightly back and forth.

“It’s okay Grey... I won’t let anything hurt you...” His voice was soft and soothing, calming me down slightly. I sniffled and put my head on his chest as he stroked my tear-stained face.

I felt his chest rise and fall as he sighed, cutting through our silence, “Grey... What... I mean... What is it with you?”

I looked at him, not understanding.

He scratched the back of his neck, “I could have worded that better... What I meant was; Why are you so... Closed? You never talk, you never look anyone in the eye. It’s like you don’t even want people knowing you.”

I sat up straight and spoke simply, “I don’t.”

He looked at me confused, “Why?”

“Because I’m not worth people’s time. I don’t mean anything to anyone. Why should I? I’m just another human being trapped in this sea of people that is the human race. The rest of them are stuck there, searching aimlessly for affection from another. Not me. I touch no one and no one touches me. That way no one gets hurt. Simple.” I realised what I had just told Frank. Mikey was the only one I’d ever explained that to...

Frank looked at me with sympathy filled eyes, “Grey... I- I don’t really- You mean something. You really do. You may not know it, or you may not believe it, but you do. You obviously mean everything to Mikey and... You mean an awful lot to me too...” He lowered his head and cleared his throat, “And... If you don’t learn to accept love from others, you’ll never learn to love yourself. People love you Grey. That should mean something to you, because it means something to them. I mean-” He stopped talking abruptly.

I looked at him in the eye, properly this time, “What?”

He sighed and spoke slowly, “It was me who kissed you that night at the party...”

My reply was simple, “I know.”

He raised his head and gave me a confused and worried look, “You do??” I nodded, “Oh... Fuck... I guess I should explain about that then...”

I looked down at the floor as I crossed my legs, “Yeah, I guess you should.” I spoke quietly, in fear of what may or may not be said.

Frank’s P.O.V.

Grey spoke timidly, “Yeah I guess you should.” Great... I was dreading this moment. Kind of...

I took a deep breath and spoke, my voice low and quiet, as if I were afraid of anyone else hearing, “Okay... Well, firstly I should probably admit that I did invite you guys to the party so that I could at least see if I had the guts to kiss you. Apparently, I did... But I really had no idea you’d been drugged, I just thought you were drunk.”

Her face screwed up as she remembered the night. That face just made the pit in my stomach even worse.

I continued, “Well, I thought ‘Why the hell not? I may as well see if I have a shot. If she doesn’t like it, she’ll tell me and hopefully wont remember in the morning and I can just go back to hoping...’. When you went with it I thought it was because you liked it...”

These next words, I definitely did not expect, “Well, I did...”

My mind stopped in its tracks as I looked at her, immediately seeing a bright blush creep up her face as she regretted what she’d just told me.

“You... You did..?” She just turned her face away from me.

I didn’t know what to think... I could only think of one thing to do... Fuck it. This can either go really well, or terribly bad. It’s worth a try.

I placed my thumb and finger lightly on her chin, turning her face back towards me. Our faces were only a few centimeters apart as she looked at me in shock and confusion.

I only have one chance at this, I’m not gonna fuck it up. My nose brushed hers lightly as I moved my face closer to hers, feeling her heat rising. To my surprise, she closed her eyes, so I followed suit and did the same.

As I was about to press my lips to hers,

*CLANG*

Chain me up, hold me down, just let me go, there's always more. I want it all excluding you, losing control, so construed.

Notes