Return To Me, My Love

I wake up in bed again, Frank sitting beside me hunched over his note pad so I remain silent, just watching him write and when he looks up again he smiles and sits the book down. "Hey beautiful" he greets me, reaching a hand out towards me and I reach up and grab it, bringing it closer to my face as I ask "What happened to your hands?" Frank doesn't say anything, just continues to stare at me but the slight shift in his expression confirms what I already know and I nod once and let his hand go, letting him bring it down to cup my cheek and I see him relax, knowing I'm not mad at him. "How are you feeling?" He asks, bringing his eyes up to lock with mine and I feel my bottom lip quiver before a shaky breath leaves my lips and Frank nods, his thumb gently stroking my cheek as he says "Baby I have something I need to talk to you about," my breath hitching as I start to panic and Frank makes a soft shushing noise before continuing. "The guys and I have come to a decision, we're cancelling the tour for the time being" he tells me and I stare at him in confusion for a few long seconds before I say "But I thought...I mean you said you couldn't." "I know, this is a huge huge decision for us to make but we all feel it's the right one and we just hope the fans understand. Your wellbeing is far more important to all of us than the tour, plus we're missing a lead guitarist now so...." Frank trails off, taking in my expression when he mentions Ian. "I'm sorry" he offers softly when he sees how upset I get and I shake my head, calming myself down again before saying "So the guys agree?" feeling skeptical of that and Frank nods before saying "They've actually been here every day, they just weren't sure you would want so many visitors." "Oh" I gasp, feeling overwhelmingly touched by that as I was sure they all hated me. "Can you tell them thanks? I just don't think I'm ready for all this in here, I mean I just...." I trail off, unsure of what I'm trying to say but Frank seems to get it and he leans over me to press a soft kiss to the side of my mouth. "Its okay baby" Frank reassures me and I nod, feeling myself relax again.

Three days later I am starting to feel better physically, the medications being pumped into me scaling right down and Frank and Mikey have gone back to the hotel the guys have been staying at for the last few days to shower when a nurse comes in to check on me, gently poking and prodding and I find the pain in some places almost gone. She smiles reassuringly at me as she tells me that the doctor will be in to see me soon and fifteen minutes later he comes in, distracting me from flicking through the tv channels as he takes note of my charts and asks a few questions before telling me I can be discharged this afternoon. This information is still setting in when Frank comes into the room, looking fresh and clean and we both smile softly as we lock eyes, my heart skipping a beat and when he approaches me and leans down for a hug I wrap my arms around him and cling to him, my face burying in his neck and I breathe in his scent, feeling a sense of calm wash through my entire being before I pull away and Frank stays close, sitting on the edge of the bed as his hand comes up to run through my hair. "Missed you beautiful" he tells me and I feel my lips pull into a bigger smile, Franks matching and I tell him what the doctor said, Frank getting so excited he can barely sit still.

The following day Frank, Mikey and I board a plane to head back to New York, the rest of the band and crew having already gone home and the tour has been cancelled for atleast the next eight weeks, pending further announcement due to a family emergency, the press release not specifying whose family and I am grateful for that. When we land Pete meets us at the airport and he runs straight for us, Mikey looking excited but as he reaches us he reaches out and grabs me instead, pulling me into his chest and I let out a small laugh as I wrap my arms around him, hugging him back before pulling back and when I look over Mikey is watching us with a pout. "Sorry gorgeous" Pete offers before stepping over and wrapping his arms around Mikeys waist, lifting him off the floor and spinning him around while he kisses him and they make out for a minute, Frank and I turning away and Frank wraps his arm around my waist as he starts to guide me away. When we leave the airport we all grab a cab, heading to Franks apartment first and when we pull up he looks over at me questioningly, both of us just staring at each other for a few long seconds while I try to make a decision before I nod, taking Franks hand and he climbs out of the cab, helping me out too and we grab our bags from the trunk, Mikey climbing out too to give me a hug before getting back in and the cab drives off, Frank taking both our bags and following me into the building.

The rest of the afternoon passes quietly, Frank sorting out the bags dumped in the hallway that the guys brought back for him, putting clothes in to wash and dry while I lay on the couch and watch tv, my mind not really focused on it and I have no idea how long I lay staring at the screen for before Frank comes in and kneels infront of me. "Babe" he says softly, his hand coming to rest on my thigh and I tilt my head to look at him, making eye contact and he smiles and says "I was calling you, are you okay?" "Sorry" I offer back, frowning to myself as I realise I must have been really out of it. "Its alright, are you hungry?" He asks, my stomach rumbling softly and I nod, pushing myself to sit up and Frank smiles as he stands and reaches his hands out to help me up, taking me into the kitchen and I take a seat at the table while he grabs his phone and some takeout menus, asking me what I'd like and I just shrug, having no idea and Frank just offers me a smile and makes a call, ordering what sounds like Chinese before joining me at the table and we sit in almost silence until the food arrives.

After dinner I decide to take a shower, going into the bedroom and gathering some clean clothes out of the freshly washed basket Frank has in the corner waiting to be folded before crossing to the bathroom and I start the water, letting it heat up as I look at myself in the mirror, taking in the bruises and cuts still on my face and as my hands work on removing my clothes I follow with my eyes, looking at all the healing scrapes and cuts and bruises until I'm completely naked and I see the deep finger bruises on my hips and thighs and I feel my stomach churn, my eyes welling with tears and I turn and vomit violently into the toilet, heaving and coughing as I choke on it and just as I'm done, nothing left in me a warm hand touches my shoulder and I flinch, backing away and nearly falling down as I come face to face with Frank and he frowns and starts to apologise as he reaches out to help steady me. "Please go" I whisper, tears still streaming down my cheeks and Franks frown grows even deeper as he says "What?" "Please don't look at me, just go" I sob out, not wanting him to see my disgusting used body and Frank nods, lowering his hands and backing away until he's gone, the door closing behind him and I reach out and flush the toilet before stepping into the shower, sinking to the floor under the hot spray and I bring my knees up, curling up as much as I can with my ribs as I let myself cry.

Half an hour later I have pulled myself together a little and I have managed to get myself washed and then dried and dressed and I'm sitting on the edge of the bed when Frank comes in and crosses to me, kneeling on the floor at my feet and gently rubbing his hands on my thighs just above my knees. "I'm so sorry for before baby, I just wanted to make sure you were okay" he tells me and I just stare at him, not knowing what to say and he takes my silence for a second before asking "Are you feeling alright now? Do you want some water or tea or something?" I think about it for a moment before telling him "Tea would be nice" and Frank smiles warmly at me and pushes himself to stand, grabbing his laptop and offering it to me before leaving the room and while he's gone I start it up and pick a movie, shuffling around to sit against the headboard with the covers over my lap and I sit the laptop down next to my legs, wanting Frank to join me and when he comes back with my cup he switches off the light on his way over, leaving the room dimly lit by the lamp beside the bed. Frank sits my tea on the table beside me before taking off his shirt and climbing into bed beside me, settling in the same position I am and I lean down and start the movie, grabbing my tea as I sit back up and a few minutes in Frank slides his arm around my waist, pausing in his movement for a moment to make sure it's alright and I shuffle around and lean over into him, his arm tightening around me a little as we sit and watch the movie and I drink my tea, my stomach feeling settled again by the time I'm done.

Notes