Return To Me, My Love

I take my time in the shower, washing myself off before I slump back against the wall and let what just happened run through my mind. I never meant to actually voice any of that but now that it's out I feel a slight sense of relief amongst the fear and upset that I feel. I love Frank so much but I think it's time that I continue to do what's best for me and I do need a husband who is with me, especially right now. I eventually manage to pull myself out of the shower and when I have dried and redressed I go back into the room but Franks not there again, his phone and wallet missing from the table and I cross the room to my bag, pulling out my own phone along with my pack of cigarettes and lighter and I make my way out onto the balcony, pulling the door closed behind me and sitting down as I light up a cigarette and once I've taken a few puffs I scroll through my contacts in my phone until I find Mikeys number and I dial, bringing the phone to my ear and it rings a few times before Mikeys voice tells me to leave a message. I sigh to myself as I hang up and I sit the phone on the table beside me before standing and crossing to the edge of the balcony, leaning against the railing and continuing to smoke my cigarette as I stare out at the bright city lights until a buzzing from behind me sounds out and I turn to see Mikeys name flashing on the screen and I walk back over and pick it up, answering the call."Hey Gee whats up?" Mikey asks when I answer and I breathe in deeply before launching into everything that happened between Frank and I just now and Mikey patiently waits until I'm done before saying "Good for you Gee, it's about time you do whats best for you and you're right, things will never really get better if he's not there with you rebuilding your life together. Spending a day or two together here and there isn't going to cut it when he's just on his best behaviour because it's not everyday and I think deep down he knows that." "He told me I was being selfish" I tell Mikey and he pauses for a second before saying "Do you think you were?" "Yeah, a little but I'm tired of being the one making all the sacrifices" I tell him and Mikey hums and says "Do whats best for you Gee, don't let Frank make you feel bad for it." "Thanks Mikes" I say and Mikey hums again before saying "Anytime Gee, are you alright?" "Yeah I'm ok, go enjoy your weekend, tell Pete I said hey" "Will do, call if you need anything else" Mikey tells me and we hang up, the balcony door opening just as I sit my phone back on the table and Frank steps outside with me, his face unreadable.

"Frank I...." I start but Frank cuts me off by saying "Gerard I love you but I can't give up my career and drop my tour." "I thought I was the most important thing in your life?" I shoot back, seeing a flicker of anger and frustration cross Franks face before it goes neutral again and he says "Gerard you're being really selfish and immature about this. I need you to think like a grown up for a moment and realise what it is you're asking for. You're asking me to give up my band and my career, the thing that's paying our bills and has been for a long time now, the thing that has been my dream since before I met you, the thing that I have worked my ass off for so I can sit home with you and play house." "I never asked you to give up shit Frank, I asked you to make me a god damn priority for a change and to put in some actual effort and give me what I need. I need a husband who wants to be there and actually is but you don't even want to. I never asked you to give up the band but you could have taken time off until we've worked on this a bit but you wouldn't even consider that, you just want to run me down and tell me I'm selfish for needing you." "I can't take time off on a tour Gerard, that's not how it works" Frank spits back and I reach out and grab my phone, the argument going nowhere and I decide I can't stay anymore, pushing past Frank on my way back inside and I cross the room to my bag, slipping my shoes back on and picking it up as Frank comes back inside and when he sees me with my bag he says "What are you doing?" "I'm going home Frank, this trip was clearly a bad idea" I tell him and I see Franks face harden, his hands shaking a little before he spits out "Fine, just fucking go then." I turn my back to him and cross to the door and just as I'm about to open it I pause and open the side pocket on my bag and grab my keys, finding the one Frank gave me for his apartment and I turn and throw it at him, reaching out for the door handle and I make it a few steps down the hallway before I hear Frank call out "Wait" in a shaky voice but I keep walking, tears streaming down my face by the time I make it outside to hail a cab, hurt and humiliation washing through me as I take the ride to the airport.

A week goes by and Frank tries calling me a couple of times but I don't answer, not prepared to fight anymore and I can't even bring myself to listen to the voicemails he's left.Ian also tries calling me a few times, resorting to sending me text messages ranging from sweet talk to abuse about chickening out and running out on my visit and I gather that Frank didn't tell anyone what happened. I continue with my job hunt but still have no luck and I am starting to run out of hope when Pete tells me the company he works for is looking for more workers and that he will put in a good word for me. I'm laying in bed watching movies on my laptop one rainy afternoon when I hear a knock at my door and I call out that they can come in, turning my head expecting either Pete or Mikey but I'm surprised to see Bert. "Hey" I greet him and he smiles wide before crossing to join me on the bed, pulling me into a hug as he says "Hey babe." "What are you doing here?" I ask and when he pulls back he says "Mikey called, said you could use a friend." "Oh" I say softly, feeling my eyes well with tears and Bert sighs before pulling me back into his arms and softly saying "Shh, don't cry babe" and my self control breaks as I start to sob, Berts arms tightening around me as he guides me to lay down and he holds me tight against his chest as he lets me cry it out into his shirt, one of his hands rubbing up and down my back soothingly and when I have calmed down enough he asks me if I want to talk about it and I sniffle a few times before blurting out the whole story, including the reconciliation between Frank and I and our therapy arrangement and by the time I finish telling him about my trip and the huge fight I can feel his body has tensed considerably and he says "Babe he really doesn't deserve you."

Notes