All the smiles that’ll forever haunt me

The guys continued to stare at this girl as she’d made herself comfortable in the spot I had just moved from to get my cigarettes. She was beautiful, I wouldn’t deny that. Her hair was golden and it went down as far as the middle of her torso, it completely straight and looking goddess like even though she had merely just woken up. Her make-up was still intact and her bright blue eyes shone as she sat, completely unaware of the tension in the air. Gerard stood awkwardly by the kettle waiting for his coffee, his hands deep in the pockets of the hoodie but I wouldn’t dare look at him even though I could feel his eyes flicker to me every once in a while. It was somehow just easier. I walked tentatively past her but she continued to smile and even tried to begin conversations with the others; Mikey looking thoroughly confused and frustrated. Frank still stood in his place, glaring at Gerard, his hands forming fits. I patted his shoulder and just as I was about to step off the bus, I heard her call back to me.

“Don’t worry; you can have the shirt back soon. It could do with a wash though.” She said yanking at the material, stretching it slightly as I heard the thread rip a little. Mia looked at me wide eyed as she stood to follow me off the bus.

“Thanks?” I said questioningly.

“Anytime.” She smiled again and I thought I was going to rip the microwave from its plug and throw it at her. Quickly shoving my boots on, I stepped down with an anxious Mia following, slamming the bus door behind her. I walked far away from the bus, droplets of rain beginning to splatter around us as I made my way over to the small bus shelter that sat a little away from where the bus was parked. I sat down with a thump pulling out my cigarettes and throwing one Mia’s way. I lit it feeling a sense of calmness, however only momentarily until Mia spoke.

“What the actual fuck?” she screamed, her voice echoing in the tiny bus shelter.

“You can say that again.” I murmured.

“What the actual fuck!?”

“I didn’t mean…oh never mind.” She quickly sat down beside, placing and arm around my shoulder.

“Are you okay Winona?” she asked, worry lines littered around her face.

“Why wouldn’t I be?” I asked.

“You…don’t pull that crap with me.” she said removing her arm and glaring at me.

“What crap? I told him to go and get a girl and he did.” I shrugged although my heart was shattering.

“You did what!?” she screamed again. I rolled my eyes at her as she grabbed my arm.

“You’re a fucking idiot, you know what?” she said making me look at her.

“I don’t see how I’m an idiot considering I didn’t want to be with Gerard…romantically.” I was just flat out lying now.

“You’re such a fucking liar. More like you were too scared to be with him romantically.” She said taking an angry drag from her cigarette.

“Look I don’t see how I’m the bad guy here-”

“You broke his heart! Why else do you think you’re the bad guy?!?”

“Look, Mia it was just a phase-”

“That was no fucking phase Winona. I can’t believe you did this.”

“Well I can’t believe you lied to us about you and Frank being okay!” I tossed back.

“That was different.” She pointed, warning me.

“How? You lied, I’m not lying!”

“Yes you fucking are.” She shook her head. I was too scared to even open my mouth. I didn’t want to be mad with Mia or she with me seeing as though at our next stop before warped she’d leave and I’d most likely never see her again.

“Please don’t be mad at me.” I murmured.

“Well I am.” She snapped. She turned and glanced at my expression before he face softened a little. “I don’t understand you Winona.”

“I don’t understand myself.”

After sitting in our own little secluded world, we left the shelter, the rain heavier than before as we ran towards the bus. I could still sense Mia being mad but I tried to shrug it off. This is what I wanted Gerard to do but why does it hurt so fucking much?

Because I’ve fallen for him

Just as we were approaching the bus, the door opened and Vanessa walked out, her tight fitted dress back on with her heels in hand. She hadn’t noticed us but suddenly Gerard appeared seeing her off. He shoved his hands into his tight skinny jeans as she rubbed her hand on his chest, looking at him with pure lust. He looked down, blushing slightly and I tried to stop Mia from walking on but she did. She pushed right past them, causing Gerard to stumble a little and look back, slightly angry.

“What the hell is her problem?” I heard her say as she clung to his arm.

“I don’t know…” he said and it was then he turned and his eyes met mine. His hazel eyes that made my heart flutter and always caused me to feel a little sick with…I have no idea. I clung to myself with the rain falling around giving him an awkward wave. He continued to stare at me, his expression blank as Vanessa clung to him.

Suddenly she gripped his face in her hands and kissed him rough, every now and then her tongue appearing out of her mouth. I felt myself grimace as I turned away, embarrassed that I even had to witness that.

“Call me.” she said before giving him one last peck and turning around. She saw me and ran over to me, I was at first confused until she stopped and grabbed onto my arm, putting her heels on in the rain.

“Thanks again for the shirt. I hope me and Gerard didn’t keep you up.” She winked and brushed past me, jumping into the car with a girl who looked similar to her, except her hair was a deep red. She blew a kiss to Gerard from the window until the car pulled away and down the road, far out of sight. I turned back to the bus and Gerard still hadn’t moved. He was still staring at me, his gaze intense and it made me want to turn and run away. I knew if I ran, he’d run after me so I took a deep breath and began to walk.

I purposely kept my head down until I reached the steps, however I could still see his sneakers on the bottom. I tried squeezing past him but he would barely budge.

“You’re gonna get wet if you don’t move.” I said, trying to muster a small laugh. He said nothing but moved only slightly for me to get past. I power walked towards the guys before Gerard could get a word in edge ways.

“Did you just casually stand out in the rain?” Bob asked incredulously.

“Kinda.” I shrugged patting him on the head, causing him to miss a note on the game.

“Dammit.” He sighed under his breath.

“I’m just gonna change.” As I headed into the back, shutting the small curtain, I found my thick jumper and black jeans that I wore on the first day of the tour. I dressed slowly, finding a hair band also, tying it up into a messy bun, while also looking for my sketch pad and pencils. Just as I buttoned up the jeans, I heard the curtain yank open and Gerard appeared, staring at me, slightly baffled.

“Hi?” I asked a little confused as he was still staring.

“I didn’t sleep with her.” he blurted which caused me to blink, looking down at my feet.

“Okay…”

“I just…I just thought you should know that.” He shrugged, offering me a sip of his coffee which I took without question. I nodded, biting my lip. Did they just make out or…I don’t even wanna know.

“She seems nice.” I said, crawling into my bunk and lying down on my stomach, ready to do some sketches. He knelt down beside the bed, his mouth twisting slightly as he thought.

“You’re not mad?”

“Should I be?” I asked, looking at him, his eyes glazed as he ran his hand through his hair.

“I don’t know.”

“Look Gerard, I’m sorry I called you a dick last night. That was uncalled for.” I murmured picking at my red nails.

“I’m sorry I called you a bitch.” He offered with a small smile. “You’re far from that.”

“You remember?”

“Of course I remember. I remember every conversation I’ve had with you, drunk or not.” He shrugged. I smiled, feeling a little giddy even though I know I shouldn’t of.

“Are we…are we okay?” he asked tentatively. I smiled again and took his hand in mine.

“Of course we are. My duty as wingman paid off.” I smirked but I knew the smile didn’t reach my eyes nor did his.

“Yeah…”

“You gonna call her?” I asked, resting my head on my free hand. He shrugged again, looking down at our hands, his thumb gently stroking my knuckles.

“We’ll see.”

Notes

Thanks for the comments and subscribers! It means a lot. Small update but yeah, hope you guys are okay <3