Winona and Mia had been gone at least an hour and the bus was filled with havoc. Frank had thrown some stuff, swore at particularly nothing but we allowed him to. Whatever was going on between him and Mia must be pretty fucked up. I pulled out a beer and opened it quick, soon finding myself on the third one with a disapproving glare from Mikey. He deserved a better brother, I knew that but if I wanted to remotely be good tonight, I had to do this.

Winona and I had seemed to be doing well again but I’d lost count how any times we’d fought in the past few days. We’d be fine one minute and then at each other’s throats the next. This girl was a puzzle I was going to eventually solve her…it then made me think. I knew she loved me, she just refused to say it and was stubborn as fuck but I didn’t care, I loved her even though I’d promised to get over her which was easier said than done.

I wanted her to realise that I’d be there for her until the end. I’d dedicated songs to her while we were on stage but she seemed to never mention it, neither did I. I didn’t want it getting awkward again…I just wanted to hold her…kiss her…I wanted us to be each other’s forever’s but…maybe I had to hit a nerve-? Something to make her angry…something that in fact, she told me to do…?

---

We made our way back to the bus after we sat in silence a little while longer, only moving once the thunder started to rumble above us. I couldn’t believe what she’d actually told me, I seriously couldn’t, it just didn’t seem right. I was hoping her and Frank were just having a momentary downward spiral but, apparently not. It’d had been over a while. The fact she said she’s leaving made me extremely sad. I didn’t really realise how close I was to Mia until she said that. Frank and I were considered each other’s best friends so why did he say nothing about it? Why did they have the need to lie about it to me and the guys? Why did Mia and Frank have the need to try and get me and Gerard together when their relationship was in the shit for sure? Just why? I had all these questions circling my head but I didn’t dare ask them, in fear she’d start crying and if she cried, I cried. As we approached the bus she told me she was going to speak to Frank and try and keep it as civil as possible.

“Are you going to tell him about Jake?” I asked warily. In response she shrugged her shoulders.

“I have a feeling he already knows.” I nodded, giving her a quick hug before allowing her to make her final steps onto the bus. I sighed, feeling little droplets of rain fall around me but I didn’t care. Instead of running inside like any normal person would, I pulled out my cigarettes
and lit one, feeling slightly relaxed considering the circumstances.

I didn’t know how long I’d been standing out there for until I heard the bus door shut loudly, and I turned to see a weary, stumbling Gerard, with his dark hair hid beneath his hood a small crooked smile left on his lips and a lit cigarette hanging from them.

“You’re gonna catch a cold you know?” he chuckled, shifting closer towards me. I shrugged, looking down at my feet thinking momentarily.

“Meh…” I replied.

“You’ve been crying haven’t you?” he asked which brought me back up to his gaze, his beautiful hazel orbs.

“No.” I said as soon as my voice croaked. He chuckled again.

“I know you have. You never look me in the eyes when you have.” I looked up sheepishly at him and shrugged.

“I’m looking at you now aren’t I?” I argued.

“That’s only now I’ve caught you out.”

“Shut up.” He laughed again, unzipping his hood to wrap one half around me.

“You’ll get wet!” I said, trying to push him away.

“I’m not gonna let the girl I lo-” he stopped instantly, most likely looking as wide eyed as I had.
He cleared his throat before continuing. “I’m not gonna let you catch a cold.” He answered, however his voice seemed strained, almost angry.

“Thanks.” I murmured. There was awkwardness but soon broke when he spoke again.

“Is Mia okay?”

“How’s Frank?” I answered to his question.

“I have no idea. He was sitting in his bunk, wanting to be alone for a bit, that was until Mia appeared and they started shouting at each other again. Ray and Mikey are trying to calm them down…” he said all at one, exhaling smoke as he did. “So what happened?”

“I don’t even know.” I laughed humourlessly. I ran a hand through my hair and shook my head. “They seemed okay but…turns out we’ve all been played Mr Way.”

“Tell me.” he said gently, squeezing his grip around my waist.

“Mia and I just went for a walk! But things turned ugly with what she told me. I didn’t expect it. I just thought it would have been one of those mediocre talks…just us girls…”

“I could have been a girl if you wanted me to.” He replied raising his eyebrows high and smirking his wonderful smile. I laughed, my head falling back slightly. “You know, so you didn’t have to go through that talk alone.”

“It sounds like you’re talking about the sex talk!” I said which made him chuckle again.

“Did you have to go through that talk by yourself? One on one with your parents? I did, it was hell.” He grimaced, shuddering. I couldn’t help but giggle thinking about Don and Donna sitting down with Gerard in that very awkward situation however one that I didn’t really have.

“My parents never spoke to me about it. Everything I knew about it was from the textbooks and the science lessons, Oh and when the girls were talking about it when they lost their V card.”

“Was it what you expected it to be?” he asked.

“Expected what to be?” I asked, even though I knew what he was talking about. I could feel myself blushing, shit, he really didn’t know. I didn’t know whether or not I should be happy about it.

“Your first time.”

“What is this? An interrogation?” I laughed trying to brush off his question.

“I’m only asking Win. Mine was…I can’t really remember. I was 17 and I thought I was in love. She didn’t really seem into it…” he dragged, most likely waiting for me to tell him mine.

“This conversation's taken a weird turn.” I laughed again, a little uneasy.

“Why?” he asked seriously.

“It just has…”

“Win…”

“Anyway, it’s okay that you didn’t come for the talk…” I paused, pretending to think hard about something. “Wait! I already thought you were a girl!” I smirked, acting shocked.

“Oh that’s mean Win.” He smirked giving me a peck on the cheek, pulling me closer to him so I could barely breathe. However when I did, he smelt heavenly. I pretended to be overly offended wiping my cheek dramatically and pushing him away. “Hey I give good kisses…you should know-”

“Okay stop.” I said feeling myself blush profusely. I glanced around quickly, checking if anyone had stepped outside and it seemed that no one had even noticed Gerard and I out here.

“Sorry.” He said still smiling.

“You always go one step too far Mr Way.” I said jokingly but he didn’t seem to even take it.

“You’d say that.”

“What?” I asked turning up to look at him.

“At least I’m not afraid to say how I truly feel.” He shrugged.

“Excuse me?” I asked incredulously, turning again at him in surprise. I only noticed then that his grip around my waist had loosened. “I was only joking…”

“I wasn’t.” he sighed, not even looking at me, his grip loosening again.

“Okay…” I said not really sure how to respond. It was then I noticed his bloodshot eyes, had he been drinking already?

“Gerard…?” I asked warily. “…have you been drinking?”

“No!” he barked, yanking his arm away from me and re-zipping his hood.

"Gerard..."

“Why the fuck do you even care?”

“Christ Gerard, I was only asking!” I snapped back taking a step away from him. “Fuck…what the hell is your problem?”

“MY PROBLEM?”

“No! We are not even going to get into that.” I scolded, scowling as I folded my arms across my chest. “One minute your fine and then you get all defensive. I’ve seen you do it with Mikey-”

“You haven’t seen shit.”

“Seriously, what the fuck Gerard? I think you’re sexually frustrated, you need to get laid. All this sex talk has made you-”

“I’m not a fucking sex maniac!” he hollered back.

“FUCK I WAS BLOODY JOKING. Your allowed to make a joke but I can’t?” I asked, completely confused at what exactly had just happened.

“You’re not joking though…”

“I can’t get into this Gee…” I sighed, rubbing my temples.

"You never can..."

"Please just don't." He hadn’t replied for what felt like forever, so, I turned to see him staring at the floor, hands shoved deep in his pocket and an expression that could turn anything to ice.

“Fine. I’ll find a girl tonight.” He shrugged. “Or tomorrow.” I felt my stomach drop, just to the idea of him with another girl…*SHUT UP*

“Good…” I said quietly, more to myself than him.

“You know Win, I guess it’s not too hard to get over…"

"What?"

"You know what, just fucking forget it.” With that, he turned on his heels and back inside the bus, leaving me in the rain.

-(2 hours later)-

Mia and I had just finished getting ready for their gig tonight and I was still cut up about what she told me. I couldn’t believe it. We hadn’t really talked much about it when we got back and she refused to tell me just yet what had happened between Frank and her. I would have asked Gerard but something snapped inside him earlier which made me not want to go near him. When would our fights end? Why couldn’t we just be normal friends? I suppose it’s good there’s distance however…ugh but the idea of him looking for a girl to a) sleep with or b) start a relationship with hurt. I cried a little, hiding it from Mia surprisingly well. I knew she wasn’t in the best of moods when she wasn’t badgering about me and Gerard.

Ugh Gerard was an asshole.

We entered the club and saw the guys had already started, the venue packed with kids wearing homemade My Chemical Romance tees and bright smiles. There were newbies to the MCR concert however, you could instantly tell. Some shocked by their lyrics, others suddenly bouncing in surprise to their sound. The guys were born to do this however it didn’t stop me from being pissed at Gerard for his random and I mean random outburst.

They’d done a few songs to which I couldn’t hear as well as I thought I could purely because the alcohol was already coursing through my veins but I was suddenly snapped out of my daze from the momentary silence.

After a thunderous raw of claps and cheers, the guys took sips of their beers as Gerard stood closer to the mic, scanning the crowd momentarily before speaking.

“This next song is dedicated to a girl I haven’t known all that long but who was or is special to me, oh fuck I don’t know how to explain it.” he said flamboyantly causing a few chuckles here and there. “But… she’s not in a good place, I know it, she knows it, fuck EVERYONE KNOWS IT.” He then pointed randomly into the crowd. “You probably even know it! But she’s too god damn stubborn to say anything about it and claims she’s okay…but she’s not. Actually, the next two songs I’ll dedicate to her.”

“I love you Gerard!” A random girl shouted which made my blood boil, suddenly seeing him smile brightly.

“You know, she refuses to tell me that! This next song is what may happen in the future which I pray to fuckin’god she doesn’t do which may lead to this end…This is the ghost…of…you.”

As soon as the guitars began, I wanted to throw my bottle at him. What the fuck was that? A compliment? A jab at me? Who the fuck knows? He was pissed, you could see it. Even the guys looked at him completely bewildered at whatever he was saying and of course they knew it was about me.

“I never said I'd lie and wait forever
If I died we'd be together
I can't always just forget her
But she could try…

At the end of the world
Or the last thing I see
You are
Never coming home
Never coming home

Could I
Should I

And all the things that you never ever told me
And all the smiles that are ever ever
Ever…”

I wanted to dance but I was mad. Frank caught my eye and he smiled apologetically at me to which I shrugged, smiling back at him for what was going on between him and Mia. I was hugely embarrassed as well…me knowing what the song was about made me feel ashamed of myself and that I, like Mia should just leave the tour…Frank would never forgive me.

“Get the feeling that you're never
All alone and I remember now
At the top of my lungs in my arms she dies
She dies

At the end of the world
Or the last thing I see
You are
Never coming home
Never coming home

Could I
Should I…”

While I was on a mental rant, Mia was barely paying attention. I don’t think she even witnessed or heard what Gerard had even said to the audience, she was glued to her phone. I didn’t like it one bit. Not because she didn’t hear what Gerard said but it seemed that she suddenly lost interest in a band that had worked extremely hard to get where they are now.

“Mia!” I said pulling her phone out of her hands.

“Hey!” she complained trying to get her phone back. “Give it back!”

“I’m already mad at you for leaving the tour BUT you have to listen to them when they play. Got it?” I bargained to which she moaned.

“It’s Jake!” she said in my ear.

“All the more reason to listen to them when you’re with me. Are you gonna tell me what happened between you and Frank…?”

“Nope. Are you gonna tell me what happened between you and Ger-”

“Nope.”

“Fine.”

“Fine.” I said half chucking the phone at her. Time seemed to slow as the song continued, every single word sung by Gerard branded in my mind.

“…And all the things that you never ever told me
And all the smiles that are ever gonna haunt me
Never coming home
Never coming home
Could I
Should I

And all the wounds that are ever gonna scar me
For all the ghosts that are never gonna catch me…”

The crowd erupted again and as they did, Frank pulled Gerard to the side, giving him a quick word which Gerard seemed thoroughly annoyed about. Not 10 seconds later had he returned to the microphone.

“Thank you guys for coming out…we’ve got two songs left and this one is still dedicated to…well you could argue that she’s selfish or lonely? You decide…This is I’m not Okay, I promise.”

Well fuck you too Gerard Way.

They continued to play until it came to about 10 o’clock. We still had time to get some drinks around the bar and soon the guys were hovering around me and Mia, this time Frank and Mia talking civilly and not sucking each other’s faces off. Mikey, Ray and Bob off in their own talk while Gerard was leaning against the bar, staring down at me intensely but I refused to even look at him. I had so many emotions I didn’t know what to pick. We were lethal to each other. Simple.

“What?” I sighed after a while, taking a sip of my drink.

“You know what.”

“Shouldn’t you be out there fucking someone?” I asked vehemently.

“You really just want me all to yourself.” He said, placing a hand on my waist to which I instantly swatted away, very pissed off. It seemed since our argument this afternoon, he’d been drinking so of course he wouldn’t remember it.

“You flatter yourself way too much. I’m not even surprised if some girl had hit you already.”

“Shut up.” He laughed but I wasn’t joking. I was praying for Ray or Mikey to join us but no one came.

“Seriously, stop being a dick, go get yourself a girlfriend already and leave me to drink in peace.”

“Fine, I will…” he said slamming his drink down on the counter which caused me to flinch. “You can be a real bitch sometimes Win.” He said before skulking off.

This is good. It’s better if he hates you.

I folded my arms upon the counter and rested my head against it until I felt a hand on my shoulder. I looked up to see the one and only Frank staring down at me.

“Don’t go falling asleep now Win.” He said causing me to chuckle.

“I’m not, I’m just extremely pissed off.”

“Is this about what Gerard said on stage?” he asked, not even a hint of surprise in his voice.

“Partly…he’s been getting mood swings with me. I don’t even really know what I fucking said to get this fight going. He won’t remember it in the morning…”

“And I won’t if you tell me now so talk to me in the morning, we’ll get a coffee, yeah?” he offered, knowing that it would make me feel slightly better. Weirdly enough coffee helped a lot.

“Sounds good…how are you and Mia?”

“I’ll tell you in the morning.”

About an hour later, Mikey was sitting next to me, sipping at his drink until something caught
his eye.

“It looks like my brother may be getting lucky tonight.” I turned to see Gerard standing with a girl, her back to me, but her hands all over him. Her hair was golden, her pale skin practically flawless. He had his arm around her waist and their faces virtually inches away from one another. It made my stomach crawl. I turned quickly before I could witness any lip action and as I did, I noticed Frank and Mia were staring at him in shock before shifting their gazes to me. I wish I didn’t but I felt like I was about to cry.

“That was quick.” I joked, smiling as bright as I could. Mikey gave me a confused look before he went back to his drink. WHAT THE FUCK IS WRONG WITH ME! I shouted to myself (in my mind of course) . I wanted him to get a girlfriend and find someone better BUT when I see him with another girl I CAN’T STAND IT! Ugh I will repeat myself.

Gerard Way is an asshole…or maybe I really am being bitch. Damn, drinking while on my tablets makes me far more paranoid than I should be.

Just calm the fuck down. I exhaled deeply and continued to chug the rest of my drink, quickly ordering another. Mikey had wandered off at some point, talking to a group of girls with Ray and Bob, Mia and Frank were no-where to be seen, most likely, as I hoped, sorting out what was going on with them and hopefully not breaking up after all.

I then felt hands wrap themselves around my shoulders and Gerard’s voice pierced my ear.

“Winona! There you are, I’ve been looking all over for you!” he slurred. Great, he was drunk, far more drunk and obviously already oblivious to that fact we were fighting…again. Why did I even want to talk to him? The last thing he called me was a bitch…but I did call him a dick…oh for fuck sakes. Drinking makes it hard to concentrate.

“You obviously didn’t look far. I’ve been sitting here the entire time since you walked off.” I smiled falsely patting him on the shoulder and pushing him back which again he was oblivious to.

“Now why are you sitting *hiccup* here all by yourself?” he asked, sitting beside me on the stool. I groaned inwardly. I should’ve just gone to bed when he’d called me a bitch. I shrugged, taking a sip of my vodka.

“Everyone buggered off.”

“Ugh! I love the way you say things in England.” He said taking a sip of my own drink.

“Okay.” I laughed slightly against my will. He then put his arm around my shoulders.

“I’m serious! You’re awesome. Awesome sauce Winona!”

“Is this a compliment?”

“Yup.”

“Thank you?” I asked, furrowing my brows.

“You’re very welcome Miss Winters.” He sat there and ordered another round, unaware of the tension and anger I felt towards him. I tapped my fingers against the counter and eventually decided I’d ask him about that girl.

“So…any girls catch your eye tonight?” I said resting my head on my cheek and watching him carefully.

“Not really.”
“Liar…what about that girl you were talking to earlier? You know the one who you kept flirting with and couldn’t keep your hands to yourself?” I hadn’t noticed that I’d said it all at once and in a manner that made my voice sound extremely tight but Gerard didn’t seem to notice.

“I got her number and it turns out she’s heading to warp as well with her friends.” He shrugged but smiled slightly. Maybe he coul potentially be happy with this girl? It made my skin crawl.

“Interesting…”

“Why do you say it like that?” he asked taken a back.

“Like what?”

“Completely disinterested and *hiccup* angry?…you told me to get out there.”

“I know-”

“So I am.

“Good.” I snapped.

“Good.” He snapped back.

We sat there a little awkwardly, my mouth twitching, along with my leg. I kinda wished Mia would appear again so I could go back to the bus with her but I figured I would venture off alone however after I asked him one more thing.

“What’s her name?”

“Vanessa.”

Notes

Here's the next chapter, I hope it's okay <3