All the smiles that’ll forever haunt me

Once I’d finally made my way over to the others on all fours, they all turned to me and laughed, of course. I’d expected nothing less. It turns out Frank had lied to me and well, in truth, there was no coffee, instead I had to make my own. I moved myself closer to the wooden counter; able to pull myself up and lean against it once I flicked the button on the kettle, ignoring their comments and laughter. I loved these guys but I was too tired to reply with a good come back. I tapped my fingers against the counter, humming while the sound of whatever game they were playing was overwhelming to my ears.

“Hey.” Mia said as she came up behind me and wrapped an arm around my shoulders.

“Moanin.” I replied to which she laughed. “Seriously, people need to stop laughing at me.”

“I’m sorry…you feeling better this morning?”

“I feel…okay I think.” I answered smiling at her. She smiled and nodded in response.

“That’s good…it has nothing to do with you and Gerard getting up to something…” she whispered.

“Woah. No. Nothing happened. We talked it all out and we’re just how we were.” Though I wished we were something more.

“You mean the in love kind but too frustrating to say anything to one another?”

“Shut up.” In truth that was it, on my behalf that is. Gerard had confessed his love for me and in a way I had too although I didn’t specify if it was friendship or not.

“You just get all defensive when you know it’s the truth.” She retorted, scoffing slightly. I raised my eyebrows slightly and turned to her.

“What’s wrong?”

“Nothing.” She snapped. I turned around and leant against the counter, us standing in silence, waiting for the kettle. I heard her sigh and soon felt her touch on my shoulder. “I’m sorry…things are a little topsy turvy at the moment.” It was then I noticed her eyes wander towards Frank who was completely enamoured by his game.

“Has something happened between you and Fra-?”

“I don’t want to talk about it.” she said quickly, her eyes pleading. I sighed, suddenly very wary of what could have happened between them.

“I’m here though you know? I’m all ears whenever you want to talk.” She smiled and nodded. I made my coffee and made my way over to the others, the only available space really, being in between Gerard and Ray or on the floor. Before I could decide, Gerard had already made the decision for me by grabbing my wrist and pulling me towards the couch with a wide smile.
I settled myself between the two, first greeting Ray with a side hug to which he reciprocated and then to Gerard. He was awaiting something affectionate and all but I pulled a straight face and shifted my head.

“Sup.” I said sipping slightly at my coffee with a small smirk playing at me lips.

“Your mean.” He whispered against my ear.

“I know.” I replied, leaning against his arm. He changed positions by half lying on the sofa, awaiting me to curl up beside him, which I did, but honestly was ever so difficult with a cup of coffee in my hand, which we ended up sharing, as our legs were entwined on top of Ray’s lap.

I noticed that whatever was really going on, there was something completely off about Mia, she wasn’t as talkative or uplifting as she usually was. I turned to her briefly to see her staring back at the guys with a somewhat solemn look on her face. Frank in particular. Once placing the coffee on the floor, I whispered towards Gerard, which I hoped no one would hear.

“Has Frank said anything to you?” I asked. He turned to me in confusion.

“About what?”

“Him and Mia-”

“Oh please get a god damn fucking room!” Frank shouted, causing all eyes to turn on us.

“Leave them alone.” Mia sighed, playing with her hair and staring at nothing in particular.

“You’re normally the one who’s jumping for joy at the chance to tease them.” Frank laughed a little uneasy. I turned to Gerard as he gave me that look; I know what you mean.

“Well if nothing’s gonna happen, nothing’s gonna happen, there extremely close friends and we shouldn’t continue to embarrass them Frank.” She scolded back.

“Mia-” I tried to interject but Frank beat me to it.

“What the hell is your problem lately!?”

“MY PROBLEM?” she shouted back causing everyone to jump.

“Yeah, it’s like you’ve had a god damn fucking stick shoved up your ass for the past few
days.” What the hell was going on.

“Okay, come on, cool off time.” I said trying to get to get up but they continued to shout.

“Well at least I’m not a heartless dick who’s always so selfish!”

“Me selfish I-” Once I stood up, I stood between them, a hand on Frank’s chest to stop him from going anywhere.

“Shut the fuck up both of you.” I turned to see Mia had tears forming in her eyes, which caused me to rush over to her.

“Mia will you tell me what’s wrong now?” she snapped back to reality once I shook her shoulder a little, wiping away a few of the stray tears.

“Oh…err nothing. It’s nothing.” I raised an eyebrow to her, waiting for her to actually reveal what was wrong. “Fine…I….”

“Let’s talk in private.” I suggested.

“Okay.” she smiled sadly. I nodded slowly, leaving my coffee to whoever then wanted it. I walked past the guys with Mia following, Frank glaring at her with his hands balled up into
fists.

“Cool off.” I suggested to Frank which he nodded. Mikey sat there a little dumbfounded to what exactly happened, as did the others. I was interrupted by Gerard grabbing my waist and pulling me towards him.

“I see what you mean now.” I laughed a little trying to pry his fingers from my waist.

“Yup...it’s a little unexpected.” He shrugged almost as if he thought different.

“Did Frank say something to you?” I asked.

“Chit chat but nothing serious.” He replied, moving a piece of hair behind my ear. I nodded staring at Mia.

“Seriously though…” I said wrapping an arm around his neck and bringing him into a hug.

“This is something now, I mean you just bloody witnessed it.” I patted him on the head and against my will, my fingers automatically ran through his hair as subtly as possible. I felt him nod beside me and tighten his grip on my waist before he let go, holding my hand the whole time until I couldn’t possible stretch my arm any further.

“See you in a bit.” He smiled caressing my knuckles.

“Won’t be long.”

I saw Mia standing there, her arms folded and looking at nothing again. Usually Frank would be showering her with kisses but his attention was with Bob and Ray and of course, his anger still apparent on his face. I walked towards Mia, linking my arm with hers and leading her down the steps and away from the bus.

We walked in silence for a while, not caring if we were in our pyjamas and gained a few odd looks here and there, but we eventually found a spot on some grass, pulling out our cigarettes and smoked away as the sun was slowly turning to nothing.

“Are you gonna tell me what’s up?” I asked after sitting in a silence for too long. She sighed and nodded.

“I don’t know how to say it though…I’ve never just, said it.” she shrugged.

“Say it now then.” I offered. “It might make you feel better.” I smiled encouragingly at her but it turns out I was not prepared for what she was about to say.

“I…think Frank and I are pretty much over.” To this statement I choked on my cigarette smoke, my eyes watering as I looked at her in shock.

“What!? Over?! I thought this was just a fight!” she nodded. “How…when?!”

“It’s…been some time now. Before the tour really-”

“You guys were making out last night!”

“Yeah but… …I mean, you kinda saw why we’re mad at each other as well, right?...Win, lemme explain.” She offered.

“Please do.” I said throwing my cigarette on the floor and turning my body so I was facing her.

“It’s all a show.” She said looking at me warily.

“Come again?”

“Frank and I really haven’t had sex in…I don’t even know and we barely talk to one another. We only get close around the other guys because we don’t want them to know that really…this relationship is at it’s end.” She said so simply that I couldn’t believe her.

“You guys love each other.”

“Yeah but…we’re not in love with each other. I’ll always care about Frank but, this isn’t for me, this lifestyle he has.”

“What lifestyle? You mean his music being successful?” I asked confused.

“Oh god no! I’m happy it is, really but…I want to settle down and get a normal job like being a lawyer or something.” She smiled up at the sky, her mind wandering again.

“A lawyer?”

“Yup.”

“This is really strange…Frank didn’t tell me anything. He didn’t even hint it!”

“Well…his anger was pretty apparent. I think it’s because he doesn’t want it to be over…more like a comfort thing, knowing he has someone there, you know? Like you! But in reverse. You refuse to let anyone get close because you don’t want to get hurt-”

“This isn’t about me Mia.” I scolded crossing my arms against my chest. She smiled and nodded.

“I know he’s still hooked on Jamia, his childhood sweetheart. He calls her sometimes to see how she is. She’s single. I’ve met her, she’s a wonderful person, and honestly I can’t understand why they ever broke up.”

“He met you?” I asked.

“Oh god no!” She laughed. “I didn’t meet Frank until a year after they broke…he was on the phone to her while at the club…that pissed me off.”

“I’m sure it did but Mia, Frank would never cheat on you…I mean, I’m pretty sure I told you that when I met him, he didn’t stop talking about you.”

“It was different then…and well…I met someone else.” She shrugged.

“You-you have? Mia please don’t tell me you’ve been cheating on Frank!” she held her hands up in defence.

“Not technically, I mean we kissed once but I didn’t want to hurt Frank so I put an end to it…he still texts and calls to see how I am too.” I put my fingers up to my temples and began to
rub them slowly. “You know what else?”

“What?” I asked, resting my head on my hand.

“What you and Gerard have now is something Frank and I never had.” she said, her eyes sparkling a little from tears.

“Mia…”

“I’m serious Winona. Don’t throw this once in life time opportunity away…he is your soulmate. That put a lot of things into perspective as well. I had a spark with Jake…I never had that with Frank.”

“When did you meet this Jake?”

“Hmm…about a month before I met you. He’s from New Jersey as well…I think Frank and the guys went to school with him-”

“This is fucked up.”

“I know…” she sighed.

“Does Frank know about Jake?” I asked timidly.

“He knows of him yeah but not that we kissed. Frank would have kicked me off tour by now.”
She laughed.

“Yeah…he would have. GOD! This is so random.”

“I know…but it’s for the best really. Anyway I think Franks talked to Gerard about it.” I stared at her, deciphering whether or not she way lying. Her eyes were filled with honesty.

“I asked Gerard but he didn’t say anything.”

“Maybe Frank asked him not to?” she offered.

“What now?”

“I leave the tour.”

Notes

Hello! I wasn't happy with the outcome of the last chapter, it just seemed rushed but I'm no too fond of this one either. Things shall get heated soon..I promise. It's just trying to find the right moment to put it in the story, you know? Take care <3