The first week of our two week grounding, Frank, Matt and I were all on Fall Break. Sarah didn't have Fall Break though, because she was in college. Technically, however, I don't think she was grounded. She was a little too old for that, but I'm pretty sure she got a wicked lecture from Mom. I think it was a fair trade to be honest. The whole grounding thing wasn't really a grounding anyways... for me at least. It's not like I go out anyways. But for Frank and Matt, they were stewing with boredom. Plus it sucked that all the plans they'd made with friends got canceled. Secretly I was happy they couldn't leave, as mean as that sounds, but I for once, didn't feel so lonely around the house.

For the first half of the week, Frank had to unpack his stuff into the house, but that didn't take long with mine and Matt's help. The rest of the time, Matt and Frank played video games and ate frozen pizza. I kinda just hung in the back, but I didn't mind. I felt bad anyways that they risked their freedom for me just to go to that gig. I enjoyed myself though, just being with them. And Sarah always brought me home coffee on her way from school. Matt and Frank bitched, but Sarah just brushed it off by saying I was her favorite. Of course that made Matt whine even more, Sarah didn't give a damn though. It was actually pretty funny because none of us could tell if she was being sarcastic or not. By Friday, they just expected the coffee.

Whenever I got bored, I just went to my room and listen to music. Maybe paint. Or think. I thought a lot about what to do for Frank's birthday. Halloween was just next Friday! By the end of Fall Break I was practically tearing my hair out, stumped on what to do. Frank had said he just wanted to watch horror movies and eat candy, but I wanted to give him something special. And since he didn't want my virginity, I had to get creative.

It was actually Ray who gave me the idea for his gift. On Monday, when Frank and Matt went back to school and Ray was back for lessons, I'd told him everything that had happened. Well almost everything. Of course I kept mine and Frank's certain activities and conversations to myself. He was pretty understanding on why we all had lied, but being the adult he is, said that at the same time I should have been honest. Ya-da, ya-da, ya-da. I love Ray, but sometimes he's too mature for me. I can accept that though.

“So you want it to be special, huh?” He repeated, his voice indicating he was in deep thought.

“Yes. It's his eighteenth birthday. That's a big one, and he's my boyfriend now.” I whined.

“Okay, okay. Don't worry, Gee...tell me.” He asked, “What makes yours and Frank's relationship special? Go from there. That's what I do when I can't think of something to get for Christa. I go for the sentimental's. If it means a lot to him and you together, you can't go wrong.” Ray offered. Humming in thought, I wracked my brain. There were so many things that were special in Frank's and I's relationship, it was hard to narrow it down to one.

“Well there's lots. How do I pick? And what do I do with it once I've found it?” I pressed, feeling confused and stuck still.

“Why don't you make a list of those things. Then pick one that you think you could do something with. You're creative, Gerard.” Ray encouraged, but I sighed and began to bite on my thumb nail apprehensively.

“Here.” He went on when I hadn't replied, “Why don't I help you get started...I'll write down the things you think of, just to get you started.”

“But don't you have to leave? Lessons are over?” I pointed out, concern flooding my tone.

“Don't worry about it, Gee.” Ray insisted, “I'm happy to help.” He said, that lovely smile always constant in his voice. I beamed a grateful smile, throwing myself at Ray for a hug.

“Thank you, thank you, thank you!” I cheered, making Ray laugh.

“No problem, kiddo.” He chuckled, patting my back. Moving out of the embrace I sat back into my seat, and began to rack my brain, as I heard Ray pull out a sheet of paper.

“Okay, do you have a first idea?” He asked.

“Uhm. Well baseballs are kind of a funny joke, because he hit me in the face with one when he first met me.” I giggled, nervously at the thought, wondering if that was a stupid suggestion or not.

“Okay, good. Number one: Baseballs.” Ray repeated back slowly as he wrote it down.
For almost an hour, this went on. I thought long and hard, going over every aspect of mine and Frank's relationship. Once we were done, I had almost ten things listed, but narrowed it down to five.

1. Baseballs
2. Catcher in the Rye
3. Music/ music store.
4. Heroin Slow
5. Sunflowers (Franks favorite flower)

That's the crappy list it took us a whole hour to come up with. I was so frustrated I wanted to just rip up the list and kill myself. Ray told me to relax and not force it. All good creations come at random. Easy for him to say. Did he need a fucking awesome gift to give to his significant other in only less than four days? I didn't think so. Everyday after lessons however, me and Ray would work on Frank's birthday gift, or rather lack there of.

By Wednesday night, I was on the brink of a panic attack. I couldn't sleep that night, too worried that I would never think of a gift. Hunched over at my desk, I sat in my room raking my brain for ideas. I had become reduced to doodles in my journal, though within an hour. Tapping my pencil against the wooden desk, the sound of rapping filled my quiet room. A knock sounded softly at my door, breaking my train of thought that was really no thoughts at all.

“Who is it?” I hollered.

“Frank.” His familiar deep soothing voice reached out.

“Come in.” I grumbled loud enough for him to hear. Gently the door opened followed by the padding of feet against carpet.

“What are you doing, Gee? It's like one AM.” Frank asked, worry lacing his voice. I shrugged apathetically, dropping my pencil with a clink. Feeling Frank reach over my back, I heard the clicking of the lamp switch. I almost forgot it was dark in my room for him.

“Gee?” He asked again, squatting down to eye level. “What are you doing, honey?” I shrugged for the second time not knowing what to say. Frank resting his hand lightly on my shoulder.

“Come on, why don't we go to bed?” He suggested.

“I can't though.” I protested weakly.

“Why not?” He pressed, rubbing his hand into my shoulder muscles. I closed my eyes realizing only how tired I really was.

“Because...I have to work on your birthday present.” I mumbled sleepily.

“Baby, I told you I don't need anything.” Frank insisted. Opening my eyes to darkness, I shook my head.

“No, I'm getting you something.” I rebuttaled. Sighing, I heard Frank stand, his bones popping.

“Okay. But you can do that later. Right now we're going to bed.” He said firmly. I heaved a tired sigh, not putting up much of a fight, and stood up along side Frank. Resting a hand on the small of my back, he lead me to my bed, tucking me in. Walking a few steps away, I heard him click the lamp back off. Then but a few second later, I felt Frank crawling into bed, snuggling me close to his chest.

“Go to sleep, Gee.” He murmured, kissing the crown of my head and that's all I could register before sleep won it's battle over my body.

*****

The next morning I woke up to the blaring ring of my alarm clock, vibrating around inside my skull, I turned onto my back with a whiny groan. Feeling Frank's weight move, he reached over me, slamming the alarm clock to silence.

“You know, you could have turned it off, yourself.” He mumbled, his voice dripping with sleep. I groaned again, making Frank chuckle and rest his head on my chest.

“I'm so tired.” I moaned, rubbing the palms of my hands on my eyes.

“Well yeah, you were up forever. If I hadn't of forced you to sleep, you never would have gone to bed.” Frank pointed out.

“Why were you up anyways?” I questioned, arching an eyebrow.

“I couldn't sleep. I figured I'd come cuddle you. But you were already up.” He shrugged. “But, c'mon. We have to get ready for school.” Frank chirped, far too cheery for me, and leaped off the bed to his room to get ready.

Lethargically and sluggishly I moved around that morning, dragging my feet. Literally. I felt like just lifting my hand to brush my hair was a task all in it's own. I honestly don't know how I made it to the kitchen table for breakfast; dressed, hair brushed, and teeth brushed. While Mom, Matt, Sarah, and Frank made morning chatter (David left before anyone even woke up), I just sat there picking and nibbling at my dry toast.

“Gerard, honey? Are you feeling alright? Should I call Ray and cancel for today?” Mom asked, her heels rhythmically tapping against the tiled floor as she made her way to me and rested a cool hand on my forehead. “Hmm. You don't feel warm...”

“No, Mom. I'm fine.” I grumbled, swatting her hand away from me. “I'm just tired, s'all.”

“Are you sure? I can stay home.” She fretted.

“Mom.” I sighed, “Please. I'm fine.”

“Well, alright.” Mom finally concluded hesitantly. “I need to get going then. Call me if you start to feel worse.” She decided, pecking my head, then moved around to peck Matt's, Sarah's and even Frank's head goodbye, like we were her like chickens. Once her heel clicking sound had dissipated, and the front door opened then slammed shut, I knew she was gone.

“Gee, are you sure you feel okay? You look sick.” Sarah commented gently from across the table. I offered her a weak smile.

“I'm fine Sarah. You gotta leave or you'll be late too.” I reminded her. I could practically feel her hesitation, though, but she ended up sighing.

“Yeah, okay. Like Mom said. If you want me, just call. I'll come home straight away.” She promised. I tired to smile bigger, but I couldn't. The sound of her chair legs scrapping the floor then ensued, while she got up. Moving around the room in silence, Sarah gathered her things as Frank, Matt, and I continued to pick at our breakfast.

“Well, I'm off. Bye, guys.” Sarah waved off. We all mumbled goodbys back before she walked out the door, slamming it in the same manner as Mom had.

“I'm going to go get my backpack. We'll be late if we don't leave soon.” Matt said, his footsteps leaving the kitchen and towards the stairs.

“Alright, Gerard. What's wrong?” Frank demanded once Matt was gone.

“Oh my, God. Nothing!” I shouted, slamming my hands down on the table, growing frustrated with everyone.

“Don't lie to me. You might be able to fool Sarah and Susan, but not me.” Frank chastised, I could hear him moving across the table to squat in front of me.

“I'm not.” I whined, “I'm just tired.”

“Bullshit. Gee, you've been miserable for weeks.” He countered. I furrowed my eyebrows. I hadn't been that bad, had I?

“N-no I haven't” I weakly protested, feeling tears sting my eyes.

“Oh, baby, don't cry.” He hushed, caressing my face. That only made the tears I had been trying so hard to hold back, stream down my face though. Hearing the gentle concern in his voice only made my heart hurt. Frank didn't say anything at first, but wrapped his arms around me, letting me wail and cry into his shoulder.

“What's wrong, Gerard? You can tell me!” He pleaded, as my hands made fist into his shirt.

“I-I'm a h-horrible, b-boy-f-friend.” I managed to chock out, coughing right after.

“Why? No you're not. You're amazing!” Frank shook his head in disagreement. I pulled my face back, to shake my own head.

“B-but I am!” I cried, tears flowing down my face. “T-tomorrow's your birthday and I haven't been able to think of anything to get you! I'm horrible! I'm s-so s-sorry.” I confessed, letting myself become unglued.

“Aw, Gerard! I told you I don't need anything. I only want to be with you.” He tried to reason, pulling me off my chair and onto the floor to sit in his lap. Keeping his arms around me, Frank started to rock me back and forth.

“But I still wanted to give you something!” I demanded in frustration. I hated myself so much right then.

“Gee. Honey, you already are giving me something.” Frank murmured, wiping the tears from my face with his calloused thumb. “Aw, I can't believe this is what's been upsetting you!”

“I only want to make you happy.” I whimpered.

“But you already are! Gerard, I want you to listen to me” Frank stated firmly, cupping my face in his hands. “Every year on birthday, no one does anything for me. Dad's working late and I usually just stay home and pass out candy or go out with friends and do stupid stuff that I don't even want to do. Now you listen to me. This is the first year, I'm going to have someone here for me, and I'm so excited! Even when I dated Bob, we just went to a dumb party. I don't need things. I promise. You just being with me is a gift, that I haven't had since I was a kid.” Frank explained, making me quiet down as his words sunk in.

“What the Hell is going on?” Matt shouted, his voice coming from the arch way in the kitchen, tearing us from the moment. Our heads snapped to the sound of his voice. “Gerard, what's wrong? His he okay? Does he need medication? An ambulance?” Matt flustered, throwing himself on the floor with Frank and me.

“No, no, no. Matt. He's fine, he's just upset.” Frank reassured quickly, trying to calm Matt down.

“I'm calming him down. Don't worry. Just give me a minute with him.”

“Are you sure...Are you okay, Gee?” Matt asked, setting a hand on my shoulder.

“Yeah, I'm okay.” I said in a small voice, nodding weakly. Matt sighed.

“Okay. But he needs to take his medication if he's upset. It can't get worse.” Matt warned.

“Yeah, alright. Just give us a sec.” Frank repeated.

“Right. Should I call my Mom?” Matt wondered, his voice trialling off.

“Um. No. Don't do that. She'll just freak out. I've got this.” Frank decided.

“Okay...” Matt replied, sounding more than unsure, but go up and left the room nonetheless.

“So do you understand now that I don't care about you physically giving me a gift...Gerard you already are my special gift.” Frank murmured in my ear, once Matt was gone. I sighed, leaning into him, our cheeks touching. His face was warm and soft while mine was probably just wet.

“I guess.” I whispered, closing my eyes. Frank just held me for a moment, humming a tune, while I felt myself relaxing. The immediate fear and panic and guilt began to subside then fade almost all together.

“Do you need medication?” Frank asked after a minute.

“No. No, I'm fine.” I protested.

“Alright. But if you feel like you need it, take it...I'll just tell Matt you did so he doesn't worry.” He offered. “So do you feel okay? You know that I don't need anything. Really, Gee.” I nodded, nuzzling my face into his shirt.

“I'm sorry.” I muttered quietly.

“Don't be sorry Gerard.” Frank brushed off, kissing my head. “C'mon. Why don't we get up?”

“M'tired.” I sighed lethargically, feeling drained. Frank just chuckled, slipping his hands under my legs and back, lifting me into his arms as he stood up. Feeling him walk out of he kitchen, I slung my arms around his neck.

“Is he okay?” Matt's voice sounded from across the room.

“Yeah. He's just tired.” Frank answered, walking over to the couch by the front door and laying me down onto it. “I gave him his meds, he'll be fine and Ray should be here soon.”

“Wait, we can't just leave him here.” Matt declared, his voice gone high.

“Ray's going to be here soon. Gerard does it all the time when we're not here. He's okay. Aren't you, Gee?” Frank reasoned, while wrapping a blanket around me, that he must have taken off the couch.

“Yeah. I'm okay now.” I meekly interjected, snuggling the blanket close.

“What if he hurts himself.” Matt disagreed, not even listening to me. “We have to wait for Ray or call my Mom!”

“Hey, hey!” Frank cut off, Matt clearing getting upset. “Gerard. Is. Fine. He's not going to do anything. And if you got upset would we call your Mom?”

“No, but this is Gerard!” Matt cried. Ouch. I can't deny that didn't sting a little. I knew they thought of me as a kid that couldn't be left alone, but it hurt worse to hear it aloud I guess. I wasn't going to let myself cry, though. That would only reinforce Matt's argument.

“Listen, Matt. We are going to leave and Gerard is going to be okay and wait for Ray. He's a big boy. He's older than you.” Frank ordered, irritation seeping into his tone.

“Fine. But if anything bad happens to Gee, I'm blaming you.” Matt huffed.

“Whatever. Go get my backpack for me.” Frank said, his voice hard enough not to argue with. After a moment, Matt's obedient footsteps made their way upstairs to grab Frank's things.

“Hey. You are going to be okay, right?” Frank asked, smoothly once he'd left. I smiled slightly but nodded.

“Yes. I'll be fine.” I reassured.

“Okay. Like I said, Ray should be here soon.” Frank said, leaning down to plant a soft and sweet kiss to my lips.

“Ew. Break it up. Are we leaving or not?” Matt whined, his voice and footsteps trotting down the stairs. With a laugh, Frank pulled back, only to kiss my cheek.

“Yeah, yeah. We're gone.” Frank muttered, standing up from where he was sitting next to me.

“Call if you need us!” Matt chirped in, before opening the door and then walking out of it.

“Bye, baby.” Frank threw in softly, right before gently closing the door behind himself.

“Bye, Frankie.” I whispered to the empty, dark house.

❤❤ ❤ Frank❤❤❤

Walking down the pathway into the cold October air, the sun wasn't even up yet, making the world look like a dull gray graveyard. I guess it was cool, but I didn't really give two shits about the weather that morning. I was more concerned about my boyfriend. Why was Matt so worried about leaving him alone? Were they just being ridiculous like usual about Gerard, or was there actually something I should be aware of?

Just seeing those tears form in his green hazel eyes, earlier when I had said he'd been down all week, made my heart break. When he began to cry, telling me he felt like he was a terrible boyfriend for not getting me gift, made me want to cry too. Not because of the damn gift, but because Gee was so upset about it. He was the most gentle, caring person I had ever met. I wanted to just keep him safe from everyone and hold him and protect him. Seeing him so torn up and broken made me feel helpless.

And Matt. His big green eyes, much like his brothers but so much more innocent, were so sad and upset, seeing that his brother so upset too. Matt was always looking up at Gerard with pure admiration like that. He was so young and naive though. He was just a kid, not wanting to leave Gerard alone. For God's sake Gee's seventeen! I hate how they act like he's helpless or like he's five. I know Gerard hates it. I can see it in his eyes, when he hears how they talk about him. Like I know I wanted to stay with Gerard, but not because I thought he'd hurt himself! Seriously; hurt himself? Why would Gerard do that?

At lightening speed, these thoughts bombarded by brain before I could even make it to the car. However, as I reached the car door, my hand hovering over the handle, I saw another white car, make it's way into the driveway. What the? With black tinted windows I couldn't make out who it was.

“Ray!” Matt cheered, running towards the car. Little shit, had been walking slow and stalling probably hoping for just this. To run into him before we left for school. God we were so fucking late! The cars engine hummed to a stop, and after a moment as man with crazy curly hair stepped out of the car, in beige slacks and a brown sweater, holding a briefcase. Who the fuck has briefcases anymore?

“Matt!” The man, who was obviously Gerard's teacher, Ray, brightly greeted back. Ray clapped a hand onto Matt's back. “Aren't you late for school?”

“Actually we were just leaving.” I butted in, throwing Matt a glare.

“Oh! You must be Frank?” Ray asked, kindly. Was he ever not smiling? Didn't that hurt his cheeks? “I've heard lots of great things about you from Gerard.”

“Oh, really?” I asked, my attention grabbed.

“Yes. You're his boyfriend aren't you?” He observed. Gerard had told him I was his boyfriend? I mean we were, I am, but wouldn't Ray tell his Mom?

“Yeah, I am. And you're his teacher.” I commented.

“Sure am. Have been for ten years.” Ray smiled, his brown eyes warm and friendly.

“Wow. That's a long time.” I muttered.

“Yeah, well it's great to see you Ray! But we have to book it!” Matt cut in.

“Why are you guys so late?” Ray wondered curiously.

“Matt, here.” I said, throwing him the car keys which he caught. I'd hope so, since he's the fucking quarterback, “Wait in the car. I'm going to talk to Ray actually for a sec.”

“Fine.” Matt sighed, shoving the keys into the car and taking a seat.

“What did you want to talk about?” Ray asked, stepping around the cars over to my side. Before we started a conversation, though I moved slightly out of ear shot from the car. I didn't want Matt ease-dropping. By then the sun was creeping out of the sky, throwing a layer of sunshine onto us.

“I, uh, wanted to tell you that Gerard, actually kind of got upset this morning.” I started, not knowing how Ray would react, not really knowing him.

“Mhmm.” Ray hummed in response, kindly looking me right in the eye.

“So, just for like a heads up...Matt was super worried about leaving him alone after that...I don't know why.” I rambled not actually knowing where I was going with this.

“Frank...what do you know about Gerard?” He asked after a moment of a thoughtful pause.

“A lot!” I defended, feeling like he was questioning me. “I know his favorite bands, I know his favorite movies and that he's obsessed with the Catcher in the Rye, and-”

“No, no, no.” Ray chuckled, making me knit my eyebrows. “I mean...what do you know about him and his...history I guess.”

“History?” I repeated, feeling stupid and more confused.

“Yes. About him going blind, his episodes...” Ray trailed off.

“Episodes? I mean I know he went blind when he was seven. But he doesn't really talk about it, so I don't push it.”

“Okay. I see.” Ray hummed, “Well, I really shouldn't be telling this to anyone but family, but I guess you're practically family. You live with them.” I nodded.

“Yes, Gerard went blind when he was seven. He got very ill. He almost died really. However. Gerard has always had behavioral issues. He technically has 'bi polar disorder', but I don't like labels. All this really means is that, Gerard get's very irrationally upset and angry sometimes. It got even worse when he went blind. He felt suffocated and scared that he couldn't see anything at such a young age. He used to hurt himself, because he didn't think anything was real. Because he couldn't see anything so he tired to feel it.”

“Is that why Matt didn't want to leave him alone?” I whispered, feeling like a dick about the whole situation.

“Probably. It was very traumatic for the whole family. Gerard takes medication for it now-”

“Medication!” I cut Ray off in a cry! “I didn't give him medicine when he got upset. Matt told me to but, I just thought he was overreacting!”

“Don't worry, Frank. I'll watch him. If he gets upset again, I'll deal with it.” Ray promised in a soothing tone, calming me down. Oh, my poor baby. I felt terrible right then. I just wanted to walk right back into the house and hold Gerard. Fuck school.

“Thank you.” I said, my voice strained.

“Don't worry, Frank.” Ray repeated.

“How long?” I asked as the thought came to me. “How long has it been since a bad episode?”

“About...three years I'd say. We all try to manage it the best we can.” Ray answered. “Gerard's a very gentle person, though. He's never hurt anyone ever.” Ray clarified as if I were afraid of that.

“I don't care about that. I care about Gerard.” I insisted, maybe a bit too harshly. Ray just gave a sympathetic smile, though.

“Of course,” He nodded, patting my shoulder.

“How do you know all this anyways? Like how did you become to be Gee's teacher?” I wondered, curiously.

“Oh. Well, my wife and Gerard's mom have been friends since college. I knew Gerard's father before he passed. And while that whole ordeal was going on, me and my wife, Christa helped with the kids. And when Gerard went blind, I had just been laid off from teaching at the college. Susan needed a personal tutor and I saw no better job opportunity I'd want more.” Ray explained.

“Wow.” I mumbled. “Have...have you ever had to deal with Gerard's...behavioral issues.” I asked slowly, not knowing what to expect.

“Plenty of times.” He nodded. “I've had to call 911 more than a few times.”

“Well...what's the best things to do?” I pressed, hoping to receive maybe a few helpful hints.

“Gerard got upset this morning?” Ray pointed out.

“Yeah.” I shrugged.

“And he's fine now?” He went on.

“Yes.” I replied, not knowing where he was going with this.

“Then, I think you know just what to do.” He smiled encouragingly. I smiled back, still not feeling too sure about myself though. If Gerard was ever hurt or upset, I never wanted to feel helpless. If anything bad ever happened to him, I'd never forgive myself.

Ray and I then said our goodbyes, Ray promising to keep an eye on Gee for me. I then walked to the car, slipping inside.

“God.” Matt groaned, “Talk forever. We're so dead. School started like an hour ago!”

“Sorry.” I mumbled, putting the key in ignition and blasting the heat for Matt.

“Hey.” He tapped my shoulder with the back of his hand, “What's wrong?”

“Nothing.” I said, looking behind my shoulder to pull out.

“Bull. Did Ray say something bad? Did you tell him about Gerard? Was he worried?” Matt rushed out, growing concerned, his green eyes swimming. Damn, he always looked so young when he was scared.

“No, no. I...I'm just sorry for being a dick earlier.” I admitted, feeling another wave of guilt, only able to imagine what was going through Matt's mind when he saw Gee on the floor crying.

“Oh...don't worry about it.” Matt waved off, “You were just concerned. We were both just worried about Gee.” Yeah but you had more of a right to be worried, I wanted to say. But I didn't say anything. I just drove our asses to school as fast as I could.

Notes

I have like a third updated, a third more written, and a third more to write FYI. Sorry for being slow to update. I'm dealing with a lot in my life at the moment. I hope you all have great weekends :)