Love Should Always Be Blind

After Frank and Matt left the house, I let myself fall asleep. Or more like my body forced myself to sleep between lack of sleep and emotional exhaustion. The next thing I knew, was someone gently shaking my shoulder, trying to awake me.

“Mm, ugh.” I groaned, flipping onto my back on the couch.

“Wake up, Gerard.” Ray murmured. Snapping my eyes open to darkness, I gasped in a lung full of air.

“Ray?” I asked, confused.

“Yup. It's me.” He chirped, that always-there-smile evident in his voice.

“What time is it? How long have I been asleep?” I asked at rapid fire. Ray chuckled.

“Just about nine o'clock. I let you sleep for an hour...you seemed pretty exhausted.” He offered, kindly. Nodding slowly, I sat up feeling disgruntled.

“I was.” I muttered. “Bad morning.”

“Do you want to talk about it?” He pressed, sitting down on the couch next to me. I shook my head no.

“I'd rather not.” I shrugged. Ray rested a hand on my shoulder.

“Okay. But if you do, know you can anytime.” He added gently. I smiled softly.

“I know. Thanks.”

“Okay then.” Ray breathed, clapping his hands together and rubbing them together by the sound of friction. “Let's get started on lessons, shall we? That way we can work on Frank's present?”

“Alright.” I agreed, although I had kind of given up hope on the whole present thing, since my conversation with Frank that morning. I really saw no more pressing urge to buy or make anything. Nonetheless, Ray and I started lessons straight away.

We decided to do lessons in the living room, however, instead of my room. Ray said a new atmosphere might clear my head. He's so weird sometimes. I decided I might as well give it a shot though. All day long we worked on lessons as fast as we could, to make up for the hour we lost, from Ray allowing me to sleep. After lunch, when we started on philosophy, I felt totally burnt out. I just wanted to call it a day and sleep, but I knew Ray would never go for that. He's a real stickler for getting work done. Which I guess is a good thing, but at times like that, I wanted to shoot myself. However philosophy was a subject I quit enjoyed.

Ray and I were actually reading through a book of Confucius quotes. He was such a fucking smart guy, like the pioneer of being wise and opening your mind to how the world works. Like no one ever really questioned anything before Aristotle and Confucius and stuff. But anyways, while skimming through, I found a particular quote that sparked my interest.
⠨⠦⠠⠇⠊⠋⠑⠀⠊⠎⠀⠗⠂⠇⠇⠽⠀⠎⠊⠍⠏⠇⠑⠂⠀⠃⠀⠺⠑⠀⠔⠎⠊⠌⠀⠕⠝⠀⠍⠁⠅⠬⠀⠭⠀⠉⠕⠍⠏⠇⠊⠉⠁⠞⠫⠲⠨⠴⠀
―⠀⠠⠉⠕⠝⠋⠥⠉⠊⠥⠎
Which translated to “Life is really simple, but we insist on making it complicated.” I don't even know why, but this made a light in my head go off, like everything just clicked together.

“Oh my, God!” I exclaimed, seconds after the tip of right index finger brushed past the bolded bumps. “I've got it! I've figured it out!”

“What? What have you got?” Ray pressed, concern evident in his tone.

“What to get Frank! I've figured out what to do!” I beamed a smile so big my cheeks ached.

“Well what is it?” He asked, politely.

“I've been making this whole present thing too complicated!” I ranted excitedly, “I've been trying to make it perfect and special when really, it's so simple. Frank's simple. Simple things make people happy...Read me the list I have?”

Ray then obliged to reading me back the list of things we had made at the beginning of the week, to help me think of what to get or make for Frank. After which I proceeded to explain exactly what I wanted to do. Ray I'm sure was smiling bright, once I was done. He said he thought my idea was perfect. A few things he helped me gather together at home, then he drove me to the store to buy a few more. Really by the end of the day, I had Frankie's present all set, tucked safely in my closet. I felt so relieved and happy, I could have sung! Ray just laughed, pleased to that he could help me.

“No, thank you, Ray! I really mean it! You're the best!” I insisted, throwing myself at him to give him the biggest hug I could muster.

“It's no problem, Gerard. I'm glad I could help you. But you know we didn't finish lessons?” He reminded, sternly.

“Yeah, I know! I'll work extra hard to make it up. I promise.” I said, unable to find a damper in the situation.

“I know you will.” Ray replied, ruffling a hand in my hair. “But, I got to go kiddo! I'll see you tomorrow!” He finished, proceeding to leave the house, only about an hour later than expected due to all the running around.

Frank and Matt would be home any minute, so I decided to go lay down. After Ray left, my wall of resistance began to crumble and I felt a new wave of exhaustion hit me. When Frank and Matt finally did get home, Frank came straight to my room. He was particularly cuddly that night. I'm sure it was only because of that morning though. People usually doted on me once they'd seen firsthand, one of my meltdowns. That morning wasn't even bad though. I'd had much worse and I didn't even need medication. I kept myself under control all day, which I was proud of too.

Anyhow, Frank snuggled around me, kissing my cheeks and lips and forehead, always touching me. Like I didn't mind, I just don't like when people pity me. Especially Frank. But I didn't want to start a fight. I was tired and tomorrow would be Frankie's birthday.
At dinner, Mom and Sarah were sure to ask me how I had done all day. They even noted on how I seemed better. Matt didn't say anything, but I could feel his worried gaze boring into my skin. I felt like an animal under observation. I was trying to keep my emotions under control, though. I knew I was just tired and cranky, but still.

“So tomorrow's your birthday Frank.” Mom stated offhandedly.

“Uh, yeah.” Frank agreed, monotonously.

“Well, I was thinking. Sine it's your birthday and Halloween, I figured I could give you probation until Sunday...That way you could go out with friends considering it is your 18th.” Mom offered, a sly smile in her voice. I merely nibbled on the pizza Mom got on her way home from work, while listening to the conversation.

“Hey! What about me?” Matt butt in, all whiny.

“Excuse me, but is it your 18th birthday tomorrow?” Mom pointed out sarcasticly.

“Nooo.” Matt drawled out, “But it is Halloween!” Mom sighed, begrudgingly.

“I suppose so.” She caved in, “You're so lucky it's Halloween. Not to mention the fact that you are way too old for the holiday!”

“You're never too old for Halloween!” Matt grumbled under his breath.

“Anyways.” Mom sighed, “Does that sound good, Frank?”

“Well, actually I just wanted to stay home.” Frank announced. I cringed internally.

“Why?” Mom asked, as if Frank had just said he wanted to cut off his big toes and join the circus.

“Don't you want to go out with friends?” she insisted almost accusingly.

“Not really. I dunno. It's not a big deal. I'll just chill here and watch cheap horror flicks.” Frank explained cooly.

“Alright.” Mom agreed, hesitantly. “But me and your father are going to a work party.”

“Speaking of my Dad...where is he?” Frank wondered, a hint of irritation in his voice.

“He had to work late tonight, he'll be home probably after you kids go to bed.” Mom said, as if we were all children with a marked bedtime. Frank sighed in annoyance.

“But anyways. Sarah. What are you doing tomorrow night? You are staying home right?” Mom pressed, sounding worried about who would 'watch poor little Gee.'

“If you want me to.” Sarah grumbled, not too thrilled about staying home on Halloween on a Friday night. “I was going to go to a party with my friends.”

“Sarah.” Mom hissed, “You know why I need you home.” she blurted out in a hushed and angry whisper. I knitted my eyebrows together and clenched my teeth. Fucking A.

“Oh for the love of God!” I shouted, standing to my feet. “I don't need a fucking babysitter! You all leave me home all the fucking time! Why does it make a difference if it's Halloween? Huh? Is someone going to break in and murder me? Or am I just too stupid to not kill myself.” I spit, my face growing warm. Everyone was stunned into silence. I hardly ever called them out on their shit, about how they treated me. But I had had it that night. I was so annoyed and...pissed! Annoyed and pissed about their tip-toeing around me as if I wasn't even there. As if I were a baby who needed taking care of. Like I couldn't help myself. I was fucking seventeen and perfectly capable.

“Ger-” Mom tried to speak.

“No!” I shouted, throwing my plate to the ground. The sharp sound of the glass plate shattering and ricocheting and bouncing off the tiled floor, filtered my ears, while everyone gasp like I was a freak show! “I hate you all. You just pass me around like a dog or something unwanted. Well sorry I'm such a fucking inconvenience.”

“Gerard.” Sarah spoke calmly, while I breathed in and out heavily, fist balled. “Just breathe...We're not trying to pass you around. We love you.” She slowly spoke, as I could make out the sound of her feet drawing closer to me.

“Bullshit!” I spit, backing away from the sound of her footsteps.

“Gerard. Please. Don't so anything irrational.” Sarah tried.

“Right, because I'm crazy too! Everyone's afraid of me!” I screamed, continuing to back away until my back hit a wall with a thud.

“No.” Sarah pleaded, “No. Gerard, you're upset right now. And that's okay. But please, just listen to me!” I could hear her steps advancing in on me, and I suddenly felt trapped.

“No! Just leave me alone! Stop chasing me!” I cried, moving suddenly around the wall with my hands, and then turning once I ran out of wall.

“Gerard!” Mom yelled. “Go get him!” I didn't hear anymore though, I just ran. Going up the stairs was ease feeling along the railing. Although making my way, while running too, to my bedroom, I tripped and fell more than a few time. By the time I made it to my room, however, I threw myself onto my bed and just cried, after locking the door behind me of course... I was so unexceptionably angry and sad all at the same time. I felt like my body was collapsing in on itself and that I was dying. I just felt consumed with pain and guilt, like it would drag on forever and ever.

Pure torture. Breathing wasn't an option. Seeing was gone. I was swallowed up by darkness. Tears streamed like monsoon rain down my face. Heart rate rapidly increasing. Sweat forming at the hairline. Hands shaking and raw. I was just one big human flaw.

❤❤ ❤ Frank❤❤❤

Everyone had gone paralyzed. Looking back now, it might have been funny. Sarah, Susan, Matt and I were all doe-eyed, staring at each other in complete shock. My heart was aching. I had longed so badly to help, Gerard. Hold him. I didn't even care if Susan saw. But I couldn't. I was afraid I'd make it worse. Then Sarah jumped in, trying to calm him, but that didn't even work. I felt completely and utterly helpless. If Sarah couldn't calm Gerard, nothing could...After a moment, however, Susan seemed to snap back into reality and took action.

“Sarah!” She shouted, making Sarah jump at the unexpected sound, whipping her head back to face Susan, “Go talk to him! Make sure he doesn't hurt himself! Now! Break down the fucking door if you have to!” immediately Sarah nodded her head, runingn out of the room and up the stairs.

“Matt, get Gerard's medication.” Susan ordered with determination yet a calmness.

“But he already took meds this morning!” Matt cried. Throwing him a glare, I felt myself tense.

“Well he obviously needs more! And why did he take medication this morning?! And why didn't anyone tell me?” Susan shouted, losing her cool.

“Because...I don't know! We're stupid!” Matt shouted, frantically shuffling though a cabinet full of paperwork and bottles of meds.

“About that...” I meekly interjected

“What?” Susan asked hesitantly, turning her attention towards me. I swallowed hard, feeling my heart race within my chest unpleasantly. Gripping the back of the chair, where I still sat frozen, my knuckles became white.

“I NEED HELP!” Sarah's voice yelled from upstairs. “LIKE NOW!”

“Matthew, go help, Sarah.” Susan ordered. Matt didn't hesitate in bolting from the kitchen towards the staircase to help Sarah.

“Frank. Please tell me what you were going to say.” Susan asked, bringing my attention back to her. Sighing, averted my gaze to the floor.

“I didn't give him his medication this morning, when he got upset...”

“You WHAT?” Susan bellowed and I cringed.

“I-I just thought he was okay! I got him to calm down so I thought he was fine!”I rushed out, trying to explain myself.

“Frank.” Susan sighed, rubbing her temples with her manicured fingertips. “Honey. First of all. If Gerard ever gets upset like this, you let me know.” She started walking towards me and resting her hands on each of my shoulders. “Second of all. Always, always give Gerard his medication if he gets uncontrollably upset like this. It almost always ends up like this. And if it doesn't it's better to be safe than sorry.” As Susan spoke tenderly, I couldn't help but feel stupid tears fill my eyes. I never ever cried. Especially in front of people. I'd fucked up. Again. Like usual.

“I-I'm sorry.” I chocked shamefully.

“Don't be sorry. I'm sorry. I really am that it's this way. But it is and it's just what we deal with. It's my fault for not explaining. But right now, I don't have time.” She rushed, stepping away from me and grabbing an injection shot.

“A shot?” I asked.

“Yes. It'll calm him down. He'll sleep. When he wakes up tomorrow I'll give him his medication.” Susan explained, while we ran out of the kitchen and up the steps.

What met us at the stairs by Gerard's bedroom door, was enough to make me sick. Matt and
Sarah must have found a way to breakdown the door, because they had Gerard pinned to his bedroom floor. Matt held onto Gerard's wrist while Sarah was pushing hair back from his face, whispering soft things that I couldn't hear. There were scratch marks on Gerard's forearm's, bleeding and red from irritation. He was crying, sobbing.

“I CAN'T SEE! HELP ME!” He just kept wailing over and over.

“Hold him.” Susan ordered, walking into the bedroom. Matt tightened his grip on Gerard instantly, almost instinctively. Sarah moved back, giving Susan room as she crouched on the floor. Me; well all I could do was stare. I couldn't believe that this was actually happening.
Gerard began to kick his feet around, resisting at all coast. Susan, maneuvered his feet under her and she sat on them. Still Gerard kicked, making Susan wobble.

“FRANK?!” Susan yelled, “Can you help me?” she demanded, causing me to snap back. Immediately I rushed over the threshold and got to my knees. Taking a hold of Gerard's ankles, he still tried to break free. However as we all held him from each angle, Susan managed to give Gerard the injection on his arm. Almost instantaneously, Gerard's body slacked and his eyes dropped closed.

“There you go, baby.” Susan cooed, caressing Gee's sweaty face. “Just sleep...just sleep.” Once Gerard had slackened in Matt's lap, everyone subconsciously let out a sigh of relief.

“Matt and Frank? Get him onto his bed.” Susan ordered, wiping her forehead with the back of her arm. Nodding, I just picked Gerard's skinny body into my arms, not bothering to wait for Matt. He looked pretty wiped out from holding Gerard down anyways. Gently I lied him down on top of his covers. Carefully I pulled the sheets out from under his body, to tuck him into bed.

“I'll clean his arms.” Sarah offered, sounding more than tired. A fresh wave of guilt swept over my stomach like a title wave. Susan nodded in response to Sarah, while ushering Matt and I out of the room. I gave Gerard one more look of grief before making my way out of his room.

“Now. I think that's enough excitement for one day, yeah?” Susan huffed, with a great exhalation. Matt nodded in a agreement and made his way to his own room without a word. I just stood there still stunned and unable to think of anything to say like an idiot.

“Frank.” Susan, gently said. I blinked rapidly, snapping my head into her direction.

“Yeah?” I muttered.

“Don't think about this too much. It's not your fault. You know what to do now. Gerard will be fine, okay?” She attempted to comfort me. I shrugged.

“Thanks Susan.” I mumbled, “I'm going to bed, now.”

“Okay, yeah. Go get some sleep. I'm just going to go downstairs and clean up.” She added offhandedly, rubbing at the dark circles under her green eyes.

“Oh, I'll help you!” I jumped in. The least I could do was help clean up the mess I caused.

“Oh, no, no! That's okay.” Susan waved off.

“No, really. It's no problem.” I insisted.

“Well, I guess I won't argue to help.” She smiled softly.

With that Susan and I took the steps downstairs and into the kitchen. The damage wasn't bad, really. I swept up the broken plate Gerard had throw, while Susan put the pizza away, and then we both washed the remaining dishes. It only took about an hour tops. Once we were finished, Susan threw me a dry wash cloth to dry my hands, as she did herself with her own wash cloth.

“Frank.” Susan sighed, breaking our silence, “I just wanted to say thank you.”

“Thank you? For what?” I asked, truly confused, my eyebrows knit.

“For being so understanding about all of this. I-I know Gerard can be trying at times. He's a great kid, but...well y'know what just happened. I'm sure it's not easy transitioning from living in a new place, let alone into a family as chaotic as this one. I guess I just want to say thank you.” Susan went on, ringing her hands on the cloth like Gerard does when he gets uncomfortable.

“No. It's fine really. I understand. I really lo-like Gerard. He's like my best friend.” I stuttered, catching myself as I almost let it slip, that I loved Gerard. That would have been just way too much drama to handle in one day.

“I'm glad.” She smiled genuinely, “Gerard's never really had any friends before.”

“Well he's really cool. I don't know why.” I said referring to his lack of friends. Susan nodded.

“Well, thank you. And I promise this doesn't happen often. It's become rare nowadays...Y'know Gerard's always had Bi Polar disorder and depression. It only got worse when he went blind...But we keep it managed with medication.” She explained a hint of sadness creeping into her voice. Although I had already been briefed about this early that morning, I merely nodded to be polite.

“I understand...but about tomorrow...I really do want to stay home. If Sarah wants to go out I can hangout with Gerard.” I offered, trying to sound as casual as possible without sounding too casual. Susan sighed heavily, eying me up for a moment.

“Are you sure?” She finally exhaled.

“Positive. We can just hangout like any other day.” I shrugged.

“Frank, thank you...but after tonight...”

“I'll keep a real good eye on him.” I promised cutting her off when her hesitation began to sink in.
“I'll give him his medication, more if he needs it. I'll call you if I need help. I'll even call an ambulance if it comes to that.” I promised, borderline begging. Susan sighed for the millionth time.

“Frank, I'm really trusting you here.” She pointed out warily.

“I know. It'll be fine.” I said, throwing my cloth onto the counter.

“Me and your father shouldn't be out late anyways.” Susan reassured. I just shrugged.

“That's fine.” I agreed anyways. Without another word, Susan wrapped me in her arms tightly.

“Thank you Frank.” She mumbled, pressing her face to my head. I slowly patted her back, unsure what to do.

“It's no problem Susan. Really.” I muttered. Susan pulled back quickly, her eyes watery and highlighted red.

“Okay. Go to bed.” She waved off, turning her back.

“Okay.” I replied slowly, “Goodnight.”

“Goodnight.” I took this as my cue to leave.

Quickly I made my way to my bedroom, throwing myself onto the bed. Exhaustion immediately washed over me, yet I couldn't find sleep. After removing all my clothes but my boxers and getting under the covers, all I could do was toss and turn. Whenever I closed my eyes, images of Gerard's hurt and crying face flooded my mind. The sound of him screaming from upstairs. The scratch marks on his arms. The somber looks on everyone's faces. Not to mention the guilt I still felt, despite how everyone told me to not think about it. If only I hadn't been a dick and given Gerard his Goddamn medication!

Tossing. Starring at the wall in darkness. Turning. A groan and frustrated sigh. Over and over, until I shifted to read my clock. Two fucking AM. Fuck me. Out of nowhere, however, I heard a faint cracking open of my bedroom door. Turing my head, I first saw light from the hallway flood in by a fraction. Then I saw Gerard hesitantly standing in the threshold, his eyes searching into nothingness.

“Gee?” I murmured loud enough for him to hear me. “What's wrong?” I demanded gently, sitting up straight out of fear that he was upset or he was hurt or even if he was just scared.

“Nothing's wrong...” He said softly, tugging at the sleeves of his shirt. “I was just wondering if I could sleep with you.” Gerard admitted shyly. Even after all we'd talked about or been through together he was still shy. I don't think it was possible for him to get anymore adorable.

“Of course you can.” I answered softly, throwing back my covers.

Smiling softly, Gerard stepped into the room, closing the door behind himself quietly. For just a second I though about turning on the light, but then just as fast as the thought came into my mind, I reminded myself it wouldn't make a difference for Gerard. He was graceful as ever, though, even while he took slow careful steps towards the bed. Within moments, his knees bumped the edge of the bed gently, and he then bent down and climbed into the bed. Right way, I wrapped my arms around him protectively once he was within reach.

“Why aren't you asleep baby? You must be exhausted.” I asked, caressing his soft warm cheek after he'd settled in.

“I woke up...and I was alone. I didn't want to be alone.” He confessed, his voice tightening towards the end, making my heart ache.

“Well you don't have to be,” I reassured, “You can come into my room anytime you want.” kissing his forehead. Gerard snuggled his face into my neck, making me sigh in content. Feeling his rhythmic breathing on my bare chest, I began to comb my fingers through his soft black and long onyx hair. Gerard had a hand rested on my chest, drawing absent circles.

“I'm sorry.” He whispered, after a long moment. I almost thought he's fallen back asleep when his finger had stilled.

“Sorry?” I muttered, looking down to his silhouette. “Sorry for what?”

“For freaking out earlier...I-I feel so stupid.” He admitted mournfully.

“Aw, Gee. No, don't feel sorry or stupid for anything.” I tried to reenforce. Just the thought of him being upset for getting upset made me upset. Gerard squeezed his eyes shut tight, balling his hands into fist.

“I just get so upset sometimes and I can't control it and...ugh!” Gerard groaned, anger welling evidently into his facial expression.

“Hey, hey, hey.” I shushed, petting his hair and moving it behind his ear tenderly. “Don't get yourself all worked up again over nothing. If anything I should be the one feeling stupid...I feel so guilty Gee.” I confessed, continuing to brush his hair wanting to just touch him and make him feel safe.

“Wait, no! You did nothing wrong-” He began.

“I should have given you your medicine. I was stupid.” I shook my head in remorse.

“I was the one who said I'd be fine. You didn't know. I-I should have known better...” He trailed off, his voice growing quieter and quieter.

“Gerard.” I whispered, my voice low yet firm. “You didn't do anything wrong.”

“Neither did you.” He still insisted. Gerard, Gerard, Gerard.

“Fine. Let's just say that it's no ones fault. What happened happened. I don't care. Really.” I compromised. Gerard sighed, but cuddled closer.

“Fine.” He muttered, his voice muffled by my skin. “But you know what...”

“Hmm?” I hummed, pecking his cheek.

“Happy birthday.” He hummed back smugly. I chuckled.

“Thanks, baby.” I mumbled, giving a short but sweet kiss to his lips. With that I sighed feeling content and happy with Gerard in my arms. I knew he was safe and I knew he wasn't alone. Gerard relaxed in my arms too, his breathing getting heavy. I hummed, finding bliss actually in all the mess that day/night held. I had Gee in my arms in the end, and that's all that mattered to me.

Notes

Are you guys excited for Halloween?! I'm so fuckin excited! I have a chapter to update then too, Halloween addition! Leave a comment if you'd like. I love 'em!