Love Should Always Be Blind

Parked right in front of the house, none of the four of us moved. We were all at a lose for what to do or say to our parents. Sarah confirmed to me that David's car they had taken out, was indeed parked back in the driveway. We were fucked. Even if we lied some miracle lie, how were we supposed to explain Frank's face?

“I've fucking got it!” Frank exclaimed, breaking our silence, causing me to jump. “Just tell Susan and Dad that you guys just came to pick me up from a gig. I'll just say I got in a fight at the gig, which isn't a lie.”

“Hm.” Sarah contemplated, trying to think through any holes in Franks theory. “I guess that's the best we've got. The longer we just sit here, the more suspicious they get.”

“Alright, well here goes nothing.” Frank sighed, and we all climbed out of the car. Sarah took my hand, helping me towards the house. The second, I think Matt opened the door, though, Mom's voice boomed in my eardrums.

“Where the fuck have you all been?” She screeched. “I want an explanation right this second.”

“Frank? What in God's name happened to your face?” David asked.

“Calm down!” Frank insisted, the sound of him throwing himself onto the living room couch sounding in my ears. “Why don't we all just have a seat.” he suggested cooly. Sarah tugged my hand towards the couch, her and I sitting down beside Frank, followed by Matt's weight. I don't think either Mom or David sat, however. I heard no sound of them moving.

“You better have a good fucking explanation for this one.” Mom warned.

“No! You guys are overreacting.” I butted in, although my heart was racing twice it's intended rate. Rubbing my palms on my jeans absentmindedly, I cleared my throat.

“We dropped off Frank at a gig he had tonight, and of course we had to pick him up.” I said as cooly as I could manage.

“What about Frank's face.” David demanded.

“I got in a fight, okay?” Frank shouted in my defense.

“Hm. Okay.” Mom hummed, in an already sarcastic tone, making my stomach drop, “That would be a great, cover. But seeing as Me and David have been home for an hour now. And seeing as how it doesn't take more than an hour to go there and come back, considering neither David or I saw you leave...I think it's safe to say that's a big fat fucking lie!” Mom yelled.

Shit. Damn. Motherfucker.

“How come you've been home for an hour? I thought you guys were going to a movie!” Matt pointed out in denial.

“There wasn't room left in the theater, so we decided to come home instead and watch a Netflix movie. But funny how when we got home, Frank's car was gone and all of you were gone.” Mom seethed out, using that motherly tone that instantly made you feel guilty. No one said anything. No one new what to say, so I figured I'd break it.

“I just wanted to hear Frank play!” I pleaded, I didn't care if I sounded whiny.

“When why didn't you just ask for permission?” Mom retorted.

“Because you would have said no! And you know you would have! You never let me go anywhere. You don't even let me go outside to get the mail! You treat me like I'm five.” I shouted back, feeling anger bubble inside me.

“That's not true. I'll admit I'm protective, but I only do it to keep you safe.” Mom defended, hurt lacing her words. I felt guilty but I had to say it.

“Mom, I'm blind not stupid. I know what I can and cannot do! I haven't been out of the house since Sarah begged out to let me go to the mall. That was almost a month ago, now. I get fucking excited when I get to ride in a car. It's like a fucking ride for me. That's it. A fucking car ride!” I shouted, my voice shaking as I was close to tears.

“I'm not talking about this right now.” Mom tried to wave off.

“You never do!” I bit back, feeling spit fly from my mouth.

“That is ENOUGH, Gerard. What matters is that you all lied to David and I.” Mom insisted, trying to redirect the topic.

“We lied because we knew you wouldn't let Gee go!” Matt interjected innocently, trying to defend me like the best little brother he was.

“Matthew, I wasn't talking to you, was I?” Mom barked.

“You're only yelling at us because you know it's all true.” Frank bravely jumped in.

“Frank. Don't talk to Susan like that. You're in just as much trouble here.” David snapped.

“I can't handle with this right now. All of you. To your room. We'll deal with this in the morning.” Mom sighed heavily, all anger draining from her. None of said anything, but got up from the couch instead, climbing to stairs in somber silence. I went straight to my room, wanting desperately to cry, yet at the same time I felt too tired to cry. From behind me, I felt a hand grab and intertwine with mine.

“Frank.” I sighed.

“Please. Let me just cuddle you until you fall asleep.” He begged. I sighed again, not having enough energy in me to fight.

“Fine.” I grumbled and I could only imagine a smug smile spreading over Frankie's face. Opening my bedroom door with a quiet squeak, I stepped over the threshold and right away stripped into my underwear and threw on a clean shirt. I could hear Frank doing the same. I'd never turned on the light...I almost never did, so as we climbed in bed, Frank stubbed his toe, him not being used to the darkness. I couldn't help but chuckle under my breath.

“Amateur.” I teased, snuggling under the covers. Frank laughed loudly.

“Yeah, yeah.” He waved off, wrapping his arms around my waist.

“So besides the whole fight at the bar and with our parents, how was the night?” Frank asked, his tone light, apparently trying to lighten the mood with a joke.

“You know I'm still mad at you for starting a fight.” I remarked, turning my head on my pillow to face Frank's.

“I'm sorry. For the millionth time. I'm so so sorry.” He sighed, his breath waving over my skin, smelling like cigarettes and beer he must have somehow gotten his hands on at the bar. I sighed too, though, not wanting to fight over petty things anymore.

“I know. I do. I just don't want you getting hurt either.” I added, snuggling my nose into Franks neck, causing him to lean in, inhaling my sent.

“I'm sorry.” He mumbled, kissing the top of my head.

“And for any consolation. You played and sang amazing tonight. I was really impressed, although, I don't know much professionally.” I giggled, tilting my head up to direct my gaze closer to where Frank's face was.

“I don't care. Your opinion means just as much as any manager.” He insisted, making me grin.

Ducking my head down, I placed a lingering kiss to his neck, trailing it up to his lips. Kissing back, Frank slipped his fingers into my hair, causing a moan to make it's way out of my throat. Deepening the kiss, I grazed my tongue over his soft warm lips, immediately allowed in. Massaging our tongues together, Frank shifted, swinging his legs over each sides of my hips practically straddling me. Breaking apart, for a gasp of air, Frank made no attempt in slowing down, but moved his mouth to my neck, sucking. Groaning deeply, I dug my nails into his back through the thin tee-shirt he wore.

Finding his fingers under my own shirt, Frank began to trail his fingertips along my sides, causing me to shiver involuntarily. Tracing them down and out, he gripped the hem of my shirt, pulling it up over my head, yet dove right back in to sucking on my skin. Reaching down, I fumbled around until I found Frank's hem and forced him to break away again, to tug off his shirt as well. Before he could dive back in though, I reached out my hands, palm down on his chest. Softly I ran my hands down his chest, feeling his soft skin. As I roamed my hands around his torso, I could hear and feel Frank let out a sound in between a soft sigh and groan. Sarah wasn't lying that day Frank took his shirt off in front of me. He did have a nice body, feeling the curve of his waist to his hips. The indents of each ab and rib. I could feel just the slightest hint of chest hair, lingering on it and stroking my fingers over his breast bone, swiping my thumb over his right nipple.

“Gerard.” Frank whined, leaning back down, reattaching our lips in a desperate kiss, tongue being used right away. Wrapping my arms over his neck, I could feel the tension in his shoulder muscles, contracting and relaxing, as he began to move his hips into mine. Letting out a loud moan, I felt like I couldn't breathe, being smothered by Frank. Grinding his hips down and up, I was panting in moments, feeling his erection on mine.

“Frankie.” I mewed. Frank hummed in reply, kissing my jaw. “Frankie.” I tried again, wanting to slow down, but not wanting to at the same time.

“Frankie.... Please. C-Can we slow down?” I finally managed to pant out. Immediately Frank stopped all movement though, only shifting up to my face.

“Of course, Gerard. You say the word and we stop.” He insisted, firmly yet out of breathe at the same time.

“I-I just.” I stuttered, but was silenced with a gentle kiss.

“Gee. Don't worry about it.” He murmured, caressing my cheek. “I understand.”

“You've just done so much more than I have...I don't want you to...I don't know get frustrated with me.” I confessed, sheepishly.

“Gee.” Frank laughed softly, “I don't care. We'll go as slow or fast as you're comfortable with.” He said, pecking my lips. I held onto his face, though, deepening the kiss hoping to show how much I appreciated his kindness and understanding. Pulling back just about a fraction of an inch, I mustered up the nerve to say what I wanted.

“I don't want to stop.” I confessed, our lips brushing against one another, “But I just don't want to go all the way.” I said, trying to sound confident but most likely only sounding scared. Frank's lips, I could feel cracked into a smirk.

“Okay.” He whispered, then leaning down sealing our lips together, no tongue but full of passion and want. Breaking the kiss, Frank gently, trailed kisses up my jaw stopping at my ear.

“Have you ever gotten a blowjob?” He's smooth voice husked out in my ear, as he took my ear lob in between his teeth, making me harder than I thought possible. Unable to answer, I merely swallowed loudly and shook my head, 'no'. Frank went back to my mouth,

“Do you want one?” He asked, against my lips.

“Yes.” I breathed out shakily and I could feel Frank's smile widen on my mouth. Closing his mouth however, Frank wasted no time slipping his tongue into my mouth, causing me to groan. Again he began to grind his hips into me, giving me wonderful friction that I desperately needed. Before too long, Franks kisses directed south, making a wet trail down my neck, chest, stomach until he reached my underwear. I could feel his fingers hovering hesitantly above the elastic band.

“Are you sure?” Frank asked one last time. I nodded and crocked out a yes. And with that Frank didn't need another word of reassurance, but dove right in to undressing me.

*****

Waking up the next morning, I found myself with Frank's arms wrapped around me tightly. Under the covers I became highly aware of the fact that I wore no clothes and Frank was only wearing underwear, as last night's activities came flooding back into my memory. Finding out Frank, Sarah, and Matt lied to me about Mom letting me go to the gig. Going to the gig. Frank's fight. Coming back home and getting into a fight with Mom after her and David found out we snuck out. Frank giving me a blowjob. Me giving Frank a handjob. All things I had never done in my whole life...

Tearing me from my revere however, I noticed Frank stirring. Loosening then tightening his arms back around me and nuzzling his face into my neck.

“Mm. You're up before me?” Frank groaned out in a husky morning voice, “That's shocking.” he teased. I rolled my eyes, giving his chest a small shove.

“Oh, whatever. I like my sleep. Sue me.” I scoffed, yet at the same time snuggled into his warm and welcoming chest.

“Well, I'll admit I was pretty exhausted after last night.” Frank teased smugly, brushing his lips against the shell of my ear, causing me to shiver. Tilting my head upward, I closed my eyes, and felt Frank's sweet lips against mine. Breaking away, I sighed, and rested my forehead against his.

“How much you want to bet we're grounded for life, after sneaking to that gig.” I muttered bitterly. Frank just chuckled, though.

“I'm not betting anything on that wager. I know for a fact our asses are gone...which you know kind of sucks, cause I was hoping that I'd have fun with yours eventually.” Frank murmured playfully.

“Oh God. You're always so crude.” I laughed, nudging his chest with my shoulder. Frank was all talk though, I knew now that when it came down to being sexually active, he was sweet and gentle and caring. He made sure that I was consenting and comfortable, before he made any kind of move.

“I can't help it.” He insisted, nuzzling his face into my neck, making me sigh. For a moment after that we merely lay there, enjoying each others warm touch of skin and wave of soft breath onto each others face. Frank stirred, however, gentle wiggling his way away from me.

“Where are you going?” I asked, trying not to sound worried, but only making myself seem pathetic.

“I'm just gonna get us some coffee. I'll be right back.” He promised, kissing my forehead.

Hearing the sound of rustling of clothes, then after the sound of the door closing, I let out a big heavy exhalation. I loved when Frank was with me, but I hated it when he was gone. I don't know if that was be being clingy or whatever, I just knew I didn't like it. I didn't feel safe without Frank anymore, honestly. He made me feel safe and good about myself. I only went without my sunglasses when he was with me. I could only sleep properly anymore, if Frank was there to hold me. It scared me. I'd never felt like that about anyone. I'd never dated anyone and although our relationship might have seemed to be going at a fast rate, I felt like I just couldn't get enough of him.

I didn't know how 'normal' relationship's went, but I felt like mine and Franks was going just right for myself. I only hoped he felt the same way about me. Now that I knew what life with Frank was like, I was beginning to think about what if he got tired of me? What if I became too much for him. I mean I'd only known him for maybe a little over a month. I knew it was way too soon to say I loved him...but that's what it felt like. Love. I swore to myself I wouldn't say it aloud though. And definitely not to Frankie. That it unless he said it first of course. Had Frank ever told anyone before that he loved them? Was I just another boyfriend to him on a list of lovers, he'd have in his life? But that made me sound crazy to think of such a thing. It's not like we were going to get married and have kids. This was just a relationship. But it didn't feel like just another relationship to me. But I didn't think I wanted to marry Frank. Not right then at least. Ugh. I hated when my thoughts raced like this. Before I could get too tangled up in my thoughts, however, I heard my bedroom door opened again.

“Frank?” I asked timidly.

“No. It's your Mom...Why would Frank be coming in?” She asked out in a confused voice. I swallowed loudly, cursing myself silently for not dressing while he was gone. I was uncomfortably naked underneath my covers.

“Oh, Mom. Um, I dunno. We were going to go watch TV, but he was getting coffee.” I half-lied.

“Oh...okay.” She brushed off, while I hugged to sheets closer to me, hoping she wouldn't realize I was completely naked. And if she did, I prayed she wouldn't put two and two together. Mom was a very smart lady. Nothing usually got passed her.

“Not to be rude or anything.” I began hesitantly, “But why are you in here?” I asked. Mom sighed, then I heard her make her way over to my bed and felt her sit down beside me.

“I...I just wanted to talk about last night.” She confessed, sounding slightly uncomfortable herself. “I wanted to say that I'm sorry.”

“Sorry? Sorry, about what?” I asked, my turn to be confused. Feeling her hand on my cheek, then I instinctively flinched but then relaxed once I realized what she was doing.

“I'm sorry that I've been so controlling.” She sighed, caressing my face. “I just get scared, ya know?” I offered a small sympathetic smile.

“Yeah, I know, Mom.” I answered.

“I don't want to lose you. I don't know what I would do if that happened. And I know you're not stupid. Baby, I know you're very smart and intelligent. But I...I don't know.” She huffed out, stumbling on her words.

“It's okay, Mom. I understand.” I replied, resting my hand over hers that lay on my cheek.

“But it's not, Gerard.” She insisted firmly. “I want you to feel normal. I don't want you to feel caged in. But at the same time, I'm scared. I don't know what I'm trying to say.” She mumbled somberly. I pursed my lips, not knowing what to say either, so instead I stroked my thumb over her hand like Frank did for me whenever I was upset.

“It's really okay, Mom. I get it. I'm not mad. I just want more freedom.” I explained.

“I'll try. I really will, I promise.” She begged. I nodded.

“Okay.” I agreed. That was good enough for now. I knew people had to take baby steps and I was okay with that. If it resulted in me getting out more, I could be patient.

“I am sorry, Gerard.” Mom whispered.

“I know.” I nodded again, and Mom leaned down pecking my forehead.

“I love you, baby.” She breathed in deep.

“I love you too, Mom.” I smiled. “...So does this mean we're getting off the hook?” I wondered hesitantly. Mom laughed.

“No way. You guys lied about leaving the house regardless. I'll work on letting you leave places, but you all always have to tell me and David where you're going if you live in the house.” She chastised, her motherly tone breaking through, making me chuckle but sigh.

“Fair enough, I guess...what's the verdict?” I asked, feeling like I was tip-toeing on eggshells.

“Grounded. All of you for two week.” She bluntly replied.

“TWO WEEKS?” I choked. “But it's Fall Break!”

“You all should have thought about that before you snuck out.” She chirped, then left without another word. I sighed deeply, realizing just how long two weeks was. At least I'm used to not leaving the house...Grumbling and stewing in my punishment, I heard the door open again not three minutes later. I bit my tongue from asking who it was. I didn't want to risk anything again.

“Why are you so grumpy? Is it because you're Mom just left you're room? What did she say?” Frank shot off, his voice starting nonchalant yet growing in concern.

“Grounded for TWO week! All of us!” I cried, while I heard the door close then Frank sit on the bed where Mom was not ten minutes ago.

“Fuck!” He swore under his breath. “That means I'm grounded for my birthday.” he muttered off handily but I caught it.

“Birthday? When's your birthday?” I pressed.

“Oh. Uh, The thirty-first.” He mumbled.

“Halloween?! Your birthday's on Halloween? We're grounded on Halloween?” I shrieked,
causing Frank to chuckle.

“Yes. Here, take your coffee.” He demanded, taking my hand and leading it to the handle so I didn't burn myself. Latching my fingers around the ceramic, I sipped delicacy on the hot liquid.

“Frank! You're going to be eighteen! That's big! Do you have plans?” I asked, excitedly after I'd swallowed the caffeine, making my voice raspy.

“Well my band was going to take me out to a club. Like a gay bar or something.” He laughed lightly, but I frowned not even meaning to. “But we haven't talked about it in a while. We planned that before I even met you!” He insisted, after reading my reaction.

“Oh.” I said slowly and nodded.

“Really, Gee.” He insisted, taking my coffee cup out of my hand, and hearing it land on the nightstand. “I wouldn't want to do that now. Fuck, it's a good thing we're grounded. Now I'm not expected to leave the house and I can just spend it with you.” He ranted, kissing my jaw and nuzzling his face into my neck making his voice muffled.

“But don't you want to see your friends?” I asked, wrapping my arms around his shoulder.

“I see enough of them at school and band practice. I never get to see you.” Frank reassured, pecking a kiss to my lips. “We can watch old crappy horror movies and eat candy. Fuck we can even listen to the Monster Mash on repeat if you want to!” He rambled, and I couldn't help but giggle at how cute and sweet he was being. I kissed his lips firmly.

“We can do whatever you want to. It's your birthday.” I insisted with a gentle smile.

“Well if you put it that way, I'll do you for my birthday.” Frank replied cheekily, but I tensed for a moment, wondering if he was serious.

“Do you really want that? I will if you want.” I muttered shyly and slowly.

“Oh God, no, Gee! I was totally kidding. I just barely blew you for the first time last night.” Frank immediately rushed out, making me blush feeling stupid for even thinking he was serious.

“But if that's what you want...” I started

“Gerard.” Frank cut me off, holding my face firmly in his hands, “Baby, I don't need that for my birthday. It comes every year. You only lose your virginity once and I don't want you to think you have to give it to me for a damn gift. Yes, when you're ready I'll be more than happy. BUT that's when and if you're ready to. Do you understand that?” He reiterated, his tone full of concern. I nodded, feeling more than humiliated.

“I'm sorry.” I mumbled, feeling tears sting my eyes no matter how much I willed them away.

“Oh, Gee.” Frank cooed, stroking his thumbs over my cheeks, “Honey. Don't be sorry. Not at all. I want that time to be special, not because of my birthday and you want to make it special. Don't feel stupid or sorry or whatever. I want you to have sex with me because you love me, not for a birthday gift.” He rephrased a bit. I smiled weekly.

“Okay.” I whispered, then felt Franks soft lips tenderly mold with mine. After we'd pulled back, Frank hummed a sigh, taking me out from under the covers and snuggling me into his chest and laying us both down at the foot of my bed.

“You said love?” I whispered, not sure if I wanted to Frank to hear or not. Frank's smiled against my cheek, though, indicating he had.

“Yes I did.” He laughed softly. “I hope you'll love me eventually. I did say I was going to make you fall in love with me, didn't I?” He pointed out, referring back to the first day Frank played video games with Matt. I grinned then, genuinely.

“You did.” I agreed, placing my hand on his chest. “And you're doing a pretty good fucking job so far.”

“Good. Cause you know I think I already kind of love you.” He tried to shrug of nonchalantly. I lifted my head, hovering my face over his.

“Really?” I whispered softly.

“Well...yeah.” He repeated, lifting a hand to my face. I grinned from cheek to cheek, then ducked down to peck his lips happily.

“Good. Cause I think I already kind of love you too.” I admitted feeling a blush rise on my face. Frank laughed, I loved that he always laughed; since I couldn't see his smile, his laugh was I'm sure just as beautiful, and it let me know he was happy either way.

Settling down, I rested my head back down onto Frank's chest and he began to rub my back with the nubs of his fingers. Closing my eyes, I breathed in deeply, cherishing his beautiful smell. Absentmindedly I began to swirl my forefinger on Frank's chest, in the fabric of his shirt.

“You know what I just realized?” I asked, as the thought came to me, making probably my whole body red.

“What's that?” Frank asked, sounding genuinely curious.

“That I'm still naked.” I muttered out shyly. Frank just burst into a fit of laughter making me laugh as well. Pretty soon we couldn't stop laughing.

“Why didn't you tell me!” I cried, through a fit of giggles.

“Why the Hell would I tell you that?!” Frank pointed out as if it was the silliest question in the whole world. I guess it really was though. Nonetheless I rolled my eyes. Snuggling my way out of Frankie's arms I swung my legs over the bed, feeling around the floor for my underwear and a shirt. As my fingertips came in contact with the familiar fabric of cotton and elastic, I swiped them quickly into my hands. Pulling the underwear on over my waist first, I then tugged the shirt over my head.

“You know that's my shirt.” Frank teased. Scooting back on the bed to face Frank, I poked out my tongue. He just laughed, sitting up.

“You're a little shit.” I pointed out, while crossing my legs Indian style.

“So I've been told.” He shrugged off. “But although, that shirt looks good on you, I prefer you naked.” I groaned.

“You're like five, Frank.” I said exasperatedly.

“Well I hope not. I'd be one sexually active five year old.” He pointed out. I shook my head, Frank pecking my cheek after my head had stilled.

“Oh and about being naked. I vaguely remember you mentioning my dick last night to a stranger, when in fact you hadn't actually seen my dick yet.” I accused, but Frank just laughed.

“True, but I knew it was big. And I was right wasn't I?” He pointed out cheekily. I could only groan and roll my eyes, too embarrassed to saying anything else.

“Do you wanna put music on?” I suggested, changing subjects.

“Sure. How about some Smashing Pumpkins?” He asked. I nodded and hummed in agreement, once again getting off the bed, towards my CD player. Squatting down, I popped the top open and replaced the CD of Frank's band that I had been listening to the night before, with Mellon Collie and the Infinite Sadness. Feeling around for the familiar big square button, I pressed play and soon the CD began to play the starting song of instrumentals. Standing back up, I made my way back to the bed and flopped myself face down. Giggling, Frank lied down on his side, drawing circles in my back.

For a good while we merely lay there lazily, changing positions every once in a while, singing a line here and there. Really that's all me and Frank had to do, in order to be content with each other. As long as we were together. I think it was around, the end of the first CD that I was lying on my back, replaying the conversations Frank and I had had that morning. Something began to nag in my mind. Something I had actually though about for a while. Approximately around the
time Frank first french kissed me...

Feeling Frank's weight leave the bed, I heard him changing the first CD out with the second half of Mellon Collie and the Infinite Sadness. As 1979 began to play in the background, I felt Frank's weight dip back on the bed. He must have lied down on his stomach, for his hand reached up to brush hair behind me ear.

“Frankie?” I murmured.

“Hmm.” He hummed back. I hesitated though, opening then closing my mouth. “What is it, babe?” He pressed.

“How...how many people have you loved before?” I managed to spit out, a blush dusting my cheeks. Frank's hand paused in my hair.

“What do you mean?” He wondered. I sighed.

“I mean...tell me about your history. I know you briefly told me that one time...but I want to know more. I want to know everything.” I rephrased, tilting my head left to face him.

“Why do you want to know?” He asked hesitantly. I smiled gently, reaching out for his face. Feeling his soft cheek, I stroked my fingertips.

“I'm curious.” I shrugged.

“But...why does it matter? I'm with you.” He tried, tip-toeing around the subject.

“Don't boyfriends tell each other that kind of stuff. I want to know as much about you as I can. I'd tell you about me- but there's nothing really to tell.” I explained, “I'm not going to judge you Frankie. I just am curious.” Frank heaved out a heavy exhalation, yet placed his hand on top of mine.

“You want to know everything? Like from the start?” He clarified. I hummed, then nodded.

“Well, I told you about that girl I dated in 7th grade.” He began with a long sigh, “Her name was Molly Fisher, and we dated for like a month. She was cute and popular and I wanted to impress her. For a date at one point we went to the movies and she kissed me, going straight for the tongue.” He laughed with a shudder, at the memory making me laugh too. “I told you my first french kiss was terrible! All I really remember is lots of spit. If you'd ask her now, I bet she'd lie and say I shoved my tongue down her throat, but in all honesty, she made the first move...after that God awful kiss we just kinda broke up.” Frank chuckled, I giggled too, then resting my head on his chest, hearing his steady heart beat.

“What happened after that?” I encouraged.

“Well, we were both so embarrassed, we never spoke again. But in 8th grade, I went to this party. This stupid junior high 'party'. And that's when I finally realized that I was gay. Like I had had a hunch after Molly, but I was certain at this party...So you see there was this kid, Brent, at the party, and he was the quarterback in the junior high football team. All the girls had a crush on him, you know, step one in becoming a douche bag. Anyways some time during the party, we kept making eyes at each other. I honestly don't really remember how it happened, but we'd
ended up locking ourselves in the bathroom and made-out for the rest of the time.”

“Really? What happened after that? Did you date?” I pressed, highly engrossed in the story already. Frank chuckled though.

“No, no, no. After that we never even looked at each other again. I think he was afraid I'd tell someone about our make-out session. I never really did. Accept you and a few friends... So then I went to high school and me and my friends just went to parties every weekend. That's where I got my first blowjob, that's where I gave my first blowjob. At the parties I went to. Some guys from school some not. I don't even really know. I just wanted to like fit in, and I was too afraid to tell my Dad I was gay. Him and my mom were going through a wicked suck-y divorce. I figured going to parties got me out of their hair and into a social life. So yeah. A lot of blows and handjobs the first semester of my freshman year. All of which mostly consisted in a dark closet or storage room.” Frank shrugged, absentmindedly tracing circles into my back.

“God, I sound like such a slut.” He muttered.

“No! No you don't” I insisted, tilting my head up, “You're fine, Frank. Really.” I tried to reassure. Frank rubbed my back, kissing the crown of my head.

“Thanks.” He murmured.

“Go on. Please.” I pleaded. Frank sighed.

“Alright. Okay so, at this one party I met this guy named Bob. That was during a time when me and Hambone were building up Penecy Prep, and he introduced me to him. For the first time, I didn't do anything but kiss at a high school party. Bob was real nice and sweet. He asked me out on a date, and from there until my sophomore year we dated.” Frank said, trying to shrug off the conversation.

“No, tell me more!” I insisted, “What was he like? Did you guys do anything special? Why'd you break up? What'd you do from Junior year until you met me?”

“God, you're noisy today.” Frank groaned, but I smiled, knowing he'd caved. “Well I finally told my Dad, I came out after dating Bob for a few months. Bob really wanted to meet him and encouraged me to come out...so I did. Dad took it really well actually. I told my Mom too, but she just didn't care weather I told her I'd grown a third arm. So Bob met Dad, and from then on we kept dating. I lost my virginity to Bob. It was nice. He was nice. But I dunno.” He paused to shrug. “It just wasn't anything life changing. I thought I loved him, I really wanted to lose my virginity to him too, but I just felt empty. I felt bad, I thought I was doing something wrong. By sophomore year I felt like I was pretending and eventually broke things off. Neither of us were mad with each other, just disappointed I guess.
At the same time me and Bob broke up, Dad started dating this bitch, Lisa. Everything felt like it was falling apart, ya know? Like all the good things happened all together, but all the bad things were happening together, too. Lisa was actually kind of abusive. She'd hit me whenever my Dad was gone and I was left home alone with her. She was really homophobic. I didn't tell my Dad because he seemed happy, though. So I went back to those parties, the end of my sophomore year and beginning of my junior year. Only then, I'd advanced to random hook ups too. But only a few. I'd say I've slept with about five people including Bob. So yeah.
Eventually Dad found out about Lisa, though. I told him, because I couldn't take the abuse anymore and plus I hated that bitches guts. Towards the end of my junior year, though Hambone really helped me figure myself out. I stopped going to parties. I actually really calmed down. All this summer I've just focused on my band and school...Then I saw you at the mall in September...and the rest is history.” He finished with a nonchalant shrug. Or at least he was trying to make it seem nonchalant. I didn't know what to say. I wanted to say that I was sorry for everything he'd had to go threw, but I knew that Frank wasn't one for sorry's about his life. Instead, I reached myself up to plant a gentle loving kiss to Frankie's lips, hoping to convey how much I still cared and loved him.

“You know that I still think I kind of love you?” I teased, referring back to our earlier conversation. Frank merely chuckled.

“Thanks. I don't know why, but thanks.” He muttered, pecking my cheek.

“Well why not?” I asked, knitting my eyebrows together.

“Because I'm like a man whore.” He spit out bitterly, making me flinch, although I knew his anger wasn't directed at me. Relaxing, I melted myself back onto his chest.

“Frank that's not true.” I demanded, my voice muffled against his shirt. “And I don't like that slur, either.”

“I'm just naming facts.” Frank countered, shrugging off my comment. That made me mad though. I didn't like hearing Frank talk about himself like that.

“You listen to me!” I hollered firmly, sitting up and grabbing his face in my hands, “You did what any normal teenager does. And what's normal anyways? Normal for me was sitting on my ass doing homework and too afraid to even say hi to a stranger. Normal for you was going to parties. And being a whore isn't even a thing! What is a whore? Someone who technically has a lot of sex, but what's a lot of sex? For me it could be once. For someone else it could be with a million people.” I ranted on, hoping to get through to Frank. “You don't care that I'm inexperienced in sex, are you?” I asked.

“No.” Frank muttered slowly.

“It's the same thing. I don't care how much you do know. I like you, Frank, because of you. I don't care what you've done with how ever many people.” I finished, pecking his cheek. Slowly I could feel his cheeks widen, as a small smile grew on his face.

“Gerard, how am I so lucky to have met you?” He sighed. I rolled my eyes.

“Oh whatever. I'm the lucky one.” I scoffed, settling myself back down onto his chest.

“I think we can just agree to disagree on that one.” He murmured, raking his fingers through my hair. Closing my eyes, I hummed contently, while The Smashing Pumpkins played in the background.

Notes

sorry for mistakes, I'm rushing to update this so I didn't have time to revise.