Love Should Always Be Blind

That was Frank and I's first fight we didn't get over and resolve right away. That night we both stewed in our anger. Sarah tried to get me to talk but I just wanted to be alone and cry. When Mom came home Sarah told her I was already asleep so she wouldn't find me; a sobbing mess. Frank I could hear was throwing things around in his room, a few items shattering. Somewhere during the night, though, I heard Frank come in and get in bed with me, hugging me from behind. I didn't fuss, just figuring it was best. The next morning we sort of talked it out, at most we apologized to each other. But that wasn't the end of our fighting, in fact it was only the beginning.

February was supposed to be a month of love and all that gooey shit, right? Wrong. For Frank and I at least, it was wrong; far from our situation. Almost at least, twice a week we'd fight like that first time. I hated it. It was all over college and Ohio. At first. Then it escalated into our parent's getting married and how I thought Frank would cheat on me when he was away. Then it got as stupid as to fighting over little things. Who did this last? No you said this not that. Ridiculous. I was sick of it. The only good thing that had come of the month lately was that, by some miracle, Mom had agreed to letting me go to the Panic! concert with Frank on Valentines Day. The fact that Sarah and Matt were going too, I think was our saving grace. The concert is tomorrow and despite all the drama going on, I was really excited. My first big concert! At the moment, I was sitting on my bed listening to the Panic! CD Frank gave me for Christmas. I was on Girls/Girls/Boys when I heard my bedroom door open, which just so happened to be my favorite one.

“Hey, Gee!” Frank exclaimed, throwing himself onto my bed. I made an 'oof' sound when his weight hit the mattress.

“Hey.” I replied simply, while he slung an arm over my shoulder.

“You excited for tomorrow?” He squealed like a fangirl. I chuckled softly.

“Oh course, I am! Why do you think I've had the CD on repeat since Ray left?” I grinned

“Is that so?” He murmured, his breath waving closer on my face.

“Mhmm.” I hummed, leaning forward and sealing our lips together. Slow and soft we molded our mouths together. It didn't last long though. Just a taste. Pulling back I sighed and placed my head on Franks shoulder.

“How was school?” I wondered

“Shit as usual. Tim's been pissing me off... You know he's got a fuckin crush on you.” Frank bit obviously annoyed, once he'd remembered the bit of information.

“What?” I spit out in a barkish laugh.

“I know. Stupid piece of shit.” He muttered.

“How do you know?” I pressed

“Cause it's obvious! He's always talking about you. Always wanting you to go to parties and shows. He needs to back off. And knowing what I know now, he's lucky I don't punch his lights out.” He went of, his voice raising.

“What do you know now? I'm so confused.” I wondered, feeling my face contort into confusion.

“I know he likes you! And he made you kiss Sophie on that dare. I'm sure he fuckin enjoyed it the sick bastard.” Frank huffed.

“Oh my God! I thought we were over that dumb dare.” I groaned.

“We are! But knowing Hagevik was behind it makes my blood boil.” He insisted. I rolled my eyes. “I knew it. I just knew it.”

“Frankie. Calm down. It's nothing to get upset over. I'm not interested.” I soothed. Frank made a noise in the back of his throat but sighed.

“Yeah I guess.” Frank muttered, pulling me in closer to his chest.

“I didn't even know Tim was gay.” I mused, once we'd lied down.

“He's bi.” Frank grumbled.

“What about the rest of the guys?” I asked, curiosity getting the better of me.

“Hambone and Neil are straight. Shaun and I are gay. Hagevik's bi.” Frank listed off. I hummed in recognition.

“Interesting.” I commented softly. “It's cool that you all get along so well. I mean it should be that way.”

“Yeah, well we try to at least. It's hard when you know one of them wants to bone your boyfriend.” Frank scoffed.

“Frankie.” I whined, “Please drop this. Tomorrow's Valentines Day.” I reminded suggestively.

“Oh is it?” He smirked back catching on, his voice dropping.

“Uh huh.” I giggled, our lips brushing together by then, whenever we spoke.

“You know I think Matt brings his girlfriend over now just because he doesn't want us to fuck.” Frank commented offhandedly, causing me to full on laugh like a hyena. Frank chuckled too peppering kisses over my face and neck.

“Well we can fuck all you want tomorrow.” I offered, carding my fingers through his hair. Frank pulled back, getting close to my face; I could tell by the distance, or lack there of, of his breath fanning on my skin.

“Promise?” He encouraged, like a happy puppy.

“Well it is Valentines Day.” I sing-songed. “And Saturday.”

The rest of the afternoon, Frankie and I just ended up cuddling and watching movies. The way I like it. Not bickering and fighting like we'd been doing lately. I tried to enjoy it, absorb all the detail into my memory in case the fighting carried on after the hype of Valentines Day.
The next morning, however, I woke up to the scent of roses. Like it punched me right in the face, or rather nose, I should say. That and coffee. You know how sometimes you wake up because the aroma of bacon cooking downstairs is so strong and you're instantly starving? So you fallow the sent with your mouth watering? Well that's what it was like except roses and coffee. Sitting up in bed, I inhaled deeply, trying to place where the scents where coming from. I felt like a Goddamn bloodhound. Frank, I heard, chuckled softly at my left. Freezing in place, I almost jumped forgetting he was in bed with me, since we weren't tangled.

“Don't laugh at me.” I muttered, turning to him.

“I'm not laughing at you-”

“Oh right, you're laughing with me?” I cut off, feeling like I woke up in a sour mood for some reason. Not even the smell of roses and coffee could brighten me up.

“No.” He drawled out, crawling closer to me, “I'm just laughing at how adorable you are. I think it's actually amazing that you can smell so great. Why do you think I got what I did? So you could wake up to them.” He explained. Despite my sour mood, I just couldn't be mad at Frank too long when he was being sweet.

“Oh so cute.” I rolled my eyes, but smiled at the same time. “Happy Valentines Day.”

“Happy Valentines Day, Gee.” He responded, giving me a languid kiss; soft and sweet.

“So roses and coffee?” I asked, once we'd broken the kiss.

“Yeah, I know. Cliché, but you know I'm a sucker for that stuff.” He shrugged off. I giggled, offering him a peck on the cheek.

“I'm a sucker for it too. Thank you baby.” I grinned, turning to my nightstand, feeling around for ceramic but instead came in contact with paper? Wrapping my fingers around it, I brought the cup to my face and sniffed. Yup. Coffee. Mocha to be exact.

“What kind of coffee is this?” I wondered before taking a drink.

“Starbucks. It's a mocha latte.” He informed.

“Oh.” I murmured against the lip and took a timid sip, being careful of it's heat.

“Why? Is that bad?” He urged, worry filling his tone.

“No, not at all. I was just expecting glass is all.” I replied.

“Oh, yeah.” He sighed, slinging an arm around me.

“Thanks, Frankie.” I said again, relaxing into his embrace.

“No problem. I love you, you know that right?” Frank breathed into my ear making me shiver.

“I know. I love you too.” I whispered, nuzzling my nose against his. “I have a gift for you too, actually.” I reveled.

“Oh really?” Frank wondered, lowering his voice suggestively.

“Not like that.” I whined, shoving his arm playfully. Frank chuckled shoving me back. “It's in my bedside drawer.”

“Really, Gee?” He teased. I groaned, slamming my hand over my face.

“You're so immature, Frank.” I chastised, leaning over and opening the drawer myself. Thumbing around, I brushed the plastic case I was looking for.

“Here.” I said, thrusting the disc forward, once I had sat back into his arms.

“A CD?” He murmured

“Yeah...full of cheesy love songs.” I shrugged. Frank laughed once and pecked my lips.

“I love it.” He grinned, his mouth on my cheek. “We're full of romantic cliché's today aren't we?” I giggled obnoxiously.

“I guess so. It's called for on Valentines Day, though.” I pointed out.

“You know what else is called for on Valentines Day?” Frank loured, taking my earlobe between his teeth.

“Frank.” I moaned, “We can't. Not yet.” He knew what he was doing and it wasn't fair; going for all my week spots.

“Why not? You know you want to.” He teased, placing a hand in between my legs and massaging my dick. I groaned again involuntarily, clutching onto the coffee I still had in one hand while the other grasped on Franks hair for dear life.

“B-because.” I whimpered, “Everyone's huh-home. F-Frankie. Pl-please.” Frank sighed, stilling his fingers.

“Okay. Fine. You're right.” He agreed begrudgingly, slowly removing himself from me.

“I'm sorry.” I blushed.

“Don't be. You're right.” He sighed again. “...Sorry for giving you a hard on.” Frank added on as an after thought.

“Oh my God!” I yelped then laughed even more obnoxiously then before. As if on cue, I heard the bedroom door open without warning. If I hadn't of stopped Frank who knows what the intruder would have walked in on...

“What's so funny?” Sarah demanded, closing the door firmly behind herself.

“Nothing.” Frank chuckled lightly. “What do you want?”

“Well for starters, you guys should hide that giant ass vase of roses. How are you gonna explain that to Mom? A magical vase of roses flew into Gerard's bedroom overnight from Cupid?” Sarah challenged sarcastically.

“Is she always this happy on Valentines Day?” Frank loud-whispered into my ear.

“Are you just trying to get Gerard in trouble?” She countered.

“What's that supposed to mean?” Frank snarled

“It means that ever since you laid eyes on Gerard you've been careless and stupid. Giving him hickeys, not locking doors, now giving him obvious present he can't hide! Really Frank do you think any of this through and how it affects my brother? Do y-”

“Hey!” I cut in, not liking the way Sarah was speaking to Frank. He was just trying to be romantic. “Don't talk to Frank like that, Sarah. Please. He's only trying to be sweet...it's Valentines Day.” I ended in a mumble, losing my confidence with each word. I could feel a blush stain my whole face and neck. Sarah and Frank were quiet. After a moment Sarah huffed.

“Fine. But for you only Gee.” She answered in a clipped tone then abruptly left with a slamming of the door. I flinched at the sound but Frank pulled me against his chest.

“She's going to be fun to go out with tonight.” He said against my hair, attempting to lighten the tampered mood.

“I'm sorry she's like that Frankie. She only cares.” I reminded softly.

“It's okay...Thanks for saying that to her though.” He shrugged trying to act like it wasn't a big deal to him, although I knew it was. People hardly ever stuck up for him. He was the one sticking up for others. “I'm really not trying to get you in trouble.”

“I know.” I spoke gently, kissing around his face.

“I just...I dunno. I get carried away. I love you.” He tried to explain, his voice constricting.

“I love you too. Don't feel bad. Don't listen to Sarah either. She's obviously in a bad mood for some weird reason.” I comforted. “I love all those things. I love the hickeys, I love that you get careless and forget to lock the door, that you get so caught up in the moment like I do. I love that you care so much and are so thoughtful to get roses so I can smell them when I wake up. I love it, Frankie. I love you too.”

Frank didn't even respond, but dove right into attaching our mouth together. I gasped in surprise, but melted seconds later, intertwining my fingers inside his locks of hair. Frank licked my lower lip and I granted him access immediately. Massaging our tongues together heatedly, I reached out behind us and placed my now cold coffee onto my nightstand. Both hands free, I groped at the back of Franks neck, trying to imprint his touch within my fingertips. Frank lowered me onto my bed, beginning to grind his hips into mine. Breaking apart, I gasped, panting in his face.

“Frankie...n-not yet, baby.” I reminded, feeling him on my thigh. Frank laughed and sighed at the same time, his heated breath stroking my face.

“Sorry.” He said once again, leaning back on his legs. I propped myself up in my elbows with a smirk on my lips.

“Later. I promise.” I offered. Frank growled.

“Don't tease me.” He warned.

“I'm not teasing.” I giggled, “I'm just reminding you good boys get rewards.” Frank scoffed, but I knew he was only being dramatic. Getting off the bed, we decided on hiding my roses in the closet. Not the best place, but it would have to do. I'd just put them in the window seal when Mom wasn't home. After dealing with that problem, Frank and I went down stair to get breakfast. Mom was making heart-shaped pancakes. Or so she told me. David was even home so we all ate breakfast together, even though Sarah sat without a word spoken to anyone. I wondered what crawled up her ass?

Matt informed us he was taking his girlfriend out to lunch and a movie before the concert tonight. Sarah just said she was 'going out'. Mom and David were going out to dinner while we were at the concert, but didn't really have anything planned for the day. So it was just Ma, David, Frank and I for the day. Great. Mom suggested we all go to the park. Really, Ma? What are we? Five? Frank and I kindly declined, telling them to spend the day by themselves. We preferred not to be dragged around like little kids who's parents were dating. I mean they were...we were but we didn't want to be around that. Instead, Mom and David went to the zoo. By the time they finally did though, Matt and his girlfriend came over. Frank getting frustrated was honestly the cutest thing ever. He was just a poor horny teenager who couldn't get a break with his boyfriend on Valentines Day. I suggested we just watch TV like the boring typical boyfriends we were. Netflix was like our third-wheel, except we wanted it to be there. Movie marathons weren't too bad though. They ensued heated make out sessions and the exchanging of handjobs. Those we could do; they weren't as messy and loud but came with equal relief. That was our Valentines day; nice and sweet and cute. But I was more excited for the night, which was approaching fast with just enough time to get ready.

*****

I could hardly contain myself. As night began to fall I immediately started to get ready. Since Sarah was in a mood, however, I had Matte help me. He wasn't much help though anyhow. He'd always be like 'I dunno, Gee. Pick what you like best.' Well I can't fuckin see Matthew. Then he'd groan, because he had to stop texting his girlfriend, Ruby, for like two minutes. By a miracle, I ended up being ready with a half hour to spare (dressed in skinny jeans, an Iron Maiden tee-shirt, a jacket, a beanie, gloves, and converse; it was fucking cold outside mind you). With the extra time to spare, and Frank and Matt getting ready I figured I should check on Sarah. I was worried about her. We never ever fought, it made me feel sick to think she was upset with me.

Inhaling deeply, I exited my bedroom and made my way down the hallway feeling along the wall. Once I got to the end, I timidly rapped my knuckles against the wood door. I heard shuffling around, then a gust of vanilla scented wind gush over my face.

“What Gerard?” Sarah muttered. I could literately feel here eyes scanning across my face. Gulping loudly, I rang my hands together.

“Uh, can I t-talk to you?” I stuttered apprehensively. Sarah sighed lightly.

“Of course you can, Gee.” She welcomed; I could hear her open the door more with a creek. Grabbing my hand, she lead us to the bed where we sat together.

“What's up?” Sarah asked, still holding my hand. That made me smile, feeling her soft skin against my own.

“I actually wanted to ask you the same thing.” I announced awkwardly. There was a slight pause. I braced for impact.

“What do you mean?” She wondered, sounding honestly confused.

“Well...like you seem to be upset lately...Especially around me. Did I make you mad?” I pressed my voice wobbling.

“Oh, Gee, no!” She insisted, lifting her free hand to caress my face.

“Well then why are you so angry at me?” I sniffled, feeling my eyes burn with unshed tears. Sarah sighed heavily that time out her nose.

“It's not you I'm annoyed at with. It's Frank.” She confessed. I gasped unexpectedly.

“Why?” I urged

“Because. He's changing you Gee. I don't like it. And plus I know you guys have been fighting. I can hear it. And the only time you guys aren't fighting is when he wants to have sex with you.” She rushed out, her voice clipped with disdain. I felt like she'd just shocked me with a wire. I felt side-swept and embarrassed all at the same time. Side-swept because I had no idea Sarah felt this way. I had no idea I was acting differently. Embarrassed because she knew we were fighting and that meant Matt knew too. And if they know, did Mom and David?

“I'm sorry, Gee. But it's the truth.” Sarah offered, sounding guilty. I cleared my throat, trying to remove the insistent lump resting there.

“Wh-what do you mean I've changed? And all people change! People come into one anothers lives just for that reason. Change is good. If we never developed we'd be boring and stale.” I tried to defend firmly, but my voice shook nonetheless.

“Yes, I agree. But for the better. Frank's not changing you for the better.” Sarah pointed out.

“Like how?” I demanded. I was getting angry. I loved Frank. He loved me too. End of story. Yeah we had our problems but all couples do.

“Like you've started smoking cigarettes, Gerard! If Mom knew she'd have a heart attack. Do you realize how incredibly idiotic that is? You know Dad died from smoking-”

“I'm not Dad!” I yelled cutting her off, “And Dad died from cancer.”

“Yeah, lung cancer. From smoking.” Sarah spit, then sighed, “Look. I don't want to fight. I'm just telling you what I feel.”

“Well, keep it to yourself.” I bit back.

“What's gotten into you?” Sarah muttered with disapproval. “See this, this is what I'm talking about! You only care about Frank and what Frank thinks.”

“That's not true! Why are you being so mean? What are you even trying to say? Ruin my first real fucking Valentines Day?” I said my voices escalating.

“Calm down, Gee. Please.” Sarah begged, stroking my hair, “The last thing I want is to upset you.” She insisted. I sighed with a grumble, but remained sitting, arms folded over my chest. I hated it but I need her. I needed my sweet sister. Funny how I needed her touches of sympathy but I couldn't stand her harsh words. It was a Catch 22.

“I'm just saying be careful. Don't let a boy change you. Let them inspire you and challenge you but not change you. Never change you. Be yourself. Be my open-minded and kind Gee. Please?” Sarah reasoned. I huffed loudly in frustration.

“Okay. I will. I'll try. But please, please, pretty please Sarah be nice to Frank, if just for tonight?” I asked, my turn to beg. Sarah clucked her tongue, but agreed, pecking my cheek. I grinned wide, showing my teeth and left, leaving her to finish getting ready.

Waiting in the living room alone, I started pacing. I couldn't help it. I was dying with anticipation. I even went so far as to use my calming exercises. Counting my senses. Hearing the grandfather clock tick. Smelling the lingering sent of hot pockets from lunch. Tasting coffee. Feeling the fabric of my sleeve against my fingers. Repeat five times. Then again all in a row. Then backwards. Then counting off by sevens backwards from one-hundred.

“Ugh!” I groaned, throwing myself down onto the couch. Biting my already short nails, I wanted to tear my hair out.

“Don't bite your nails. It's a nasty habit.” Sarah's voice came from the stairs, after about another ten minutes.

“Don't mother him.” Frank countered, his voice right behind hers.

“Both of you leave him alone.” Matt chimed in, the farthest voice from me.

“Fucking finally.” I exclaimed, throwing my arms in the air.

“Don't be a drama queen, Gerard.” Frank laughed, “We've got plenty of time.”

“I know. But I want to get a good spot and you guys take forever to get ready.” I whined, but I didn't care.

“Well we're here so that's all that matters.” Sarah replied calmly, moving around the room now that she'd gotten off the stair.

“Yeah, yeah. C'mon!” I encouraged, bouncing on my heels. Frank, I could smell by his familiar scent, slung an arms around my waist, ceasing my bouncing.

“Calm down, Gee. We'll be fine.” He chuckled close in my ear.

“You got, yours and Gee's tickets, right?” Sarah asked, wanting to make sure.

“Yup. In my back pocket along with my cell phone, keys, and wallet.” He confirmed, “What about you?”

“Yes. In my purse, I've got both mine and Matt's tickets. Money, my cell, all that.” She confirmed, patting her purse, it's contents rustling around.

“You got your cell Matt?” Sarah asked

“Yes.” Matt drew out exasperatedly.

“Then let's fuckin go!” Frank cheered, making me grin so much I thought my face would break.

*****

If you've ever read the book The Perks Of Being A Wallflower, you'll know what I'm talking about when I mention the Tunnel Scene. You know the one where Charlie is in the back of the truck while his friends Patrick and Sam drive, and he's seeing all the lights with his arms spread wide and he feels infinite? Well that's the best way I can describe what it felt like to drive to the concert, without stealing Stephen Chbosky's work. I felt infinite. Now I wasn't in the back of a truck and I couldn't see any tunnel lights, but I felt like I could have done anything I wanted, if I only reached out and took it. I wanted to cry. Sarah and Matt sat in the backseat while I rode shotgun and Frank drove. Frank and I smoked cigarettes the whole way, trying to fight off our nerves, while Too Weird To Live, Too Rare To Die's music filled the car. Like blasting loud. All of us sang the lyrics off key, except Frank of course, and laughed and I couldn't stopped smiling. I'd never felt such an incredible feeling before. It was then I knew what Charlie was talking about. Before I could only imagine.

Frank held my hand, driving with one hand, I imagined, while stroking his thumb over my knuckles. Sarah sat behind me and I could hear her soprano voice fill my ears. Matt sat behind Frank and I could only imagine the girth of the smile on his face. I felt tears prick my eyes. Happy tears. The tears that were created by leftover emotion my body didn't know what to do with. I was sure I'd explode. The only time I'd ever felt so overwhelmed was the first time Frank made love to me. I could feel my body shake, my hands tremble as I brought the cigarette to my lips. Pulling in the toxic fumes, I exhaled just as shakily.

We were all in the same chaotic mood. Like we could have started a riot if we wanted to. Destructive and energetic. Full of life. I felt alive. Whole. Like I was in the right place at the right time for the first time in my life. I wanted to shout, sing, scream, laugh, dance, skip, and twirl.
When we got our of the car to find dinner, Sarah and Matt got out quickly, however, I found myself in a daze, silent happy tears streaming down my face. Frank I heard turned to me, yet said nothing, only wiped the salty water away with the pad of his thumb. He understood. He knew I wasn't sad. I smiled wide and Frank leaned in giving me a soft kiss to my wet cheek.

“I love you.” Was all he said.

“I love you.” I repeated back with my own love and emotion to share. Then we got out of the car, holding hands, Franks bare and mine covered in gloves.

Eventually we all just decided to stop and get dinner at a diner. Matt and I got hamburgers and fries, Sarah got a chicken salad sandwich and fires and Frank got tomato soup and a grilled cheese sandwich. After diner we went straight to the venue. Waiting in line, we were all restless. I could hear the volume of people and their own excited voices chattering about. Frank held me close, keeping me warm, his body hugging me from behind, arms wrapped around me waist, and head resting on my shoulder. We all talked about what we thought the show would be like. What we thought they would play. Frank told us all about all the shows and concert's he'd ever been to, like Korn and The Killers and Twenty-One Pilots. All the talk was getting us pumped up. By the time they let us in, I was almost positive I'd explode.

Frank, Sarah, and Matt, I could feel, were keeping a tight eye on me; Frank always touching me making sure I was there. Sarah and Matt went off the get us water while Frank and I went to get a spot in the sea of people. Bumping around, nudging shoulders and voices, I was beginning to feel claustrophobic. It was always an unnerving feeling to not be able to see, yet know you aren't alone. To feel everyone, hear, and even smell everyone but not see them. The only thing that kept me from freaking out was Frank's firm grip on my hand, leading me through the crowd. About ten minutes passed and we finally stopped moving, although it felt like twenty million. Frank let go of my hand, but only to wrap an arm around my waist. I could hear sound coming mostly from the back of us, indicating we were close. That way I could hear the music better the closer to stage we were.

“How are Sarah and Matt going to find us?” I worried, turning my head in Franks direction.

“I texted them telling them where we are. Don't worry.” He reassured. I nodded, leaning my head on his shoulder. Frank kissed the crown of my head and I sighed feeling content.
Roughly fifteen minutes later, I could hear Sarah and Matt shouting at us. Frank and I turned around, waving our arms and shouting ourselves, showing them where exactly we were.

“God, that line was so long.” I heard Sarah huff, her voice appearing at my right.

“I can only imagine.” Frank chuckled, reaching out a hand that wasn't holding me to grab what I assumed to be as a water bottle.

“Dude, no you can't. It was insane. You guys better savor that water until the show ends. No way we're going back.” Matt shouted, trying to be heard over all the noise. Frank and I laughed in unison, agreeing that we would in fact, 'savor the water'.

“How are you doing, Gee?” Sarah asked, slight concern in her voice.

“Fine. Great actually.” I insisted. Sarah, Matt, and Frank had all forced me to take medicine before we left, just in case. I mean I know why they did and all, it was just merely annoying.

“Good.” She chirped, pecking my cheek.

“Yeah this is going to be fucking awesome!” Matt cheered.

“Hey! Language!” Sarah scolded.

“Ow! Don't hit me!” Matt cried, causing me to giggle.

“Lighten up! He's sixteen now!” Frank defended. I could just picture Sarah rolling her eyes.

“Too young.” I heard her mumble, but I probably was the only one that heard, considering she was right to my ear. Before any arguing could ensue, though, everyone began to cheer out of nowhere. Knitting my eyebrows, I turned to Frank.

“What's going on?” I wondered

“The lights are going out and being put on stage. That means the openers are coming on.” Frank explained. I nodded.

“Oh.” I replied feeling kind of dumb. However, Frank gave me a chaste kiss on the lips, hoping to convey and reassure I was fine.

For about forty-five minutes the two openers played. They were good and all; a nice way to learn of a new band while the one we waited for, got ready. But by the time, the second act ended, everyone in the venue was growing restless. I could feel the excitement and Adrenalin in the air, like a dog. My heart rate was beating so wild, I really thought I was going to pass out. Frank squeezed my waist, a slight reminder he was still there. I smiled softly as a reply.

“You doing okay?” He yelled over the screaming crowd.

“Yeah!” I shouted back. Frank squeezed me again, kissing my temple.

Not long after the crowd really went nuts, when I heard Panic's song Vegas Lights begin to play. It began with the count down of childrens voices counting from one to ten, then backwards. It was hard to make out though, because of the crowd singing along. Frank, Sarah, Matt, and I all joined in. Then I could hear Brendon Urie's voice singing. IN REAL LIFE! Like twenty feet away from me. And let me just tell you, it was just as good, if not better in person.
My hearing was trying to compete for sound, however, between Brendon singing and the crowd cheering and singling along. I was loving every second of it. I felt like if I were to die right then for some reason, I'd be perfectly happy with it. After the song, Brendon greeted the crowd, being cheeky of course, along with playful banter. They played Miss Jackson after that. And so on. I remember distinctly when they played Let's Kill Tonight, the whole sea of people started jumping up and down with the chorus. Feeling the sweaty body of someone you don't know, singing the same song, and not caring either way... it a feeling I'll never forget. It was indescribable. Magic. Pure magic, it was. Belting each of our hearts in song, out to a band we all shared the same admiration for was the only magic, I've felt before that came close to sex.
Sarah and I would dance together, hold hands and just move our bodies. I loved dancing cause I didn't care if I looked stupid. I couldn't see it. I merely let myself feel the music and move how my body felt it right in reaction. Sarah would laugh, but I'd laugh along, and the next moment once we caught our breath, we'd be singing again.

Between songs Brendon stopped to talk, in which he mentioned it was Valentines Day, making the whole room riot. Once, they'd calmed down he started singing, I Can't Help Falling In Love With You.

“Now you sing.” He told the crowd, in which we all did.

“Oh my God!” He chuckled, “Aren't you all a crowd of sexy motherfuckers.” Which in suit, cause the crowd to laugh at his joke.

“Well, I wouldn't want to spend Valentines Day, with another group!” He claimed, “And remember, use protection...or don't, I don't care!” And again we all laughed, before he started to sing Girls/Girls/Boys. My favorite. I shouted along with the lyrics, word for word.

The next song, I can't recall however. Suddenly, like a tidal wave, I started feeling tired. And with the Adrenaline wearing off, I was beginning to become highly aware of just how many people were around me. There sticky skin on mine, all their voices in my ear. But I couldn't see any of them. Breathing in deeply, I felt around for Frank. I couldn't find him though, while my chest began restricting and tighten.

“Frankie?” I shouted.

“Gee?” He answered right away, his voice sounding in my ear like straight relief.

“Frankie.” I whimpered, “I can't breath...Too crowded.”

“Okay, I got you baby.” He murmured back, taking hold of my hand. “...Hey! Sarah!” Frank shouted to get her attention.

“What? Is everything okay?” She fluttered in my other ear.

“Yeah. Me and Gee are just going to get some air, that's all. We'll be right back.” He explained cooly. I tried to offer Sarah a smile, showing her I was okay. I don't think it was convincing though, but I didn't have time to dwell. Frank tugged me forward, one hand grasping mine, and another wrapped securely around my waist. We had to wiggle and shove our way out, muttering apologies left and right. Finally, though, after what seemed like forever, I felt a breach in people. We'd managed to weave our way out.

“This way.” Frank said, steering me right. A few more steps and we'd stepped outside. Gushing fresh air, washed over my over heated skin. I gasped out, trying to fill my lungs up with as much air as I could. Frank let go of my waist, but still held my clammy hand.

“You okay, Gee?” He wondered, rubbing circles into my back with his freed hand.

“Y-yeah. Just...claustrophobic, I guess. Too much.” I tried to explain in choppy sentences. Frank hummed in understanding. He was still getting used to not using gestures that I couldn't see, around me. I inhaled deeply, exhaled shakily.

“Just breathe, honey.” Frank encouraged. I nodded franticly. “Here...Let's sit.” He offered, guiding me to sit on what felt like a wooden bench. I could feel him digging around in his pockets.

“Want a cigarette?” He asked. I nodded, figuring the nicotine might calm me down. Holding out my hand, I felt Frank's fingers brush mine softly, handing me the smooth stick of paper rolled tobacco.

“Thanks.” I muttered, placing the cig in my lips for Frank to light. Mere seconds passed before I felt a flash of warmth on my face. Inhaling the toxic fumed, I released them unsteadily.

“I'm really sorry.” I confessed feeling ashamed.

“Why? Don't be. Not at all.” Frank insisted, slinging an arm over my shoulder.

“I just...I feel bad for not being able to make it through the whole thing...I thought I could...but all the noise and-”

“Hey, hey.” Frank cut me off from my frantic ranting, “You did great, Gerard. Really. I am so proud of you. You just needed a moment. There's nothing wrong with that.” I sniffled but nodded, then took another puff.

“I guess. Thank you. For everything.” I smiled gently. Frank brought his fingers slowly to my face, careful not to startle me. I leaned into the touch.

“I'd do this all over again. I'm having a great time.” He murmured gently. I could feel his breath on my face. I closed my eyes sighing.

“Me too. I'm going to remember this night forever.” I vowed. Frank leaned in kissing my lips tenderly. I kissed back slowly and lovingly.

“Same.” Frank chuckled. After that brief moment of panic, Frank and I shared a few cigarettes in the cool February night, enjoying the fresh air.

“You think you're okay to go back inside?” He asked softly in my ear. I nodded. Getting up and grabbing hands, we made our way back inside. The crowd was chanting for Brendon and the band to come back on stage.

“Panic! Panic! Panic!” They sang out in a rhythmic tune. Frank and I stayed at the edge of the crowd, though, not bothering to try and move our way back in. Frank reassured he'd text Sarah and Matt to let them know where we were. I nodded, leaning into his side.

Shouting, more shouting and hollering ensued, as what I assumed to be Panic! Re-approaching for their encore. They played I Write Sins Not Tragedies. It actually was a nice way to end the whole concert. With Frank; just together instead of in the chaos. Once the song was done, the band thanked us and all music ceased. Then shuffling and moving around. Frank guided me again, outside where we waited for Matt and Sarah. When they found us, they insistently asked us where we went off to; Frank simply explained that I needed a moment away from the noise. That shut them up, in understanding.

And even with my little panic, though, that was one of the best nights I'd ever had in my seventeen years. Once all four of us managed to get to the car and out of the clusterfuck of other cars, we headed to IHOP and got pancakes. It was like one AM and we were all hungry from sweating and jumping around. It was a great way to end the night. I felt happy and I felt whole and most importantly, I felt alive.

Notes

Fun Fact: The whole Brendon Urie banter is true life from when I went to Panic! last Valentines day. Hope you enjoyed. Comment, rate, subscribe and all that jazz. :)