Love Should Always Be Blind

It took us forever to get over Dad. Especially Mom. She cried all the time. Then I went blind but a year and half later, as if we hadn't been through enough. Mom never dated. She never wanted to. So with her dating David I was happy for her. But I missed Dad. So much. And it being January, the month Dad had died, he was constantly on the back of my mind. By the end of the month. I decided to consult Ray since he was sort of an outside party.

“I think you should talk to your Mom, honestly. Or at least Frank or Sarah. You can't bottle all this negative emotion inside of you.” Ray offered, sounding concerned.

“I'm telling you, aren't I?” I muttered with a shrug. Ray sighed.
“You know that's not what I mean. Someone that can be there for you 24/7. A family member.” He rephrased. I sighed in return.

“I know, but I just can't. I don't want to be a burden.” I confessed.

“Gerard, you've never been a burden.” Ray insisted. I laughed dryly.

“Yes I have. Since the day I went blind I've been worthless.” I muttered.


“Gerard Way. Don't you ever dare say that again. You know that's untrue.” He rebuttaled.

“Is it though?” I demanded raising my voice, “Everyone shelters me! They take care of me. The least I can do is give Mom the one thing that makes her happy. And Frank already has enough to worry about.” I went on, feeling tears well up in my eyes and my throat constrict, “I just have to deal with this by myself.”

“Gerard, no one should have to deal with something alone.” Ray offered gently, placing a warm hand on my shoulder.

“I do. I deserve everything I've gotten.” I murmur.

“And why's that?” Ray asked

“Because, I dunno. I just made things harder for the family since Dad passed. At least he died.” I said, but once the words left my mouth, Ray took both my shoulders into his hands and spun me around to face him.

“Gerard. Don't ever talk like that. Ever. You are not a burden. If your father ever heard you say something like that...” Ray shouted his breath hot on my face. I was stunned. Ray never, not once rose his voice. He was always calm and collected. Ray sighed and let my shoulder go.

“I'm sorry Gerard.”

“N-no.” I replied, still in shock, “It's okay. I understand.”

“No. It's not okay. I hate shouting just like you hate people fighting.” Ray muttered sorrowfully.

“Why?” I wondered, eyebrows knit.

“Because my parents always rose their voices when they were mad at me or my brothers. It always upset me. I promised myself I would never shout. It's unnecessary.” Ray revealed. I never knew that about Ray until that day. I reached out, feeling for Ray's had; lacing our fingers together I offered him a weak smile.

“I understand, Ray.” I repeated.

“But I'm your teacher.” He said still sounding mournful.

“You're more than that. You're like family. Really.” I vowed. I heard Frank let out a puff of air, like short choppy chuckle.

“That means a lot to me, Gee.” He replied, his voice less sad that time. “I just want you to be happy, kiddo. You deserve that. You've been through so much already at such a young age.
It's frustrating to think you don't feel you deserve happiness. But I'm serious. Please don't think you're a burden. We would be devastated if anything ever happened to you.”

“Thanks.” I smiled weakly, letting go of Ray's hand.

“You know I really miss him sometimes....” I reveled, after a moment of silence. “I miss his advice, his smile, and how caring he was. He had the best advice.”

“That's okay. You're always going to miss him, honestly. But that just keeps him alive. And missing him doesn't necessarily have to be bad. It could be fondly.” Ray offered. I smiled sadly.

“Yeah...You know you're like a second dad to me Ray.” I confessed, trying to direct my attention to him. “I mean it. You remind me of him too. You're kind and patient. You give me advice too. Nothing could replace my Dad, but you're a good substitute I suppose.”

“That means an awful lot to me Gerard.” Ray said, his voice cracking with emotion. Leaning in I gave Ray a big hug, letting him cry happily. Actually technically Ray and Christa were mine, Sarah, and Matt's Godparents. So in a way it was a perfect suitor. Pulling away, Ray cupped one of my cheeks.

“How about we take a break? Go get lunch?” He asked warmly. I grinned showing my teeth.

“Yes. I'd like that.” I agreed. From then on Ray drove us to the Olive Garden, once we'd bundled up for the cold January weather. When we got there I got their chicken strips and french fries off the kids menu. Don't judge me. Ray got mushroom ravioli. We talked about how his family was doing, how Christa was doing with being pregnant and all. Ray asked about Frank and Sarah and Matt. Matt broke up with Mary I guess. He was dating a new girl Ruby who I hadn't met yet.

“You know...Sarah got mad at me back in October.” I said sheepishly, while we were on the topic of my siblings.

“Really? Why's that. Sarah?” Ray wondered, sounding confused. It was true; Sarah and I like never ever fought. I laughed nervously.

“Yeah. Sarah.” I muttered.

“How come?” Ray pressed.

“Well it's kind of embarrassing...” I replied

“Does it have to do with Frank?” He wondered seriously.

“Oh God, no. Not like that Ray!” I whined, feeling blood rush to my cheeks.

“Just checking.” Ray laughed, “What is it then?”

“I don't want you to get mad or think different of me.” I muttered

“Gerard,” Ray firmly counted, “I've know you since you were born. Whatever it is can't be that bad, I'm sure.” I sighed heavily; inhaling deep, exhaling shakily.

“Well I kinda...like...started smoking cigarettes.” I confessed, bowing my head.

“I see.” Ray murmured back softly. I perked up a bit at his response, tilting my head to the side like a confused puppy.

“You're not mad?” I wondered hesitantly. Ray exhaled lightly.

“No. I'm not mad. I'm a little disappointed. Not even at you though. Just at the situation I
suppose.” He calculated.

“I don't understand.” I said, frowning.

“I'm disappointed at how easy it is for teenagers to start smoking. The peer pressure and all. I think it's sad. Because even if you quit you'll always have some kind of habit or craving.” He explained. I swallowed a lump forming in my throat. “But I'm not mad. You're growing up. You have to make your own decisions. And what you choose is your choice. I'm not judging you either. Like I said, you have to make decisions in life; bad or good.”

“Sarah was pissed.” Was all I could think to say.

“That's understandable. You do know why she was mad though?” Ray pressed. I nodded.

“Because of Dad.” I sighed.

“Exactly...Hey, does your Mom know?” Ray wondered as if the thought just came to him. I squirmed uncomfortably in my seat.

“Uhm, not exactly.” I muttered.

“Gerard.” Ray chastised, “That's an awful lot of secrets you're racking up there.”

“I know.” I groaned, placing my face in my hands. “But Ma's gonna be livid whenever I tell her.” I whined, getting nervous just thinking about having to do that. “Honestly, I think that'll be more worse than when I tell her about Frank.”

“And why do you think that is?” Ray hummed. I sighed, flapping my lips together.

“Cause. She'll be disappointed. I know she will. I have no idea how she'll react to Frank though...” I shrugged. Ray hummed again.

“Did you know, Gee, that anger is only a secondary emotion?” Ray questioned. I arched an eyebrow, making him chuckle.

“A secondary emotion.” Ray repeated. “It means, it's not your first initial reaction. There's always another emotion behind it.”

“What does that mean?” I pressed still feeling confused.

“It means when your Mom gets mad at you over the cigarettes, she's not necessarily mad at you, she's most likely just concerned or upset. It's because she loves you. If she didn't get mad, I'd be concerned then.” He concluded.

“That's interesting.” I murmured. Before I could indulge into more conversation however, the waitress came over with the bill. Ray and I got up, paid for lunch and went back into Rays car. We listened to Iron Maiden on the way back. It's one our favorites. Somewhere during Fear of the Dark, I reached forward feeling for the dial and turned down the volume.

“Ray, I have a question.” I admitted, “Something I've been meaning to ask of you.”

“Shoot.” Ray happily said.

“Sooo...I dunno if this is ridiculous or not but...I was just wondering if like college was an option for me?” I stuttered out, wringing my hands together.

“Oh of course!” He exclaimed, obviously very excited. I jumped at his immediate enthusiasm, but grinned, relief washing over me. “You really want to go to college? College would be great for you, Gerard! You're so smart! Sure I'd most likely be online, but oh Gerard! Your Mom is going to be so happy.” He gushed the whole way home, making my cheeks hurt from grinning so much. I had been so worried that college wasn't even an option for me. Now that I knew that it was, I was ecstatic. When we got back home, Ray and I looked up decent colleges around the area, printing out application and checking out the colleges websites. I think Ray was happier than me. I couldn't wait to tell Frank once he got home.

*****

Once I heard Frank and Matt enter through the front door, I bolted out of my room from excitement, and ran down the stair, only tripping twice.

“Hey, whoa, whoa, whoa!” Frank chuckled when he must have seen me coming down the stairs like a happy puppy. I didn't care though, I threw myself onto Frank, wrapping my arms around his neck. Instantly Frank wrapped his arms around my waist.

“Easy tiger. What's got you in such a good mood?” He wondered before pecking my lips.

“Hey, PDA!” Matt yelled, making gagging noises.

“What are you? Five?” Frank waved off sarcastically. I giggled softly into his neck.

“Nooo. But he's my brother. I don't wanna see him making out in front of my poor innocent eyes.” He replied dramatically. I rolled my eyes.

“Oh innocent my ass. Like you didn't do anything with Mary and Ruby?” I sneered.

“Oh shut up, you two.” He whined, embarrassment seeping into his tone. I giggled again, hearing him stomp his feet up the stairs. After we heard his bedroom door slam shut, Frank turned back to me.

“So, what's up with you? Why so bubbly?” He asked, peppering my neck with kisses. I shivered, arching my neck back to allow him more access.

“Mmm. Frankie, I can't concentrate when your doing that.” I groaned, not wanting him to stop at the same time.

“Do you want me to stop?” Frank teased, as if reading my thoughts.

“No.” I whined, digging my fingers into his shoulder. Frank growled at my response, and scooped me up into his arms, running up the stairs and into his bedroom. Throwing me down on his bed, I grinned mischievously, and beckoned a finger in his direction towards myself. Frank laughed, but threw himself down on the bed with me, nonetheless. Rolling on top of me, Frank attached our mouth together, all tongue and teeth. Grasping frantically for anything to hold onto, I slithered one hand into his hair and the other on the small of his back. Frankie placed both hands to grop my ass. I moaned into his mouth, thrusting upward to gain friction as a reflex. Frank pressed back down, making me continue to moan.

“Shh baby. Not so loud. Your brothers here.” He giggled, causing me to giggle back. While we paused to talk, I reached my hands down, fumbling for the hem of his shirt. Once I'd found it, I roughly tugged upward. Frank helped maneuver it off, then did the same to me, only a bit gentler. Reconnecting his mouth to my body, Frank began to nip and suck down my neck, collarbone, and chest, licking over the mark and moving onto the next. I whimpered in the back of my throat, tugging at his long silky hair. Soon not being about to take anymore anticipation, I began to push Frankie down, hoping he'd get the message. Frank chuckled lowly, just making my dick twitch painfully. I was so unbelievably hard.

“Eager are we?” He smugly teased.

“Frankie.” I whined, arching myself back into the bed, putting y hands up above my head. Frank moaned and started to undo my jeans without anymore banter. Within less than two minutes I was naked.

“So fuckin beautiful.” He breathed. I blushed lightly, just enough to warm my cheeks. Frank muzzled his nose into my neck. “Don't be embarrassed. You're perfect. Absolutely perfect. So fuckin perfect.” He continued, while trailing his fingertips down my sides, causing me to shiver pleasantly. I groaned softly, just above a whisper.

“Frankie, please. I need you.” I begged, thrusting up, searching for friction. Frank growled and sat up practically ripping off his clothes. Dipping back down, we made out, hands searching our bodies, our body grinding down upon one another in rhythm.

“I've been wanting to do this so fucking bad.” Frank croaked out, his voice husky and raw, “So ridiculously hard in this house to get away for ten minutes.”

“I know.” I panted, sweat already beginning to gather on our skin, “I've been touching myself so much, just to you. Your smell, your taste. Only you. Always just you.” I ranted, eyes closed tight. Frank moaned wildly.

“That's fucking hot baby. Makes me even more hard.” He groaned, slinking down in between my knees to spread them apart. Reaching over into the nightstand beside the bed, he grabbed what I assumed to be lube. Leaning back down on his knees, I could hear him slick up his fingers and the next thing I knew, two fingers were inserted inside me. I howled, arching back, clutching the bed sheets.

“Ugh. Frankie.” I panted, as he moved them around, coating my walls. After scissoring and flexing his fingers, he soon added a third finger. I whimpered from the slight stretch, but I loved it.

“Oh, Frankie. I need more. I need you.” I begged, tugging at my own hair. Frank groaned in the back of his throat and pulled out all his fingers, wiping them on the sheets. I reached for the lube. Frank handed it to me and I popped the cap open, pouring a decent amount into my hands, then reaching down, searching for Franks cock. He grabbed my wrist and guided me until my hand came in contact with his member. We both moaned together, while I slicked him up.

“Okay.” Frank panted, “I'm good baby.” I nodded and leaned down, allowing Frankie to hover above me. His strong hands gripped the insides of my thighs, pushing them further apart. I wrapped them around his waist and my hands on his shoulder, while he plunged inside of me easily. I was becoming accustomed to his size now.

Frank began at a slow pace, gently rocking the length of his shaft in and out, while I thrusted back to meet him. Mewing softly, I scratched down his strong back, feeling his muscles contract under the skin. Grunting, Frank picked up the pace, as if reading my mind once again. Sweat was dripping down my hairline, flushing my cheeks, and creating a sheen of sweat on my whole body as well as Frank. I moaned loudly, as Frank brushed my prostate.

“Oh, oh, Frankie.” I chanted, “I love you. I need you.” Frank panted and moaned, swiftly rolling us over, so that I was straddling him. I braced my hands on his chest for leverage. Quickly I began to bounce and hump on top of him, Frankie thrusting upwards.

“Ohhhh.” He moaned, drawling it out, “I love you too Gee. So so good. Perfect baby.” Leaning down, I smashed our lips together while the rest of our bodies worked in syn; as one body. Frank kissed back desperately, gripping my hips tightly, his tongue massaging against mine, I groaned into his mouth. I couldn't get enough of him. I wanted him forever.

“I want you inside of me forever, Frankie.” I whimpered, breaking from the kiss. Frank dove in to suck on my collarbone, making me squeal.

“I want to be inside of you forever too...all mine. Only mine.” He whispered against my skin. I shivered, raising goosebumps on my skin. Picking up the pace, my thighs were beginning to burn.

“I'm so close Frankie. But my thighs...” I whimpered. Without a word, Frank rolled us back over, still connecting us together. Bracing either hand on the sides of my head, mercilessly he pounded into me. I could only hear skin making contact with skin and our moans. It was the prettiest music I'd ever heard.

“Fuh-Frankie. P-please touch me. I need you.” I pleaded, my dick aching to be given some attention. Frank smirked against my neck, dragging his hand down our bodies. Once he reached my cock, he immediately wrapped his hand firmly around me. I moaned loudly. Frank mold our lips together to muffle the sound. Up and down my shaft he worked, even flicking his wrist a few times. Pumping with his thrust I was done for. After a moment or so, I felt my orgasm swarm my whole body, instantly filling my nerves with warm pleasure. Shooting hot ropes of cum down Franks hand and over my chest, I constricted against Franks dick. He moaned while I road my orgasm out, shooting his own hot cum within me. I finished my orgasm before Frank, but only a few second.

Panting and worn, Frank collapsed on top of me. I held him close, reaching out to touch his sweaty forehead. I could feel his hair stick to his skin, and gently swiped it back. Turning my head, I pecked his pasty cheek, with a soft smile.

“I love you.” I whispered in his ear. I felt him smile against my chest.

“I love you too. More than you know.” He whispered back. I chuckled and so did Frank. Heaving himself up once he'd caught his breath, Frank pulled himself up and out of me. That was the worst part of sex. The after part of feeling empty. Frank grabbed me though and wrapped me up in his arms, loving and strong. I snuggled closer, deeply inhaling his beautiful smell.

“I feel like love sometimes isn't a big enough word for how I feel.” I murmured. Frank hummed drawing circles on my spin.

“I know what you mean. It aches my whole body with how much I love you.” Frank replied quietly. I nodded and sighed. We didn't fall asleep that time, like we usually did after making love, though. Instead we just lied there together, entangled with our bodies, enjoying the serenity. It was just like Heaven... as Robert Smith puts it. However Heaven doesn't last forever on Earth. The sound of the garage opening from downstairs filled the house about a half hour later. Mom was home. Quickly, Frank and I shot out of bed, redressing, seconds before we heard the front door open. I sighed, swiping my forearm over my forehead.

“Well, shit.” I laughed shakily. Frank chuckled back.

“It would have been fine. She doesn't ever come straight upstairs anyways.” He pointed out. Right after that, as if on cue, Franks bedroom door swung open with a thud. Frank and I yelped in unison at the intrusion, heads snapping to the direction of the bedroom door.

“Sarah? What do you want? We thought you were your Mom.” Frank sighed in relief.

“Mom's not even home yet. She had to work overtime because of some meeting. She wont be home until eight. So I'm getting pizza for dinner.” Sarah explained “Oh and I'm glad I stayed at the library. Apparently you two were too loud for comfort, according to Matt.” She laughed clearly amused at the situation, while I on the other hand was probably blushing like a fire truck.

“Whatever.” Frank dramatically waved off, “Matt's a baby. Tell him to put his headphones in. Or go to a friends house when your parents aren't home. What does he thinks gonna happen? Me and Gee are going to discuss the meaning of life?” Sarah sighed, suddenly unamused.

“It's not like that's all we do is fuck.” I muttered sourly.

“Of course not. That's not what I mean. I mean, we hardly get a chance to have alone time, so when we get it, we take it.” Frank tried to explain. I huffed anyway.

“Whatever.” I muttered.

“Well, I'll leave you two alone.” Sarah excused herself awkwardly, her feet padding towards the door. “Oh, and uh, you guys should light a candle or something. It smells like sex in here. Gross.” She gagged, shutting the door behind her. I rolled my eyes, but went in search for a candle.

“What are you doing?” Frank asked from his bed, where his voice came from.

“Looking for a candle, duh.” I murmured under my breath, feeling around his surfaces.

“Why?” He whined, “I like the smell. It reminds me of you.” Frank went on. I scuffed.

“You're so weird, Frank.” I said shaking my head, but made my way back over to sit on the bed.

“You love me for it.” He giggled, wrapping me in his arms. “So what did you want to tell me anyways? Before you distracted us.” He smirked alongside my cheek.

“ME? You were the one that distracted me!” I yelped. Frank chuckled.

“You lie!” He countered back, burring his face into my neck.

“I do not! You were the one that started kissing my neck.” I pointed out. Frank hummed as if in deep thought.

“I guess so.” He sighed in a sarcastic tone.

“Anyways.” I shook my head, “You know how I've been wanting to talk to Ray about college?” I began. Frank made a noise in the back of his throat.

“No, you haven't.” He disapproved.

“I haven't?” I exclaimed in shock. “I guess it was Sarah...but whatever. I really want to go to college. Hopefully make something of myself and not just rot the rest of my life away in this house. But I've been nervous to talk to Ray, cause like what if he said no! But I did it anyways; I talked to him and he said that I definitely could. I think he was actually happier that I am. But that's Ray I suppose.” I rushed out all at one, ending in a gasp for air. “Isn't that great!” I shouted, when Frank remained silent.

“Yeah, Gee! Of course! I'm so happy for you.” He finally replied, his tone fake. I knew that kind of tone when I heard it.

“Frank? What's wrong? Why aren't you happy?” I murmured, not beating around the bush.

“I am though! It's just...” He trailed off with a heavy exhalation.

“Just what?” I pressed, frowning and eyebrows scrunched.

“Just that I actually talked to my guidance counselor today. Y'know the ones that help you figure out your future and stuff?” He asked

“No. I don't.” I commented monotonously. Frank sighed, sitting up. I sat up too.

“Well, that's what a guidance counselor is. And they help you out with college stuff too...Man I was hoping to wait to tell you this.” Frank muttered under his breath.

“Tell me what?” I yelled, becoming frustrated.

“Tell you that the college we found is kinda... far...” He mumbled. I shook my head.

“How far?” I pressed

“Like Ohio far.” He reviled. I jolted my head back as if from whiplash.

“Ohio?” I repeated in shock. “Ohio!” I then shouted. “Why so far? What's in Ohio?”

“Gee calm down. Ohio actually has great music programs. And well, I figured I could try and reconnect with my Mom. Y'know since Dad's never around I figured I could go try out Ma. See if she's any better.” He explained. But I was still in shock, I felt tears flooding my eyes.

“So that's it.” I croaked, “You're leaving to Ohio in like four months and not coming back?”

“It's not like it's that far, Gerard! There's like one state between us!” Frank countered, raising his own voice in frustration.

“It might as well be across the fucking country for me!” I bellowed, getting to my feet as tears poured out over my waterline. My switch had now gone from shocked to angry all within the time radius of 0.25 seconds.

“You're being dramatic! I'll visit you all the time! You need to calm down!” Frank tried to ease.

“Don't tell me what to do! How to do expect me to be calm when you're telling me you're leaving me?” I pointed out venomously.

“But I'm not leaving you!” Frank laughed completely humorlessly.

“You practically fucking are!” I cried, my voice hoarse, “But that's okay! Everyone does.”

“Why can't you just be happy for me?” Frank demanded, standing to his feet too.

“God, you sound like your father.” I bit under my breath. Right after the words left my mouth, Frank took hold of my shoulders shaking me.

“Don't you ever say that! I am NOT like my father. Not one fucking bit.” He yelled in my face. I froze, more unstoppable tears escaping my eyes and onto my cheek. With my lip trembling I shook my shoulders out of his grasp, making my way to the door.

“Oh shit...Gee I'm sorry.” Frank began with a sigh, ending in a shout.

“Fuck you!” I hollered, spinning on my heel to face him “Yes you are like your father! You always talk about how he drops thing on you, well what do you call this? And when he does, what does he say when you get upset? 'Why can't you just be happy for me?'.” I spewed like battery acid. What I wouldn't have given in that moment, to see what his reaction was...

“No. That's not true.” Frank gritted out against a clenched jaw. “I just found out today! Fucking today, that I could go to Ohio! And what am I doing now? Consulting you. My Dad doesn't tell me shit, two seconds before it happens. You want me to be my Dad? Okay well then I should have waited to tell you a week before I left.”

“You're a dick. I hate you.” I shouted, wishing I could see so I could grab something and throw it at him.

“I'm the dick?” Frank repeated, dumbfounded. “You're the one blowing this out of proportion.”

“I'm not the one leaving you to rot. We just had me fake being sick because apparently we didn't want to spend two weeks apart. I guess you don't really care considering college is what, four fucking years?” I countered in a huff.

“It's not the same.” Was all he could reply with.

“And tell me how?” I demanded.

“Because this is my fucking future!” He shouted. Ouch. That stung, triggering more unconscious tears to flow. And I wasn't any part of that future?

“And I'm not?” I whispered in pain.

“No, yes you are!” Frank lowered his voice, in grumbled frustration. “But it's not the same.”

“How?” I pressed

“Because this opportunity isn't forever.” He tried,

“And you expect me to wait. I'm just some opportunity that'll be here forever.” I whispered in a pained shout.

“No-” Frank started but I cut him off.

“I hate you.” I rose my voice, “I can't deal with this right now. Get out.”

“This is my room.” Frank rudely pointed out. I rolled my eyes.

“Fucking whatever. I'm leaving.” I shook my head, going for the door and slamming it behind me. Once I was gone though, my facade of strength crumbled and I began to sob, running to my bedroom where I could cry in comfortable sadness.

Notes

Not one of my favorites I've written. I'm updating before tomorrow because my family and I have to out down my dog of almost 15 years tomorrow. And I want to get this out before I spiral into sadness. Sigh. I'll just be listening to Twenty-One Pilots and crying until then.