Love Should Always Be Blind

Inside the house, there was definitely more people there then just the band, due to the amount of noise I heard. The place smelled like cigarette and pot smoke and alcohol. I cringed, feeling out of place, regretting letting go of Frankie's hand. It was too late, though. I wasn't going to cave and let him know I needed him. Plus I was still mad at him. Thankfully, however, Frankie didn't give up and rested a hand on my back. I hated and loved how it immediately made me feel better. He didn't leave it at that either, but snaked his hand down my back to reach my hand and lace our fingers. With a small sigh I accepted the gesture. Frank lifted our linked hands and kissed my knuckles.

“You know I do love you?” He leaned in and whispered into my ear. I sighed again, much heavier that time.

“Yes, I know. I love you, too.” I murmured under my breath. Frankie pecked my cheek in which I leaned into.

“Alright, alright.” I heard Tim call from somewhere in the room, making me jump slightly,

“Enough of that mooey-gooey lovey-dovey crap. Join the party and get shit-faced!” He slurred, his voice much closer by then. I heard a slapping sound to my right where Frank stood, after Tim's words, assuming he'd slapped a friendly smack to Franks shoulder.

“Yeah, yeah.” Frank grumbled, squeezing my hand and leading me deeper into the house, away from the front door.

“Did you want to smoke?” Tim went on, still near us.

“Uh, I dunno, man.” Frank hesitated.

“Oh, c'mon Frankie! When have you ever passed up a bowl?” Tim whined.

“Why'd you ask then?” Frank countered.

“Because I didn't think you were going to be a pussy about it.” Tim tease back.

“Whatever, man. If it gets you to shut up.” Frank caved with a begrudging tone.

“What about you, Gerard? You gonna smoke with us?” Tim began

“No!” Frank shouted quickly, before I could reply. I was going to say no...but if Frank was going to be this controlling throughout the night...

“Why not?” I fought, stubbornly.

“Have you ever even smoked pot before?” Frank demanded.

“So what if I haven't? You can't control everything I do. I can do what I want.” I muttered, ripping my hand from Franks and crossing my arms over my chest.

“Now, now.” Tim teased, “Let's not get so fussy, ladies. It's just weed.”

“Yeah, Frank.” I seethed, “It's just weed.”

“Fuck you guys.” Frank grumbled.

“Maybe later.” Tim continued to banter, “But for now...let's light up. Besides, Frankie, if this is little Gee's first time, he wont even feel anything.” And with that, Frank, Tim, and I made our way through the house and out the backyard. To my dismay Frank did have to guide me with his hand on my back, but I tired not to be too proud about it.

Truth was, however, I never had smoked pot before. And just like Tim said. I didn't feel a thing, while Frank and Tim on the other hand were giggling in my ear like two middle schooler's who just had their crush say 'hi' to them. If that wasn't enough either, they wouldn't stop coughing. All the noise was getting to me. Plus I could still hear the music from the inside, outside. Too much noise at once.

“You feel anything?” Tim wondered afterwords, before we went inside. We all wanted to smoke a fag first.

“No.” I replied shortly.

“Good.” Frank cooed, getting in my face, in which I could tell from the proximity of his breath on my skin.

“Fuck you.” I muttered, shoving him away, “Next time I'll feel it.”

“Who says there'll be a next time?” Frank shot, his voice carefree and stupid.

“Me.” I shrugged, simply.

“Alright, enough of this. Let's go inside.” Tim suggested, once we'd finished with our cigarettes, the stale smoke lingering strongly on our clothes. Once back inside, the noise of music and chatter intensified about ten times. I had to resist the urge to cover my ears. I hated loud noises. That's partly why I hate fighting so much. Frank as if sensing my discomfort grabbed my hand, giving it a soft squeeze. I loved that no matter how much we could bicker, we could still comfort each other.

“So what would you guys like to drink? Tim wondered, as I heard shuffling of cabinets, opening and closing.

“I'll have a Rum and coke.” Frank said coolly.

“What about you Gerard?” Tim asked.

“No, give him a diet coke.” Frank cut in

“Why? I want something to drink, too.” I demanded

“Because you'll get cross-faded.” He replied as if it were the most obvious answer.

“Cross-faded?” I repeated not knowing what he was talking about.

“Yeah, that's when you smoke and drink at the same time. It gets you super dizzy and sick. Especially if you're new to it. See me and Frankie have gotten passed those days.” Tim offered with a chuckle. I frowned though, furrowing my eyebrows.

“But I didn't get high!” I insisted

“You don't want to chance it.” Frank chastised firmly.

“No! I'm fine.” I whined

“Fine.” Frank huffed, “But don't say I didn't warn you if you're over the toilet feeling like you're in a Teacup at Disneyland.”

“I wont.” I scoffed.

“Alright, then. What do you want?” Tim asked calmly, not caring about Franks and I's quarrel.

“I dunno. A beer?” I said more hesitantly than I intended to. I'd never drank really.

“Well if you are going to drink, we're going to play a game with liquor. And if you drink beer first you will most definitely get sick, high or not.” Tim warned.

“Why?” I asked.

“He really in a newbie isn't he?” Tim chuckled. Again I scrunched up my face, feeling terribly out of place.

“Hey, be nice.” Frank budged, “It's a thing. Beer before liquor never sicker, liquor before beer, you're in the clear.” Frank explained to me, while I just nodded in reply. So many rules I didn't know about partying.

“Okay...well then I'll just have what Frank's having.” I said slowly, as if unsure.

“How about I make you a screwdriver? I'm known for making the best.” Tim went on, saying it as if it were equivalent to a college degree.

“A screwdriver? How drunk are you trying to get my boyfriend?” Frank interjected, playfully although protectively. I rolled my eyes.

“Enough to get him in my bed.” Tim said sarcastically as I heard more shuffling around the kitchen. Clinking of glasses and bottles. “Of course not!” He went on, “Just enough to let him have a good time. Go big or go home.”

“Try to tell me that again when I'm going to be the one watching him and holding his hair back when he's puking.” Frank grumbled irritably. I knew Frank didn't mean anything by it, but he acted as if I were a child to watch over. I could take care of myself. Before I could start another fit of bickering though, I heard a yelp of excitement from behind.

“Gee! I'm glad you made it!” I heard a familiar feminine voice sound in my ear. Letting go of Frankie's hand, I turned around to be engulfed into a hug. If I hadn't recognized Sophie's voice, I would have definitely recognized her perfume. That was always a dead give away for me to recognize someone. She smelt like sweet perfume and body shower. Tentatively I wrapped my arms over her, feeling her long soft hair on her back. Pulling back I didn't even have time to say hello, before I felt Sophie's soft hands pulling me into another room that was much louder than the kitchen. Guiding me to a couch, she flopped ourselves down.

“So are you having a good time? Sophie started politely.

“I guess. Franks being annoying.” I shrugged not really wanting to explain, “Are you?”

“I suppose. Neil's always off smoking or doing something stupid. I'm usually always left by myself to hang.” She went on. “That's why I'm glad you came!”

“Thanks.” I answered bashfully, not really knowing what to reply with to the compliment.

“Are you going to do the drinking game with us?” She wondered.

“What drinking game?” I asked. Was this another thing I would need to know about?

“It's this stupid perverted game our boys thought about years ago. It's just a drunken way to find out about each others sex lives. But it is entertaining, and by the end of the game we're all pretty much too drunk to ever remember what the other has said.”

“Oh...” Was all I could think of to say. It just sounded like an embarrassing game.

“Don't worry, Gee. It's all just fun.” She reassured. I grinned thinly, not wanting to be rude and nodded slowly. Before either of us could continue, I felt a weight drop beside my left and an arm drape over my shoulders.

“Here's your drink.” Frank muttered, thrusting a plastic cup into my hands.

“Thanks.” I meekly replied, gingerly lifting the cup to my lips and slowly taking a sip. Sour and strong and burning filled my taste buds and throat. I couldn't even help the cough that exploded from my mouth. Frank patted my back.

“Damn, how much did Tim put in there?” Frank commented offhandedly. I shrugged forcing myself to take another sip, that time holding it all in without coughing.

“Alright!” I heard Hambone yell, making me jump from the unexpectedness of it. Frank rubbed my shoulder in consolation. “Anyone willing to play the drinking game, get your asses over to the couch!” He went on, his loud voice booming over the music. In less than five minutes, about ten more people were crowded on the long couch around, Frank, Sophie and I. Those people including Neil who took a seat by Sophie and of course Tim, Hambone, and Shaun.

“Alright, alright.” Hambone hushed the small group of people, “Now for those who haven't played the game before, Gee.” He called out playfully, muttering my name intentionally loud, while I could only blush. “The rules are that, we will go off a list of things that Myself and the band had come up with previously. The same set of questions as it always been. And now if you have done what we say, you take a shot. Okay? Simple as that.” He explained. I guess that didn't sound too bad.

“Okay,” Hambone started, “For the easy round. Ahem.” He said clearing his throat dramatically.

“ Take a shot, if you've kissed someone in that last week. Tongue, has to have been used.” Well this game would have been embarrassing a few months ago...

“Here.” Frank said, handing me a shot.

“What is this?” I wondered

“Fireball Whiskey.” He said, before throwing back a shot himself and letting out a rugged exhalation. Without another word, I just did as I was supposed to and threw back the liquid. It was surprisingly smoother than the Vodka.

“Alright, next one.” Shaun jumped in, “Take a shot if you've given or gotten a hickey within the last month.” Another shot. I couldn't necessarily see who was taking shots, but from what I could tell by clinking glasses and the slamming down of them onto the coffee table, everyone was participating at that point.

“Okay, enough with the easy one's.” Tim interjected, “Time for the juicier one's. Now take a shot if you've given or gotten a handjob in the last month.” Blushing furiously, I took the shot. I didn't want people to know that kind of thing about me and Frank....I guess that was the point of the game though. Frank didn't seem to care though, freely throwing back the shot while I hesitated. I think by then some people stopped taking shots, making the ones who did more obvious. I could already tell what the next one was going to be...

“Alright, now take a shot if you've given or gotten a blowjob in the last month.” Neil ordered. Tensing, I took the shot Frank gave me. I could feel heat from both embarrassment and the alcohol pump into my cheeks. Frank I could feel placed a hand on my thigh and gave it a squeeze. Leaning into my ear, I could feel and smell his hot booze ridden breath on my face.

“We don't have to play, Gee.” He reminded, catching onto my embarrassment. I shook my head though. I didn't want to seem lame.

“No, no. It's okay.” I insisted, my words feeling weird on my tongue, while my head began to spin. So much alcohol already.

“Okay, Frank. Your turn for the next one.” Tim reminded. Frank sighed.

“Okay. Take a shot if you've had sex in the last month.” He ordered. For once I was actually glad Frank and I hadn't had sex yet. Yet at the same time it was embarrassing to have everyone know that we haven't. It was just embarrassing all around.

“Take a shot Frank and Gerard!” Hambone called out. I blushed probably so red, a tomato would have been ashamed, by then.

“Mind your own business fuckin Hambone.” Frank yelled, “We haven't yet.”

“Bullshit, I saw you two practically fucking in your car!” He reminded. I placed my hands over my face. I just wanted to disappear. I would gladly have taken another shot, sex or not. I needed the alcohol to calm me down.

“Hambone, I will murder you if you don't shut up! We didn't fuck!” Frank's voice grew louder, becoming more annoyed.

“Fine. Whatever.” Hambone said, sounding annoyed himself which was weird for him, but let the subject drop nonetheless. “Next one. Take a shot if you've had sex in the last six months.” Of course I didn't take a shot. But Frank did. I mean we'd only met in September which wasn't even four months ago...but I could help but feel wired. Not jealous...just out of place I suppose. I knew he wasn't a virgin, so of course he'd been with other people. But just six months ago? How long ago was the last time, since he's met me? Two months? A moth before he met me? A week? A day?

That's when the shot requirements got intense. Definitely none I could drink to, so instead I sipped my screwdriver. The requirements were like 'Take a shot if you've had a threesome', 'If you've kissed the same gender or the opposite gender if you're gay', 'If you've had sex in a public place', 'If you've had sex with someone ten years older than you.' Frank even took a few of those shots. I tried not to pay attention to which ones though.

“Okay, lets play something else before we all get alcohol poisoning.” Sophie cut in, her words already slurring.

“Great idea!” Frank chirped in, a little too excitedly.

“What should we play?” Tim asked.

“How about truth or dare?” Sophie suggested. Oh great. More like dare or dare.

“Sounds good to me. And to keep alcohol in the mix, who ever refuses their question or challenge has to take a shot.” Tim clarified. And so the game began. Sophie started since she suggested the game, daring Neil to take off his clothes and run around the house. Typical. I didn't even care considering I couldn't see. Then Neil dared Tim to kiss Shaun. And so on. Eventually it was Tim's turn again, and he picked me. Surprised, I perked up at the calling of my name.

“Gerard. Truth or dare?” He asked. I sighed.

“Dare.” Why not.

“Okay, but first let me ask you a question.” He went on.

“No. He didn't say truth.” Frank argued.

“Calm down Frankie. It's just a game, not a court room.” He teased, then returned his attention back to me. “So Gee. Was Frankie, here your first kiss?” Blushing, I squirmed in my seat on the couch.

“You don't have to answer him.” Frank whispered in my ear.

“Yes he does.” Tim challenged back firmly. Frank sighed in annoyance.

“Uhm. Y-yes.” I stuttered.

“So you've never kissed a girl?” He pointed out, making me blush harder.

“What's this got to do with anything.” Frank but in, sounding more than irritated.

“I dare you to kiss Sophie.” Tim dared, ignoring Franks comment.

“W-what?” I squeaked.

“That's bullshit. He doesn't have to do that.” Frank continued to defend.

“What are you? His mother?” Tim bit, getting annoyed himself, “Gerard's a big boy. I'm not forcing him. If he doesn't, he has to take a shot.”

“Who says Sophie wants to anyways?” Frank pointed out.

“Well, then. How about it Sophie?” Tim asked

“I don't care if Neil doesn't.” Sophie muttered nonchalant.

“Naw, I don't care. It's just a dare.” Neil said, a shrug oozing from his tone. Frank grumbled.

“Then it's settled. Gerard. Kiss or shot?” Tim offered. Struggling, I was torn. I didn't want to kiss Sophie but then again it wasn't a big deal I guess. But I didn't want to upset Frank either...

“Times up. You have to do the dare.” Tim chirped.

“What the fuck? That's not a rule.” Frank shouted.

“Stop being such a pussy.” Tim scolded. “Okay, Gerard. Thirty seconds the kiss has to last. And you have to use tongue. I'll time you.” I nodded and gulped. Turning to face Sophie on my right, I could immediately smell her. Shaking I leaned in. I was nervous to kiss someone other than Frank. What if I was horrible and Frank was just being nice? Before I could hesitate though, Tim shouted 'Go!' and her lips were on mine.

Surprised, I didn't move for like five seconds but then gave in. Sophie cupped my face, while my hands stayed glued to my sides, not knowing what to do with them. Her lips were soft and tasted like vanilla and alcohol. It definitely was a lot different than Frankie's lips. They were smoother and fuller. Moving our lips, I was becoming less nervous.

“Remember tongue!” Tim shouted at us. Then Sophie shoved her tongue into my mouth, without warning, making me yelp. Massaging our tongues together, it felt nice but I felt nothing inside. I wasn't nervous like I was when I kissed Frank. My heart didn't flutter, my stomach didn't drop, and I didn't feel like I was on a cloud. During the whole kiss I could only think of Frank. And before I knew it, it was over.

“See? Not so bad.” Tim teased once we pulled apart. Frank didn't say anything but I could feel him fuming beside me. I didn't know what to do. Was he made at me?

“If it makes you feel any better.” Sophie said, leaning over me to Frank, “Gerard's a good kisser. You taught him well.” she giggled, then leaned back into her spot. Frank just huffed, unamused.

“Now that, that's over. Your turn to pick Gerard.” Hambone cut in.

“Oh. Um. Right.” I stuttered, from being put on the spot just when I thought I'd gotten out of it.

“Uhm, Frank. Truth or dare.” I said, turning to direct my attention towards him.

“Dare.” He simply muttered. Hmm. I could have fun with this...

“I dare you to have sex with me.” I blurted out boldly, not even caring that practically everyone was around us.

“Ohhhh. Nice one.” Tim cheered. I rolled my eyes, waiting for Franks response.

“Okay. Fine. But you didn't say when. Of course I will. Eventually.” Frank smugly smiled, his tone telling me everything that I just knew was on his face.

“No! That's not fair!” I shouted.

“This whole game hasn't been fair. So deal with it. I'm not fucking you because of a dare.” Frank countered. The group had gone silent by then.

“You're such an ass.” I muttered, feeling instantly annoyed and angry.

“What? What do you want from me? Do you want me to fuck you on the couch in front of everyone?” Frank yelled. I froze, feeling immensely embarrassed and suddenly stupid. Tears, without permission welled up in my eyes, accompanied by a lump in my throat and a blush on my cheeks. Without a word, I stood up from the couch and walked away, not even knowing where I was going.

Somehow I made it to a hallway and sunk down on the wall, into a corner. I didn't even care if people were around, I let the tears that had threatened to fall. Covering my face in my hands, I just wanted to go home. I regretted coming to this stupid party. I felt so embarrassed. I just wanted to be in my room, curled under the covers away from everyone. Or better yet, with my family at that cabin. Tomorrow was Christmas Eve and I was stuck at the house alone with a jerk boyfriend. Continuing to cry in the corner, while tears and snot ran down my face, I felt suddenly felt a gentle hand on my knee, causing me to jump.

“Gee?” Frank's tender voice flooded my ears, which only made me sob harder. “Oh, Gee. I'm sorry. I didn't mean it. I was being an ass.” he went on, sitting on the floor with me and gathering me in his arms.

“Y-you c-ca-can s-s-say t-th-that again.” I stuttered and hiccuped. Burrowing my face into his chest, I clutched onto his shirt, while he began to stroke my hair.

“I'm so sorry, baby. I was just mad because of that stupid dare.” He confessed with a sigh.

“I-it w-w-wasn't m-my fault.” I cried out, my voice muffled by his clothes.

“I know, I know. I'm stupid. I love you.” He comforted, nuzzling his face in my neck.

“I f-feel s-s-so s-st-stupid.” I gulped, chocking back more tears.

“Oh, Gee. I am so sorry. Don't feel stupid. Please don't.” He pleaded, rocking me back and forth. I hiccuped and sighed. Pulling away, Frank cupped my face in his warm hands.

“Gee. I love you.” He stated firmly, offering me a soft gentle kiss, “Do you want to go home?”

“Y-yes.” I nodded. Frank sighed, but helped me up. Holding me protectively at his side, Frank guided us to the front door without saying goodbye to anyone. We both just wanted to get the hell out of there. I clung to Frank willingly, just needing to feel comfort and love. Quickly we ran to the warmth of the car, slamming the doors behind us. Frank immediately put the heart on full blast.

“S-sh-should y-you be dr-driving?” I my voice quivered.

“Probably not. But it's not far.” He decided. And without another word, Frank drove off. Like he'd said, the drive wasn't long. Frank drove slow and careful, being sure to take the surface streets. I could tell by the lack of noise outside the car. By the time he'd parked in the driveway, my tears had stopped and started drying in salty streaks on my cheeks. Neither of us moved, after Frank cut the engine.

“I really am sorry, Gerard.” Frank stated mournfully. I nodded.

“I know. Me too.” I replied, my voice cracking from all my crying.

“You have nothing to be sorry about Gee.” Frank insisted, turning towards me in his seat. I turned too.

“I shouldn't have been so pushy.” I admitted, feeling shameful tears reform in my eyes.

“No, don't think like that. Don't cry either. Please.” Frank begged, lifting a hand to caress my cheek. I sniffled and shrugged.

“Look. I-I just want do this whole thing right. Okay?” Frank went on, trying and stumbling on his words. “I've never done it- had sex properly before. Not even with my old boyfriend. It's always been at a random spot in a random house at a random party. I don't want it to be that way with you.”

“I know.” I nodded, lifting a hand to cover Franks that lay on my face. Frank sighed.

“I am ready, though. I do want to...” He trailed off, “How about we plan it, okay? That way we can make it special. For sure.”

“Okay.” I agreed shyly, alongside a weak smile.

“Tomorrows Christmas Eve.” Frank stated suggestively. I smiled wider.

“It is.” I agreed, glad we were okay now.

“Tomorrow then?” He offered, a smile in his voice too. I nodded.

“Sounds great.” I grinned, leaning in and giving Frankie a soft yet meaningful kiss.

*****

The next morning was not great. Frank and I had finally fallen asleep around three in the morning. I woke up around four-thirty, running to the bathroom and puking my brains out. I had drunken way too much alcohol. I had never felt so sick in my life. Not even with the stomach flu. I felt like the room was spinning. I felt sweaty. My throat burned with the rejected alcohol that was coming back up from my acidic stomach. After about an hour, my stomach had wretched itself enough for me to lie down on the cold bathroom floor. Around six in the morning, Frank found me; helping me back up and into my bedroom. He gave me Gatorade, Tylenol, and a bucket just in case. He even had to puke himself at one point. But just once and he said he felt better after.

Once that ordeal of throwing up was over, Frank crawled into bed with me, hugging me into his arms. Soothing me to sleep, he ran his fingers through my sweaty hair, whispering soft words. The last thought I coherently had, was whether or not Frank would still make love to me if I were hungover. But I didn't get to ponder it too long before I was over come with sleep.
When I woke up again for the second time that day, I was alone. Groggy and disoriented, I could feel a dull ache in my head. I'm sure it would have been much worse if Frank hadn't given me medication from earlier. Bless that boy. Overall I just felt drained and tired and sore. Somehow I dragged myself out of bed, though and down the stairs towards the smell of cooking. Making my way into the kitchen, I could then make out a stronger smell of hash-browns.

“Hey, there sleepy-head.” Frank greeted, “How are you feeling?”

“Like shit. But not as shitty as I was this morning.” I shrugged, finding my way to a stool by the counter. Sitting down, I held my face in my hands

“Sounds like a typical hangover.” Frank chuckled. “You want some coffee? It'll make you feel better. That's why I'm making hash-browns. Carbs are good for hangovers.”

“Yeah. Thanks, coffee sounds good.” I muttered “Hey...what time is it anyways?”

“Um, it is...almost three in the afternoon.” He answered, after a pause. Probably checking the microwave clock from behind him.

“Holy shit!” I exclaimed. I would have spit out my coffee if I had had some.

“I know. But you were exhausted. You needed to sleep.” Frank waved off. And with that I could hear a coffee cup being placed in front of me.

“Thanks.” I murmured over the lip of the ceramic cup once I'd brought it to my mouth. Groaning, I was more than happy to taste that first sip of heavenly caffeine.

“Hey, I'm supposed to do that to you. Not coffee.” Frank fake-pouted, making me laugh.

“Sorry. Coffee got there first.” I teased back.

“I guess that's fair enough.” He laughed, placing a plate of hash-browns down in front of the two of us. I smiled and pecked his cheek.

“You're sweet.” I grinned wider, before digging in.

“I try.” Frank giggled, then dug in himself. For a moment or two, the kitchen was only filled with the noise of two hungry teenagers scarfing down hash-browns after a night of partying. Scrapping silverware over glass plates. A sip of coffee here, a sip of coffee there. Then I figured I would ask Frankie, what I had been worrying about since I'd started getting my first hangover.

“Uh, hey Frank?” I started shyly, keeping my head down.

“Hmm.” Frank hummed over a mouth full of food.

“Y-you said last night...tha-that we'd...you know. Have sex today?” I pointed out. I heard Frank swallow his food back, in order to reply.

“I did.” He said simply.

“W-well. Does that still stand? Since I'm like...hungover?” I went on nervously, wringing my hands under the counter. Frank chuckled lightly, grabbing my hands out from under their hiding place. I furrowed my eyebrows not sure why he was laughing.

“Why do you think I'm trying so hard to make you feel better, silly?” He cooed, making me beam and giggle too.

Notes

I just want to say first, thank you guys for being so sweet and supportive! Second of all the whole beer before liquor never sicker thing is all too true. Trust me. So is getting cross faded. Again trust me and learn from my mistakes. So embarrassing. Lol. Follow me on twitter if you'd like. https://twitter.com/TomaszewskiGA Gerard Way liked a picture of moldy bread I tweeted him the other day. We're like best friends now.