Just Think Happy Thoughts

It was two weeks before Christmas and I couldn't be more excited to be spending it with the guys. Jamia would be there too but I was getting accustomed to her being around. Besides, Frank was always snuggling with me, not her, not that I knew of anyway.

It was the end of the school day and I was walking the halls towards the front of the building to meet up with the guys and walk home. In the middle of my trek, Jamia joined me.

"Hey Kai, what are you up to today?" she asked me. I looked at her puzzled. She knew I didn't like her, I mean, yeah, I was accustomed to her, I tolerated her, but that was all.

"Uh... I'm going home. You?" I responded, nonchalantly.

"Well I was wondering if you wanted to hang. I mean, I get the feeling you don't really like me being around but, if we hang out I bet we'd have a good time!" she said, cheerfully. She smiled and her eyes glimmered with happiness. She looked... honest, like she actually wanted to be my friend.

"Maybe you're right. It couldn't hurt" I agreed. I wasn't only doing it because she seemed so genuine, but because I knew Frank would be happy I was actually trying to get along with her.

A sudden faint buzzing noise could be heard from her pocket. She took out her phone and her face changed from beaming to utter shock and disappointment.

"Oh..." she breathed. She stopped in the middle of the hall, staring at her phone. I tried to peak at what it said but she promptly pulled the phone away from eyes.

"Is everything okay?" I asked. I was concerned about Jamia. I had no idea what my life was coming to.

"It's a text... from Frank" she told me. "It's about you. Maybe you should read it. If I want to be your friend, I have to be a good one." At her words my heart began to race. I didn't know if I even wanted to know what it said after her reaction. Even so, I had no choice with her shoving the phone my way. I grabbed it from her and read:

Hey Jamz! I'm practicing at Matt's if you want to come later ;) You need to come listen to the progress we’re making! I’m inviting Kai too, but please understand why. With Kai around, we'll be able to make it sooner. I know she still has connects from when her dad was famous. We're gonna be big! I just have to schmooze my way through this one. See you later? xoFrnk

"What the fuck? This can't be for real. Did you make this shit up Jamia?" I screamed at her, my voice echoing through the now empty halls.

"Kai, how could I have done that when he just sent this to me? I'm sorry... I didn't know Frank could do something like that" she responded. It had to be true. She couldn't have done anything while she was with me, and she still seemed as genuine as before. I just couldn't believe that all this time I thought Frank Iero was some beautiful, perfect, godly creature who would save me from myself but in fact, he was the complete opposite. He was fucking using me. They probably all were. The past month was a lie. The what I believe almost kiss, the snuggling, I mean I actually thought Frank really cared about me. He couldn’t. He must have even told Jamia who I was because I didn’t and she apparently already knew.

Without another word, I jetted out of the building, tears streaming down my face. Jamia called after me but I ignored it. Maybe she was trying to help me, or maybe she just really wanted to see me hurt and when Frank sent her that text, she found the opportunity not only to do that, but to tear apart our friendship, because no fucking way I was ever speaking to Frank Iero again. I ran down the sidewalk towards home, Frank chasing after me. All I could do was scream at him and tell him to leave me the fuck alone. Eventually he did, after he tried to grab me and I turned around and shoved him so hard he hit the ground and I screamed “I wish I never met you Frank Iero!” I wasn’t falling for his bullshit anymore. It had all come in to play, my fears from the beginning of the year, and I knew it was my fault for even trusting anyone with my secrets.

I spent the next couple of days before winter break alone. In school I talked to no one and sat alone at lunch. If anyone tried to approach me I’d walk away. At home, I drowned in misery. I’d picked up my guitar and played it more often than usual. It kind of made me feel better since it reminded me of my father. That’s until one day I realized I was playing a riff from one of Frank’s band’s songs. I didn’t even know how my fingers knew what to play. I thought about him a lot, Frank. And I didn’t want to at all. I hated myself for it and I wished I’d never met him. I had to make sure to take my pills everyday now, because there was no one to save me anymore.

Soon it was Christmas Eve and I was sure I was spending it alone. My mom and Jake thinking I would be spending it at Gerard’s, left me behind while they went to spend Christmas in California. So I was alone, that is, until I heard a loud knock on the door. Afraid of who it might be, I snuck over to the door and looked through the peep hole. I saw the two most beautiful souls, inside and out. The happiness that surged through my body was inexplicable. I was so depressed lately the feeling of happiness was like a breath of fresh air. I opened the door and the two shadows lunged.

“KAAAAAI!” Jade squealed, hugging me as tight as she could. She couldn’t contain her excitement, but neither could I. Before I could squeal back, Jade was pulled off of me and bigger, stronger arms replaced hers.

“Kairi, missed you so much” Aden whispered, his breath against my neck. It sent shivers down my spine.

“I missed you guys too! So much! You have no idea how much you just made my life showing up like this!” I exclaimed. I didn’t even know I could smile anymore, but there I was, my face lit up like the Christmas tree.

“We had to come Kai! We love you! How’s everything here?” Jade asked me, stepping closer to me and Aden. He was still holding me, like he didn’t want to let go. He looked down at me and stared into my eyes with his crystal blue ones and frowned.

“Your eyes, they are red and puffy, like you’ve been crying. Who hurt Princess Kai?” he said, softly. He nuzzled his face into my hair. I could feel him breathing in my scent.

“Oh no Kai, what’s wrong?” Jade asked, placing a hand on my back, and her head on my shoulder.

“Who hurt you Kai, I’ll fucking show them pain!” Aden barked. His voice changed from concern to anger in a matter of seconds. His eyes were full of hatred.

“Oh. Here he goes” Jade said. “Aden calm down, let’s all go sit down and talk, that is, if Kai wants to.” She motioned us towards the couch and we followed, well, Aden followed, pulling me towards him, and against him on the couch. It wasn’t something I wasn’t used to. He acted like this a lot back in California. I knew he wasn’t trying to flirt, even though, that’s what most of his intentions with girls were. I knew he genuinely cared about me though. It always made Jade sick, but she was taking it pretty well that night.

“I’m sorry, for bursting out like that. If I scared you, I’m sorry” Aden apologized, unnecessarily. I laid my head in his lap and my feet across Jade’s lap.

“They were using me” I whispered. They looked at me, baffled. I told them what had happened a couple days ago and cried. They laid there all night with me. They hadn’t seen me cry since I was five. It was, unnerving, but they stayed there with me on the couch, comforting me all night. My mind was plagued with thoughts of Frank, and all I could do was wish him away.

Notes

Hey look at me! I actually updated fairly quickly! Sorry I'm usually so slow. Hope you guys enjoy! - Cici