F*ck and Run

Frank promised Jamia that he’d bring her car back in one piece, with a full tank of gas and no scratches or dings, but when he told her he was driving to the mountains by himself in the dark in the dead of winter, she didn’t look happy. She’d made him take a sleeping bag capable of withstanding negative temperatures and showed him where she kept the snow chains. She’d even tried to convince him not to go, but in the end her curiosity won her over. She probably would’ve even gone with if it weren’t for the important meeting she couldn’t cancel the next morning.
Getting out of the city was hell. The stuffy bumper to bumper traffic was just like it always was. Jamia’s car had a fucking tape player in it which sort of helped to pass the dragging time, but it appeared as though she’d been in a deep Madonna phase lately because every tape Frank’s fingers landed on was fucking Madonna. Frank liked Madonna as much as the next guy but after two tapes, he’d had enough. It wasn’t Madonna’s fault. He was probably too anxious to enjoy any music.

The driving directions weren’t helping. The print-out said that his destination was just over three hours away from the city. From the small, blurry black and white map in the corner of the page, Frank had figured out that the cabin was just west of the Catskills. He felt less sure he was going the right way every time he squinted at the tiny map by the light of the dashboard. He followed the directions line for line, but he was still nervous about getting something wrong. One wrong turn could send him halfway to the state capital, instead of safely tucked away in Gerard’s arms.
Frank stopped at a gas station as soon as he’d pulled off what he prayed was the right exit. He bought an energy drink, a cup of coffee and a more substantial map. He asked the attendant for directions as he slammed down the energy drink. The guy wasn’t much more help than the listed directions. He confirmed that the detour Frank was about to take was better because of the construction a few miles up the highway. It was nice to have the reassurance nonetheless, especially since he’d been on the road for two hours as it was.
He quickly made his way back to the car and got back on the road. Gerard and Mikey had gotten an hour head start on him, so he had to try and catch up as much as possible. As soon as he had his coffee safely nestled in a cup holder, certain it wouldn’t spill on Jamia’s immaculate interior, he was speeding off into the dark.
Dark, because the street lights ended pretty quickly. Frank found himself alone, curving through the forest much faster than he probably should’ve been driving. He didn’t have a death wish, he was just feeling lucky… which, when he thought about it, might’ve really been the same as a deathwish.
The engine purred loudly as the car began to ascend into the hills. The evergreen pine-needles illuminated by the car's headlights were a welcome contrast to Frank's usual interaction with nature. Back in New York all the leaves had fallen off the trees months ago. There were a few pines in central park, but Frank couldn't remember the last time he'd seen plantlife like that which now surrounded him. He felt small and free as he flew along the black concrete.
The road began to descend again, and Frank was deposited into a sea of campgrounds, cabins and bicycle rental shops, all closed for the season. According to the directions, he was still a ways from his destination, but he could feel himself getting closer. He’d broken into cabin territory, at least. He passed a few gas stations. The eyes of a dog being walked by it’s owner flashed in the car’s headlights. The world gave him little reminders that he wasn’t going somewhere he’d be completely alone. He wasn’t descending into total madness.
The road curved around a black lake. Frank saw the signs warning to watch for black ice, but he didn’t really absorb their warning. He was too blown away by the beauty of the landscape. He quickly glanced over and saw the lights of a small boat floating out in the middle. When he glanced up, he could see the stars over the mountains. He made a note to get a better look at them when he wasn’t driving, if he could remember.
He wasn’t sure if he’d ever been so scared in his life. He didn’t know what awaited him at the end of the directions, he just knew he had to get there. When it came to what he had with Gerard, he’d always been the one to drag his feet. He’d always been the one to slow things down, to criticize and judge and scrutinize. He couldn’t let himself be happy if there was any chance it was conditional. He couldn’t let Gerard be happy if he wasn’t happy.
Frank’s doubt in Gerard had come from a legitimate place at first, but it was like Jamia said, Frank couldn’t punish Gerard forever. It wasn’t fair. It wasn’t right.
He’d tried to push Gerard away out of curiosity. He needed to know what his life would look like without Gerard in it and it had only taken a few days for Frank to realize that he didn’t like it one bit. He wanted Gerard around, in whatever capacity he could have him, for the foreseeable future.
That was what he’d gone over to Gerard’s place to say. He couldn’t get the image of Gerard’s pained confusion from the other night, outside that stupid restaurant, out of his head. He wanted to take all that confusion away. He’d say whatever he had to say until he knew Gerard was sure that Frank was in this too. And Frank was so sorry. He’d never been as sorry as he was.
And that was why he’d driven so far. Those words still needed to be said.
He’d say them in front of an entire satanic cult if he needed to.

The cabin was tucked away on a hillside. The moonlight bounced off the fields of snow, crusted over with a layer of shiny ice. The houses were all connected by a long, straight road, leading up the hill and back into the forest.
Frank drove a little slower then. Not because of the ice on the untraveled road, but so he could read the house numbers as the car climbed the hill. Most of the houses were dark. There was a car sitting outside of one of them, but it wasn’t Mikey’s car so Frank kept on driving.
The satanic cult thing seemed less and less likely the further he went. Either Frank had gotten the directions completely wrong or there was almost no one else out there.

Mikey’s car was parked outside of the very last house at the very top of the hill. The treeline cast half of the structure in darkness. The windows were dark, but the brightly shining security light off the side of the house was all the confirmation Frank needed. He glanced at the clock on the dash before killing the engine. It was just after 10pm. He’d made good time.
He opened the driver’s side door, wincing at how loud the sound was in the stillness of the wilderness. The cold crept into the car almost immediately. Frank shivered as he pulled on the overcoat that had been riding in the passenger seat for the duration of the drive.
Frank pulled out his phone to try and call Gerard, only to find that he had no cell reception. Gerard hadn’t been making that part up. He sighed and checked his pockets for the car keys twice before closing the car door. The last thing he needed was to be locked out in the woods with no reception.
Frank buttoned his coat all the way to the top and still found himself shivering. It was much colder than he realized it would be. Freezing winds were swirling down the hill.
There was something terrifying about the absolutely stillness of winter. Nothing was moving. Nothing appeared to be living or breathing. Everything was bathed in cold, white moonlight. The pale made the shadows seem darker, fuller.
Frank took a few shaky steps towards the house and froze. He hadn’t realized how nervous he was. He went over the words he needed to say in his head a few times before taking another step forward. Once he was moving again, the freezing air inspired him to keep going. He slowly made his way up the steps and into the shadows of the front porch. He felt safer once he wasn’t in plain view, if only marginally.

It was then that Frank heard the crunch of snow behind him. He startled and turned in search of the noise. To his immediately horror, he found himself in the presence of a large, black wolf, stalking towards him. The creature’s yellow eyes glowed brightly in the moonlight. It’s gaze was fixed on Frank. It’s head hung low as it made it’s way towards him.
“Fuck.” Frank breathed.
Frank kept his eyes on the creature as he tried the doorknob. Of course it was locked. He glanced around for another door or a window or something he could work with, but there was nothing. There was nowhere to run. The wolf was too close for him to make it back to the car. He stayed frozen in place as the creature inched towards him.
This wasn’t how it was supposed to end. Frank wasn’t supposed to die of an animal attack in the dead of winter. He was supposed to find Gerard and fix things and...
Suddenly the monster wasn’t inching anymore, it was coming at Frank at lightning speed.
Frank didn’t know what the fuck to do so he screamed.
“Let me in!” He yelled, banging his fist against the door.
“Anyone!” He tried, “Please! Help me!”
He could hear his own voice echoing across the field of ice, through the woods. He felt nothing but numbing despair as the creature leapt up onto the porch in front of him and paused, eyeing him curiously. It lifted it’s head to catch a waft of Frank’s sent. It was close enough that Frank could see its nostrils flaring. It let out a fearsome growl as it took another step towards him.
“Mikey! Hey! Is anyone in there?!” Frank called out, flattening himself against the door.
Frank’s heart was beating in his ears. He’d learned what he was supposed to do if he ran into a wolf back when he was a boy scout, but none of the practicalities were coming to him.
“MIkey!” Frank tried again, “Gerard!? Anyone?”

The creature made a pained noise. It’s cries were followed by a series of sickening snaps. The creature lowered itself onto the wood and began to contort. High pitched whines erupted from its chest as it started to lose its shape. Frank thought it might’ve been shot until he saw the fur begin to recede, giving way to pale, blood-splattered skin. It’s eyes closed. It’s sounds grew more and more human until they weren’t whines, they were gasps.
Frank simply blinked, and the rest of the transition took place in the millisecond his eyes were closed. There was no longer a wolf lying before him. It was a person.
Frank sunk to his knees. He was too confused, too thankful to have dodged a most violent death to question whateverthefuck he had just been witness to.
He thought the person might be dead, given the clots of blood and matted hair stuck to the skin all over but then they were moving, curling in on themself.
It was then that the door opened behind Frank. He was too terrified to move.
“What the fuck?” a familiar asked voice.
His adrenaline was crashing. Frank couldn’t place the voice. His heart was still beating wildly in his ears.
“Frank?” The voice asked, “How the fuck did you even- nevermind…”
Frank continued to stare at the wilted, naked form before him.
He was covered in blood, but Frank would’ve recognized Gerard anywhere.
“Gerard, why the fuck are you-” Mikey tried to ask.
“I don’t know what the fuck is happening.” Gerard moaned, trying to lift himself up. His voice was guttural and wrecked.
Mikey stepped around Frank and hung a coat over Gerard’s shoulders.
“Let’s get inside.” Mikey said. His voice sounded far away.
“What is Frank doing here?” Gerard breathed, “Am I dead?”
“I don’t think so.” Mikey tutted, helping his brother up.
“Am I… dreaming?” Gerard panted, wincing as he took a step forward, “The moon’s still out… why the fuck am I-?”
Frank tried to lift himself up and stumbled backwards, onto the threshold of the front door.
“Let’s just get inside.” Mikey groaned, “I’d like to figure this out somewhere that isn’t negative four degrees.”
“Mikey, the moon’s still out… why the fuck did I change back?” Gerard asked again, panic in his voice, “And why the fuck is Frank here?”
“I don’t know, Gerard. Go inside so I can help him.” Mikey urged, “We’re letting all the heat out.”
Gerard nodded and tiptoed towards the door.
“Frank, can you hear me?” Mikey asked, kneeling in front of Frank and staring back and forth into Frank’s eyes, “I think he’s in shock. Did he see you change?”
“I don’t know.” Gerard said, wiping a bloody matt off his cheek.
“This is so annoying.” Mikey muttered, standing up and curling his hands under Frank’s armpits to drag him into the house.
Frank remembered himself enough to try and move his legs but he only seemed to be making it harder for Mikey.
“Hi, Frank.” Mikey huffed, as he muscled the small punk into the cabin, “So I don’t know if you can process anything I’m telling you right now, but Gerard’s a werewolf. You better not be mad at me for not telling you. I’ve been begging Gerard to tell you for months...”
Mikey helped Frank up as he spoke and directed him into what appeared to be a den. A roaring fire was tucked into a fireplace against the far wall. Two comfortable-looking couches faced each other, separated by a coffee table. Mikey’s laptop sat on top of the table. The faint sound of music leaked out of the headphones resting on the keyboard.
Mikey pushed Frank onto one of the couches and turned to Gerard, who was busy re-locking the locks on the cabin’s front door.
“Do I need to lock you up?” Mikey asked, “Do you feel like you’re going to change again?”
“No?” Gerard offered hesitantly, rubbing at a streak of dried blood on his chest, “I actually feel… fine?”
“Alright… well go get yourself cleaned up. There’s a lot of blood. I think you’re scaring him... ” Mikey sighed, “I’ll deal with Frank in the meantime. If you think you’re going to change back, yell for me, okay?”
Gerard nodded and disappeared around a wall, vanishing from Frank’s sight.
“I have no idea how the fuck you found this place.” Mikey said, turning back towards Frank. He seemed to mostly be talking to himself as he bent over his laptop to pause the music and close it.
“Can I get you anything?” Mikey asked, “Coffee? Beer?”
“Coffee and beer.” Mikey nodded when Frank didn’t say anything.
“Wait.” Frank said hoarsely as Mikey turned to walk out of the room, “I don’t want to be… alone right now.”
“Strange request.” Mikey mumbled, dropping onto the couch across from Frank.
Frank swallowed hard and tried to blink.
“I’m sorry you had to find out like this.” Mikey said, pulling off his glasses to clean the lenses on the bottom of his shirt. The apology seemed genuine, at least, “I’ll answer as many questions as I can… but this is really something Gerard should explain to you.”
Frank nodded to relay that he understood.
“I need to find out why he changed back. He wasn’t supposed to change back for… hours.” Mikey explained, “I cut him loose at the edge of the park because we didn’t have time to get him here. I don’t even know how he found his way back so quickly…”
Mikey slid his glasses back on and opened his laptop again. He started typing immediately, eyes pouring over the screen.
“Gerard’s a…” Frank tried. He couldn’t finish the sentence. The word felt too foreign in his mouth.
“Yes.” Mikey agreed casually.
“You help him.” Frank commented, letting the details fall into place. Mikey disappeared for the same number of days every month to help his brother. He’d been doing it since Frank had started working at the label at least, which was years ago...
“I’m the only one who will.” Mikey nodded.
“The growling.” Frank swallowed.
“He growls.” Mikey echoed.
“The… healing?” Frank asked.
Mikey nodded again.
“The… temper.” Frank realized.
“Yes. There is that.” Mikey offered hesitantly, “He’s usually pretty good about it… but I think he can’t help it sometimes.”
“Oh my God.” Frank breathed.
“God has nothing to do with this.” Mikey shrugged, “At least, I don’t think so…”
“It’s just a manor of speaking,” Frank argued, “I didn’t mean-”
“Well, you seem back to normal enough.” Mikey said, “Coffee or beer?”
“B- Coffee.” Frank said.
“Both, then.” Mikey said, furrowing his brow and sliding off the couch to retrieve Frank a drink. It was then that Frank realized Mikey wasn’t asking out of politeness, but more to get away from the situation he’d been handed. If Frank’s mind had been functioning, he might’ve felt sorry for Mikey. This was really between Gerard and Frank… Only, Mikey was the reason Frank and Gerard were even speaking to one another. They probably wouldn’t have ever seen each other again if Mikey hadn’t set them up. What kind of asshole set their coworker up with a fucking werewolf? That was just asking for trouble.
Mikey returned with a mug and a bottle. He set them on the table in front of Frank and returned to his seat on the couch across from Frank.
“You knew.” Frank said.
“Knew?” Mikey asked innocently
“You set me up with him and you knew.” Frank elaborated.
“You said you liked dogs?” Mikey replied easily.
“Domesticated house pets, Mikey.” Frank said, enunciating each word slowly, “Not- Not-”
Frank closed his mouth when Gerard wandered back into the room with a towel draped around his shoulders. He wasn’t wearing a shirt, just a pair of black jeans. Frank could still see fading marks all over his skin where the matts of blood had been. He squeezed at his dripping wet hair with one end of the towel as he crossed the room and dropped onto the couch beside Mikey.
Frank was almost offended Gerard didn’t sit next to him, as afraid as he was. He was still a little too spaced out, trying to wrap his head around the fact that he’d just watched the same person transition from a four-legged beast into… whatever he was now, to say anything about it. Gerard wouldn’t even look at Frank, which he didn’t know how to take. And the worst part was that he didn’t even know where the fight they’d had earlier factored into everything now.
They both seemed so comfortable with their situation. Mikey wasn’t even looking at Gerard. He was clearly used to Gerard being like this. Frank supposed they’d had a lot more time to adjust to it than he had. Even so, he envied the easiness with which they carried themselves.
“So…” Mikey said, dramatically hitting the backspace button on his keyboard over and over.
Frank’s gaze shifted between Mikey and Gerard. Gerard leaned closer to Mikey to glance at whatever was on the computer screen. Their brows were both furrowed in concentration as they read. The mannerism was eerily similar. Frank had always thought of it as a Gerard thing, but now he realized it was a Way thing.
“Frank,” Mikey said, glancing up from the screen, and clearing his throat, “Can you explain to me what happened, as you saw it?”
“Um…” Frank faltered.
Gerard’s gaze finally met Frank’s. Only Gerard’s eyes weren’t his eyes. When he tilted his head at a certain angle, they were the same eerie yellow color Frank had seen outside of the cabin. Frank had to hold his breath as they stared at one another. They were Gerard’s eyes, Frank realized. Because Gerard was a fucking... He dropped his gaze to his hands, folded in his lap, and tried again.
“There was a w- thing.” Frank said, he still couldn’t used the word, “You know what it looks like, I’m sure. Big and black, piercing yellow eyes… It came after me. I didn’t see it until it was right behind me. And then… I don’t know. I was yelling for you guys and it just… dropped to the ground. It was crying a lot and then it just… changed… right in front of me me. And then there was Gerard...”
“Do you remember if you said Gerard’s name?” Mikey asked.
“Um… What?” Frank asked.
“Did you call Gerard by name?” Mikey repeated.
“I don’t remember. Maybe I did?” Frank said, biting his lip, “It’s all kind of a blur now…”
“It’s not well sourced, but…” Mikey said, pausing to sigh, “I found something here that suggests that if you’re in love, your name is like, an unwinding spell. If your true love uses your name… you’ll turn back. But that’s only if they love you back... It's all sort of vague, and if I'm going to accept it as rational, there's some other messed up stuff that comes alone with it..”
Mikey kept talking but Frank wasn't listening anymore. It felt like Mikey had sucked all the air out of the fucking room. Maybe the situation was just taking it’s toll on Frank because he suddenly felt dizzy and light.
“Shit. Oops. You guys aren’t using the L-word yet, are you?” Mikey asked sheepishly.
“Um…” Frank mumbled.
“I didn’t meant to…” Mikey paused, “Well, fuck. You know what? I’m gonna keep reading and uh… let you two talk.”
With that, Mikey lifted himself off the couch, laptop in one hand, beer in the other, and walked out of the room.
“Gerard, yell for me if you think you’re going to change again!” Mikey called from somewhere in the house, “I just had the upholstery updated in there! I can’t have your boyfriend bleeding on everything.”
Frank winced at Mikey’s nonchalant suggestion that Gerard might tear him to shreds after all. Then again, it might’ve been his nonchalant use of the word ‘boyfriend.’
They were both silent. Frank still couldn’t breathe. He wasn’t Gerard’s boyfriend. Gerard didn’t love him. At least, not where they’d left things back in the city. This was all so much, so fast.
“When were you planning on telling me?” Frank found himself asking, “Were you ever going to fucking tell me?”
“I know you’re probably upset...” Gerard said softly.
“Upset?” Frank laughed bitterly, “I’m fucking furious.”
Frank slid off the couch and maneuvered around the coffee table, to stand in front of Gerard. When Gerard looked up at him his eyes were pale yellow again. He blinked and the strange color was gone. It was totally fucking freaky. Frank nearly choked on the air.
“I didn’t know how to tell you Frank.” Gerard said, “I thought you’d be, well… fucking furious.”
“I’m not talking about that.” Frank scoffed, sitting beside Gerard on the couch, “How long have you been in love with me? Are you… really? Cause If you’re not I’m going to fucking-”
“Oh, no, I definitely I am.” Gerard interrupted, with a small, firm nod.
“Well, good.” Frank said, leaning in to try and kiss Gerard. Gerard quickly snapped his face away from Frank.
“Frank, no. You need to stay the fuck away from me.” Gerard said firmly, clamping his hands on Frank’s shoulders to hold him back, “I don’t know how contagious it is right now. I mean, I brushed my teeth but the virus is… well it’s in my mouth.”
“Do I look like I fucking care?” Frank snapped.
“Well, no. But you really, really should.” Gerard countered with a humorless laugh.
“I’m in love with you, too.” Frank said evenly.
“You are?” Gerard asked.
“Mmmhmm.” Frank nodded, trying to lean forward again.
This time Gerard let him. Gerard wrapped his arms around Frank as they kissed, slowly, gently, meaningfully.
“Love you so much.” Gerard mumbled in between kisses.
“Love you too.” Frank breathed.
Frank could feel the warmth radiating off of Gerard. He wanted to be closer. He wanted to curl up in Gerard’s arms and lay quietly until his hungover brain could process everything that had happened. He didn’t know if they had time for that. His brain was still overloaded with questions.
“Shit! Guys!” Mikey called from somewhere down the hallway, “Hang on a sec!”
Frank was too busy relishing in Gerard’s fingers softly caressing the back of his neck to pull away. He didn’t care if his coworker saw him like this, he was in love. He was allowed to be gross.
“Guys, whatever you don’t…” Mikey paused as he stepped into the room, “Ew… Kiss.”
Frank unwillingly pulled his lips away from Gerard’s and curled up against the wolfish man’s side.
“Nevermind, I guess?” Mikey sighed, frowning at his laptop screen, “Too late now.”
“What is it?” Gerard asked.
“It’s that whole thing about your name, Gee...” Mikey said, squinting at his computer, “If it’s legit, which it must be to some extent, if you were able to transition back into a human under the full moon, right? I just read that if you guys like, seal the deal, so to speak… Ew. Fuckin shit. Ew... Basically there’s a good chance you’re stuck with Frank now.”
“Stuck with him?” Gerard asked.
“I’ll have to read more… as much as I don’t want to.” Mikey sighed, “But you guys have already fucked it up anyways. So nevermind for now.”
Mikey turned to leave the room again.
“If you guys are gonna do that could you just… not do it on the new upholstery? There’s plenty of other rooms in this house.” Mikey mumbled over his shoulder.
Frank’s lips were on Gerard’s as soon as he was sure Mikey had left the room.
Frank pressed himself into the warmth radiating off of Gerard. He wanted to be closer. He wanted to curl up in Gerard’s arms and lay somewhere quiet until his hungover brain could process everything that had happened.
“Wait, I’ve decided I’m offended.” Gerard said, pulling back.
“Offended...” Frank repeated lazily.
“You watched me change from a wolf into… well, me. No questions. But Mikey suggests I’m in love with you and you flip your shit?” Gerard asked, raising an eyebrow, “You find the existence of werewolves more possible than… than...”
Frank shrugged. He got why Gerard was pretending to be mad, but he’d brought it on himself.
“What happened outside feels like an abstract nightmare. I’m sure I’ll be mad when I have the energy.” Frank offered.
“Well… Good.” Gerard huffed.
“Good.” Frank agreed, burying his face in the warm crook of Gerard’s neck.
“Do you want to um, go somewhere and talk?” Gerard asked.
“I, um, really need to find some way to tell Jamia I didn’t crash her car into a ravine on my way up here, first.” Frank said, “Because I have no cell reception… But after that…”
“Um, doesn’t Mikey have Jamia’s e-mail address?” Gerard asked, “We could have him email her?”
“Yeah. That would work.” Frank nodded, “She’ll give me shit for it on Monday, but… that’s okay I guess? She was probably gonna give me shit anyways.”
“How the fuck did you get here anyways?” Gerard asked, “It’s not exactly easy to find.”
“You made it easy. All I had to do was hit ‘print.’” Frank said, pulling back to smirk at Gerard.
“Oh fuck.” Gerard hissed, “I can’t do anything right, Frank. Why the fuck do you like me?”
“I wish I knew.” Frank sighed sarcastically, rolling his eyes.
Gerard pouted, frowning at Frank. His eyes flashed their pale yellow color when the light hit them, making Frank’s heart skip an anxious beat. Frank would be a liar if he said he wasn’t a unnerved by it.
“Wait here.” Gerard said, “I’ll go tell Mikey to e-mail Jamia and then we can get you to bed.”
“Alright…” Frank nodded, unexcited when Gerard got up and slipped out of the room.
He leaned off of the couch and reached for the beer Mikey had gotten him before and took a sip. It sort of made him nauseous, bringing reminders of the way his head had felt when he’d woken up that morning, but at the same time, the familiarity was comforting. It was the hair of the dog that bit him, as the saying went. Frank couldn’t help but think of how fitting the saying was.

Notes

if you think this fic is over now you're DEAD WRONG
comment or msg me yr tumblr urls. i need blogs to follow my dash is dead.
-m