F*ck and Run

Gerard had to remind himself a thousand times that what Frank had done to him was different from what he did to the other people he’d hooked up with. Frank leaving him before morning was very different than leaving the strangers he’d followed home. Those strangers weren’t invested in him like he was invested in Frank. Leaving someone you knew was different than leaving someone you didn’t.
He couldn’t tell if the empty feeling of despair in his chest was from the pull of the moon or from Frank, or perhaps some twisted combination of both. If he was honest, he was maybe a little hungover on top of everything. Whatever the reason, it was hard to drag himself out of bed and go into work when he felt the way he did.
He wasn’t ready for the day to start. He’d have to de-Frank his apartment all over again as soon as he got home, and all he wanted to do after work was go home and sulk.
He would’ve just called out but, unfortunately, he had scheduled to be out of work for an entire week in the immediate future because he had to take an unwanted extended vacation with the fucking moon. He couldn’t take any extra days. Not if he wanted to keep his job.
Gerard hated the moon. He hated his job. He hated Frank. Mostly though, he just hated himself.
He frowned the entire train ride to the art store. He frowned through the first half of his shift, and then preceded to frown through the second half of his shift. He even frowned through both of his cigarette breaks. He made a point to stay towards the back of the store, trying to make it look like he was busy facing the containers of paint. It needed to be done - customers were always spinning the containers around to read the contents listed on the backside of the label and leaving them that way - but there was no way that righting them would ever take several hours.
It was difficult to not think about Frank. Not when everything reminded him of Frank. He was stuck on Frank’s notion that Gerard preferred random hookups. Gerard didn’t dislike random hookups, but he certainly didn’t prefer them to hooking up with Frank in a regular, committed sort of way. That was fucking ridiculous. And rude. And incredibly hurtful.
As soon as Gerard was off work, he tried calling Frank, rolling his eyes and hanging up before Frank’s voicemail recording had finished playing. He shoved his phone in his pocket and took the stairs down to the subway.
He felt himself start to break out in a sweat as soon as he had stopped to wait for the next train on the subway platform. Then came the telltale crack of pain shooting down his spine. Gerard technically had a few more days until he was supposed to change, if he was going by the calendar, but it felt as if it was going to start right then and there... on the fucking platform. Gerard didn’t question it. He usually didn’t have time to. A few seconds later the pain started to kick in. All-encompasing, mind-numbing pain. All Gerard knew was that he needed to get out of the city, and fast.
Luckily the train came right away. It was packed to the gills with people commuting home. He tried his best not to throw up as the motion of the train speeding uptown tossed him around. He clung tightly to a pole in the middle of the car, keeping his eyes closed and trying to breathe as little as possible.
Gerard was used to the pain. He was used to the sweating. He was used to the twitching. All of that he could handle. But there was nothing worse than the thought of turning on a subway car with all these innocent people. Presumably they were innocent anyways. Even if they weren’t, it wasn’t Gerard’s job to rip them to shreds. And certainly, nobody deserved to suffer the life that Gerard had suffered. If he bit someone he’d never forgive himself.
The only saving grace in this sudden horror was that, Gerard wasn’t thinking about Frank at all. He was busy calculating how quickly he could get out of the city. If he called Mikey the second he was off the train, and packed his bag while Mikey headed over, he could be out of the city before the moonrise. Mikey might have to cut him loose instead of locking him up in the basement, since they might not have time for that. The only thing worse than the thought of ripping and innocent stranger to shreds, was the thought of ripping his own brother to shreds.
(On that note, Mikey had actually ended up face to face with the wolf on more than one occasion. Accidents happened. Locks were forgotten or there was traffic. The wolf was curious about Mikey. It would try to get as close as possible but it never growled. It never snarled it’s teeth. They assumed the wolf meant Mikey no harm, but of course, there was no reason to test it.)
Gerard was so relieved when he made it off the train in one human piece. He ran up the steps, almost dropping his phone half a dozen times in his rush to call his brother.
“What?” Mikey sighed into the phone.
“Mikey, it’s starting.” Gerard said, racing down the street, “I need to get out of the city. Like, right now.”
“The full moon isn’t for another couple of days...” Mikey pointed out.
“But I can feel it coming.” Gerard said, “I don’t have much time.”
“That doesn’t make any sense, Gee.” Mikey countered, “I went over the lunar calendar… I told you your symptoms would be exaggerated. Maybe it’s just-”
“I can feel it, Mikey.” Gerard repeated, “Look, I’ll drive up myself if I have to. I know Alicia just got back from tour… Just, let me borrow your car.”
“You’re not fucking around...” Mikey commented.
“Do I ever?” Gerard asked, “...Nevermind, please don’t answer that.”
“Alright. I’m coming over now.” Mikey said, “I’ll call you when I’m outside. Be ready in a half hour. Answer your phone. Don’t make me come up there.”
“Okay.” Gerard breathed, hanging up.
He’d almost made it to his apartment over the course of the short call. He was practically running as he slid his phone back into his pocket. He wasn’t looking where he was going and very nearly avoided tackling his fifth floor neighbor as she was exiting the building. He yelled an apology over his shoulder as he bolted into the building.
His spine protested painfully as he took the stairs two at a time. The keys slipped out of his hands as he got to his apartment door. Bending over to retrieve them hurt. Everything hurt.
The apartment smelled like Frank, as usual, but for the first time since Frank had left him, Gerard didn’t have time to mope over it. He pulled out a duffle bag and raced around the apartment, packing things he might want or need. CDs for the car ride, DVDs in case Mikey had a hard time sleeping after Gerard was safely locked up in the basement, his sketch pad, the 99% full bottle of vodka, a few changes of clothes…
Gerard’s phone started buzzing in his pocket. He pulled it out to find it was Mikey calling him. There was no way Mikey was there already. It was rush hour. Gerard answered the call and brought the phone to his ear nervously.
“M-Mikey?” Gerard stammered out, spinning around, making sure everything in his apartment was turned off.
“So….” Mikey paused to take a deep breath, “Alicia knows.”
“She…. what?” Gerard asked, freezing in place.
“I told her you were having an emergency… and then like, with every excuse I gave her, she still wanted to come with me.” Mikey explained, “So I… fucking told her.”
“She’s… coming with us?” Gerard asked. That was the last thing he needed.
“No. She’s going to stay in the city… I told her you needed space.” Mikey explained, “I just… I can’t believe I fucking told her. She’s…”
“How do you know she believed you?” Gerard asked.
“I just… do?” Mikey mused, “I’m sorry. I know now isn’t the time. I just… I can’t believe how easy it was, Gee.”
“She’s not… afraid of me?” Gerard asked, wincing as another wave of pain rippled down his spine.
“No! She thinks it’s cool.” Mikey said excitedly, “Anyways, I’ll let you get back to packing… I just… I don’t know.”
Mikey never sounded excited, even if he was fucking ecstatic. Gerard couldn’t even think of a time in his life where he could actually just hear the happiness in Mikey’s voice. It threw him off. For a moment, he almost forgot what it was that he was supposed to be doing.
“We’ll talk about it on the drive up, okay?” Gerard promised.
“Yeah. Be there in like, fifteen.” Mikey said, and then he hung up.

Gerard flew over to his computer in his office to check the roads. Typically they left with time to deal with traffic and construction detours, but now they didn’t have time for those things. Gerard didn’t want to leave anything up to chance. He didn’t want to hurt Mikey, and at the same time, he didn’t want to wake up, naked in the woods, somewhere between the cabin and manhattan, with no coat and no way of finding his way home. He already felt bad enough for tearing Mikey away from Alicia. He didn’t want Mikey up all night looking for him, worrying about him.
Just Gerard’s fucking luck, there was a long construction detour on the main road they had to take, right before the beginning of the park. The cabin was on the other side of the park. They’d have to circle a small fucking mountain to get there. They’d never make it, unless they left a fucking hour ago.
As Gerard was printing out the driving directions, there was a fucking knock on his door. He chose to ignore it. He was under no obligation to answer his door. He had somewhere he needed to be. How did they even know if he was home? Unless they’d seen him running, they didn’t know.
Gerard tucked the driving directions into the front of his bag and started to clean things up. If he left the trash, it would smell by the time he got back. He tied up the trash bag and sat it by the door.
His eyes landed on Frank’s lilies. The water would start to grow mold if he didn’t pour it out. He carried the vase into his kitchen and poured the water into the sink. He tied the bouquet together with a piece of twine and thumbtacked it to the wall, next to the lightswitch. They’d be pretty once the dried. He’d find an artistic use for them once the full moon was over. For now, he had bigger things to deal with.
There was another knock at the door. Gerard almost jumped out of his skin. He wanted to kill whoever was on the other side of the door. Whoever it was knew he was home and he hated them for it.
And oh God. The universe was punishing him. Gerard knew it was Frank before he opened the door. He could smell him.
He pulled the door open, bringing himself face to face with the monster he’d created.
Frank was pale and puffy eyed. Dark circles rimmed his eyes. His hair was a mess.
“Um, I brought a peace offering.” Frank said, holding up Gerard’s misfits shirt.
“Frank, I really can’t talk right now.” Gerard said, trying not to literally growl at the small punk.
“Don’t even.” Frank scoffed, pushing his way into Gerard’s apartment.
“Seriously, Frank, you can’t be here right now.” Gerard protested. I’ll eat you up, he didn’t add.
“Look, if this is about last night…” Frank started, “I don’t remember anything. I need you to fill in the blanks.”
“I would love to… but I’m actually on my way out.” Gerard said, taking a step back, putting distance between them.
His spine twitched painfully, and it took everything out of Gerard to not let it show in his face.
Frank looked down at Gerard’s bag on the floor. He took in the bag of trash next to it, the absence of the vase of flowers, the way Gerard was all bundled up.
“You’re… leaving.” Frank commented, “Like, actually leaving. The city. Is this because of me? Gerard if we hooked up… If we fought… I just… I don’t know what happened. You can’t just-”
“Why does it even matter to you?” Gerard interrupted, “What happened last night was a random blip in a clear pattern. When I woke up this morning I was still the same person you don’t fucking have time for.”
“Gerard, that’s not fair.” Frank argued, “I don’t-”
“No.” Gerard said shaking his head, “You can’t tell me you care, Frank. Because you don’t. Please just get the fuck out of my apartment before I fucking hurt you.”
“Before you what?” Frank gasped. The shock curled his lips into a scared frown.
“Look, I didn’t mean it like that-” Gerard said trying to backtrack.
“What’s going on with you, Gerard?” Frank asked, voice wavering, “You’d never lay a hand on me. I know you wouldn’t… ”
Frank tried to reach out to touch Gerard’s arm and Gerard recoiled violently.
“I’m just not feeling well. I need to get away from here… I need to be alone.” Gerard offered, clutching his arm where Frank had almost touched him, as though it burned. He knew Frank wasn’t buying his excuse but he prayed it was enough to satiate the punk’s sudden curiosity.
“Are you going to the cabin?” Frank asked.
“Yes.” Gerard said. He didn’t even have time to come up with a lie.
“Take me with you.” Frank insisted.
“No.” Gerard said firmly, trying again to not growl at Frank.
“Why not?” Frank asked, taking a step towards the monster of a man, “What could be so bad, Gerard?”
“I’ll explain everything when I get back.” Gerard promised, taking another step back, “Please, I have to go.”
“I’m coming with you.” Frank argued.
“You can’t come with me.” Gerard said, slowly enunciating every word.
“Then just tell me why.” Frank pleaded, “Please,Gerard. Where do you go every month?”
“You don’t have time for this.” Gerard promised, picking up his bag and inching towards the door.
“You can’t just decide that for me.” Frank scoffed.
“You’re already decided, Frank!” Gerard yelled, “You made your decision last week. You don’t have time for a fuck and run like me, remember?”
Frank just gawked at Gerard then. This was for the best, Gerard tried to remind himself. That look on Frank’s face was the only way to protect him. Pushing Frank away was the only way to keep him safe from the wolf.
“You can stay here, if you want.” Gerard said, “I won’t be here for the next week. My home is yours… Just check my mail. I hate the way the mailman stuffs the envelopes in there when I’m not around to get them out. The key to the mailbox is in the kitchen, next to the oven mitts...”
Gerard’s phone started buzzing in his pocket, he quickly pulled it out and answered it.
“I’m outside. What the fuck, Gerard?” Mikey groaned as soon as Gerard accepted the call.
“We have to take a detour off 87. There’s construction.” Gerard said, “I had to print directions...”
Gerard eyed Frank as he said it. Frank was still giving him this hopeless hurt look, which was totally unfair. Frank probably knew what it was doing to Gerard.
“Well that’s fucking terrific. Get the fuck down here.” Mikey said, hanging up.
“I really have to fucking go, Frank.” Gerard said, sliding his phone back in his pocket, “Mikey’s waiting downstairs.”
“Fine.” Frank sighed.
“I promise I will make this right.” Gerard said softly, “When you have the time…”
Frank bit his lip and nodded, crossing his arms as he continued to give Gerard that helpless look.
Gerard backed out of his apartment, returning Frank’s stare for another moment as his door slowly swung closed. And then he was dashing down the stairs, headed for Mikey’s car.

Frank stood in Gerard’s apartment alone. He eyed the bag of trash that Gerard had left by the door and made a note to take it out. He saw that the flowers were gone. It hurt to think that Gerard had given up on them, but he supposed he deserved it.
Frank wandered into Gerard’s room and sat down on the edge of the bed. He was still shaking from the way Gerard had yelled at him. From the way Gerard had threatened him.
He knew he was a bad judge of character. He always had been. But even so, he’d never expected Gerard to threaten him physically, and it had him wondering if all the good he saw in Gerard was just to cover up all the bad he knew was there.
Something wasn’t sitting right with him, though. Gerard didn’t usually raise his voice. Gerard didn’t get angry with Frank, not like this. There had to be a reason… Something deeper going on…
It was then that a thought struck him.
Frank was going to get to the bottom of this. Once and for all.
He got up and headed for Gerard’s computer to find that the driving directions were still up on the screen. Heart pounding, Frank hit the ‘print’ button. He took a deep, satisfied breath as he heard Gerard’s printer whir to life, slowly but surely, giving Frank everything he needed to end this. Tonight.
He fished his phone out of his pocket and found Jamia’s number in his phone.
“Frank?” she answered, “Why are you calling me? I thought you were going to see Gerard.”
“Yeah. I am. Um, listen, J...” Frank said, hesitating for a moment.
“Is everything okay?” Jamia asked worriedly.
“Everything’s fine.” Frank assured, “But I need a favor.”
“Oh boy.” Jamia sighed, “What is it? Hit me.”
“I need to borrow your car.” Frank said.

Notes

uh. hi? what? um!??????!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
i was just so excited i had to write this!

ily for reading ok

-m