F*ck and Run

To put it simply, Gerard didn’t want to see Frank again until he got his tests back.
For all he knew, everything would be coming back negative but he wanted to give Frank the peace of mind. He thought that maybe if Frank saw that Gerard was clean in spite of his history, Frank wouldn’t judge him so fucking harshly. He was still hurt by the prejudice he’d seen in Frank’s face on Saturday morning. But it only hurt, Gerard realized, because he cared what Frank thought. He tried not to read too much into what that might mean.
He’d done a good job of avoiding Frank for most of the week, dodging his calls and replying with vague texts. Gerard wouldn’t say he missed Frank necessarily, but he was on Gerard’s mind a lot. The only problem was that Gerard wasn’t sure if it was him that wanted to see Frank or if he was only thinking about Frank because the pull of the moon had started to get to him. There was no way for Gerard to know if it was him or the wolf that liked Frank.
Sure, the pull was minor, but it wasn’t something he could ignore either. There was the occasional scratch at the back of his throat. Or a sudden desire to fuck the first moving thing he saw. Or a wave of nausea grabbing hold of him when he was least expecting it. Or an influx of cravings for Frank and bloody steak and a long sprint through a grassy field all at once.
He had a lot of questions when it came to the Frank-related cravings, but he’d decided it was another thing he was better off not looking into.

“Did something happen with you and Frank?” Mikey asked, when he’d stopped by Gerard’s place on Thursday night. He’d come over to make arrangements for the upcoming full moon, since the moon that followed was projected to be brighter than normal, and they’d ended up ordering pizza and going over some of Gerard’s new art. He ran his fingers over the dried ink on one of the pages on Gerard’s desk. Gerard would’ve killed him for touching the pages with his greasy fingers if he’d been looking.
“No.” Gerard said sharply, eyes fixed on the page he was inking, “At least, I don’t think so. Why do you ask?”
“I just overheard him talking about you.” Mikey said.
“Talking about me?” Gerard asked, setting down his pen and turning to look at his brother, “To who?”
“He’s really close with this girl at work named Jamia. She’s in legal. You’ve met her before but I don’t know if you’d remember.” Mikey explained.
“The name doesn’t ring a bell. What were they talking about?” Gerard pressed.
“I kinda tune out when they talk about you.” Mikey shrugged. “Since there’s a lot of stuff I don’t wanna know.”
“It get’s that graphic?” Gerard squeaked.
“Yeah.” Mikey said, scrunching up his nose, “Like I said, I tune out.”
Gerard wanted to ask for details, but he felt weird asking for them from Mikey.
“Anyways, he’s just seemed really down this week.” Mikey continued.
“What do you mean?” Gerard asked,
“Well, he was super spaced out at our meeting today and like, he had his office door closed all day yesterday and most of today.” Mikey explained. “And when we all went out for drinks last night he wouldn’t come out with us.”
“Well, you know him better than I do.” Gerard shrugged, “Isn’t he normally pretty moody?”
“Yeah, but… I don’t know. I was just wondering if maybe it had something to do with you.” Gerard wondered if maybe the way their conversation had ended on Saturday morning had been hard on Frank after all. It had been awkward but Frank had called him later that day. Gerard hadn’t picked up, but if Frank was mad he certainly wouldn’t have wasted any time calling.
“I’ll take your silence to mean it has something to do with you.” Mikey sighed.
“Maybe.” Gerard mused softly. “We sort of… it wasn’t even an argument, really. I told him I had to go for a routine STD test and he flipped out.”
“Flipped out?” Mikey asked, raising an eyebrow.
“Well he gave me that judgy look.” Gerard said, “You probably know the one.”
“He always looks kinda judgy, his face just does that.” Mikey said defensively.
“He did that thing with his eyebrows and I… left. I don’t know. I said goodbye and stuff. It was awkward but I didn’t think it was that big of a deal.”
“Gerard.” Mikey sighed wearily.
“I’ve been kind of… avoiding him also.” Gerard said sheepishly. “Until I get my test back. I know it’ll all come back negative, but I just want to give him the peace of mind, you know?”
“Peace of mind?” Mikey scoffed, “He’s probably freaking out right now. Gerard, he probably thinks you gave him something.”
Gerard just stared at his brother. Mikey was right. Gerard hadn’t even thought of that possibility.
“Look, Gerard, obviously you can handle things however you want. It’s your relationship, not mine. But Frank’s a good guy and he likes you. You should at least try not to mess this up.”
“A good guy?” Gerard laughed. “Mikey, he thinks I’m a slut.”
“You are kind of a slut.” Mikey pointed out.
“Yeah, but when Frank says it he means it in a bad way.” Gerard argued dejectedly.
“...He’s kind of old-fashioned, I’ll give you that.” Mikey agreed.
Gerard wanted to say that there was nothing ‘old-fashioned’ about the way Frank let Gerard fuck him but he held his tongue.
“Just… you should call him or something. He’s obviously unhappy.” Mikey said, “That’s all.”
“I will.” Gerard promised.

Only, Gerard didn’t call. He didn’t know what to say.
“Hey, Mikey said you were moping around your office because you think I gave you an STD. Hope you’re okay.” didn’t sound good in his head and he knew it wouldn’t sound good coming out of his mouth.
He fell into an uneasy sleep that night, which left him groggy and moody the next morning. The bad mood stayed with Gerard all through his shift at the art store. The strange cravings continued which only made him feel worse.
He glanced up at the clock, sighing with relief when he realized he only had 30 minutes to go. Then he could go home and jack off and eat meat and do whatever else his body was telling him he needed to do.
He decided to take a walk through the aisles to straighten anything that might be out of place. He was reorganizing swatches of paint samples when his ears pricked up at the mention of his name.
“Gerard?” Frank’s voice repeated.
Gerard turned his head in the direction of the voice and there Frank was. He looked cute. He was bundled up in too many winter layers and his hair clung to his forehead, weighed down with melted snow. Gerard was surprised to find he didn’t look mad. He just looked worried and hurt.
None of Gerard’s previous flings had ever bothered to ask where he worked, let alone actually visit his work. The thought was as strange as it was terrifying for Gerard. Frank was pushing himself into Gerard’s life in a way that no one had ever bothered to before. He didn’t understand it.
“Frank.” Gerard said slowly as his brain crashed and rebooted. “What’re you- How did you know where I-”
“Mikey gave me the address.” Frank explained.
“Oh. Of course.” Gerard said, “Listen, I was gonna call-”
“Shut up.” Frank snapped. “There’s something I wanna say first.”
Gerard pursed his lips and nodded for Frank to continue, awkwardly shuffling the swatches in his hand.
“Okay so, first of all, Gerard, I’m an asshole.” Frank started. It sounded rehearsed, which gave Gerard a funny feeling in his chest. “Second, I’m sorry for how I acted on Saturday…”
The words Frank said after that were lost as Gerard noticed his manager standing half an aisle away out of the corner of his eye.
“Epoxy?” Gerard interrupted loudly, “Here, let me show you. We have a few different products in aisle twelve, I think.”
Frank looked both confused and hurt by the interruption but Gerard just grabbed his arm and pulled him towards the corner of the store furthest from his manager. He still had a few paint swatches in his free hand.
“Sorry, my manager was right behind you.” Gerard said softly as they walked, “Please continue.”
He stopped in the corner by the bottles of various epoxies and industrial primers, hoping his manager wouldn’t bother them if it looked like they were discussing the chemicals.
“What the fuck is epoxy?” Frank asked, letting out a breathy laugh.
“Well,” Gerard started, “I’ve mostly seen it used in-
“No wait shut up. I’m just stalling…” Frank interrupted, taking a deep breath. “Look, no matter what comes back on your test, I’m here for you. We’ve been careful. And I only freaked out like that because Gerard- Gerard, I-”
Gerard promptly cut Frank off by pressing a kiss to Frank’s lips. He wasn’t sure what Frank had been about to say, but he had an idea and he was positive he wasn’t ready to hear it. Frank kissed him back, wrapping his arms around Gerard’s neck, pulling them closer together.
“Whatever you were about to say...” Gerard whispered, pulling back enough to look at Frank, “Save it, alright? You don’t have to apologize for anything.”
“But Gerard-”
Gerard shushed him, pressing a gentle kiss to the corner of Frank’s mouth.
“I’m off in about 20 minutes, you want to grab dinner with me?” Gerard asked, pulling away from Frank. The last thing he needed was his manager catching them in the middle of kissing while Gerard was still on the clock.
“I was hoping you’d wanna come back to my place?” Frank said softly. “I could make us something. Killer vegan breakfast, maybe?”
“Sure.” Gerard said, allowing himself a small grin.

It was strange to go to grocery shopping with Frank. Gerard hadn’t done anything so domestic with anyone other than his mother. He followed Frank through the aisles, carrying their little shopping basket, occasionally glancing down and eyeing it’s contents. He recognized some of the things Frank had picked out, though there were a few things he’d never seen before. He couldn’t stop staring at Frank as he lead him around the store, reading the labels on packages to check if they were vegan friendly, or stopping to ask Gerard how he felt about certain foods.
“What?” Frank asked, when he’d caught Gerard staring for the third or fourth time.
“Nothing.” Gerard said, quickly darting his eyes away.
“No. What?” Frank repeated. “Why do you keep looking at me like that?”
“Like what?” Gerard asked, feeling himself blush.
“Whatever.” Frank scoffed, rolling his eyes.
He leaned in and kissed Gerard, in the middle of the frozen food aisle, where anyone could see. It wasn’t like they’d never kissed in public before, but this felt different somehow. Gerard would’ve kissed Frank back more passionately if he hadn’t been carrying the heavy basket.
He just found it kind of amazing that Frank still wanted to kiss him, even though Frank knew the kind of person he was. If Frank wanted to kiss him in the middle of the store, knowing that Gerard was so promiscuous when he had obvious prejudices against promiscuity, he wondered if Frank would still want to kiss him if he knew about the lycanthropy.

They were able to find seats on the subway, which Gerard found strange considering it was rush hour on a Friday. He absently reached for Frank’s hand and laced their fingers together. He didn’t realize he’d done it until Frank rested his head on Gerard’s shoulder.
Gerard made eye contact with a guy sitting across from them. He wondered what the guy thought when he looked at Frank and Gerard, sitting together like that. If Gerard saw two people across from him sitting like he and Frank were, he’d assume they were a couple. The idea freaked him out, a lot, but before he could find some way to gracefully shrug Frank off the train pulled into the stop they wanted.

The problem with Frank offering to cook was that it involved all this bending and reaching and whenever Frank’s shirt pulled up over his hips and exposed his tattoos, Gerard lost what little self control he had. Frank had managed to get a frying pan out and mince half an onion before they were making out against the counter. Gerard felt an incredible amount of relief wash over him the second Frank’s tongue was in his mouth. Kissing Frank almost satisfied the bizarre cravings he’d been suffering all day. Almost.
Gerard helped Frank up onto the counter, which Frank rewarded by wrapping his legs around Gerard’s hips and sighing into his mouth. He was about to slide a hand down to work at the button on Frank’s jeans when he remembered why he’d been avoiding Frank in the first place.
“Too many cooks in the kitchen.” Gerard said, trying to pull away.
Frank grabbed the front of his shirt to try and reel him back in.
“Seriously, do you want to stretch out all of my shirts?” Gerard asked, trying to sound teasing.
“Fuck your shirts... And fuck cooking.” Frank retaliated, voice sounding like pure sex. He cupped Gerard’s face in his hands and pressed their lips together.
They kissed for another moment before Gerard was pulling away again.
“Frank, stop.” Gerard pleaded. “I don’t want to do this until I get my test results back.”
“When are you supposed to get them?” Frank asked, raising an eyebrow. Frank and his eyebrows were going to be the death of him, Gerard decided.
“They said they’d call me by the end of the day. The office closes at 7.” Gerard sighed.
“Oh, so like, an hour or so?” Frank said, glancing at a clock on the wall.
Gerard nodded, trying to slowly inch away from Frank.
Frank’s arms were still loosely locked around Gerard’s neck. He stroked his thumb gently over the skin above Gerard’s shirt collar. He didn’t know if Frank was trying to be comforting or not, but he found it comforting.
Telling Frank ‘no’ was torture. Every inch of him wanted Frank, including inches of him that didn’t feel like they were a part of him. His physiology was dominated by some strange mutation with it’s own set of wants and needs.
They both wanted Frank, Gerard realized then. Gerard wanted Frank as much as the wolf did. He wished he could tell Frank about it because he didn’t know what it meant or what to do about it. He reasoned could ask Mikey to help him research it...
Gerard was pulled out of his thoughts, noticing they’d just been staring at each other silently.
“Fucking tease.” Frank smirked, pushing Gerard back and sliding off the counter.
He went back to chopping the onion, and puttering about the kitchen.
Gerard lit a cigarette and collapsed into one of the chairs at the small table in the corner of the kitchen. He watched as Frank worked, wishing he had something to do with his hands because he couldn’t stop thinking about running them all over Frank’s pretty, tattooed skin.

“You can put some music on, you know?” Frank said, tilting his head towards a small stereo and a stack of CDs that Gerard hadn’t noticed before.
He got up and flipped through the cases. A lot of them were bands Gerard didn’t recognize. They all had the same, “FOR PROMOTIONAL USE ONLY” sticker on the front, so Gerard figured they must have been from Frank’s work. He finally picked one out and popped the disk into the stereo. He didn’t know what the band sounded like but he recognized the name.
As soon as the music started playing Frank crossed the kitchen and picked up the case, inspecting the back.
“You like these guys?” He asked, brow furrowing as he opened the case and flipped over the liner notes.
“Never heard em before.” Gerard shrugged. “I actually don’t know any of these bands.”
“Me neither. They kind of suck, huh?” Frank commented, smiling as he put the insert back in the case and returned to the stove. Whatever he was making smelled good.
Suddenly Gerard’s phone was ringing. He slid it out of his pocket, recognizing the area code as matching the clinic’s.
Gerard answered the call and stepped out of the kitchen.
“Hello?” He asked into the receiver.
“Gerard Way?” A polite female voice on the other side asked.
“Yeah?”
“This is just a courtesy call to let you know that all your lab work came back negative.” the woman said.
“That’s great.” Gerard said, “Thank you.”
“There was a note on your chart though, so if you’ll hold for just a moment, I’ll get your doctor and she can fill you in.”
“Alright.” Gerard said, feeling panic seize him.
The hold music felt like it went on forever. He leaned against the wall and glanced toward the entrance to Frank’s kitchen. He wondered if Frank was listening in. He wondered if they’d detected his lycanthropy. He wondered what the fuck he’d do if they had? He wondered if he’d caught something after all. He wondered what Frank would do if he had...
“Hi, Gerard?” A woman’s voice said, after the hold music came to a halt.
“Yes?” Gerard said softly.
“This is Doctor Coleman. I just wanted to let you know, I had the phlebotomist take a little extra blood so we could check your blood levels.”
“Oh.” Gerard breathed.
“It looks like you’re a little low on vitamin D. It’s very common for New Yorkers, especially in the winter. I’d recommend you pick up a supplement and come back in to get your levels checked again once you’re taking it routinely.” the doctor said.
“Of course.” Gerard said, feeling himself breathe easier, “I’ll be sure to do that.”
“Thanks, Gerard, enjoy your weekend.” she said.
“You too.” Gerard said, trying to sound as warm as possible.
When Gerard hung up, he was so relieved he wanted to cry. He wasn’t even sure why he’d been so freaked out.
He walked back into the kitchen. Frank had plated their food and was sitting at one of the chairs, smoking a cigarette and staring at the liner notes from one of the other CD cases Gerard had pulled from the stack.
“Everything alright?” Frank asked, looking up from the insert.
“Yeah. My test came back negative.” Gerard sighed.
“That’s great.” Frank said, resting his cigarette in the ashtray and setting down the CD case. He lifted himself out of the chair and pulled Gerard in for a hug.
“Yeah.” Gerard agreed, wrapping his arms around Frank’s middle.
“I’m sorry I didn’t trust you.” Frank said softly. “I’m such a dick.”
“I’ve given you plenty of reasons not to trust me.” Gerard said, nuzzling his face in Frank’s hair, which seemed to calm the wolf impulses. There’s still lots of reasons why you shouldn’t, he didn’t add.
“It was stupid though.” Frank said, “Really, Gerard. I hope you can forgive me.”
Frank tilted his head up and pressed a kiss to Gerard’s lips. Gerard kissed back carefully.

The worst part about all of it was that, as Gerard pulled Frank closer, he knew he didn’t deserve Frank’s apologies. He knew he didn’t belong in Frank’s apartment, with his sweet domestic bullshit and his bad CDs, and yet he was there anyway.
Frank was a fool to trust him. Gerard was a monster, and not even just in the metaphorical sense, though he was sure that applied to.

He knew he couldn’t keep it from Frank forever, but he could certainly try.

Notes

updating after only 3 days? i'm proud of me, you guys. <3

TGIF!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! (tHaNk GoD iT's FrErArD!1!1!1)

-m