F*ck and Run

It came as no surprise that Frank had a hard time focusing on work from the moment he sat down at his desk. No one had noticed he’d gotten in 45 minutes late; Half the staff and most of the interns had called out on account of the snow.
The only problem was, the same snow had led to car troubles for one of the bands Frank managed the travel logistics for. He sat at his desk with a mug of coffee in hand, reading over the bassist’s panicked email, finding that his mind kept drifting off to Gerard’s mouth and all the things he could do with it. From the e-mail, Frank gathered that the band was less worried about the state of their beloved van that had seen them through three quarters of a national tour and more interested in figuring out how the fuck they were going to make their next show date. He sat at his computer looking up hotel rates for the band and rental rates for a new van to get them through the last of their winter dates.
He was on the phone with the van rental company when he found himself distracted again, not by his morning with Gerard but by his night with Gerard the previous week. He had to ask the man on the other end to repeat the address 3 times. Frank thought the guy slammed the phone on it’s receiver a little harder than was really necessary when dealing with a spacey customer but Frank couldn’t find it in himself to be pissed about it.
He propped his head on his elbow and stared blankly at the panicked emails sitting in his inbox, mind quickly drifting back to Gerard.
“Someone’s in a good mood.” A high voice said.
Frank looked up from his monitor as his coworker, Jamia, came strolling into his office with Mikey trailing silently behind her. She dropped into one of the chairs on the other side of Frank’s desk and gave Frank a once-over. Mikey sat in the chair beside her, silently.
“Seriously, what’s with the dopey grin?” Jamia asked. “You put booze in your coffee or something?”
“No.” Frank sighed, shrugging noncommittally.
“You got laid then, didn’t you?” Jamia snorted.
Frank opened his mouth and closed it again but no sound came out. His eyes darted between Jamia and Mikey.
“Who’s the lucky guy?” Jamia asked, waggling her eyebrows teasingly.
Frank’s mouth started to form a G sound before he quickly blushed and stuttered out a quick, “No one.”
Frank glanced over at Mikey again, who was now looking away. Frank blushed harder. It wasn’t like he had to keep his hangouts with Gerard a secret from Mikey, but Mikey probably didn’t want the details.
“Did you guys just come in here poke at my love life or is there something important?” Frank asked, redirecting his attention back to Jamia, “I have a very panicked, very stranded, very annoying band that needs to make their next tour date somehow.”
“The boss needs us to divvy up the intern work since the interns are all out today.” Mikey explained.
“But I think you should do all of it.” Jamia said, squinting her eyes at Frank.
“Why me?” Frank whined.
“Cause you’re in a better mood than I am.” Jamia shrugged, “It’s only fair.”
“Last time I used the copier I broke it.” Mikey added. “I think it’s in everyone’s best interest that you handle the intern stuff.”
“I hate you both.” Frank sighed, glancing forlornly at his computer.
“It’s settled then.” Mikey said, getting out of his chair and slumping out of Frank’s office. Frank glared daggers at him as he went. The little shit was probably off to play computer games.
“Jamia, how the fuck did you know I-” Frank started, once he was sure Mikey was out of earshot.
“You never smile, dude.” Jamia interrupted.
Frank paused to glare at her. He couldn’t decide if he resented her comment or not.
“Huh.” Frank huffed eventually, taking a sip of his coffee.
“You’re really not gonna tell me who it was?” Jamia asked, smiling innocently. Frank was used to her tactics by then. Unfortunately the wide puppy eyes she was making still had their charm on him. He sighed and made a motion for Jamia to close the door to his office. She quickly got up and closed it, making a grab for Frank’s coffee mug before sitting down again. Frank eyed the mug as it floated away from him in Jamia’s pale hands. He was still too contented to protest or make a reach to get it back.
“So… I think I have a thing with Mikey’s brother.” Frank said softly, leaning forward so that his voice didn’t have to carry as far.
“No shit.” Jamia smirked, mirroring Frank’s movement by leaning forward.
“Yeah… I… We…” Frank stammered. “It’s complicated.”
“So that blind date Mikey set you guys up on went well?” She asked.
“No.” Frank laughed. “It couldn’t have gone worse actually.
“But we worked things out.” Frank amended when Jamia gave him a confused look.
“It’s about time you got a boyfriend,” Jamia mused, sipping Frank’s coffee and making a face, probably forgetting he liked a lot of sugar in his coffee, “He’s pretty hot, too.” She set the mug down on Frank’s desk.
“He’s not my boyfriend.” Frank countered, sliding the mug back towards himself.
“Friends with benefits, eh? Well, that can always evolve into something more.” Jamia said. Frank couldn’t figure out why she felt like she needed to sound so reassuring.
“We’re not friends either.” Frank said, taking another sip of his coffee. “I don’t think he’s really much for relationships.”
“You think?" Jamia repeated incredulously, "You mean you guys haven’t talked about it?”
Frank was about to make some joke about how he would just have to add it to the list of things he and Gerard needed to talk about, right behind the possibility of mysterious healing powers when his phone rang. He spent a long time listening to the keyboardist of his stranded band talk about the logistics of knowing a guy who knew a guy with a van. Halfway through the conversation Jamia got bored and left, slipping quietly out of Frank’s office before he got any advice out of her. After speaking to the keyboardist for 30 minutes longer, Frank was swept into his workday, tending to all emergencies popping up in his inbox and the loathsome intern work. Before he knew it, it was 5:15.
Frank left his office a few minutes later, mood souring as he realized that he still needed to buy ingredients for vegan breakfast and that the grocery store would be crowded with all the other business-people who had just gotten off work.

It turned out Frank didn’t need to go to the grocery store at all. Frank had been in Gerard’s kitchen for all of 10 minutes when suddenly Gerard was kissing Frank’s neck and shoving his hand in Frank’s pants. After a few agonizingly unsatisfying moments of leaning against the kitchen counter and jacking each other off, they ended up in the shower so that Gerard could make up for the shower he’d skipped out on that morning. The shower didn’t last long. Gerard brought their heated kissing and grinding to a halt and pulled Frank from the shower so that he could fuck Frank on the bed.
After sufficiently soaking the sheets with shower water, sweat, and cum, they curled up in the damp sheets, kissing and shivering until Gerard’s stomach growled. In his post-fuck glow Frank was too exhausted to cook anything so Gerard called and ordered takeout, promising Frank they could make vegan breakfast some other time.
At the end of the evening, Gerard changed out the damp sheets for dry ones. The new sheets didn’t smell like Gerard as much and were cold against Frank’s bare skin, but he fell asleep easily as he pressed himself tightly against Gerard’s warm skin.
Frank woke up in Gerard’s arms the next morning with a bad hairday and no time to go home and change into something else for work. Gerard let him borrow the smallest shirt he could find in his closet. It was still giant on Frank, but it wasn’t so noticeable under the black sweater Gerard handed him. Gerard made coffee as Frank brushed his teeth with a spare toothbrush and tried to manage his hair with tap water. He quickly gave up on his hair and gratefully sucked down the coffee Gerard had made.
Frank was about to slip out the door when Gerard pulled him into his arms and kissed the hell out of him. For a moment, Frank just let Gerard kiss him. It was nice. Gerard had this amazing capacity to make Frank feel wanted. He didn’t understand it but he didn’t have time to think about it either. He finally backed away from Gerard and slipped out the door after a whispered goodbye and a few more kisses. As Frank quickly walked down the street, he realized he’d made no promises or commitments to see Gerard again. The thought was freeing but also… saddening. As he descended into the subway tunnel he remembered that Gerard was still the same person who couldn’t be bothered to remember Frank’s face before.
Frank got to work 15 minutes late, slipping into the board meeting he was supposed to take notes for just as it was starting. He sat down towards the back, earning him a glare from his boss and a knowing smile from Jamia.

Frank didn’t see or hear from Gerard (aside from a few brief text exchanges) until Friday night. The bar was incredibly busy, even for a Friday. He looked up from the drinks he was mixing and saw Gerard sitting at the end of the bar. After he slid the drinks to their respective owners he made his way over to Gerard, unable to hide the grin on his face.
“Hey, ummmm,” Frank faltered, “What are you doing here?”
“I’m actually waiting for someone...” Gerard grinned, absently pushing the straw around in his drink.
Frank immediately felt a sinking feeling in his chest. Of course Gerard hadn’t showed up at the bar just to see Frank. He hoped the disappointment didn’t show in his face. He couldn’t believe Gerard was actually going to make Frank watch him go on a date with someone else.
“Well, we’re slammed so I gotta get back to-” Frank started.
“Are you free later?” Gerard asked, cutting Frank off.
Frank wanted to grab the mostly empty drink that sat beside Gerard on the counter and slosh it onto Gerard’s stupid, perfect outfit. He couldn’t believe Gerard expected Frank to watch him go on a date and still wanted to hook up after.
“I don’t know.” Frank sighed, “There might be this thing…” It was a fumbled excuse he was certain Gerard could see right through, but it was all Frank could muster.
“What about after the thing?” Gerard pressed, raising his eyebrows.
“Gerard, I... “ Frank shrugged, “Maybe. I don’t know. I gotta get back to work, okay?”
Frank turned on his heels, allowing himself to frown now that his back was turned to Gerard. He made sure to avoid the corner of the bar Gerard was sitting at, letting the other bartender make his drinks. He didn’t care if Gerard knew he was doing it or not.
At some point, Frank turned around and Gerard was no longer alone. He had been joined by Mikey. Frank felt both relieved and angered to see Gerard chatting away with his brother. He wanted to punch Gerard in the face almost as much as he wanted to go home with him later.
Frank wasn’t sure why he’d gotten so upset. Gerard was technically free to go on dates with whomever. They weren’t lovers. They weren’t even friends. Frank had said so himself. Jamia’s nagging voice popped into his head, reminding him of why it was good to establish boundaries in relationships and blah blah blah.
Now that Mikey was sitting next to Gerard, Frank wasn’t sure how he was supposed to tell Gerard that he was very free later.
The problem quickly resolved itself. Mikey stayed for two drinks and left, waving goodbye to Frank as he headed for the door. Frank hadn’t even gotten a chance to properly say hello to Mikey because he had been so busy.
The next time Frank looked over at Gerard, he was doodling on some napkins spread out in front of him. The bar crowd had died down a bit and Frank took a moment to look Gerard over. Gerard’s brow furrowed as his hand moved over the napkin. He bit his lip in concentration. Frank wondered if maybe he should tell Gerard he liked him. The idea of admitting it made Frank want to set things on fire and punch in windows. It only made matters worse that Gerard seemed like he didn’t know the first thing about relationships. He probably wasn’t even into Frank like that. But he kept coming back, which had to mean something. Didn’t it?
Gerard glanced up from his napkin and looked surprised to find Frank staring back at him. Frank’s eyes darted away from Gerard’s. He felt a blush creeping over his cheeks. A small smile twitched at his lips. Before he could look at Gerard again to try and read his face, a customer caught Frank’s attention and he found himself busy pouring a round of shots for a group of grumpy-looking businessmen. Business picked up again after that. Frank didn’t get a chance to stare at Gerard again for awhile.
Just as Frank was starting to really fiend for a cigarette his manager appeared at his side, handing Frank his portion of the tips from his shift and telling him he could leave a few minutes early.
Frank shoved the cash in his back pocket and threw his apron in the bin. He grabbed his coat from the office in the back. He already had the coat on his shoulders and was feeling around for his cigarettes by the time he got to Gerard.
Gerard had splayed several napkins out across the counter in some type of graphic blood scene. Frank couldn’t exactly tell what the fuck Gerard had drawn. It was dim and Gerard’s pen had ripped up the napkins around some of the lines, distorting the images. The torn effect made the whole thing creepier. Frank was about to reach out and carefully organize them into a neat pile to take home and examine further when Gerard beat him to it. Except instead of organizing the napkins, he balled them up into his fists and tossed them into the trash behind the bar.
“That was cool. Why did you…” Frank trailed off, staring hopelessly at the trash bin.
“Wasn’t my best work.” Gerard shrugged. “Wanna get out of here?”
“You have no idea.” Frank sighed.
Gerard slid off the barstool he’d been perched on all night and grabbed Frank’s hand, pulling him through the crowded bar and out into the cold, clear night. Gerard didn’t let go of Frank’s hand once they were outside. Frank tried to remain calm, but the small contact was making his heart flutter. He realized then that he was nervous. He inhaled the sharp cold air and pulled his hand away from Gerard’s to light a cigarette.
The wind had picked up and Frank couldn’t get his lighter to stay lit long enough to cherry his smoke. Gerard stepped in front of him, huddling around the cigarette to keep the wind away. Frank finally got the lighter to work, welcomely inhaling the familiar toxins.
Gerard plucked the cigarette from Frank’s lips and leaned forward. Frank’s protest died on his lips as Gerard closed the space between them and kissed him. It was a brief, polite kiss but it sent Frank’s heart racing. Gerard’s lips were much more familiar and welcome than any amount of cigarette smoke.
They went back to Gerard’s place. Gerard put on some douchey art film. Frank was going to ask Gerard to put on something else when Gerard’s hands were suddenly digging into his shoulders.
“You’re so tense, Frankie.” Gerard whispered as he pressed his thumbs into Frank’s neck.
Frank leaned back into Gerard’s hands and tried not to moan at the gentle pain that resolved into a relaxed calm as Gerard worked at his aching muscles. Another minute and Frank was fucking melting in Gerard’s arms. It was nice to turn his brain off and wrap himself around Gerard.
Eventually they ended up making out on the couch, which lead to an exchange of lazy handjobs. Gerard was good with his hands in more ways than one, Frank decided.
They somehow fit together comfortably on Gerard’s couch, though it seemed impossible. Frank couldn’t remember the last time he had felt so comfortable and light. For the third time that week, Frank fell asleep in Gerard’s arms.

The next morning Frank awoke in Gerard’s bed. He wasn’t sure how they’d gotten from the couch to the bed but it didn’t matter when Gerard was sliding down under the sheets and bringing Frank’s cock into his mouth. Frank didn’t understand Gerard’s seemingly insatiable appetite for sex but he couldn’t really complain either, as long as it meant lazy morning sex.
They stayed in bed until it was early afternoon and they were both dying for caffeine. Since it was Saturday, they decided to go out for coffee instead of venturing into Gerard’s kitchen. They bundled themselves up in their winter coats and stepped into cold morning air.
Gerard took Frank’s hand and lead them to a place a few blocks from his apartment. Frank’s fingers were numb by the time they got to the coffee spot. It was warm inside and the smell of coffee itself was almost enough to kickstart Frank’s brain.
Once they had their coffee, they sat at a small table by the window. The scenario reminded Frank a little too much of their awful, failed blind date...
“This place is cute.” Frank commented, feeling suddenly uncomfortable in their silence.
“Yeah. I come here when I can’t think.” Gerard said, sipping delicately on his coffee. “I have a place for that, too.” Frank sighed. His coffee was still too hot to drink, but he breathed in the steam coming from the hole in the lid of his cup. Frank thought he should just tell Gerard how he felt. Even if Gerard didn’t return his feelings, it was better to be open about it. What was the worst that could happen? Gerard wouldn’t freak out and run away, even in the worst case scenario. He wasn’t like that. Frank didn’t think so.
“I actually have to get going soon.” Gerard said, suddenly, snapping Frank out of his dreamy thoughts, “I have an appointment.”
“An appointment?” Frank asked conversationally.
“STD test.” Gerard offered nonchalantly. “They had an opening this afternoon and it’s hard to get appointments on Saturdays in this city as it is. You know how it goes.”
Frank felt suddenly like all the air had been sucked out of the room.
“STD test?” Frank repeated in a panicked whisper. “Why?”
“Nothing to freak out about. It's just something I do routinely every couple of partners, you know?” Gerard said, reaching for Frank’s hand.
Frank pulled his hand away, feeling sick suddenly. He hadn’t even thought about the fact that Gerard had fucked enough people to forget their faces and could have any number of STDs, curable or otherwise. He stared at his coffee cup, suddenly unable to look Gerard in the eye.
“Hey. Frank.” Gerard said, enunciating his words slowly, “Are you okay? We can talk about this somewhere more private if you-”
“No.” Frank interrupted, “I just…” he faltered, swallowing hard.
“You’re only person I’ve been with since my last test. Everything came back negative last time. It’s just routine.” Gerard said, obviously grasping at straws to try and calm Frank down. He reached for Frank’s hand again. Frank let him.
“It’s fine.” Frank offered quickly, glancing around the shop to see if anyone had overheard them, “Sorry for freaking out. That was rude of me.”
“It’s okay. I probably should’ve told you earlier... when we were alone.” Gerard offered. He was smiling at Frank reassuringly when Frank finally looked up at him.
“It’s just…” Frank mused, “That’s very mature and responsible for a-”
“Fuck and run?” Gerard said, finishing Frank’s sentence bitterly. It was the first time Frank had ever seen anything other than smooth contentment on Gerard’s face. Frank had never had his own words thrown back at him in a way that made him feel like he’d been punched in the stomach.
“Responsible for a person your age.” Frank reiterated flatly. “I… avoid the doctor at all costs.”
“My lifestyle demands it.” Gerard shrugged, smiling weakly at Frank.
“Gerard.” Frank whispered. “I was mad when I said that. I didn’t mean-”
“I’m pretty sure you meant it.” Gerard interrupted calmly. “But it’s okay. I deserved it. I really shouldn’t have left you that morning. It wasn’t right of me.”
“Still… If I could take it back I would.” Frank said quietly, squeezing Gerard’s hand. He couldn’t tell if Gerard was mad at him or not. He didn’t pull his hand away but he still seemed tense and sort of melancholy.
“Yeah.” Gerard sighed. “I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to spring all that on you. I really do have to go soon though.”
“Of course.” Frank said stiffly.
Gerard smiled at him but it looked forced and too polite.
Frank couldn’t tell Gerard he liked him now. It held a completely different meaning than it would have if he’d said it 5 minutes prior. The words were still tingling on the tip of his tongue. He had to will them back into his brain for use at a later time, if there ever would be one.
They sipped their coffee and sat in awkward silence for a few moments longer.
“Actually I think I’ll just… head out now.” Gerard said slowly, standing up and shouldering into his coat, “Never hurts to leave early you know.”
“Yeah,” Frank nodded, “Never-”
Frank was cut off by Gerard leaning down and pressing a kiss to his lips. The kiss was too short and unsatisfying. Frank hadn’t been expecting Gerard to kiss him. Before he could even kiss back Gerard was pulling away. Frank wanted to kiss Gerard a thousand more times until he didn’t seem so bummed out anymore.
“Call me or… I’ll call you… or something?” Gerard said, tracing his fingers along Frank’s jaw.
“I will.” Frank said softly.
Gerard smiled at him, and it seemed more genuine this time. He grabbed his coffee and disappeared out into the cold.
Frank banged his head against the table, just once, as punishment, after he was certain Gerard had walked far enough away from the shop.

Notes

sorry it took so long to update this omg. i went on a rlly amazing trip that involved lots of spelunking around cemeteries at night. i'm back at home base now. <3
let me know what you think?? things have been really... weird for me and i have no concept on the quality of this update.

-m