Gerard’s POV
The taste of Chaos tour had finally started and tonight was our first show. I had been hanging out with Bert a lot and we were hanging out before the show to get pumped. I’m not quite sure how we could get anymore pumped, calls for revenge kept coming in, and things could not possibly go any better. The guys were finishing setting up, and I was really coming to find that I dug Bert’s energy and got along really well on stage. The crowd liked what they saw. I do think Frank was jealous though, he knew Bert was a partier and that I wanted to change, I think he thought that Bert wouldn’t help me with that at all.
“Ready for this Gerard?” Bert had this stupid smile on his face like this was the most exciting thing he had ever done. We went on stage and rocked the show. I wasn’t even drunk. I played the entire show without having a drink and it was amazing to sing, and look at Frank and see how sexy he looked playing his guitar. I was so happy to see him doing what he loved. But without the alchohal, the roars of the crowd seemed duller the fans knew something was different and it really through me off my game. What if they didn’t like sober Gerard?
The show ended and I walked with Bert out of the venue, I didn’t realize at the time that Frank was behind us eyeing Bert and I. He really didn’t trust me with him. And my excluding of him in our conversation didn’t exactly make him happy either.
“Hey do you guys wanna come hang out with Bert and I on Used’s bus? It’s gonna be fun.” I offered.
“Nah bro, I promised I’d Skype Alicia after the show,” Mikey shrugged.
“Ray?”
“Sorry Gerard I’ve gotta date with donkey kong.”
“Frank? Cmon babe,” I put my arms out.
“No.” he said sternly.
“Why not?” I immediately frowned.
“Because I just don’t want to,” Frank shook his head and followed Mikey and Ray to our own bus.
“well,” Bert clasped his hands together, “looks like it’s just us.” He chuckled.
“You seem a little too happy about that,” I shook my head pushing him playfully, “wait where’s the rest of your band?”
“Eh, they all went out to dinner and then the bar,” Bert shrugged, I mean it’s the same thing every night, I wanted something different.”
“ah,” Bert and I walked into the van and he went straight to his bunk pulling out a plastic bag from under his mattress, And shoved it in his pocket.
“What was that?” I looked up at Bert as I sat on the couch.
“Oh nothing, just something fun for later,” he shrugged handing me a beer. Bert and I talked, the more we drank the more personal the topics became, the more personal the tops, the harder the liquor.
“I want to make him proud of me, I want frank to take pride in holding my hand in public. But he expects me to just be able to change. He expects me to turn around and drop everything and just be okay, but I can’t ya know? I love this stuff, it’s just so much easier and kind of romantic,” I looked to Bert looking for guidance. I could feel the weak pathetic look in my eyes and I’m positive he saw it.
“ya know Gerard, I would never expect you to change, I can relate to what you’re going through and you don’t have to leave anything behind. Gerard, he doesn’t make you feel like he should. You’re fucking hot.” Bert was only a couple inched away from me and his hand was on my thigh. He didn’t kiss me, no, I kissed him. Not with passion, no, with drunk born lust. I didn’t want to feel closeness to him, I just wanted to feel his sweaty body over mine. I wanted to touch him in way I only touched Frank. I desperately wanted to invade someone new’s secret place. I kissed him hard making it extremely clear how I felt. Exploring his mouth intimately with my tongue, I was desperate, I pulled at his belt buckle trying to get access, after pulling off his shirt. That alone, is probably more than what you want to know. Things got hot. “Gerard, Gerard stop,” Bert pulled away slowing my franktic hands.
“What?” I was thoroughly disappointed.
“I’ve got something that could make this better,” he pulled a bag filled with white poweder out of his pocet, the bag from earlier. “Ever gotten high on coke before?” Bert licked his lips, “fooling around is way more fun when high.
“Bert,” I sighed, “I can’t even begin to pay for this, Frank would be so upset.”
“Don’t even worry about it, we get it on like that? Drugs are on me.”
“Fine.”
I had never done hard drugs, never even had the chance to until now, and it scared the shit out of me, but I was to drunk and horny to care. I was in an exciting new situation, there was no way I would cut it off now. So Bert drew me a line.
I took it, simple as that. I snorted the whole thing and it burned, It burned really fucking bad. The burn tingled and I felt my eyes begin to water. But as the burn went away my mind began to fuzz my heart began to race. At that moment the ugliness in the world didn’t even pretend to matter. I was flying high above the clouds. Nothing mattered not even my problems with Frank.
Every touch sent a spark through your skin, every breath on the back of your neck feels like a blast of icy wind. When you’re soaring your body is more sensitive to every hard touch, every ounce of pleasure, amplified. He was right. Fooling around really was better high, Frank didn’t cross my mind once.

I woke up next to Bert the next day a mess. I wasn’t quite sure of the details on what may have happened. But I did know I had gotten myself into some seriously deep shit. Things had gotten crazy with Bert and the cocaine was amazing. It did way more than the pills and the booze ever had, it was just what I needed.
I looked at the time, three in the afternoon. The used guys had surely already come and gone, I can’t imagine what they thought seeing Bert and I together like that. Hopefully they won’t tell Frank, “fuck, Frank,” I thought, he was probably waiting up for me, shit, shit, shit, shit, shit, shit, shit, shit, he’s going to be so mad.”
“Where ya going crazy boy?” Bert smirked as he stretched with groggy eyes, he was a mess, I only prayed I didn’t look as bad as him. After checking my reflection in the glass of the microwave sure enough I looked just as bad if not worse. My hair sweaty and all over the place, not in the usual way, but in that way of everyone can tell that you just woke up after a night of serious sex. My eyes puffy, blood shot, my face paler than normal Only emphasizing the red.
“Thanks for everything Bert…” I shook my head confused and went to leave, “but I’ve really got to get back to Frank. He’s probably wondering where I am…”
“What’s with you guys anyway? I swear the way he looks at you.” Bert got out of his bunk to walk to the fridge.
“He’s my boyfriend Bert,” I sighed, “Although when I go talk to him I don’t know if he will be.”
“Your boyfriend? And you got crazy with me like that?” he motioned to the buk with his thumb. “Is the relationship open or what?”
“No… no it’s not and all of this was a huge mistake,” I pinched the bridge of my nose. “I love Frank and I’d never intend to hurt him.”
“Love? Man that’s some serious shit.” He shook his head, “Don’t tie yourself down like that, it makes the fun stuff hard to do.”
“Yeah well maybe I like being tied down hm? Whatever I’m out of here,” I walked out the door.
“When you start craving the high again let me know!” And the door slammed.

Notes

I expect some comments on this one people alot just happened.
T^T
and it took emotional turmoil for me to write it.