Unpublished
Ouch
Chapter 40
“So nothing at all was getting through to him?” The interviewer asked leaning back in his own chair, even he was getting interested in the story at this point, everyone was fascinated how things brought themselves to a conclusion.
“Nothing! Nothing ever got through to him! It drove me insane!” Frank’s eyes went wide as he talked with his hands clasped together. “I knew it wasn’t about me, this was about Gerard and getting him through whatever it was, but it kind of hurt me too. We had been together about two years at that point? Things between us were pretty serious and I had threatened to leave him once or twice and not even that knocked him out of it, although I think after the second or third threat he figured out I wouldn’t do it. But ya know? Even that didn’t get through to him,” Frank shrugged.
“I can see how that would bother you,” the man took notes.
“But the interventions weren’t doing anything anymore, they didn’t even fade him no matter who it was we put in front of him, no reaction, ever, it was ‘working’,” air quotes, “and that’s all that mattered to him.”
“Thank you Frank,” The man nodded thus dismissing him, Frank stood and left the comfy chair, giving Gerard a friendly smile, that Gerard so desperately tried to return but the situation he put himself into was just so damned awkward he couldn’t quite cope.
“So Gerard…” The man flipped through some pages on his clipboard, Gerard desperately wanted to read through what the guys had said, he just wanted to know what this man knew about him. His band mates don’t all exactly have a filter over their mouths, although it was an interview maybe there should be less of one, he wasn’t quite sure. “we left off talking about the interventions,” Gerard had gotten so caught up in his thoughts that he completely forgot the interviewer was there.
“Oh… uh… ya…” Gerard nodded thinking about the unpleasant memories that he was being asked by thousands of people to share with this man.
“Would you like to talk to us about why nothing ever got to you?”
“Well I mean, it was something in the world I had control over, what I put in my body, I had control over how I felt. Something I never had control over before and it was a change that I kind of enjoyed but none the less, that doesn’t make it a good thing.” Gerard sighed.
“But even Frank threatening to leave you didn’t even get through. Now why was that?” The man chewed on the end of his pen.
“Frank has brought that up more than once in the past actually, after all of the drama, I can honestly say I don’t remember that at all, not even faintly, I’m not saying he’s lying in anyway, I’m just saying he picked the worst moments to bring it up because obviously my mind didn’t quite process the concept.”
“You don’t remember that at all?” The man was surprised.
“Not even in the slightest, I remember him being sad and worried all the time but that’s about it. Now I can’t say if I had known I would’ve stopped, but I can say I would’ve at least put up an effort.”
“Were you scared at all? Ever? Did this path you were taking concern you at all,” the man looked down at his paper writing as he talked and then made eye contact again.
“It did,” Gerard nodded, “when I was sober,” he added after a moment, “but even then I just got high again to make the fear go away,” Gerard shrugged. “It was like this big circle of hopelessness.”
“So nothing at all was getting through to him?” The interviewer asked leaning back in his own chair, even he was getting interested in the story at this point, everyone was fascinated how things brought themselves to a conclusion.
“Nothing! Nothing ever got through to him! It drove me insane!” Frank’s eyes went wide as he talked with his hands clasped together. “I knew it wasn’t about me, this was about Gerard and getting him through whatever it was, but it kind of hurt me too. We had been together about two years at that point? Things between us were pretty serious and I had threatened to leave him once or twice and not even that knocked him out of it, although I think after the second or third threat he figured out I wouldn’t do it. But ya know? Even that didn’t get through to him,” Frank shrugged.
“I can see how that would bother you,” the man took notes.
“But the interventions weren’t doing anything anymore, they didn’t even fade him no matter who it was we put in front of him, no reaction, ever, it was ‘working’,” air quotes, “and that’s all that mattered to him.”
“Thank you Frank,” The man nodded thus dismissing him, Frank stood and left the comfy chair, giving Gerard a friendly smile, that Gerard so desperately tried to return but the situation he put himself into was just so damned awkward he couldn’t quite cope.
“So Gerard…” The man flipped through some pages on his clipboard, Gerard desperately wanted to read through what the guys had said, he just wanted to know what this man knew about him. His band mates don’t all exactly have a filter over their mouths, although it was an interview maybe there should be less of one, he wasn’t quite sure. “we left off talking about the interventions,” Gerard had gotten so caught up in his thoughts that he completely forgot the interviewer was there.
“Oh… uh… ya…” Gerard nodded thinking about the unpleasant memories that he was being asked by thousands of people to share with this man.
“Would you like to talk to us about why nothing ever got to you?”
“Well I mean, it was something in the world I had control over, what I put in my body, I had control over how I felt. Something I never had control over before and it was a change that I kind of enjoyed but none the less, that doesn’t make it a good thing.” Gerard sighed.
“But even Frank threatening to leave you didn’t even get through. Now why was that?” The man chewed on the end of his pen.
“Frank has brought that up more than once in the past actually, after all of the drama, I can honestly say I don’t remember that at all, not even faintly, I’m not saying he’s lying in anyway, I’m just saying he picked the worst moments to bring it up because obviously my mind didn’t quite process the concept.”
“You don’t remember that at all?” The man was surprised.
“Not even in the slightest, I remember him being sad and worried all the time but that’s about it. Now I can’t say if I had known I would’ve stopped, but I can say I would’ve at least put up an effort.”
“Were you scared at all? Ever? Did this path you were taking concern you at all,” the man looked down at his paper writing as he talked and then made eye contact again.
“It did,” Gerard nodded, “when I was sober,” he added after a moment, “but even then I just got high again to make the fear go away,” Gerard shrugged. “It was like this big circle of hopelessness.”
I love how you added real interviews, and real events, and dates,
and ugh, I just fucking love this so fucking much,
I spent my whole day reading this.
You made it sound like it is in fact what happened, if not somewhat close to what actually happen.
---sorry for the weridness, I just freaking love this.
6/25/13