Chapter 39
Gerard’s POV
“mmmm…” I heard Frank sigh from underneath me with our lips attached with frantic hands exploring each other’s skin.
“Shhhh baby…” I pulled off his shirt and went back to business.
“Gerard way!” I heard a familiar voice behind me yell.
“Donald?!” What the hell are you doing in Frank’s apartment?!”
“You worthless bastard, you are such a disgrace, no paying job, showing affections to a man?” Donald looked over Frank’s dainty figure, “a boy? You can’t clean up? Not even for your mother! Why don’t you go do something worth while with your life! Because at this moment the world doesn’t need you, your just taking up oxygen that the real people could use. Do something with yourself you son of a bitch,” and my father, the man who shared similar DNA with me, left.
“Goddamnit Gerard, make something of yourself,” and Frank left me in his own apartment.
That was it, I couldn’t take it anymore, I was done, I took the pistol from Frank’s bedside table put the gun to my head and pulled the trigger.
“Fuck!” I sat up on the couch.
“Gerard?!” Frank came runnin in around the corner. “is everything ok?”
“What the fuck happened?!” I put my hands down on the couch, “shit,” I instantly recoiled, to discover bandages around my palms. I looked down at the clothes I hadn’t worn in forever, “Goddamnit Frank what’s your problem, close the goddamn blinds,” I put my hand to my forehead as I tried to sort through the events of the previous day.
“Sorry babe…” Frank rushed to the wondows, closed all the blinds, and returned to me with a glass of water. I looked at this offering in disgust, I took the cup out of his hand and put it on the table next to me, planting my hands on his hips, pulling him down to straddle me.
“Gerard…” Frank turned his head away rejecting my kiss.
“What?” I asked.
“not now Gerard,” Frank tried to stand.
“Why not now? The work’s half done,” I smirked as I ran my hands over his bare chest. This time I kissed him and he didn’t reject.

Frank’s POV
“After only a moment, “Goddamnit Gerard enough!” I jumped off of his lap, “You taste like barf,” I wiped my mouth. “So when are you gonna tell me what happened yesterday?” I hugged my sides staring down at my feet, “Why didn’t you call me?” Gerard’s face immediately became stern, “it wasn’t on the top of my priorities.” Gerard stood and went into the bathroom to get some asprin, I heard the cabinet close.
“Then what was?” I rushed blocking the bathroom door so he couldn’t run from me, “getting drunk?”
“A little bit yeah, could you get off my back? I’m sorry telling you about my most recent tradgedy isn’t fresh on my mind.,” Gerard forced his way past me.
“But I had to find out from Ray. Ray! He said, ‘I figured you’d know since you guys have been a thing for a while now,’! well that’s what I thought too! Do you know what all this says to me? That tells me you don’t want my consolement, that you don’t trust me to help you. Do you not trust me Gerard?”
Gerard was silent.
I approached him and I could feel my eyes tearing up, “Do you not love me Gerard?”
“Of course I do Frankie,” Gerard tried to approach me.
“No you don’t,” I shook my head, “today? You love your booze and pills more than me.” I bit my lip shaking my head.
“Frank stop… don’t do this,” Gerard stepped towards me.
“What is this to you?” I took a step back looking at him appauled, “Am I just sex? Is that what you keep me around for? I know how you treated Lyn, bringing her roses, calling her beautiful. Who says I don’t want that?”
“Cause it’s stupid mushy bullshit,” Gerard groaned.
“It’s not bullshit, it’s cute. Who says I don’t want that stupid mushy bullshit then? Who says I don’t want those butterflies again? Who says I don’t want to blush and giggle like an idiot. I wanna be your Frankie, not you fuckng little slutt. And if that’s all I am, tell me now. So I can lose my sense of self worth immediately.” Tears were streaming and I tried my best to control the blubbering, but it still rose to the surface. “Gerard do you love me?”
After a moment, “Frank, I told you in the beginning, I’m broken, fucking broken, not just a couple crack, there’s pieces missing, okay? And will all that’s happened lately it’s been even harder. I do my best okay? But I fucking love being drunk, yes I love you, but you don’t knock me out cold. I want to be high, I want to be drunk, and guess what the fans like this Gerard better too. So until I get over all of this, I can do my best but it may not make you blush, and giggle, I can’t try, but I’m hurting, fucking hurting, and I can only do so much.” Gerard bit his lip, I wasn’t going to argue with that, I’ll help him through, and maybe we can have it all back.

Notes

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