If You Stay....

We made our way home shortly after, sitting in silence as Mikey drove me home. I was still in shock from this sudden revelation; there was no way I could look after a baby! I could barely look after myself let alone a tiny human being who was dependant on me. Besides, I didn’t even know who the father was; I was so drunk the only thing I could remember was the colour of his boxer shorts and the...well, intimate details.

Mikey pulled into the parking lot of my block of flats, switching off the engine before placing both hands on the steering wheel, taking a deep breath before glancing over at me; his face looked pale and terrified. “Who is it?” He asked quietly, refusing to take his eyes off me. I sighed, shrugging my shoulders as I turned to face him. “I don’t know, I can’t remember who it was” I replied, my cheeks burning red as I felt a heavy feeling of embarrassment rest on my shoulders. Mikey groaned head butting the steering wheel. “Oh, Frank!” He whined, sounding more upset with the situation than I did.

Not that I could understand why.

Silence quickly filled the car again I stared out of the window, watching people going about their business outside. I couldn’t think straight, here I was, having to make a choice, to try and work out what the hell I was going to do with this thing growing inside me and I just couldn’t. It was too frightening to consider this real let alone what would happen if I kept it... or the other option.
I felt a hand touch my shoulder. I glanced behind me, locking eyes with Mikey who was staring at me with a sympathetic smile. “Listen, whatever you decide to do I promise to support you. We all will” he said, squeezing my shoulder. I nodded, saying nothing as I climbed out of the car and quickly walked to my apartment; I just needed to be alone for now.

*****
I held the cold, plastic receiver to my ear, biting my lip as I listened to the stunned silence on the other end. “Are you sure you’re not winding me up?” Gerard asked finally. I told him I wasn’t only to be greeted with more silence. It had been a week since the doctor’s appointment and, after a heated phone call; Dr Jessop had thankfully agreed to keep the whole thing quiet.
“I just... I don’t understand. I mean who is the father?” Gerard asked his voice somewhat shaky as he spoke. I sighed, explaining to him that I didn’t know who the father was. “I was wondering if you saw anything. Like if you saw me talking to anyone or if I went up stairs with anyone?” I asked hopefully, listening to the loud groan on the other end. He wasn’t exactly being helpful. “No I didn’t... Frank the only people you spoke to or went around with that night was us. Jesus Christ I don’t keep tabs on you” He snapped.

I slumped into a nearby chair, shocked by his sudden outburst. What the hell was his problem? He wasn’t the one going through all this. He was supposed to be my friend, why was he acting like this. “What the fuck is your problem? I called you to ask for your fucking help and this is how you react?” I cried, struggling to control the rising anger in my voice. “Well it’s not exactly normal is it? Come on Frank how did you expect me to react?” He spat. I felt my bottom lip trembling. I would never expect him of all people to say something like that to me. “Fuck you!” I screamed, jumping up from my chair and hurling the phone at the wall, breathing heavily as it smashed to pieces on the living room floor.

Tears began streaming down my face as I struggled to hold myself together. I collapsed onto the sofa, wishing I could just disappear. How could he treat me this way? I curled up on the sofa, my heart felt like it was breaking. It wasnt just the fact my friend had basically abandoned me when I needed him, it was the fact I was stupid enough, mad enough, to believe that he may feel the same way I felt about him. A wave of sickness began to creep up on me, making me cry harder. I didn’t ask to be born this way; I didn’t ask to carry someone’s kid. I was a freak. I was nothing but a disgusting freak. My eyes fell upon the bottle of vodka on the far side of the room. Maybe I should just end it now, keep drinking until I don’t feel anything more.

Until this thing inside me is gone.

Notes

Poor Frank :/

What do you think will happen next? Leave your suggestions in the comments below x

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