I'm Not Okay

It's been a few weeks since Ray had given me Blackjack and I know Gerard has been staying here. Blackjack needs to be fed every 3 hours from a bottle and when my mom and Mikey leaves, Gerard comes in my room every 3 hours with a bottle. I don't really mind but I kinda wonder what he's telling Lynz; but I don't ever ask. My next scan with Dr. Shannon was in a few hours and she had given me permission to get out of bed and into her office. I was really happy to be able to move. I told Gerard that he could come and he was really happy about that. Since I hadn't been on my legs in about 5 weeks, they had gotten really weak so Gerard had to carry me to the car. I sat in the passenger’s seat while Gerard drove. Mikey stayed at my house and took inventory of all the baby's things so I could make final purchases. I was now thirty-three weeks along and Bryce would be here soon. Also being thirty-three weeks along it looked like there was a basketball under my shirt and just a sweatshirt wasn't helping to hide my bump anymore; my pillow was no best friend and I carried it everywhere with me.

"I really am happy you're letting me along Frankie." Gerard said as he drove.

"Frank." I said as I leaned back, I was getting tired.

"What?"

"Only my mom can call me Frankie." I told him.

"Oh... So what can I expect while here?" He asked.

"Uh she'll put hell on my stomach and we'll see the baby on the screen. She might insert her fingers into my canal to see if he's come closer." I told him.

"Like put her fingers up your butt?" He asked and laughed.

I laughed to, "yeah, something like that."

It felt good to laugh with my best friend again. Things had just been so tense with us lately it just felt good to let loose. The rest of the ride we laughed and joked like we did before I got pregnant. When we pulled into the back parking lot Gerard pointed out there were like no cars so I had to explain to him that Dr. Shannon cleared most of her day for me. A nurse was at the back entrance with a wheel chair. When we pulled up she knocked on my window and I was apprehensive about rolling down my window but I did.

"Mr. Iero?" She asked.

I nodded.

"Dr. Shannon told me to leave this for you when you come in." She smiled and left the chair on the other side of the door and went back inside. I smiled at her and opened my door to get out. I needed Gerard's help but he wasn't moving from his seat.

"I need your help Gerard." I said in a playful voice, he still didn't move though.

"I need you to know something." He said then turned to face me, "I really wanna do right by this baby," he said and put his hand on my bump and slowly started rubbing it. "No matter if you and I get into small or big fights I will always be here for you and the baby, that's a promise. I know in the first few months I wasn’t being completely supportive, but I’m here now and I’m not doing anywhere I promise. I’m taking baby steps but I promise there in the right direction.” He said, throughout his speech his eyes never left mine and my eyes were full of tears.

“You promise?”

“I promise.” He said then leaned over the seat and kissed m cheek. He pulled away and smiled at me before getting out of the car and helping me into the wheel chair and into the scan room. Happy tears were spilling over my eyes, I tried not to let Gerard see them but I’m pretty sure he did.

“Why, hello Frank.” My Doctor greeted me, “Are you okay?” She asked.

“Happy tears.” I explained.

“Alright,” She smiled at me then looked up to Gerard, “And you are?”

“I’m Gerard Way, the other father.” He said extending his hand out, Dr. Shannon shook his hand and gave me a questioning look. I nodded my head telling her he could be in the room with us.

She brought us back into the room and Gerard had to help me onto the table and I lifted up my shirt for her to put the gel on and soon enough we could see our baby’s face on the screen. I looked over at Gerard and his eyes were glued on the screen, he looked completely in awe and he reached out and held my hand. Dr. Shannon kept the monitor on me a little longer so Gerard so Gerard could see the baby more.

“Okay Frank; have you been in bed?”

“Yes, I was barely on my feet… Is there something wrong?”I asked. Gerard’s hand was still on my and his thumb was rubbing on my hand in a soothing way.

“Not really… But I was hoping he would have moved back more but he really hasn’t moved.”

“You don’t have to do what you did last time do you?” I asked as I shifted around on my table.

“No, he’s where I pushed him so I doing that won’t really make a difference. But you’re due in a seven more weeks so I wanna do a scan every two weeks until its time just to make sure. And I don’t recommend you pushing, but it’s your choice.”

“No pushing! Just cut him out of me.” I said and Gerard started to chuckle.

“Do you want anyone in the room with you?”

“No I wanna be the first one to hold and see him, everyone can see him after me.”

“And who will be allowed in the hospital room with the two of you? Because of a C-section, you will need to be there for at least three days.”

“Mikey Way, Linda Iero, and Gerard Way, but no one can see him before I do.” I stated.

“Okay, I’ll keep note of that.” She said and smiled at me.

Notes

Hey guys, so tell me what you might wanna see in upcoming chapters, usually I dont plan what I write until I start writing.

Till next we meet my killjoys