I'm Not Okay

For the next week Mikey and my Mom wouldn’t leave my side; I knew Gerard was in my house but as long as he didn’t come into my room I was fine with it. My mother and Mikey came up with a rotating schedule; they didn’t want me to be unattended in case something went wrong.But they left during the night; it made me wonder if Gerard was staying here at night but every time I asked neither of them gave me a straight answer. My manger was really concerned when we told him I couldn’t go into the studio, I once was hooked up to a oxygen tank and played a show like that, so when he heard of my bed rest he thought I was dying. Mikey somehow managed to convince him I wasn’t dying just that I was really sick and would be back a few weeks after I got better. Mikey did tell him that I was “adopting” a baby and he would be here around the same time I got better, also that what I have isn’t contagious and the baby won’t get sick. He was surprised that I wanted a baby but he said it would be best to postpone working on the next album until the baby got older, the rest of the guys agreed. Ray felt bad and came to visit me a few times; each time I had my pillow against my stomach and Mikey was in the same room with us.

“So how much longer do you have to be here?” Ray asked as he sat on the edge of the bed.

“If I stay in bed the whole time the doctor said I should feel better in about twelve more weeks.” I told him, that’s about the time I should give birth.

“Three whole months, that’s gotta suck. I’m sorry man.” He said.

“As long as I’m okay by the time my son gets here I’ll be fine.” I said smiling.

“About that… I have a surprise for you.” Ray said backing out of the room.

I smiled really big and started bouncing where I was laying trying to get a view of him after he left my room. Mikey put his hand on me; telling me to stop bouncing. I frowned at him but started biting my lip. What could it be!

“Ooh Mikey. What do you think it is?” I asked.

“You have to wait to find out.”

“You know! Don’t you?”

“Yup, your mom, Gerard and I agreed it’s something you and Bryce will love.” He said with a smirk.

Not long later Ray came back in my room with his hands behind his back. I kept trying to move to see what was behind his back, Mikey kept his hand on my arm to prevent me from falling off. Ray sat down in front of me and kept his hand behind his back, I think he was enjoying seeing me duffer from not being able to see behind his back.

“Ray!” I whined.

“Because you asked so nicely.” Ray said sarcastically and pulled his hand from behind his back.

“A PUPPY!” I shouted when Ray reviled the little puppy in his hand. I reached out and grabbed him; he was so small and cute and could fit in one of my hands. “How old is he?” I asked as I pulled him close to my chest.

“A few days old.”

“But aren’t they supposed to stay with their mothers till like eight weeks or something like that?”

“Yes, but his mother was hit by a car when she was pregnant and died, so did the rest of his litter so it’s just him.” Ray explained to me.

“Aw, poor thing.” I said as I stroked him. “What’s his name?”

“He doesn’t have one yet.”

I pulled the nameless puppy away from my chest and looked at him. His eyes weren’t open yet but he moved around a little bit and sniffed around a bit. I bit my lip trying to think of the perfect name for the puppy. He had light brown and white fur.

“I wanna name him blackjack.”

“Why?” Mikey asked, “He doesn’t even have black fur.”

“I dunno, I just wanna call him that.” I said as I pulled him close to me and hugged him. While I was hugging him Bryce sent an extremely harsh kick to my intestines and I gasped in pain. I tried to play it off like nothing but neither Ray nor Mikey bought it.

“You okay Frank?” Ray asked.

“Yup.” I smiled, but my smile was cut short when Bryce did it again.

“Do I need to call your doctor?” Mikey asked.

“No, no, I’m fine.” I said but I gasped again when Bryce did it yet again. This time I clutched my stomach and groaned in pain.

“Ray take blackjack and go buy some things he’ll need and I’m gonna call Frank’s doctor.” Mikey said.

Ray nodded and left the room, Mikey waited until we heard his car drive away before he pulled away the pillow that was covering my stomach and made me take off my sweatshirt.

“Frank what’s going on?” Mikey asked full of concern.

“Nothing I swear. He’s just kicking really hard.” I groaned in pain again when he did it again.

“Well what can I do?”

“Nothing, he won’t calm down to the sound of my voice so I just have to wait it out.” I told him, Bryce kept kicking me, it was really hurting me and Mikey could tell.

“Is there anything that calms him down?”

“Yes.” I groaned out.

“What is it?”

“Gerard’s voice, whenever I play our CD’s he stops kicking.” I groaned out, he was really starting to hurt me.

“Where are the CD’s?” Mikey asked and started looking for them.

“I don’t know!” I felt tears starting to form in my eyes, it was really painful.

“Ray said Frank was in pain and you were gonna call the doctor?” Gerard asked as he peeked his head inside my room.

“Gerard!” Mikey yelled when he saw his brother; he ran over to him and dragged him to me.

“Mikey.” I groaned out.

“Deal with it Frank. I can’t find the CD’s and we need to calm him before he moves closer to your birth canal.” Mikey said.

“What’s wrong?” Gerard asked, he looked really worried when he saw me almost crying.

“He’s kicking really hard. Just talk to him, he likes the sound of your voice.”

“Really?” Gerard asked with a smile.

“Gerard!”

“Sorry,” He placed both hands on my bump and I squirmed around, “Hey Bryce,” He spoke softly, “Why are you moving around so much and hurting your daddy? That’s not very nice. You already did something you’re not supposed to by moving closer to the birth canal, and now you’re doing this. You’re going to be a little trouble maker when you’re older aren’t you?” With every word Gerard said, Bryce’s kicks got softer until he stopped.

When he stopped kicking I let out a sigh of relief and rested my head down on the pillow behind me. Gerard looked up at me and asked with his eyes if he could stay. I nodded and he went back to rubbing my stomach and talking to Bryce, at some point I fell asleep. The next time I woke up Mikey was on the bed with me texting on his phone while there was a set of headphone on my stomach and I could feel the vibrations of music playing. They felt kinda weird so I took them off, me moving made Mikey aware that I was awake.

“Hey.” He greeted me.

“Hey, where’s Gerard?”

“He didn’t want to push it so when I found a CD he suggested this.”

“Oh.” I was kinda hurt that he didn’t want to stay with his baby but I know something would happen in a few days or weeks that would make me not want him in the baby’s life. I really needed to decide what was gonna happen.

“Ray will be here soon with Blackjack and the rest of his things.” Mikey informed me.

“Yay!”

“He needs to be bottle fed so it’s great practice for Bryce, and since I’m here like every day, I’ll take him out so he can use the restroom while you’re still on bed rest.”

“Thank you Mikey, for everything.” I said as I pulled him in for a hug.

Notes

I'm sorry for the wait, I was supposed to have this done yesterday but I guess I fell asleep in the middle of writing it. I seriously dont remember falling sleep but I woke up on top of my laptop at like 2am.... So yeah enjoy

Till next we meet my killjoys