I'm Not Okay

I was still connected to the heart machine so when she said Gerard’s name my heart rate started to increase, she noticed and came to my side and got to breathe and calm down.

“They’re stressing you out; I’m going to ask them to leave.”

“N-no.” I chocked out, “I need Mikey here, I don’t want Gerard… He’s the father of the baby.”

“Okay… Should I inform them both about the situation with the baby?” She asked me.

I wanted to tell her no but I knew if I told Mikey he would tell Gerard, plus Gerard is the other father so he should know what’s going on with his son. I slowly nodded and she left to tell them both what was going on. I heard some loud noises and I think Gerard was arguing with her but after a few minutes Mikey and Dr. Shannon came back in. Mikey was giving me a sad smile and I smiled back at him.

“Okay, you’re going to need to help him into the car and into his house, when he gets home sit him in his bed and give him a stress free environment. I suggest putting a mini fridge and a water jug near his bed so he doesn’t have to go far. I really don’t want him moving unless he has to use the restroom or he experiences his first contraction.” She pulled out a wheelchair to help me into the car. Mikey had to help me off the bed and into the wheelchair, my butt really hurt.

“Gerard is taking your car to your house, is that okay?” Mikey asked as he took me to his car, again he had to help me from the chair into his car.

“Yeah,” I said in a small voice.

The car ride was silent, aside from the whimpers that escaped my mouth from the amount of pain I was in. I kept shifting in my seat because sitting down really hurt, Mikey kept giving me pity looks then he put his hand on my knee and squeezed it as reassurance. The gesture was kind but it didn’t help the pain at all. When we got to my house my car was parked in the driveway and the front door was open; so Gerard was in my house… Great. Mikey and I were still inside his car and just sitting there.

“Look Frank, I know you don’t wanna see him but I can’t help you up the stairs by myself, he’s stronger than me and you need to be carried up the stairs.” Mikey told me.

Fuck my life.

“Okay.” I told him, I just wanted to lie down; the pain was really starting to get to me.

Seconds later Mikey texted Gerard to come out and he did. He came over to my side of the car and opened the door for me and helped me get out. His face was full of worry, fear, and sorrow; it was nice that he cared about my well being but I didn’t want him here, I didn’t want him in my life or the babies.

He stood behind me and gripped both my arms from underneath and helped me walk into my house. Mikey was not too far behind from us; I couldn’t help but keep whimpering in pain, moving my lower body was killing me. When we got inside my house Gerard scooped me up bridal style and carried me up the stair and put me on my bed; I didn’t want him to touch me but there was almost no pain when he did that. When he set me down, he opened his mouth to speak but me being childish I covered my ears and squeezed my eyes shut. I stayed like that until I felt a tap on my arm and when I opened my eyes I saw Mikey sitting next to me. Gerard was nowhere in sight.

“So what happened? The doctor told us what happened, like with the baby but she didn’t tell us why? And why wasn’t Gerard allowed inside?”

“Before I went to my doctor, I called Gerard to ask if he wanted to go because he said he wanted to go to the next one, but when I called Lynz picked up and told me to leave him alone, then I realized Bryce can never had a relationship with his other father with his wife not knowing and hating our love baby. So I was stressing about that and when I got there Dr. Shannon said the baby was really close to my birth canal and if he got any closer I might lose him.” When I told Mikey that part his eyes widened and I felt tears in my eyes but I went on, “She pushed him back a little but she put me on bed rest until I deliver, no band practice, no walking unless it’s to the bathroom, and a stress free environment. And when she said you and Gerard were there to pick me up I started to stress out; because of him.” By now I was full on crying and Mikey crawled on the bed with me and held me in his arms.

“I don’t wanna lose my baby Mikey.” I sobbed into his chest. I would have kept sobbing but I heard my door move and footsteps so I knew Gerard was listening in and I didn’t want him to hear me cry so I silenced my tears.

“Okay Frankie, how about I send Gerard out to go get a veggie burger and I call your mom? I can also call our manager and tell him your really sick and won’t be able to come back to the studio for a while, is that okay?” he asked gently, as if her were afraid I was a ticking time bomb and the smallest thing could set me off.

I wiped away some of my tears and nodded. Mikey gave me a small smile and left me alone in my room. When he was gone I hugged my stomach and started talking to my baby.

“Please stay in their Bryce; you’re not ready to survive out here on your own. You will be soon, just not yet.” I felt more tears in my eyes and a lump in my throat.

“Please don’t leave me.” I begged.

Notes

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