Snap shot

2 months later.

i didn't get my death wish and i didn't get some fairy tale cliche story as to why i’m still alive.

the impact didn't kill me. i was alive and felt all the pain, felt my bones cracking my body bleeding.

it was torture. i sat stuck in the wrecked car until the fire trucks and ambulances arrived to save my pathetic life. I've been living at a rehab center for physical therapy since i messed so much of my body up in the wreck. i’ve also kept where i am a secret.

due to my age it was patient confidentiality that i could choose whether to involve my parents or not. i chose against it because i knew that even when id finished therapy and could move enough that id try to kill myself again. the problem now was that since i had just completed my therapy i couldn't live in the rehab center anymore. i had to go somewhere else.

my two options? home or bert.

I know my parents are worried as to where i am but I'm not sure that seeing them then trying to kill myself again would be the smartest idea.

i decided against berts house too and decided to go to the studios again. not to work. my body was far too bruised for photos but i knew james would be there and that i could probably sleep at the studios if james wouldn’t let me stay with him.

i walked in and through the main doors but worked my way back to where all the not so legal shoots are done.

“gee fuckin way! kid where’ve you been?” james asked me then noticed my limp.
“and what the fuck happened to you?”

“listen i need to ask a favor…”

“what kind of favor?” james asked eyeing me suspiciously

“i need a place to stay, i fucked up at home.”

“whoa whoa whoa, wait at home? they didn't find about your shoots did they?”

“uhm no why-“

“thank god you gave me a heart attack for a second i mean if they find out i get arrested for child pornography.” he said messing with the camera in his hands.

“ya at least you can delete stuff or run, my fucking face is attached to all those pictures.” i grumbled

“you're complaining right now?” james asked glaring a me. “i gave you a fucking job you accepted after you lost your boyfriend and needed money. tell me your complaining and give me one good reason why.”

“you gave me job that lead me down the worst path possible.” i said quietly

“you could just say its photoshopped.” he argued “it not that big of a deal.”

“im in a fucking porno because of you!” i yelled.

“hey watch it. i tried to help you out by giving a job now you’re asking for a place to stay after yelling at me?”

“listen i’m sorry, but i really need a place to stay.”

“how long?” he asked as he started to walk around the room and set up for another shoot.

“i’m not sure it may be a while.” i told him truthfully. i wasn’t sure i’d ever go home and it may take me a while to plan out a suicide with no flaws that will definitely kill me this time.

“i can’t just let you stay there for free, sorry but you cost money to take care of.”

“i know i’m going to try and get a job soon but i swear ill pay you rent somehow.”

“i know a way could do that.” he said slyly

“how?” i asken biting my lip

“let me shoot you at my house.”

“excuse me?”

“let me do shoots of you at my house. the pictures will look better in an actual house and i can set up my pictures and sell them instead of waiting for a company to contact me.”

“thats how you want me to pay rent?” i asked

“i won’t make you pay for anything as long as you stay if you let me do the private shoots.” he offered.

“i-i don’t know..i promised someone i wouldn’t model anymore.”

“then why don’t you go stay with them?” he asked rudely.

“i can’t” i told him truthfully

“then its either you find someone to take you in or we could start our own little business.” he smirked. “so what do you say?”

i nodded. “okay deal”

_____________________________________________________

“how much longer dammit.” i groaned. my back was really starting to hurt from the position i was tied in. everything was multiplied in pain because of the toll the accident had put on my body and i felt like crying the pain was so unbearable.

“just five more seconds let me get a few more shots from this angle, then we can switch positions.”

“how many photos are we taking?” i asked james so far we’d been doing shoots at his house all morning.

he had a nice house and a lot of everything. food, games, books, music etc. he also had a lot of sex toys ad rope.

the shoots so far weren’t anything out of the ordinary for me but i was uncomfortable because i hadn’t wanted to go back to this way of life.

“your bruises really add character t the picture.” james said as the camera continued clicking.

“ya they also really fuckin hurt so can we switch my position?” i almost begged

james nodded and untied me. i stretched myself out before he grabbed some toys and laid them in front of me. “whats next?” i asked frowning not that he noticed.

____________________________________________________

i was itting in the studio watching james take pictures of other men fucking each other. james said he did’t want to leave me alone at his house because he didn’t want me fucking with his stuff so he dragged me to the studio when he had a shoot to do.

i’d only been living with him a week but a lot has happened. james started my own website where people can order prints of pictures of me, or they can request certain toys or positions for me to be in.

its under the name Part Poison because i told him no real names needed to be on the internet with my pictures ever. he didn't really care as long as he was making money (which he was) so he let me pick the name.

i was bored and disgusted watching the two men fuck because it made me sad to think that thats what i once looked like doing the shoots. I probably looked like the cheapest whore in the world.

I walked around not paying attention to anyone. I recognized a few of the models just from normal shoots for clothing adds. I continued to walk until i heard two voices call my name.

“gerard!”
“gee!”

i turned to see my brother and frank towards me why the hell are they- jamia.
frank must’ve come with jamia and brought mikey with him.

I started walking away as fast as i could.

“gerard stop!” i heard frank yell.

i continued running in towards the back of the studios back towards where james’s shoots are. I wasn’t ready to face them. i didn't want to see anyone yet. i ran into james studio and tried to hold the door shut but they pushed stronger than me.

They ran in and frank covered his mouth while mikey just stood there taking in the scene before him. Two men no older than twenty fucking each other while james was behind the camera taking pictures.

“you promised you’d stop!” frank screamed at me.

“its been over two months of not knowing where you are and when i finally find you again- you you’re here? doing this!” he screamed

“what do you mean he said he’d stop.” mikey asked looking extremely confused.

“i’m not frank i swear im just staying-“

“where the fuck even were you?! do you know how worried id been that you died? your whole family is being torn apart and you're here!?”

“shut up!” i screamed and the whole room stopped what they were doing. James stopped taking pictures, the two men put on robes, and everyone looked at me.

“you don’t know shit! you broke my fucking heart, and you” i yelled at mikey “you beat me after he left right after shattering my whole heart.”

“your last words to me were ‘i fucking hate you’ and after two months of physical therapy and pain i really don’t want to see either of you.”

“physical therapy?” mikey asked “why were you-“

“frank you know how you said you were worried i was dead well i wish i was! look at me im fucking bruised and i’m walking with a limp. im lucky im not paralyzed so next time ill get it right.” i spat.

“what-what are you talking about?” frank asked

“im talking about me, about my failed suicide attempt. i drove a fucking stolen car into a concrete wall and it didn’t kill me. thats what im talking about.”

both of them looked at me with horrified eyes but frank spoke first.
“gerard im so sorry, if i could go back and change what i s-“

Notes

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