”he- he told you he loved you?” frank asked staring straight into my eyes. I nodded.
“what…what did you say back?”

i remained silent. i hadn’t told bert i loved him, just that i forgave him, or at least was working on it.

“m-mikey.” frank stuttered. “can you please leave and give us a moment?”

mikey looked at frank and in his overwhelmed state from all the new information he left the room without question. he had just found out his brother was fucking his best friend, I'm surprised he hadn't copped my head off yet.

frank sat down next to me but didn’t look at me. “did yo tell hm you loved him?”

“frank i love you.” i told him desperately wanting him to forgive me.

“you slept with two people.”

“but-“

“you don’t do that to someone you love.” he whispered.

before i could argue my phone rang. looked at the caller id and bit my lip.”its him isn’t it. go ahead answer gee i’d love to hear what your new boyfriend has to say to you.’

“frank”

“no seriously gerard answer it, put it on speaker too.”

i glanced between frank and my phone before answering and hitting the speaker button.

“gee?’

“ya hey bert.”

“when do you want me to come pick you up, i’m lonely without you.”

“bert i don’t know if i’m coming back tonight.” ii said and the lin was silent for a while.

‘how come? something wrong?”

“ya i uh have some explaining and stuff to do.” i felt frank glance at me then.

“to who? everyone at your house deserves how you reacted. It was called for after they- wait a sec are you with frank?”

i looked at frank who stared back at me. i didn't know what to say vut frank ended upo speaking for me.

“ya he’s with me.”

“gerard whats going on you told me you were done with him.”

“bert i never fucking said that.” i argued.

“ya well isn't having sex with me basically saying your done with him.”

“bert i was drunk i made a mistake. i told you i loved frank-“

“ya you also told me how he ignored you for a month. you said you were self loathing and hurt because of him. he was the reason you texted me to come get you because you wanted to get shit faced. all. because. of him.”

That was it i hung up my phone and threw it. I looked at frank with watery eyes. i could barely even see him, but this was last hope.

“frank tell me you’ll forgive me and believe me that I still love you.’ i asked.

“gerard..i-i don’t know..”

“you..you don’t believe me?”

“im sorry gerard i can’t believe you after everything. there’s just too many lies you’ve told me. i cant.” he repeats.

i leaned my head into my hands and began shaking. “gerard?” i heard frank asked worriedly.

“just go.. please. you made your decision now leave, i won't bother you again, you don’t have to worry about any more lies.”

“but your sh-“

“yes i’m fucking shaking i know. The one person i love doesn't love me, and i’ve fucked up so much that i cant fix it. thats why i’m shaking. now please frank just leave me alone and tell mikey he come down to yell at me or ignore me or whatever.” i trailed off because it was getting to hard to speak.

Frank looked at me and kissed my forehead before leaving my room, and then my whole forcefield came down. i just broke. something as fragile as a kiss was able to totally kill me inside. i felt like i was dying but i didn't want to try and stay alive anymore.

I heard mikey come down the stairs and felt his presence in front of me. i looked up and he was glaring at me.
“go for it.” i said staring him down.

his fist came in contact with the side of my face and i collapsed back onto my bed. he climbed on top of me and began screaming at for thing like dating frank, fucking over his friend, being a faggot, that i didn't deserve frank and it was my fault he was gone, not anyone else’s.

i just let him continue screaming at me, not fighting at all. I wanted to feel the pain and let just how much i truly messed up sink in. I couldn’t tel you how long the screaming went on but it eventually ended with mikey saying this.

“i fucking hate you.”

all i could think was, i know i hate me too.

mikey left my room and walked to the top of my stairs, i followed him and waited for him to be down the hallway, then i locked the door to the basement and slowly began bringing heavy items up the stairs to barricade it.

once my door and the stairway were blocked by my desk, a chair and the futon i sat down on my bed. i thought for awhile until i finally gained the courage to do what i needed to do.

i didn't leave any notes for anyone simply because i didn't care enough to. i didn't want to waste anymore time being on this earth writing letters to people who don’t care when i could be somewhere else.

somewhere new.

i climbed out of the tiny window from my bedroom to the yard and began walking, looking at every car along the way.

i finally found what i was looking for after twenty minutes. a car, just a plain blue car...but this car had keys in it. it also a decent amount of gas in the tank. i opened the car door and the alarm sounded but i shut it off quickly with the keys that had been left inside.

I turned the car on and began driving.
i drove until there was almost no gas left in the car. i found an empty parking lot for a building that had been shut down a while ago just outside of downtown.

Taking one last breath i placed my foot on the pedal and floored the car into the concrete wall ahead of me.

Notes

Dun..dun..dunnnnn
p.s. if any of you listen to new years day, I'm OBSESSED with other side and can't wait for the ep!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

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