Snap shot

It had been a week since I found out about my video going public and things between me and frank have been going pretty good since he thinks I stopped my photo shoots.

I technically have but I'm going to one today because I'm basically out of money from re-buying all the clothes Mikey donated to good will.

Me and frank have been able to spend a decent amount of time together too even while remaining a secret. Mikey's been smoking a lot more and frank always urges him to do it in my room so he doesn't get caught.

Even though I don't get to smoke any weed because Mikey's an ass I'm still in the same room as frank and once Mikey's to high to function or passed out me and frank get to sit and cuddle and kiss a little which is better than nothing.

Currently I'm sitting alone at lunch and watching frank talk to Mikey and his friends. About halfway through lunch he looks over at me and frowns when he sees I'm not eating and stands to leave before telling the rest of the table something.

He walks toward the exit of the cafeteria and nods for me to follow him. I stand and walk into the hallway, seeing my beautiful boyfriend standing in front of the bathroom door and head towards him.

Once were in the bathroom frank looks to see no ones there besides us. "no food?" He asks sounding upset.

"No I uh ate breakfast." I lied. Frank frowns at me then pushes me up against the wall and kisses me

"You don't have to stop eating to be beautiful. You're gorgeous." He says. "So fucking gorgeous I'd do you right now." and he rolls his hips against mine hard.

"Fuck frank." I groan. "N-not here and it's fine I did eat breakfast." I said pushing him off my body.

Frank gives me a concerned look. "are you lying?"

"No I swear Frankie I ate."

"Ya sure." He says rolling his eyes at me.

"Please don't be mad I'm trying-"

"Gerard you need to eat. Lying to me isn't trying. Plus you just turned me down so I can tell something's wrong."

I bite the insides of my cheek trying not to think about how I was going to a shoot right after school.

"What is it? What's bothering you?"

"Nothing I just am upset I ate breakfast, and I turned you down because I feel fat and didn't want you to see me." I lied. I didn't eat breakfast but I do feel like my outfit is making look heavy today which kind of does upset me.

"Aw baby you're not fat." Frank says wrapping his arms around my waist and placing a kiss on my cheek. "Like I said you're gorgeous. You just need to relax about everything I know it's been a hectic week."

"Relaxing sounds good. What about tonight, like you could sleep over and hang since Mikey will be at a party since it's Friday."

"or we could hang out after school and head to the party together since everyone will be to shitfaced to care if were making out, and if they're sober they'll think were drunk." Frank said smiling up at me.

"or we could stay at my place with no boundaries whatsoever." I suggested hoping he'd say yes so I wouldn't have to lie about why I couldn't hang out right after school.

"Gee you're no fun." He pouted. "Come on let's go to the party." He said then leaned up to whisper in my ear "we can fuck there too."

His voice sent shivers down my spine but I couldn't "what if you give me some time to prepare for the party, like I'll try and eat before I go so I won't puke everywhere after drinking on an empty stomach and I'll pick you up and we can go."

"Gee you know I don't care if you eat in front of me. You're not fat." He said.

"Frank that's not the problem-"

"then what is Gerard? Why don't you want to go to the party and hangout with me?" He asked sounding sad.

"No Frankie I do but I want to eat beforehand and I can't if your watching. Please trust me I'm trying to eat for you but I need to take baby steps not leaps and eating on my own is a baby step. Maybe once I'm more comfortable I'll be able to eat in front of people but not now." I said

frank nodded. "Okay just text me whenever you're coming to get me. I'm sorry if you feel like I'm pressuring you." He apologized.

"It's fine really." I said kissing him. "I'll see you later?"

"Yeah." He smiled and kissed me back before heading out of the bathroom and to his next class.


---------------

"hey gee." James smiled at me as I stepped into his studio.

"Hi." I answered quietly. I felt like shit about lying to frank and I really didn't want to go to a party. It'd be hot and I'd be wearing about three layers of clothes. Plus frank thinks everyone will be to drunk to care about us hanging out all night but I guarantee some how someone who knows Mikey will remember and make a big deal.

"Alright you ready?" James asks me.

"What are we shooting today?" I asked

"dude I just told you." He said laughing

"Oh..I uhm sorry I was thinking and didn't hear you."

"You have one add where you'll be in handcuffs and a gag for a toy site and then when the other dude shows up we're going to get some shots of him fucking you with you all handcuffed up for a bondage site add."

"Other dude?" I asked "I told you I wanted solo only."

"And I already have to pay you're ass plus the other guys and myself with what the sites are giving me so stop complaining or I'll take your cut. Plus you've never complained before."

Ya because id never had a boyfriend before that I felt guilty about cheating on.

-----------

I got home and felt so guilty about the shoot that when frank texted me to see when I was coming to get him I told him that I wasn't going.

He asked me why and I told him I felt sick but that he could go and we could hang out some other time this weekend. Frank didn't respond to me after that

i sat in my room for a while letting the guilt of what I had done consume me. I finally couldn't take it anymore and stripped down to my boxers before heading into my bathroom.

I stared at myself in the mirror and poked at my stomach. I tried sucking in but still felt fat. I bit my lip in thought before locking the door to the bathroom and grabbing my shaving razor for my face.

I used the the cup on my sink for rinsing my mouth out to hit the razor with until the part containing the actual blades broke off.

from there I picked at the casing covering them and holding them together until they all popped out.

I sat there just staring at them for a while until I picked one up and pulled my boxers up so I had easy access to my thigh. Most of my cuts were healed because I and been staying clean so I could do the shoots but right now I didn't care.

If my thighs are all cut open I can't do the shoots until they heal which means I wouldn't have to lie to frank about not doing them for a while which would be nice but then I'd be lying to him about not hurting myself anymore.

i decided I didn't want to just make slices this time and instead chose to write words.

I carved a very deep cut that said F A T across the front of my thigh and underneath I began carving the letters to the next word which ended up being S L U T

"Gerard are you down here?" I heard a vice call out from my room that definitely wasn't Mikey's.

"Frank?" I called back. "What are you doing here?" I asked trying to sound calm.

"I felt bad you didn't want to go to the party so I came to hang our with you. I'm sorry if you're mad I just didn't realize how hard it would be for you to go out." He said apologetically

"uh no it's fine you should've went." I said as I furiously tried to get the bleeding to stop.

"Gerard are you okay?" He asked. "Why are you staying in the bathroom baby?"

"I just uh was- uh." I said blanking out on any lie to get myself out of this.

"Gerard what's going on your scaring me."

"Frank just give me a minute."

"Why, Gerard what are you doing" He asked more urgently.

"Frank please-"

"don't tell me your throwing up or something gee you're not fat please open up." he begged

"frank give me a minute!" I yelled and then he began angrily pounding and kicking at the door.

"Open up or I'm busting it down!" He yelled.

I didn't want the door to break and get in trouble so I unlocked it. "I'm coming out stop kicking". I said shakily

Once he stopped I took a deep breath not that it helped since I was already crying and opened the door.

"Gerard what were you- oh my god! You're bleeding! Oh shit gerard why'd you do that to yourself!" He cried his eyes now watery.

"I'm sorry." I choked out.

"Let- let's get you cleaned up." He said grabbing a towel and wetting it before sitting me down on the lid of the toilet seat.

he began dabbing at the blood while I watched ignoring the pain. He continued slowly cleaning my leg until for some reason he dropped the towel and covered his mouth with his hands.

He started crying and shaking very hard and now I was worrying.
"frank-"

"you are not a fat slut gerard." oh so he saw what it said.
"You're fucking beautiful." He whispered pulling me into a hug. "Fucking. Beautiful."

Notes

Long chapter with intense stuff!

So I'm really bored right now because it's two am and I'm at the hospital because my shoulder hurt way more than usual and turns out I tore it even more somehow. Enjoy the chapter and sorry for mistakes I'm jacked up on coffee and painkillers right now but other than that everything's good c:

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