You're Beautiful To Me

Early the next morning Frank brings Anna and Miles in to see me, Mikey and my mom coming with them and I hug them all close, telling all of them how much I love them incase the surgery goes badly. After Mikey and my mom are done I take Anna and Miles into my arms, crushing them to my chest and crying into their hair as I kiss the top of their heads and tell them "Daddy loves you guys so so much and he always will no matter what. No matter what happens, daddy will always be with you." After mom and Mikey take Anna and Miles Frank comes over and climbs onto the bed with me, burying his face in my neck as he says "You're gonna be fine, you have to be." "Frankie" I whimper out, feeling genuinely scared for the first time about the surgery. "You can't leave me, I won't let you" Frank tells me as he pulls back from my neck and we stare into each other's eyes, tears streaming down both our faces before Frank surges forward and seals his mouth to mine. When we finally break apart for air Frank rests his forehead against mine, both of us still crying silently as we stare into each other's eyes and I reach up, gently wiping under his eyes with my thumb as I say "Baby if I.....if something happens I want you to be happy and move on. I don't want you to feel guilty about it." Frank shakes his head, smiling sadly as he says "We won't need to worry about that." A few minutes later the doctor comes in with the nurse and Frank reluctantly climbs off the bed, standing up beside my head and holding my hand as they lay me back and prep me for surgery and when I'm ready they start wheeling me from the room, stopping so I can give the kids one last kiss before pushing me out into the hallway and Frank follows along, my hand clenched in his until we reach the operating room and he's forced to stay behind. "I love you" I tell him and he smiles as he starts to cry again and says "I love you too."

The next time I wake up I can hear a dull constant beeping and in the background the soothing patter of rain on a roof and when I slowly open my eyes I see Frank asleep in the chair beside the bed, the curtains open on the window behind him and the dull grey light shines through as raindrops roll down the glass. I smile wide as I watch Frank sleep, his eyes twitching slightly beneath the lids and I decide not to wake him, the dark marks under his eyes and his messy clothes telling me he needs the break. I keep my head turned in his direction, letting my eyes slip closed again as I feel exhausted when a soft voice saying hi startles me and I snap my head around to look on my other side, the heart monitors beeping increasing and as I turn my head I see Ryan sitting there. "I'm so sorry, I didn't mean to frighten you, are you ok?" He rushes out as he stands up and moves closer, gently resting his hand over the back of mine. "No no it's alright, I just didn't realise you were there." Ryan smiles softly at me but I can see it doesn't reach his eyes, all the sadness and pain he's feeling evident. "How are you doing?" He asks and I smile softly as I say "Shouldn't I be asking you that?" Ryan chuckles and says "It's probably weird that I'm here right? I just wanted to make sure you were ok and everything went fine." "I feel awful but I guess that's to be expected. How are you doing?" "The funeral is tomorrow and I just feel.....lost, nothing feels real the last two days." I don't say anything else, unsure of what I can say to offer comfort so I flip my hand over beneath his and curl my fingers up, holding his hand and he smiles and curls his fingers to hold it back, pulling his chair a little closer and sitting down again. "Is it ok if I stay for just a little while?" Ryan asks and I nod as I say "Stay as long as you like, I know we don't know each other but if you need anything I'm here." Ryan nods and smiles again as he says "You're exactly like Jason, so kind and caring and I would say it's his heart but you were like this before so, I guess I'm just lucky to have come in contact with you guys." I smile as I gently squeeze his hand and before either of us say anything else Frank wakes up and comes closer to the bed, taking my other hand in his and when I turn my head to look at him he's smiling so wide his face must hurt and he's crying again.

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