You're Beautiful To Me

Later that night after dinner the doctor comes in and talks to me about the surgery, telling me it still may be a day or two but they will require me to stay here so my body is ready for the surgery. He explains all the risks involved in the procedure and when he's done I ask if I'm allowed to know anything about the donor. The doctor tells me it's a guy, younger than me who had been involved in a bad car accident, suffering severe head injuries and has been in a coma since. I nod, feeling sad that someone has to die in order for me to live and after the doctor leaves I curl up on my side, scrolling through my phone and looking through all the photos I have of Frank and Anna and Miles, smiling at the screen. After a few minutes there's a knock at the door and I call out for whoever it is to come in, expecting Frank or Mikey but it's a lady and a young guy I've never seen before. I sit up a little, the woman smiling softly and saying "Sorry to bother you, are you Gerard Iero?" I nod, feeling confused about who they are and she walks further into the room with the young guy, both of them approaching my bed. I stare at them, remaining silent and the woman chuckles softly and says "Sorry, I'm Jen and my son is your heart donor, this is his boyfriend Ryan." "Oh" I breathe out, taking a few deep breaths before saying "I'm so sorry for what you're going through right now." "We still haven't decided to turn off the life support yet but I wanted to meet you and find out, why do you think you deserve his heart? Why should my son die for you?" I stare at her shocked, remaining silent and her face turns from soft and friendly to hard and frightening. "I...." "What makes your life more important than his?" "I never said my life was more important than anyone else's" I tell her and she huffs out an angry breath and says "Why should you get his heart then?" "So I can be there to see my kids grow up, so my kids will actually know who I am when they're older rather than my husband telling them stories and showing them a picture of a person they don't even remember." "You have kids?" The guy asks and I turn my attention to him and say "Yeah two. Anna, she's almost two and Miles he's ten months," bringing their photos back up on my phone and showing him. His eyes glaze over with uncried tears as he says "Jason always wanted kids." "I'm so sorry, I can't even begin to imagine how hard this is for you" I tell him and he sniffles softly and says "You should have his heart, I know if he was here making the choice he would want you to have it, those children don't deserve to grow up without a parent."

Two days later I am still in the hospital waiting for the family to be ready to switch off the life support when the guy from the other day, Ryan, comes into my room again and says "Jens gone for a walk and I was wondering, would you like to meet Jason?" I don't know what to say, staring blankly at him for a few moments before I nod and climb off the bed, following him down the hall into the ICU and into a room where I see a young guy with tubes and wires all over him, his head bandaged up and I glance over at Ryan who smiles sadly at me. "It's ok" he reassures me and I cross the room to stand beside him at the bed. "Babe this is Gerard, you're gonna save his life" he tells the guy in the bed and I swallow hard before saying "Hi Jason. I'm so sorry we had to meet like this but I just want to say thank you. Thank you so much for giving me another chance at life and for helping me stick around for my kids, I'll never be able to explain just how much that means to not only me but my husband and my family." I feel myself starting to tear up and Ryan slides his hand into mine between our bodies, squeezing softly and I squeeze back, both of us just standing there watching over Jason for a few minutes before Ryan says "We're going to do it tomorrow, I just want one last night with him and I know you've been waiting and...." "No, no don't rush, I can wait as long as you need" I tell him and Ryan nods, tears streaming down his cheeks and I pull him in for a hug, letting him bury his face in my chest as he sobs, a few silent tears streaming down my cheeks and that's how Jen finds us a few minutes later, me holding Ryan as he sobs into my chest, one of his hands clutching Jason's. "What are you doing here?" She spits at me and I keep my arms around Ryan, trying my best to comfort him as I turn my head and say "I'm here for Ryan." "We don't even know you, you're getting what you want so get out and leave us alone" she yells at me and Ryan pulls himself away from my chest and says "Stop it Jen, I want him here, Jason would want him here." "This is ridiculous" she spits, her arms coming up to cross over her chest and Ryan says "No you're being ridiculous, Gerard's done nothing wrong, he's not some organ hungry monster like you're making him out to be. Jason's not going to wake up no matter what we do, why should we deny other people life just to keep him trapped in this bed?" Jen falls silent and I turn my attention back to Ryan and say "Maybe I should go, are you going to be ok?" Ryan nods slowly, the anger on his face melting back into sadness and I give him another hug, telling him to come see me any time he likes.

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