You're Beautiful To Me

Late that afternoon Anna has warmed up to me a little more and is happily laying on my chest, her little fingers playing with the tape over the needle in the back of my hand as her breathing slowly starts to even out and I lean down to press a soft kiss to the top of her head as I say "Love you little miss." "Dada" she says softly in return and I smile as I look over to Frank who is sitting in a chair beside the bed with Miles softly snoring in his arms. Frank smiles back and I keep my gaze locked with his as I say "I'm sorry I put you through all this." "I wish I could say it's ok but fuck babe I just can't. You knew the risks of what you were doing all these years and you still kept doing it. I thought you loved me and wanted to be around to be with me forever and then when we had the kids I thought that would be more motivation for you to stop this, but you kept going and we almost lost you. Do you have any idea how I've felt the last two months, not to mention the last nine years that we've been together with all the other health scares. I love you so fucking much and it kills me to see you laying in a hospital bed, looking like death. When I found you on the bedroom floor I couldn't even find your pulse, I thought you were gone and in that moment I fucking hated you for doing this to me." I swallow hard, the lump in my throat remaining as my eyes well with tears and Frank sighs and says "Don't cry." I bite the inside of my cheek to try and keep the tears in as I roll my head to look the other way, unable to meet his gaze anymore. I close my eyes, tightening my arm around Anna who is now breathing deep and even as I try to keep silent, tears streaming down my face and a few seconds later I feel a warm pressure on my wrist and when I turn my head to look Frank is leaning over me, his lips sealing to mine and I kiss back as my tears keep streaming down my cheeks, soaking the pillow beneath me. "I love you so fucking much and it's killing me to keep coming back here and seeing you like this. Please...." He trails off, his own tears starting to fall as he softly pleads over and over again. "Please, please, please..." I lean up and seal my lips to his again, desperation clear in the movement of our lips as our tears mix together and when we break apart Mikey is standing in the doorway watching us sadly.

A few minutes later Frank gently takes Anna from me and lays her in the double pram where Miles is already settled and Mikey comes over to crush me in a giant hug, whispering in my ear "I'm gonna take the kids, you guys sort this out." I frown when he pulls away, slightly confused but nod as he starts pushing the kids out of the room and Frank follows him, leaving the room and I hear a muffled conversation taking place between them before Frank comes back in alone, an uneasy look on his face. He slowly crosses the room to me and as he goes to sit back in the chair I shift over slowly and turn onto my side, patting the bed next to me and Frank climbs up, letting me snuggle into his side and rest my head on his chest. "Frankie" I say softly. "Yeah babe?" "I love you. I'm sorry I've put you through so much but I can't...." "I slept with someone else" he says, cutting me off. I tense up, holding a deep breath in my lungs before slowly releasing it and saying "Ok." Everything is silent for a few long seconds before I move back, Frank turning onto his side to face me and when his hand comes up to touch my cheek I push it away, not wanting him to touch me. "Babe" he says softly and I shake my head as I swallow hard before saying "When?" "Like three weeks ago." "Who?" "Some guy from the bar." "Why?" He doesn't answer, just stares into my eyes and I snap, the anger I was trying to hold back slowly coursing through me. "Fucking tell me why" I snap and he swallows hard before saying "Because I was hurt and lonely and I didn't know if you were ever coming back to me. The doctor had told me that morning that it didn't look like you were ever going to wake up and I panicked." I continue to stare at him, hurt and betrayal taking over everything in my body and all of a sudden my chest starts to get tight and the heart monitor I am hooked up to starts beeping more and more rapidly until it starts screeching an alarm and Frank jumps off the bed, tugging me to lay flat on my back as my breathing becomes more and more laboured and the room suddenly fills with doctors and nurses and Frank disappears from my vision, what seems like a hundred unfamiliar faces surrounding me and gawking down at me as their hands touch me and a soft female voice tells me to try and relax as warm hands slip an oxygen mask over my face and I close my eyes, fresh tears streaming down my face as my chest aches unbearably and my fingers start to feel numb.

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