You're Beautiful To Me

After I drag myself out of the shower I dry off and pull on my boxers before going into the bedroom and pulling on loose pyjama pants and a baggy old sweater, climbing into bed and turning the lamp off. Ten minutes later Frank comes in and lays Miles in his bassinet, stripping down to his boxers before climbing into bed with me and I have my back to him so he slides closer to me and wraps his arm around my waist, pulling me back into the middle of the bed with him, curling his body along mine and pressing a soft kiss into the back of my hair. His hand rubs softly over my stomach as he says "Aren't you hot baby? Take off that sweater." "I'm ok" I tell him softly as I reach down and grab his wrist, gently guiding his hand up towards my chest a little so he's not touching my fat stomach. He doesn't question it, leaving his hand where I put it and I let my eyes slip closed, thoughts of what Matt did to me playing in my mind as I drift off to sleep. I wake up a few hours later, drenched in sweat and shaking in terror as I let out a scream, jolting up into a sitting position and I feel my stomach churn violently. I jump out of bed as Frank sits up and run from the room, barely making it to the toilet before I vomit, tears streaming down my face as I swear I can still feel their hands all over me. A warm hand touches my back and I jump and scream again, the hand leaving my back and I hear Frank say "Shh babe it's just me" and I break down into wailing sobs, Frank turning me to face him and as his arms wrap around me I collapse into his chest, Frank easing me down to the floor with him and pulling me into his lap as I bury my face in his chest and continue to sob. "Gee, oh baby you're alright I promise. I've got you baby, it's ok" Frank whispers softly to me and I continue to cry, my sobs quietening down a little. Just as my tears stop we hear a scream followed by wailing sobs and Frank sighs before saying "Must be the night for it, are you alright while I go get her?" I nod and slide off his lap and Frank stands up and leaves the room and a few minutes later Anna's screams quieten down to barely audible cries. I sit on the floor for a few minutes, my skin crawling and I feel disgusting, like they've just touched me again so I stand up, stripping naked and climbing into the shower, turning the water so hot it stings and burns my skin but it doesn't feel like enough and I grab the soap, scrubbing hard as I break down into tears again. After I drag myself out of the shower I redress and wander into the bedroom where I find Frank laying in bed waiting for me, Anna back asleep in her bed and Miles snoring softly in his bassinet. "Come here baby" Frank says softly and I climb into bed and curl up on my side, Frank curling up beside me, our foreheads almost touching as we stare into each other eyes and Frank shifts to turn the lamp off again before settling back beside me, his hand sliding into mine between our bodies and I let out a shaky sigh as I close my eyes again.

The next morning I wake up to soft kisses being pressed all over my face and I slowly open my eyes to see Frank leaning over me, smiling wide. "Good morning beautiful." I groan softly as I shoot him a small smile and he leans down to press a soft kiss to my lips. "You hungry? I was about to make some breakfast" he asks and I shake my head, Frank frowning before I quickly say "Maybe in a while, I'm not ready to eat just yet, I just woke up" and Frank nods in understanding. "I'll come out and sit with you while you eat if you want" I offer and Frank smiles again as he pulls the blankets off me and scoops me into his arms, carrying me to the kitchen. "I can walk you know" I tell him as he carries me down the hall and he just chuckles and says "I know but I like this option better." Once we reach the kitchen I see Anna awake, still dressed in her pyjamas sitting in her high chair and drinking a bottle. "Hey cheeky" I greet her as Frank sits me in the chair next to her and she drops the bottle and reaches out for me, squealing excitedly and trying to climb out of her chair. As Frank moves away to start cooking I stand up and lift Anna out of her chair, sitting back down and standing her on my legs and her little hands immediately grab at my face, playing with my nose and lips as I pretend to nibble on her fingers when she puts them near my mouth, causing her to squeal and giggle every time and I can't help the smile that spreads across my face despite how bad I feel inside as I play with her.

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