You're Beautiful To Me

When I reach the bathroom I go inside and close the door behind myself, finding Frank standing at the sink staring into the mirror and when I step towards him he turns his head to look at me. "What the fuck is wrong with you? That's your child out there and he's struggling so hard. Don't you care?" "To be honest, not really. It's starting to get old. I don't know how to deal with this Gerard, it's too much. He's a boy, his name is Miles and that's just the way it...." But he's cut off by my hand colliding with his cheek, the slap ringing out way too loud in the otherwise now silent room. We both stand there, stunned, neither of us speaking or moving for what seems like hours but can only be seconds before I realise what I've done and I glance down at my hand hanging by my side, unable to believe what I just did. "I...." I choke out as I step towards him but Frank backs up and snaps "Fuck off," his hand coming up to cup his red cheek as he roughly shoves past me and leaves the room. I stand still for a few seconds before I sink to the floor, pulling my knees up to my chest as I let myself cry, my mind unable to comprehend everything that's happened in the last ten minutes. I take a few shaky breaths, trying to calm myself down to talk to Frank again when I hear fast footsteps followed by a door slamming and I pull myself up, rushing out of the room and finding only Miles in the bedroom, laying in bed and rubbing his eyes so I run across the room and down the hallway, ripping open the front door and running outside just in time to see Frank backing his car out of the driveway. "Stop" I yell, running across the yard towards him, not caring that I'm still in my pyjamas but he just glares at me and keeps going, driving off down the street.

I go back inside, my eyes swollen with more tears and as I step back into the hallway I see Miles and Anna standing infront of my bedroom door, both of them staring at me with upset and slightly frightened expressions on their faces. "Dad?" Anna asks quietly, clearly not knowing what to say and I rush across to them and kneel down, pulling them into my chest. "It's ok. It's gonna be ok" I tell them, trying to convince myself as well and they both melt into me for a few seconds before pulling away and Anna stares straight into my eyes for a brief second before turning to Miles and saying "Come on let's make breakfast again." Miles nods, following her towards the kitchen and once they're gone I push myself up off the floor and go into the bedroom, closing the door and by the time I make it to the bed to sit I break, big ugly sobs ripping from my throat and I'm so grateful to Anna for knowing that I need a moment and distracting her brother. By the time I pull myself together again breakfast is ready and there's a soft knock at the door before it opens and Miles pokes his head in to say "Breakfast is ready dad." "Thanks baby I'll be right there ok?" He nods, still looking upset and confused as he turns to leave again and I wipe my cheeks dry with the edge of the sheet before reaching out to pick up my phone, dialling Franks number but it rings twice before he declines the call and it goes to his voicemail. "Please come back and talk to me" I beg to his voicemail before hanging up and making my way to the kitchen, taking the phone with me.

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