You're Beautiful To Me

After we drag ourselves off the bathroom floor I take Miles' hand in mine and take him into his bedroom, sitting on the bed while he grabs the night gown he's been wearing the last few nights and pulls it on before I grab his hairbrush and turn him around, gently untangling his hair before I take his hand again and lead him into the living room where Frank and Anna are watching tv. "Anna go have a bath" I tell her and she turns her head and says "After this" before turning her attention back to the tv and I let my eyes slip closed for a second, a small sigh escaping me as I reopen them and snap "No Anna, now" and she turns her head to look at me shocked, the kids being very unused to me being cranky or snapping. Anna drags herself off the couch looking sulky as she leaves the room and a few seconds later the sound of the bathroom door closing sounds out and I continue my path over to the couch where Frank is staring at me curiously, Miles following as I still have a grip on his hand. I take a seat beside Frank, standing Miles infront of me and as Frank opens his mouth to speak I cut him off by saying "Allie baby can you show dad?" Miles swallows hard and shakes his head and Frank sits up and says "Show me what?" "Please" I add, my focus still on Miles and he drops his gaze down to the floor and his hand gently tugs his nightgown up enough to reveal the scratches. "What..." Frank starts before realisation sets in and he falls silent again, his face looking like someone just got murdered infront of him. The room remains silent aside from the soft background noise of the tv and the next thing I know Miles disappears from infront of me, Franks hands reaching out and grabbing him, pulling him up into his lap. "Allie what happened?" Frank asks and Miles remains silent, his bottom lip quivering and Franks colourful hand comes up and gently cup his cheek. "Don't cry, just tell me what happened" Frank says softly, trying to calm Miles down and Miles breathes heavily before saying "I don't like me. I don't want to be the way I am and I feel funny inside my skin, like my skin has bugs all over it." Frank slides his hand back down around Miles' back and pulls him against his chest, Miles' arms wrapping around Franks neck as he hugs back and they sit that way for a few minutes until the bathroom door opening sounds out and I stand from the couch, leaving the room and heading down the hall to Anna's room.

I knock softly and I hear a muffled bang before Anna calls out "What?" "Can I come in?" I call back and a few seconds later the door opens, revealing Anna in her pyjamas, her hair damp and tangled hanging around her face and I force myself to smile softly as I say "Are you going to let me in?" Anna frowns slightly before stepping back and letting me in and I take her hand and lead her over to her bed, both of us sitting on the edge and I say "I'm sorry baby, I didn't mean to snap at you I'm just very stressed out right now and...." "It's ok dad" she tells me, leaning over into my side as her arms snake around my waist and I feel my eyes well with tears as I wrap my arms around her too, just holding her close before we pull apart and I gently push her hair back off her face as I say "I also wanted to say thank you for being such a good sister. I know this is all confusing but Miles needs you more than you know." "Will he be ok?" She asks softly and I smile weakly as I say "Yes, he'll be just fine. Dad and I are going to do whatever it takes to make sure he is." "Good because I don't want him to get hurt." "What do you mean?" I ask and what she says next makes my heart shatter and my stomach clench. "He wants to cut his thing off but I told him he wasn't allowed to, I don't want him to be hurt."

Notes