I'm Not Okay

Frank and I finally got to Pete’s classroom without anyone else getting in our way. When we entered the classroom no one was there, Pete would be in his office with Patrick. Frank still had his arm around my shoulder and my head snuggled in his shoulder not watching where I was going; trusting Frank to lead me where I was supposed to go. I was still pale looking and my breathing hadn’t returned to normal yet. I was also still shaking.

“FRANK! GE—“Pete shouted, he was going to continue until he saw me. “Shit Gerard what happened?” When I didn’t look or respond to him he turned to Frank. “Frank, what happened to our Geebear?” I growled in my throat, no one has called me that since my mom. Thinking about my mom brought a lump to my throat, her death anniversary was tomorrow. She was buried in the local cemetery.

“We need to talk to Patrick, I’m pretty sure he had either a panic attack or it was his PTSD.” Frank said, from the corner of my eye I saw Pete nod. I looked down at my arms to see the bloody scratches that Brittany left. I then moved further down and looked at the scars around my wrist from the rope that Cobalt had around my hands. I felt the tears prick in my eyes. I felt someone gently grab my hands. I looked up to see Frank staring down at me.

“Gee,” he softly said. I looked up from my wrists and into his eyes. They were opposite colors. Hazel against green. “Are you alright?” I slowly nodded my head. I saw Frank glare at me. He knew I was lying. “Gee,” he sighed. “I know you’re not fine. But I won’t push it.” I nodded and hugged him. He hugged me back. My breathing was finally

Right then Patrick came in and wrapped an arm around Pete’s waist. Pete leaned back into him. “Hey Petey.” He smirked.

“Hey ‘Trick,” Pete replied. We pulled apart and muttered hellos to Patrick. He knew immediately that something was wrong. I mean we have been with each other for 3 months.

“Gerard,” he softly said to me and put his hand on my shoulder. I took comfort in his hand. Why did everyone feel the need to speak softly to me? “What happened?”

I just shook my head. I didn’t want to talk. Patrick sighed, I would get like this sometimes, where something and I wouldn’t tell Patrick. It would take awhile for me to open up, usually after a movie marathon with Pete and Frank. Patrick sighed, he knew that too.

“Alright, do you guys want to come over to our house and have a movie marathon?” He asked. My eyes lit up and I smiled. I loved our movie marathons. We always ended up watching something the other coupled hated so they usually left. Frank and I love horror while Patrick and Pete loved comedy. “What do you want to watch?” Patrick asked me. I thought about it, I decided to make a compromise.

“Scary Movie,” Frank laughed. He loved that movie. Patrick just nodded, Pete went somewhere. I guess you could say he Wentz somewhere. (haha no? wow okay y’all are tough) I laughed at my own stupid joke. Patrick just smiled.

“Whatever is going on in that mind, keep it up. I love hearing that laugh” he ruffled my hair. I glared but stopped when Pete came in with his bass in his hand.

“Alright, y’all ready?” we nodded and followed Pete to his black mustang.

***
We were all sitting on the couch watching the movie. Well I wasn’t. I was thinking and tracing the scars on my wrist and hand form Cobalt. I hated seeing them they just brought back painful memories. Patrick told me that I would always have the memories they would just fade over time. I asked him why they haven’t faded already; he just gave me this look then simply told me. “Gerard, it happened three months ago, they won’t fade over night. It takes times. It will take years.”

I traced them with my fingers, feeling the slightly more raised skin. I had a lot on my mind, tomorrow was the day my mom was stabbed 10 years ago. February 11. I was going to skip group to go be at her grave all day, like I do every year if I’m in the area. I know Patrick or Pete wont like it, but it’s something I have to do. I looked at the time, it was 3:15. I sighed, I was so tired. I rested my head on Frank’s shoulder. He started to pet my hair but I flinched away. His hand stopped mid stroke. I knew why, I never flinched when Frank touched me. I looked up at him, he had a sad and sorrowful look. He knew I must be really upset if I didn’t want him to touch me. I just smiled sadly at him. I got up from the couch and turned to the rest of them.

“I’m really tired, can I sleep?” I asked, while stifling in a yawn. I barely got any sleep last night. I’ve been having nightmares. They nodded and I walked into their guest room which I basically made into my home away from home. I crawled under the covers and pulled them up to my chin. I heard the door softly open and knew who it was. It was Frank.

He sat on the bed, making it shift. “Do you mind if I lie with you?” I shook my head. He lied down next to me underneath the blankets and wrapped his arms around me. I was fine with this. His hold was strong and loving. I sighed and snuggled deeper.

“When you wake up well you tell Patrick what is bothering you, please?” He asked. I could feel his hot breath on my neck. I nodded and snuggled in, stealing his body heat. He kissed the top of my head. “Good night Gee, I love you.”

“I love you too,” I mumbled before I feel into the only place Cobalt can bother me; my sleep.

Notes

Guys guys this chapter sucked im sorry *hides face in shame*


I spent all day yesterday editing I Don't Love You and making it look nice. I hope you enjoy what it looks like now xD